I'm Erry! I've also floated around on the outskirts of kink social media as "an_awful_brat" at times in the past few years.
This is intended to be a personal blog, by which I mostly mean I want to use it as an excuse to write (semi-)honestly about what I'm up to and thinking. This sounds very obvious, but it is something I've realized I've actively avoided for a good chunk of my adult life, at this point.
It will also, inevitably, be a kink blog. Most of that kink content will be Little/Middle/ABDL adjacent. I'll probably talk about diaper training and my experience wearing 24/7 at times.
I was recently diagnosed with autism as an adult, which is partly the impetus for the whole "trying to write ((sorta-)semi-)honestly about myself" thing, so that will probably also come up a bunch.
I may post about what I'm reading or watching or doing. If I get comfortable, there may be occasional (likely NSFW) fiction. If I get really comfortable, there may be non-fiction yapping about stuff like law or labor history.
I do not recommend following, but, if you are here, hello.
"Meh, I can just go without a diaper cover today. It'll be fine, I'll just be careful about changing early!" — Me, a fool, approximately once per laundry cycle.
Anyway, hi, I'm home on my lunch break changing my pants for no reason!
If I'm going to whine about the bad, leaky days, so too must I praise the good days like today, where I remember my cover and my midday change and toddle home soggy but comfortable and with a dry seat.
(It's probably bad that "Oh, huh, I thought I prob'ly leaked..." is a thought I have with some frequency, still, but it is a special kind of cozy to have that thought and then get to go, "And yet...!!")
I think painful social emotions are so interesting, like humiliation and shame and guilt and embarrassment are built into us to generally aim us towards pro-social behavior, right? But clearly they misfire, get distorted, are often plain incorrect, and get used against us all the time. If feelings are just information, why are these particular ones so powerful? Remembering an embarrassing thing you did 7 years ago does nothing at all for you, yet the visceral recall can gut you.
All I'm saying is that, with my help, I can flood you with so much shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and guilt that your little overactive feelings engine in there will be recalibrated. You won't be afraid anymore. Doesn't that sound so much better? I just need to make you feel worse than you've ever felt before first. You need to lose all reference point. I can really make you suffer, and then you'll be free. And I get to cum to your pain. How could you ever say no to a deal like that?
My wife just showed me this, my own post, and asked "What's gotten into you?" And I just went "😞 I don't know! Do you still like me? 🥺" She was like yeah no this is awesome
"Meh, I can just go without a diaper cover today. It'll be fine, I'll just be careful about changing early!" — Me, a fool, approximately once per laundry cycle.
Anyway, hi, I'm home on my lunch break changing my pants for no reason!
Middle roomie who would keep to themself and stay cooped up most of the time, left to their own devices, but who of course has to chaperone Little roomie on their various playdates and adventures.
Little roomie who drags legos and toys into Middle roomie's space to yap at them casually as they read or play games or loaf around.
Middle roomie whose room is always a bit of a mess and who chronically stays up too late, but who cleans up the rest of the place and gets Little roomie tucked in for bed each night.
Little roomie who flits between diapers, pull-ups, and big kid undies (but always with cute prints on'em) on a whim, and who occasionally innocently points out that Middle roomie's diapers are really overdue for a change. (Middle roomie hasn't owned unpadded underwear since before they moved in together.)
Middle roomie who gets themself all worked up about grown-up challenges and tangles themself into knots; Little roomie who listens them huff about it and then goes, "That smells. Wanna come watch me play blocks?"
Little roomie who comes home with a new crush every three days or so and alternates between flustered, bubbly mess and having their new admirer wrapped around their little finger; Middle roomie whose love life eternally consists of awkward, long-distant chats and rubbing their diapers after Little roomie gets put to bed.
lrt i'm completely normal about fantasy worlds where elves' longer lifespans stretch out development proportionally, such that you could become friends with an elf your own age as a little kid and they'd still be basically that small forty years later
when i was in middle school i read a throwaway blurb in a dnd book about how a half-elf's lifespan is vaguely averaged out between their parents so they have a hard time no matter where they grow up because among elves they're freakishly precocious and among humans they're incredibly slow
for reasons that may or may not be apparent, this changed my brain chemistry forever
Being psychically tormented by a fandom diaper-kink fic idea that (1) I'm certain is outside my powers to pull off; and (2) is for a niche enough fandom that I can't convince myself it'd fly under the radar if I posted it anywhere...
sorry for being annoying [remembers that practicing gratitude instead of shame is better for my mental health and my relationships] thank you for letting me be annoying with you
A Very Low-Key Nighttime Untraining Plan - Week 1(b) Wrap
Well, not exactly a glorious (second) start to this experiment.
This past week definitely involved a fair amount of inertia in getting myself back on my intended training regimen. I did an okay (though not perfect) job of getting to bed on time most days, but a much worse one of baking in my pre-bedtime routine beforehand each night. My brain is still very used to just running until it's ready to shut off, instead of winding down naturally, and for some reason that was harder to switch gears on than at the start of my last attempt.
