In Owen’s experience, guilt went hand in hand with grief.
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An(other) Owen character study that wouldn’t leave me alone after 3x16
This was supposed to be a short thing, but here we are. Many thanks to @moviegeek03 and @justaswampdemon for reading this over and over again as I went to confirm that it wasn’t terrible and that yes, it did make sense.
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In Owen’s experience, guilt went hand in hand with grief.
He learned it at the ripe old age of twelve, as he had pulled his little brother’s body out of the water only to watch his mother collapse in tears only a few hours later. It was all his fault.
Maybe his dad was right, maybe it wasn’t; but maybe he was just lying. Maybe that was why he wasn’t fighting to keep their family together. Maybe that was why he turned in the other direction as they drove away, heading for the other end of the country. It was all his fault.
It was something you learned to live with, over time.
He got good at it, but moving to a different coast and being thrust into a new life without warning will do that to you. He learned how to mask it; how to cover it all with a smile and a winning attitude. If you were convincing enough, no one looked too closely. He became Owen Strand: perpetual optimist with a charming smile and good hair. He buried the constant ache under a bravado and kept his eyes on the future. He made it a point to never look back (there was nothing there worth seeing, afterall).
He coasted on charm all the way to Columbia and thought this was it; he would bury himself in years of study to become a lawyer. He would lose himself in the process and when he was done he would be too busy to ever look back. It worked for a while too. But then the universe conspired and dropped two things in his lap that were determined to rock his boat and upset his plan: an argument in the library and a summer gig as a lifeguard.
@911christmasweek day 3: store-bought present or diy gift
buddie (1.3k) (read it on ao3)
I'm gifting every fic I post this week to one the wonderful people I've met in this fandom! day three is for @dancer-me! happy holidays, and thank you for making the 911 fandom such a lovely place to be!
Eddie knows, okay? He and Buck have discussed the idea of marriage more than once. He knows Buck will say yes, even if he proposes with a piece of twine. But Buck deserves better, and Eddie’s going to do everything right this time around.
So he’s here, in the fanciest jewelry store he has a prayer of affording, staring at the seemingly endless display of rings with no idea where to start. He’s so screwed.
“Hi! Can I help you?” A bubbly young woman with dark hair twisted into braids asks from behind the counter.
“Please,” Eddie replies, desperation leaking into his voice.
The woman - Kara, her name tag reads - laughs. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for, and I’ll see what I can do.”
“I’m, uh, looking for an engagement ring.” Eddie rubs his hand along the back of his neck.
“Alright,” Kara says encouragingly, “Why don’t you tell me about your lucky someone.”
“His name is Buck,” Eddie says, smiling despite himself. “He’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and the kindest. And he’s beautiful, in every sense of the word.”
“He sounds wonderful,” Kara says.
“He is.”
“What does he do for a living?”
“We’re both firefighters,” Eddie says, grinning. “Partners.” It wasn’t so long ago that he wasn’t able to say that. It feels good to say it again.
“Well, thank you both for your service,” Kara says brightly.
Eddie laughs, carefree. “I’m pretty sure if you said that to Buck, he’d leave here a blushing mess. He loves it, you know? I’m not sure if helping people is in his blood, but it’s definitely in his soul.”
Kara smiles, soft and sweet. “You really love him,” she says.
“I do.” Eddie ducks his head. “Which is why I need to find him the perfect ring.”
“Can you tell me a little about the style you think he’d like? After that, we can discuss your price range, and I can pull a few options for you.”
“Something sophisticated,” Eddie says, “Not too flashy. Something a little unique, though. Like him.”
Kara nods knowingly. Eddie tells her his budget, and she pulls out three trays of rings.
“I’ll give you a minute to look these over,” she says. “Let me know if one of them catches your eye!”
For a moment, Eddie’s eyes catch on a simple gold band. It’s classic and elegant, but it reminds him of the ring he bought second hand when he married Shannon. He wants something different, something that will set this marriage apart from his first.
Next, he picks up a silver ring engraved with twisting leaves and branches. It’s beautiful, and Eddie’s fairly certain he could make an argument about the symbolism of life and new growth, but it’s not right.
None of them are right - not the titanium ring with the cobalt blue stripe, not the not the braided gold and silver band, and definitely not the diamond studded rose gold monstrosity on the last tray.
Kara floats back over to him. “Do any of these look like the one?”
