@katsu-at-the-bottom continuation from here.
‘—No. You shouldn’t be so kind to me. Stop being understanding. Push me away. Everyone else has…’
They were cruel thoughts – crueler still that they were her own. What would have been worse? Keeping him at arm’s length, letting him act on his emotions but then distance herself from him, shattering whatever dreams he thought had blossomed into reality – or never telling him? If she had been heartless, it wouldn’t have mattered – either way, she’d hurt him and, in the process, get hurt herself.
“—Katsu…” She turned in place, watching as he began to retreat from her. She didn’t need to see his expression, she read it in his body language. She had done more damage to him than he had received in that bar fight. His shoulders slumped, his head hung, his steps were slow and measured… she wasn’t sure what propelled her forward, her own hurt or her need to comfort but she found herself wrapped against him from behind. Arms curled around his waist, forehead pressed to his back, face buried against his shirt – he didn’t understand any of it. He never would because she’d never be able to tell him the truth – but she could skim the surface.
“—No one has really ever asked me if I’ve wanted to talk about it before…” But then again, he was naïve to it all. She had done her best to hide her hurt through drinking well into the night. If she could drown her sorrows, it was easier to disgust the hurt with a carefully crafted smile and a trained laugh. But all she wanted to do was spill ever emotion, every tear like spilled sake, let the contents of the carafe tip over and run free.
“I’ll tell you everything one day…” She didn’t know if that was an empty promise, but for now, it would do. “For now, though…” She heaved a sigh, drawing her arms tighter against him, forcing out nearly all the distance between them. “I don’t want to be alone. Just stay with me.”
She was being selfish again – it was one of her worst habits, she knew that. She was asking too much of him when she wasn’t willing to reciprocate the same. Why would he want to stay with her, sit with her, comfort her when she had pushed him away. “Please.”