(It is very annoying that building good habits requires you to actually, like, spend energy building habits! I would be much more effective if someone just marched me off to the changing table and then to bed on a fixed schedule each night.)
Unsurprisingly, not a lot of interest to report as a result! I do think my body's default mode is already pretty acclimated to using my diapers in bed, at this point, and I was soggy by the time I got up each day this past week. But also those were all fully conscious "accidents," so.
Anyway, bottom line, I'm counting this past week as a baseline-setting dry run of sorts. (Hah.) I'm unfortunately stuck with travel messing with my routine later this week, but otherwise I'm going to do my best to be more strict with myself!
Hopefully I can at least say I checked all the boxes on my rules come next week, and then I can start thinking about how to help reinforce stuff from there.
I made a quip over on BlueSky recently about how I think most of the steps that a committed Little could take to make real progress towards starting to bedwet are probably actually just healthy sleep habits they ought to be doing anyway.
Of course, I have no idea whether that's true or not! I was mostly just being snarky at myself over my own poor bedtime practices, and I'm definitely not untrained at night, so I am the worst possible authority on the subject.
...but now I'm curious. So! Let's do an experiment:
1. The Plan
Between now and Oct. 4 (so, over the course of about eight weeks), I'm going to commit to taking a short list of steps to improve my sleep schedule and habits, with only a couple of additions focused specifically on encouraging overnight accidents. And then I'll record and journal about any noticeable changes to my nighttime control that result!
2. The Baseline
I'm going into this as someone who's very much not a bedwetter. As far as I can recall, I was consistently dry at night years before I even stopped having trouble with accidents during the day as a kid. And I've never regressed since then! (...on that front, anyway.) I've had a handful of nighttime accidents as an adult, but only under circumstances where I was sick, injured, or otherwise physically exhausted.
I've also had pretty bad, though not like clinically problematic, sleep habits for most of my life. I get ~5-6 hours of sleep most nights during the week, keep consistently inconsistent hours, and usually have at least one night per week where I totally blow my sleep schedule up by losing track of time on something involving a screen. I compensate by sleeping in way too long on weekends.
On the other side of the balance, I've been in diapers 24/7 for several years and generally try to avoid holding it unless I'm worried about causing others discomfort from potential leaks or smells. I'd say my continence is still overall basically normal, but I do have rare messy accidents and would guess my ability to comfortably hold my bladder for long periods has decreased over time since I went back to diapers.
3. The Rules
While this little experiment is running, I will:
Set and keep a strict and consistent bedtime / rising time that allows for a full 8 hours of sleep.
I'm going to go with 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. as the default here. I have to be tucked into bed and settled in to sleep at the former time and awake and up directly at the latter.
"Strict" means that exceptions are only allowed if practically necessary for some kind of commitment outside my control. Otherwise, staying out or up late just isn't allowed; it's past my bedtime.
Build a 1-hour "wind-down" period into my nightly routine.
Trying to crash directly into bed while my brain's still going full speed is just asking for trouble. So, bedtime comes with a 1-hour buffer, starting at 9 p.m. to begin with. After that point, no work or screentime, lights get dimmed, and any devices go up and out of reach of my bed. I can do whatever else I want during this time, but bonus points for reading quietly.
Keep my bed comfy and protected.
My bed each night needs to be as cozily made as if I were planning to share it with guests. Clean sheets and a cover are a must, as are at least two layers of protection against leaks--a washable bedmat and a full mattress cover beneath the sheets.
Wear comfy and consistent PJs.
No sleeping in my workclothes or crashing into bed in a daytime diaper overdue for a change. Bedtime means changing into either a dry Megamax(/comparable disposable) or clean cloth diapers with protective pants, plus at least a comfy PJ top. PJ bottoms, onesies, and/or sleepers are acceptable but not mandatory.
Hydrate reasonably and with a little extra help.
I'll drink a glass or bottle of water during my wind-down period, plus a mug of dandelion tea. No trying to overhydrate, and no alcohol before bed.
Don't hold it while tucked in.
If I feel like I need to go while in bed, I will. I won't stress over waking up wet vs. dry, but, if I wake up still needing to go, I'll do so before I get up.
Track my progress!
I'll journal for my own purposes each day and try to put together a weekly update here!
4. The Goal
I don't expect dramatic progress from the routine above, honestly. Any noticeable movement towards feeling like diapers are a necessary precaution at night would count as a success in my book. Failing that, hopefully I'll have at least used a silly kink to trick myself into getting better sleep!
A Very Low-Key Nighttime Untraining Plan - Week 1(b) Start!
Officially giving this silly idea a second go-around, starting this week, after almost immediately falling off the wagon on it last year! The intervening months have not been especially good for my sleep habits, and I'm trying to work on building healthy routines generally this month, so might as well have at least one of those routines devoted to trying to make myself pee my pants.
Hopefully I can break my record by sticking to the plan for at least three (3) weeks, this time. :|