Eddie frowns and shakes his head. “I never really believed in fate, or the universe or whatever, but if there was ever someone I was meant to find, it was him. I want to feel the same way about the ring.”
Kara taps her fingers against her chin thoughtfully. Suddenly her face lights up. “Wait right here, I think I might have just the one.” She returns the ring trays to the cabinet and disappears to the back of the store.
Eddie shoves his hands in his pockets and waits. Another version of him might have taken this as some kind of sign. If he couldn’t find the ring, it wasn’t meant to be. The person he is today, though, knows and trusts that he and Buck are a forever kind of thing, rings and marriage certificates be damned. He isn’t marrying Buck because he thinks he should, or because he wants to telegraph something perfect and easy to the rest of the world. He’s marrying Buck because he loves him. Because he wants to make him happy. Because Buck makes him happier than he has any right to be.
Kara returns with a ring box in hand. “Now,” she says, opening the box and showing it to Eddie, “This ring isn’t technically for sale yet, but if you like it, I can set it aside for you.”
The ring is a textured black band, with a thin, silvery inlay offset from the center. It’s beautiful, and Eddie reaches out to run his finger along the edge.
“What’s it made of?” he asks.
Kara grins. “That’s what makes this ring so special. The primary material is tungsten, but the inlay is meteorite.”
“It’s perfect,” Eddie breathes.
///
A month later, the ring is burning a hole in Eddie’s pocket, waiting for a moment as perfect as it to propose. Eddie’s gone through at least a hundred ideas, but sitting here, at the kitchen table with Buck on Christmas Eve, he thinks that this might just be the perfect moment.
“Wait here a second,” Buck says, standing.
“We absolutely do not need any more cookies,” Eddie jokes.
“Ha ha,” Buck says sarcastically, but he’s grinning all the same. He disappears into the living room and comes back with a small, wrapped gift.
“It’s not Christmas yet, Buck,” Eddie reminds him.
Buck smiles, soft and sweet. “I know, but I was hoping you’d open this one a little early.”
“Sure,” Eddie says easily. “You’re still not getting yours until tomorrow, though. I’m pretty sure Chris would kill me if he didn’t get to see you open it.”
Buck’s smile widens. “Man, I love that kid,” he says.
Eddie’s heart warms. It’s nothing he didn’t already know, but every time Buck says it, it reminds him how lucky he was to find someone who loves them both; who makes them both happy.
Yeah, Eddie thinks. Tonight’s the night.
“Come on,” Buck prompts softly. “Open it.”
Eddie pulls the carefully tied bow from the box and slips his finger beneath the tape. As the paper falls from the box, he hears Buck move, but he pays him no mind as he stares at the blue velvet in his hand. Buck takes it from him gently, prompting Eddie to finally look up.
Buck kneels before him, ring box open and proudly displaying a silvery ring with a sawtooth inlay.
“Buck,” Eddie whispers, feeling his eyes begin to well.
“Eddie,” Buck says, grinning so widely it must hurt. “I never imagined, not for a minute, you. I was so lost, for so long, and the day I met you I was found. Took me a minute to realize, but I got there eventually.”
Eddie laughs wetly.
“Building a family with you has been the greatest privilege of my life, Eddie Diaz. Will you marry me?”
Eddie drops to his knees in front of Buck and cups his face in his hands. “I can’t believe you beat me to it,” he murmurs.
“Is that a yes?” Buck asks.
Eddie presses a soft kiss against Buck’s lips and pulls the similar box from his pocket. “That’s a right back at you, Buckley,” he says, holding the box up.
“Eddie,” Buck breathes.
“You know, I had a speech ready too,” Eddie says.
“Don’t let me stop you,” Buck replies faintly.
Eddie smiles and looks down at the ring, just for a second, then back into Buck’s eyes. “I forgot everything I was planning on saying,” he admits.
Buck laughs softly and rests his forehead against Eddie’s. “That’s okay,” he whispers.
“You’re like sunshine, Evan,” Eddie says. “You bring life to everything you touch. I spent so long choosing things that would make other people happy, but you… you make me happy. You make me so much happier than I ever thought was possible, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel the same way. So yes, Evan Buckley. I will marry you.”
Buck’s lips are on his in a heartbeat, knocking both of them to the floor. Eddie laughs, bright and carefree as he looks up at the man he loves. Fuck the ring, Evan Buckley is the greatest gift he’s ever been given.
