Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes
Summary: Being in a loving relationship with an immortal being has always kept you on your toes. Because not one day (or night) with your centuries-old lover felt boring.
Bloodied Lips
As you were walking up to the front door of your small and cozy cottage by the lake and just a few steps away from the dark forest, a heavy sigh escaped your mouth. It was a long and very stressful day. You hated your corporate job in the city with a burning passion, but quitting was not an option. At least not now.
Coming home was something you looked forward to every single day. Escaping from the crowded and noisy city life, driving down the highway, and making a few more turns, until you arrived at the edge of a small town. There stood a home of your dreams, which you were so grateful for. Living in peace and silence, and surrounded by nature was essential for you.
And for your partner as well.
Levi hated big cities and everything that came with them. All the loud noises and overwhelming smells.
„Finally... what took you so long?“ he asked immediately when he spotted you. But before you could answer, he was on his feet, taking the bags with all the groceries from your hands.
„As you can see, I had to make sure we won’t starve to death. Or at least that I won’t,“ you teased him, leaning closer for a kiss. When Levi pulled away before your lips met his, an uneasy feeling washed over you. „Is everything okay?“
He shook his head but didn’t look you in the eyes to explain anything. He just turned around and carried the bags into the house. The evening was very cold, mostly because the sun had already set, so you didn’t stay out to wonder for too long. You followed Levi inside and closed the door, making sure the cold air didn’t slip inside the tiny cottage.
„You can always talk to me, you know that, right? Maybe I don’t understand sometimes, but that doesn’t mean...“
„You know what’s going on,“ he said, interrupting you. „Again,“ he added in a low voice, bracing himself against the kitchen counter. The way his shoulders shook with every breath he took, was enough for you to know everything.
„Levi...“ you said his name in a calm tone, coming closer. But even if you knew, that he would never hurt you, touching him in that moment would be a bad idea. „You know what we agreed on. There’s no need to ask for permission, I want to help you. Make you feel... alive.“ His laugh startled you a little, but you quickly regained your confidence.
When he didn’t say anything and didn’t turn around to look at you, it was best to back down. So you took off your coat and left your shoes at the door. Slowly, you walked back to the kitchen and started to unpack the groceries you brought home.
„When did you have time to decorate?“ Levi asked suddenly. He wasn’t here for the last two days, so seeing the little cottage full of fall and Halloween decorations came as a surprise. Not that he didn’t know how much you loved this time of the year.
The forest, which was just steps away from your home, became an even more incredible place during the months of September, October, and November. Many trees started to turn the most beautiful shades of yellow and orange, while the thick morning fog made your surroundings feel eerie but welcoming at the same time.
You loved it here. Everything seemed like a perfect fall fairytale you always wanted to be a part of. After years of dreaming and making wishes, you had the absolute perfect home. And it was even more perfect because you got to share it with a man you loved more than life itself.
Despite every little thing that made the two of you so different.
„I was thinking...“ you started carefully, waiting for any reaction from Levi. But when he didn’t stop you, it was probably safe to continue. „That little farm on the other end of the town is opening their pumpkin patch tomorrow.“
„So?“
You smiled a little, walked up to him, and gently rubbed his back. „So... I was thinking we could go pick up a couple of pumpkins. For carving and painting. And I would love to make my own pumpkin puree to use in my bakings.“
„No, I’m not. For the first week, they’ll be open until nine in the evening. They give you a flashlight and you can go hunt for the pumpkins in the dark,“ you said excitedly, taking a step closer and kissing Levi behind his left ear.
And that was clearly a mistake.
Before you knew it, he turned around, grabbed your waist, and lifted you up onto the kitchen counter. Leaning closer, his lips gently brushed against the skin on your neck. He took a deep breath, running the tip of his nose along your carotid artery.
„Drink if you need to,“ you whispered, running your hand through his silky black hair. For years now, it has been like this. There was no need for him to ask for permission. Not when you knew, that he would never hurt you. Not intentionally and not on accident either. „I see you fighting it but you don’t have to, Levi. I trust you.“
He wanted to say something, but instead of that he pressed his lips to your neck again, leaving a soft kiss there. The tips of his fangs very carefully grazed over your skin but he didn’t bite you. Not yet. Instead, his left arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to his body.
