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— fetus tete! icons
like or reblog if u save or use !
i’ve had a weird couple of mental head days. like. i keep thinking about you and everything that happened and how it all went down and how lonely i feel, not being me&you, just being me and nothing else. i’ve been thinking about how you don’t think about me at all; how you broke me heart without me knowing, and then i knew and you didn’t , how neither of us understand each other now that are hearts aren’t put together, how insane it is that are hearts are made of the same pieces but they aren’t in the same configuration, and that made you stop loving me but i never stopped loving you. i love you still. and it hurts more and more everyday. i think a lot about how i still love you without talking to you, without seeing you, without even knowing you. i love knowing that you exist and that you are happy with her and that you had someone you loved enough to choose for. i feel idiotic. i feel weak. i feel worthless and unlovable and unwanted. i feel overdramatic and insane. i feel awkward and misplaced. i feel like a bad dream. i feel like an intruder. i feel like a movie extra. i feel all of these things and then i feel empty. i miss you, but i never want to see you again.
tour two
things i did today:
1) learned to drive manual
2) had an actual anxiety attack over a Person from my Past and how I will never get to say what i actually want to say to them and possibly fix things and be so much happier and true to myself because i am too afraid to even look their name up on the internet let alone call them and when they tried to apologize to me and make things right i was still too proud and scared to accept it because fucking god forbid i actually be incredibly happy and do something right for myself for once so now i guess i can just be bored and miserable forever cool
hi folks, what’s the vibe tonight?
one day i will be truly independent and no one will look at me in regards to what i provide them. i will not be paying someone else’s bills or they’re emotional crutch. one day people won’t tear me apart every time i start to grow or change. one day people will just embrace who i am and love me.
i am NOT a commodity, and i am so damn tired with all this emotional and mental manipulation. i refuse to be held hostage in an unhealthy cycle of contempt and blame. this isn’t my fault. this is life. i need space to grow and become a woman. you can’t get mad at me for not being independent or knowing how to self advocate when you consistently throw up roadblocks and drag me through the mud when i try to be self sufficient. at this point, if i have to cut anyone off to take care of myself, i will do so with out regret. without shame. without fear. so don’t tempt me
I should be over all the butterflies