something ever after
Here's my response to the ask game @my-rose-tinted-glasses started with this post. Thanks for the idea and for tagging me, Rose!
Here are the criteria Rose gave herself, for anyone who wants to follow along. The central idea is "a list of couples that I think have what it takes to make it in the long run." She ruled out couples that are portrayed in high school exclusively, couples that have already stayed together for a long time (e.g. Shiro and Kenji from What Did You Eat Yesterday?), and couples who could only be argued to belong on this list with a lot of extensive headcanon type action.
Speaking of Rose, our lists overlapped a bunch. But hey, great minds think alike and all that.
For my own list, I prioritized couples who seem like they would stay together over couples who seem like they should stay together. They may or may not be happy, but I think they'll be together. In some cases I applied a bit of wishful thinking. But screw it. It's my list, right?
I really liked the themes @porridgefeast pointed out in her response to this ask game, so I'm going to summarize them below (and in some cases, briefly respond to them) and then I'll make note of when they seem to apply to my examples. (I highly recommend reading Porridge's whole post, though!)
they already went through it
As Porridge put it, "[s]ometimes you can't imagine a couple not settling down together permanently because the plot has already tested them so much without them breaking apart."
2. they're too weird to be with anybody else
This one's pretty self-explanatory.
3. they already broke up and got back together
Porridge explains this as being more about story logic than anything that truly makes sense in the real world, and she has a good point. But I think if this is handled well, you end up being able to make a good case that they've dealt with some factors that would otherwise have put the relationship at risk.
4. they solved each other's problems
Similarly, Porridge explains this as a "romantic math problem" that goes even further into "story logic," and I don't disagree. But I think you can make a quasi-realistic case for this that's similar to item 3 (in some cases, at least). If two people are able to help one another in a real way with some serious life challenges, that really does bring them together and speak well of their ability to weather future challenges.
5. because it's their universe
As Porridge writes, "[s]ometimes it's just a foregone conclusion that a couple will stay together forever because that's what everything in the world of that series revolves around."
and now, for the actual list!
Shi De and Shu Yi We Best Love
Shi De waited years to make some kind of connection with Shu Yi—after all, he fell for him as a preteen and was only able to make a friendship happen in college. Then he spent another five years trying to appease Shu Yi’s two-faced dad so they could be together. If my math is remotely correct, he's spent more than half his life waiting for him. That level of devotion doesn’t end because of a garden-variety conflict or because of the usual challenges and transitions of life. What if Shu Yi pushes him away, or downright rejects him? That’s not enough to get rid of him, either. Shu Yi certainly tried his best to push him away when they met again in the show's second season, but it didn’t get him anywhere. Shi De is in it for the long haul.
Shu Yi’s feelings about Shi De weren’t so positive for a long time, but that doesn’t mean he was any less invested in their relationship. Before they got together, he’d forgotten about their fateful childhood encounter and thought of Shi De as his rival. But even though he outwardly hated him, Shi De was looming large in his mind. When Shi De finally won him over, he fell hard, which is hardly surprising given the unresolved loss and loneliness he'd carried around since the loss of his mother. Of course, it wasn’t that long afterward that things went sideways. But even during the period where he thought Shi De had betrayed him, after which he spent five years ostensibly hating him again, he was just as invested as ever. That big show of hating Shi De when they first saw each other again? He never would have behaved that way if he really didn’t care. There’s a reason he never even came close to moving on during those years. So once he found out the truth and Shi De showed he was ready to make up for his mistakes, he was committed too.
At this point, it’s clear that being with anyone besides each other just isn’t an option for either of them. I don’t think Shu Yi’s father would ever be able to come between them again, either. He already overplayed his hand and I think he knows if he fucks with their relationship again, he’d be more likely to lose Shu Yi than Shi De would be.
Porridge themes: I would say that they already broke up and got back together and they already went through it are slam dunks. They're also low-key weirdos and helped each other through some tough baggage, but those are more debatable.
