By some incredible twist of fate, I ordered this shirt 2 days before Chester's suicide. I hadn't purchased any LP merchandise in years, but I'd been feeling strangely nostalgic. When I heard the news, things got weird. I spent the whole day crying, and I felt so empty, and I'm sure I spent quite a bit of time dissociating. LP has always been very important to me. I started listening to them when I was about 12, right around the time of My Very Worst Years. Chester's voice was phenomenal. His vocal range is so impressive, and the emotion in all his songs has always made me FEEL, when nowadays many songs lack that quality. My very first thought upon hearing of Chester's suicide was for Mike. For though the band is comprised of 6 members, the two of them have been the face of Linkin Park. I could not even begin to imagine the moment Mike found out, or the rest of the band members. And of course his family, my god. However, it's been a great relief to me (for the most part), seeing all the support on social media and the like. But I have not talked about it because doing so....is not my thing. Posting about it made me feel nauseous. I didn't want to force myself into something that was not at all about me. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to commiserate. I didn't want to sympathize or reassure. I just wanted to be left alone to grieve, without any fanfare. This band means so much to me. I cannot even articulate how much, and so this task - of writing my thoughts and, worse, feelings - down, has been daunting. But since my shirt arrived via mail today, I thought it was finally time. I still prefer not to talk about it (sorry Hallmark lady who was so obviously taken aback by my blank reaction when she commented on my LP bracelet the other day - nothing personal). I have no gracious way to end this post, and so I'll say again - I don't want to talk. I'd rather listen #LinkinPark #OneMoreLight #InTheEnd #PortAuthority #BreakingtheHabit #Numb #WhenTheyComeForMe #UntilItBreaks #Faint #OneStepCloser #MyDecember #Meteora HybridTheory #NoMoreSorrow #LivingThings #WhatIveDone #MinutestoMidnight