„I hate to do this, you know that.“
„I know you do, but it’s okay. Really.“
Living with a vampire was not easy. Not now and not when your relationship with Levi was only at its start. You both had to get used to many things. But the hardest thing was not being able to live like other couples did – not being able to go somewhere during the day. So when you and Levi wanted to make any plans outside the house, you had to wait for the sun to set. There still were times when you simply forgot. But Levi was never mad about it. He simply reminded you and helped you change the plans so they were more suitable for him.
„You’ll feel better if you drink some,“ you said after a moment. Levi’s lips stayed in contact with your neck, but he was still holding back.
He took one last breath, kissed your neck again, and then pulled away. You held eye contact for a moment, trying to keep the atmosphere calm. You could still have a pretty and cozy evening. There was no need to dwell on unimportant things.
„Would going to that pumpkin patch make you happy?“ he asked and brushed your lips together for a short moment. „You know I’m not that crazy about similar things.“
„What about in the past? Did you... enjoy stuff like that? In some period of your life?“ You knew Levi walked this earth for many centuries. He lived lives you couldn’t even imagine. But only sometimes was he in the right mood to tell you about his past.
There were still many, many things you didn’t know about your immortal lover. Things Levi didn’t even want you to know. And you simply had to accept that. Living such a long life came with a lot of pain which only people like Levi could truly understand.
„I’m sure we’ll have fun. And if you don’t want to, we won’t be long. I’ll just pick out a couple of pumpkins and we can return home,“ you assured him, gave him one last kiss, and then hopped down from the kitchen counter.
With Levi’s help, you put away the groceries and then started preparing dinner. Cooking was one of your favorite ways to unwind after a long day at work. You could finally relax and be yourself – dance around the kitchen while preparing the ingredients and even sing quietly. Levi disappeared somewhere once again, but he came back when the roasted tomato soup with grilled cheese was done.
Vampires didn’t have to eat, not in the ways humans do. But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy some delicious food. Levi loved it when you cooked or baked absolutely everything. He was willing to try out any dish and never forgot to compliment your skills.
Finding out that your boyfriend is a vampire was a huge shock, but you didn’t even think about breaking up with him. Not for a single second. Mainly because you saw, that Levi couldn’t imagine leaving your side, either. He knew, that falling in love with a mortal could hurt him greatly, he experienced it before, but he put those thoughts aside for now. The love that he felt for you was stronger than fear.
„I’ll come back tomorrow and we can go to that pumpkin patch,“ Levi said when the two of you finished washing the dishes.
„You won’t stay the night?“ He shook his head and handed you the last plate that needed to be put away. „Don’t run away from me, please. You don’t have to do it.“
„I do because I hate drinking your blood.“
„Is it not sweet enough for you?“ When he growled at you, there was no point in trying to tell more jokes. This was simply not the night for that. „It’s up to you, Levi. Go if you need to, but if you want to come back during the night, you can. You can always come back here.“ He nodded in silence and wrapped one arm around your waist from behind. For a moment, you were waiting to feel the familiar pain in your neck. But that pain didn’t come. The only thing you felt was a sweet loving kiss before Levi grabbed his leather jacket and headed for the door.
The evening was cold and the wind pretty harsh. It seemed that fall wanted to show its true power and remind you that warm sunny days were long gone. It truly wasn’t the best weather for wandering around the small farm which was owned by a very kind young family. You didn’t really know them, but from what you heard and saw, they seemed to be lovely people.
Maybe that was the reason why so many people came here every year to pick out a couple of pumpkins. Even Levi seemed somewhat relaxed, when he parked the car and the two of you got out. Hand in hand, you walked around for a little while and just enjoyed the atmosphere. Sunset happened an hour ago so it was finally safe for him to enjoy the outside world and the remains of another day.
„You haven’t told me where you spent the night,“ you said, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Both of you carried a little plastic pumpkin which acted as a lantern. The owners of the farm were handing them out to every visitor at the entrance.