Hira and Kiyoi Utsukushii Kare
These two fit together like two exceedingly weird puzzle pieces. Hira needs someone he can put on a pedestal and Kiyoi needs the assurance he’s sincerely loved that comes with that kind of worshipful attention. This arrangement has some serious drawbacks, of course, and they came close to costing them their relationship during season 2 of the series and the Eternal movie. But Kiyoi was always more than ready to move forward if Hira would meet him halfway, and even someone as bull-headed as Hira can learn to be a little more flexible if it’s what needs to happen for him to keep Kiyoi in his life. They may not have made as much progress as Kiyoi would like, but it seems to be enough, and both times they’ve run into one of these big roadblocks, Hira has managed to do enough for Kiyoi to stick around.
I wish I could say that they’d be in for nothing but smooth sailing from the ending of Eternal onward, but that’s not really possible for these two. They have a lot of baggage and unhealthy habits and some of the things that bind them together the most are things that, paradoxically, make it harder for them to stay close. But even if they drive each other away for a while, I think they’re always going to end up back together sooner or later.
It doesn't hurt that they faced the prospect of losing each other when that incident happened in Eternal, which really made them put things in perspective. Which is part of what led to them having their sort of unofficial, private commitment ceremony.
Porridge themes: More than anything, they're too weird to be with anybody else. After the whole Eternal situation you could make a case that they already went through it. They haven't broken up, but they've had a couple of close calls, so you could almost say that they already broke up and got back together.
Yutaka and Minoru Our Dining Table
I don’t want to sound like an old fogey (though I kind of am one), but it’s been my experience that a lot of people in their early 20s are at least a little bit lacking in perspective compared to people who’ve had time to go through more of the ups and downs of life. But people who’ve had to contend with big challenges at a young age can be a bit different in that respect. Young people who've faced things like trauma and loss often gain that kind of perspective earlier in life than the average person.
Both Yutaka and Minoru are like this. Yutaka lost his parents, then his grandparents, and then ended up in a family where he was neglected by his parents and abused by his brother. (Just because his family eventually convinced him that it was all some sort of misunderstanding doesn’t mean I was convinced.) Minoru went through the loss of his mother and all of the huge adjustments that came along with being more involved in caring for Tane. Of course, in some ways these losses made it harder for Yutaka and Minoru to connect with one another. But once they got to know each other, the things they had in common (that most people their age wouldn't understand) became clear. And once they got together, well, they still had struggles with insecurity, as we saw in the show's "special episode," but I have faith in their ability to work through things like that. The stakes are even higher since Yutaka is a kind of honorary member of Minoru's family. So they're in it for the long haul, and though they have a lot to learn, they're ready to grow together.
Porridge themes: If events that happen before a show starts count, they already went through it. And there's a reason they're listed as an archetypal example of they solved each other's problem in Porridge's post.
Kasuga and Nomoto She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat
Kasuga and Nomoto are one of those couples that just fit together in a way they couldn’t with anyone else. That’s how their relationship starts, after all. It’s right there in the title of their series. Nomoto loves to cook and Kasuga loves to eat. Nomoto needs someone who’ll eat her cooking and tell her how tasty it is. She wants to take care of someone, show how capable she is, and feel appreciated while doing this activity she loves. Kasuga needs to feel cared for by someone for whom she matters, someone who sees her as worthy of feeding until she’s satiated. She needs to be provided for unconditionally by someone who understands that her needs are important so she can start to believe it too. But while this is a defining dynamic in their relationship, the nurturance and validation totally goes both ways. It’s honestly miraculous to see two people who have so much to offer find just the right person who needs their help the most and allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to really take that help in, bonding deeply in the process. It’s one of the main reasons watching this show is such a healing, life-affirming experience.
Porridge themes: The big one here is definitely that they solved each other's problem, and I think this is a good example of how it can be a real justification for having faith in a relationship. I wouldn't characterize them as too weird to be with anybody else, but they are highly suited to each other in a specific way that I think is sorta related.
