Why did I not practice film
One of Glenn’s friends asked me this last night and I simply answered, it’s too pretentious for me. I mean, I can be an artist in a different way.
I spent the night thinking about the other reasons why I did not practice film:
I’m not creative enough, I have a slight difficulty with narratives, characters
Can’t do the 24-hr shooting anymore
It’s quite hard to find people whom I connect creatively with
I’m not good with landscape photography
When I stepped into college, the first plan was to take up Broadcast Communication but since I did not get into the quota, I took up Film and Audio-visual Communication so it would be easy for me to shift after the first year. But eventually, I fell in love with my course when we took our first set of majors: Intro to Film and Basic B&W Photography, wherein we had to process our prints in our laboratory where a number of funny stories happened.
I decided not to shift out. I got more and more hooked with our majors which were taught by a powerhouse faculty of UP’s College of Mass Communication. We received great training with a set of brilliant professors who made us understand the language, grammar and science of filmmaking in different techniques. Producing short films were just usual assignments we had to pass every week. And I survived.
One body of work I am truly proud of was my thesis, The Map of An ADHD Home (I’m sorry I did not think about the title much), which was an experimental-art installation take of our home, inspired by my brother who was diagnosed with the said disorder when he was 3. I had to set up a room as a dining room complete with all projectors, tv sets and kitchen fittings. We shot the scenes in a studio and I even made a number of sand animations. I wanted to make people understand how it works in our house and how ADHD may be hereditary, according to studies. It was a great vision but I got frustrated when I was not able to defend it properly with the panel.** Oftentimes, I chickened out on defenses. I get intimidated right away.
This became a turning point. That moment I recalled that time in Scriptwriting, where I was also not able to defend the character of my story to my professor. My scriptwriting professor had the perfect picture of the character but he never understood why I want my character to be like that. For him, it was unbelievable. I never quite explained that my weird character is based on one of my friends and that I thought the purpose of storytelling is to take the viewer to another world. I just took his criticisms and did not make my point. I had to draw another character, which, this time, bored me but made my professor happy.
When I graduated, I evaluated my strengths and weaknesses. It limited me to video editing, animation and experimental filmmaking. I excelled in directing class but I can’t quite get into film direction at entry level. So what am I gonna do?
I really wanted to be a broadcaster and with a number of mass communication units as my armory, I tried out with the government television channel and I passed. I was lucky enough to be trained under a very talented producer who made me cry a number of times.
With more than a year of working with them, NBN shaped me into who I am now: somebody who can produce a show alone. Because really, it’s television and you cannot tell your viewers that you don’t have resources or your producer is out of town to turn out an episode. It was a great experience that required great dedication for something that cannot compensate you on time and enough. It was a test of survival – on how long you can stretch that paycheck and on how resourceful you can be to produce a great show or even just a maskipaps* episode.
I left NBN with a number of Anak TV Seals for some of the shows I wrote for, a General Manager asking me to stay and an on-camera opportunity.
Yep, an on-camera talent opportunity. They were starting to bring me in front of the camera. It was a dream come-true but I was too young and too chicken for it basically because I know it would be hard for me to sustain the image in front of the camera: more than your brains, your face is also an investment.
Fast forward to today, I am anything but a broadcaster and a filmmaker. But my course is still very relevant to my practice and this is where I am grateful for my alma mater. More than the prestigious banner, UP provided us with a curriculum that will equip us with units that will prepare us for plans A, B and C in our life.
There’s one work I started conceptualizing after I graduated college, though: a series of experimental art installations about different disabilities to raise level of awareness about them. I had lined up cerebral palsy and autism as my two next projects. CP because I had this classmate who had a brother who suffered from this, all the while she didn’t know if her brother recognizes her until he died without even being able to mention her name; and autism because (1) I’m amazed of how talented kids with this are only they are hampered with their limited social skills and (2) I was inspired by Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. I cannot imagine the work he’d done to come up with this novel.
I have a very active mind and at this point, there’s still so much I want to do and try out. To be a bollywood dance teacher, a lawyer*** and a fashion stylist are on my list but at this moment to be a wife and a mother are on top of my priorities.
Fortunately, Glenn understands and supports me with all of these and I guess, eventually, my inner crazy artist will pursue those art installations and teach my kids old school animation. And it may not be too pretentious at all. :)
*maskipaps = maski papano
**I guess debating skills should really be honed in high school because you’d need this in college. More so, I must admit that until now, debating is also one thing I really have to work on and probably the reason why I keep on delaying law school and frustrating my dad, with that.
***Speaking of law school, since Glenn also came from a family of lawyers, he will allow me to pursue law even after marriage if I’d really like to. :)