Sang Woo and Jae Young Semantic Error
If you described these two in the abstract, they wouldn’t sound like they were in the best position to stay together in the long term. We’ve all heard that opposites attract, but of course, opposites also run into a lot of conflict! Their relationship histories don't help any. Sang Woo doesn't have one to speak of, and Jae Young's is just one long series of avoided commitments. At their age, a first serious relationship doesn't tend to last super long. They're also working on a project together—basically starting a business together. Collaborating in one’s career and being in a romantic relationship at the same time is a tall order at any age.
But that’s just one side of it. The reason Jae Young was able to seal the deal with Sang Woo when other people couldn’t is that he has the persistence, indefatigable confidence, and charm to get through his defenses. The reason other people managed to date Jae Young but couldn’t really reach him on a deeper level is that he’s easy to get a little bit close to, but it takes a special kind of person to convince him to really open up.
They also bring things to the table that the other person needs. Sang Woo brings stability to Jae Young. He’s like executive functioning in the form of a person, and that’s something Jae Young barely has any of. He also has a kind of big-picture, bottom-line, practical perspective that Jae Young struggles to find on his own. Jae Young brings spontaneity, immediacy, and creativity to Sang Woo’s otherwise regimented existence. He’s able to act on emotion without a lot of intellectualizing, something Sang Woo needs more of. Sang Woo keeps them both on track, and Jae Young provides a spark that makes life worthwhile.
So they fit together really well, and provide things for each other that they can’t find anywhere else. They’ll definitely butt heads sometimes, and it won’t be pretty since they’re both so stubborn. But I really think they can work through those times. In the long run, I think they’ll both be so much better off together than they would be on their own.
Porridge themes: These two are mostly just too weird to be with anybody else, or at least, too weird to have a relationship with anyone besides each other that actually functions.
Chen Yi and Ai Di Kiseki: Dear to Me
This list is about couples who’ll stay together for a long time, not couples who’ll have the healthiest, most unequivocally positive relationships or the relationships most likely to make them better people. Not that Chen Yi and Ai Di aren't good for each other in some ways—they are. It’s just that there are other areas where they could easily stay stuck together or even cause each other to regress if things don’t go their way. But none of that necessarily pertains to whether they’ll stay together and remain in love.
Ai Di has only ever loved Chen Yi, ever since he was a kid. It seems likely he’s messed around with other people at some point—he wasn’t exactly giving virgin vibes his first time with Chen Yi—but he’s never had real feelings for anyone else. It doesn’t seem like he's ever even tried to move on. In other words, he’s incredibly devoted. He’s also an impulsive, violent, grudge-prone, stubborn person who appears to have multiple murders under his belt.
Chen Yi may have taken a while to figure things out and come around, and his timing sucked. But once he came to terms with his feelings, he tried to hash things out with Ai Di while he was in prison and doggedly pursued him once he got out, even though Ai Di kept pushing him away (and when Ai Di pushes someone away, he pushes hard). Chen Yi is also a fucking mob boss, and while he may not be as gratuitous about it as Ai Di, he’s definitely perpetrated his share of violence. I also don’t think he was speaking figuratively when he said he would kill anyone who got between him and Ai Di.
So where does that leave us? These two are still insecure, possessive, terrible at communicating, and stubborn as fuck. Ai Di still has barely any impulse control and Chen Yi isn’t much better. There’s no way they aren’t going to run into problems. They’re bound to have disagreements about gang matters, just as they did during the series. But it would be even worse if anything happened to make one or both of them believe their relationship was at risk. It seems likely that sooner or later one of them is going to misread a situation and think the other person is into someone else. I really hope they improve their communication skills and develop some coping strategies that don’t involve homicide, but unless and until they do, this relationship has the potential to leave a lot of destruction in its wake and put both of them at risk in the process.
So, yeah. I fully believe these two are going to stay together for the rest of their lives, but there’s no telling how long those lives will last. And anyone who even gives the appearance of getting too cozy with one of them should watch their back.
Porridge themes: These two definitely already went through it, are very much too weird to be with anybody else, and while they didn't exactly break up and get back together, when they finally hooked up one of them pushed the other away so decisively that he went to prison, and that's arguably a more extreme version of the same thing.
Jae Won and Ji Hyun The Eighth Sense
These two are still really young, especially Ji Hyun. Maybe it’s going a bit far to say that they’re going to stay together for the foreseeable future. But I really do think they have what it takes.
Ji Hyun was so determined to get close to Jae Won that he joined a surfing club even though he couldn't swim, and that was just for starters. He works even harder, in the face of some truly horrible bullshit, to get him back. It's partly just that he's a tenacious person with a lot of chutzpah, but it’s also because Jae Won is incredibly special to him.
If I can digress for a second, I've been thinking recently about stories where young people commit in a serious way to their first love or older people reunite with their first love. When I was young I thought that kind of thing was just sentimentalism. And yeah, it's not as if things like that actually work out very often. But I can tell you that for some people at least, myself included, it's possible for the person or people you fall for in adolescence or early adulthood to have a special status that never goes away. I mean, I'm 48 and I still have a person like that. If those feelings aren't gone 30 years after meeting that person, I don't think another 30 years will make much difference.
So, that's the kind of person Jae Won is for Ji Hyun. Even if they hadn't ended up together, even if they break up after a year or two, he's someone who'll loom large in Ji Hyun's mind for the rest of his life.
I talked before about how a young person who has been through a lot of difficult stuff can have a mindset that's more like that of an older person. Jae Won is one of those people. He'll have a lot more perspective and wisdom once he has actually worked through his trauma, but he's already starting to get it.
Jae Won is also in a position to get some real help in this department from Ji Hyun.
As I wrote back when the show was airing, there's a tendency for people, particularly in the U.S., to apply an individualistic lens to the idea of partners facilitating healing and self-actualization in one another. This viewpoint tells us that no one can help you heal in any real way, that's something you have to do on your own. And thinking that someone else can help you with that or that you can help someone else is naive, idealistic, and might even smack of codependence.
Here's part of what I had to say about this in my previous post:
Human beings are relational creatures. We develop from birth through our relationships with others. These relationships can be damaging or they can be supportive and strengthening (or, of course, both). We don't have to wait until we are perfectly self-sufficient before we're capable of receiving love, deserving of love, or able to benefit from love. When someone loves us deeply and shows that to us, when they show their love through caring for us, it makes a difference in our lives. Of course it does! And if we are completely lacking in that kind of love, life is harder for us.... [Ji Hyun] can't heal Jae Won just by loving him. Jae Won would have to allow himself to be close to Ji Hyun again for that to happen, and he'd also have to open himself up enough emotionally to take in what Ji Hyun has to offer. And in order for him to heal in a substantial way—for example, to stop having an active case of PTSD—he'd also have to put in some independent effort. But it's also true that if Jae Won lets him, Ji Hyun actually could make a real difference in Jae Won's healing. And Jae Won could do the same for Ji Hyun.
So, yeah, I do think that Ji Hyun can make a difference in Jae Won's healing process, and I think Jae Won knows that. Deep down, I think part of the reason Jae Won gravitated to Ji Hyun so strongly and was able to be vulnerable with him in a way he wasn't with others is that he had a (probably unconscious) sense that Ji Hyun was the kind of emotionally present, caring-yet-assertive person who could help him get out of the rut he'd been in since his brother's death.
These two do have a lot of challenges ahead of them. Unlike a lot of BLs, the ending of The Eighth Sense explicitly brings up the possibility that they won't be able to stay together for the long term. They talk about this and conclude that "all we can do is try." But in a way, that makes me even more hopeful about their future. If they face their challenges together one by one and keep trying, I really believe they'd be able to face anything.
Porridge themes: They definitely already went through it, and they already broke up and got back together. I'm not sure whether Jae Won solved any problems for Ji Hyun other than his not-being-with-Jae-Won problem, but Ji Hyun definitely solved a problem for Jae Won.
Nozue and Togawa Old Fashion Cupcake
Like some of the other couples on my list, these two may only get together at the end of the series, but they've been important to each other for a long time. The fact that Togawa has been pining for Nozue for years is relevant, for sure. But there's also more to it than that. Togawa caught Nozue's attention in his job interview, so much so that he approached him afterward to offer advice and encouragement and invite him to go get a drink. He was probably instrumental in getting Togawa hired. He mentored and relied on him at the office for years. I also suspect that the weirdly loaded compliments and accidental double-entendres Nozue aimed at Togawa during the show probably weren't totally unprecedented. He also wouldn't have gone along with Togawa's "anti-aging" efforts if he hadn't had significant trust in him from the start. And of course, they grew closer through that process and Nozue started relying on Togawa even more.
You get the idea—they already had a special connection well before the show started. In a way they were halfway committed to each other by then.
They still have some things to work out in the end. The author of the manga found enough unfinished business to give them a second volume, after all. But even though it might not be easy, they have the resources to get through new challenges. And all their talk of continuing to face those challenges together until Nozue's 81st birthday and beyond, for all its jokey-ness, is totally sincere. That's what they both want and I really think they will make it happen.
Porridge themes: I don't know if any of these truly fit! They did become estranged for a while in a way that resembled breaking up, after which they reconciled. That's sort of like breaking up and getting back together. But that's about it.
Do Hoe and Ju Yeong
Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo
These two could be the epitome of Porridge's breaking-up-and-getting-back-together category. They are separated for such a long time and in such a decisive way. But not only are they both obviously missing something important from their lives while they're apart, it almost seems like for Do Hoe, staying away from Ju Yeong is such a self-defeating choice that nothing about his life can go well in a way that means anything as long as they're apart. It's as if staying away from Ju Yeong means cutting himself off from a part of himself. Ju Yeong isn't at war with himself in the same way, since he would gladly find Do Hoe if he could, but he carries around a shit ton of baggage that he has no way to resolve without him.
I wrote earlier about how a certain kind of early relationship or crush can make an indelible mark on a person, and these two not only had that effect on each other in the usual way, but also massively changed the course of each other's lives. It's a kind of impact that can cut both ways, keeping them separate as well as drawing them together, but it's significant.
Some of the couples I've written about here have that two-puzzle-pieces-that-only-fit-with-each-other thing going on in an obvious way. It's true that Do Hoe and Ju Yeong are opposites in some ways. After all, Do Hoe was Mr. Perfect Good Boy before they met and Ju Yeong was seen as such an incorrigible discipline case that he was sent to the country to train with Do Hoe's dad. But that stuff doesn't turn out to matter all that much. I do think they're really well-suited to each other, but in a way that's kind of subtle. But it's the kind of subtle that makes their connection feel more realistic.
I wish I had more to say about these two that was actually articulate. It just goes to show that I'm overdue to re-watch this show! Probably a whole bunch of times.
Porridge themes: These two definitely already went through it, not only with regard to the incident that precipitated their separation but also before that (with Do Hoe's loss of his mother and Ju Yeong's family situation). They broke up and got back together in a pretty huge way. There's a bit of solving each other's problem here too, but it's something we mostly observe rather indirectly.
Whew! I had more to say about this than I expected. That was fun. Well, I'm not much of a tagger, but I wonder what @maybe-boys-do-love and @ginnymoonbeam would think about this and looking at some of my old posts for this reminded me of some folks I haven't talked to in a while, like @jemmo and @gillianthecat. No pressure to take part, y'all, but do feel free if you're so inclined. The same goes for anyone else reading this who's interested in giving this a try.