„Wandering around the forest. Like always.“
„Hunting?“
The way he looked away from you was enough for an answer. You weren’t angry, not in the slightest. But you always worried when he decided to disappear. Sometimes just for a couple of hours but sometimes he was gone for many days in a row. It was certain that he would always come back but there still was a tiny little voice in your head, which tried to convince you that he was gone for good.
After all... he could do whatever he wanted. Even after centuries, he had the majority of his life ahead of him. You were just a tiny fraction of his life, one that would be gone in a couple of decades. Most likely.
„Are you sure you’re okay?“ you asked him in a troubled tone while the two of you were headed into the corn maze. It was your last stop of the night before getting the pumpkins and heading home. You’d already walked around the farm grounds, fed the animals, and had a delicious slice of pumpkin pie with hot apple cider.
„I am, stop worrying so much. We came here so you can enjoy your favorite season. So stop paying attention to my every move. You know I hate it.“
„I know, but you also know how much I want you to feel...“
„What?“ Levi asked when you suddenly stayed quiet. But when he saw how you shook your head, he let it be. His fingers very gently grabbed your chin and tilted your head to the side so he had access to your lips for a short kiss.
More than anyone, he knew how you felt about him and how you only wanted the best for your relationship. Always and in every situation. Even if it wasn’t easy. Heavens, it was truly a miracle that he let you so close to him. He was afraid to do so at first. And that was perfectly understandable. Living for such a long time brought pain unimaginable to mortals like you. Despite that, Levi didn’t want to close off his heart. He gave it to you and that was truly the purest act of love and trust.
There were many people walking around and enjoying even such a cold fall evening. Couples like you and Levi, families with kids, or groups of friends. Everybody was here for the same exact reason even though your lives were so different. But surely nobody would ever think that Levi was somehow different from the rest of them. You looked like an ordinary couple in love – holding hands and talking, having fun during a calm festive evening.
„I found a new recipe for a pumpkin pie I would love to try tomorrow,“ you said after a moment of silence between the two of you. In the meantime, you made it to the corn maze which was illuminated by the same plastic pumpkin lanterns all of you carried. They were scattered here and there so there was enough light but also a couple of dark corners.
And that was exactly what Levi wanted and needed. A dark corner where nobody saw him or you. His hand was covering your mouth before you knew it, his body pulling you deeper into the maze, away from the eyes of everybody else. Levi very rarely lost control of himself but when it happened, it always swept you off your feet.
Just like now, when he hid the two of you between the tall corn stalks. His hand kept covering your mouth so you wouldn’t scream out when he brushed your hair away from your neck and sank his fangs into your warm flesh. It was a pain you knew all too well. A pain that made you feel many different things at once. But anger was never one of them. Even fear was almost nonexistent since you trusted Levi with all your heart.
He would never hurt you.
That was a certainty during moments like these. His other hand was firmly wrapped around your waist to keep you close to him during those few short moments. You closed your eyes with a muffled moan and let your body rest against his, just waiting until he had enough.
The tall corn stalks were rustling in the wind all around you, people walking through the maze left and right. But you could barely register them, because all of your senses were focused on Levi.
„I’m so sorry,“ he whispered right after he pulled his sharp fangs out of your neck. His bloodied lips were still hovering just inches above your skin, his breathing a bit shallow. When his eyes met yours, they were still the color of blood. „All those people and everything... it was too overwhelming.“
„Don’t apologize, it’s fine. Nobody saw us and now you’ll feel better.“ You could see the troubled expression on his face and the regrets in his eyes. But you knew that deep down he agreed with your words.
„I would never hurt you,“ he said in a quiet voice and gently kissed the place where he bit you just a moment ago. It always felt a bit sensitive for a few hours after.
„I know that, Levi.“ You ran your fingers through his hair and took a handkerchief out from your coat’s pocket. With one of your hands gently holding his chin, you wiped the remains of blood from his lips. Levi watched you very carefully, his eyes slowly turning back to their original light greyish-blue color. „Don’t get me wrong but you didn’t seem that on edge to me tonight. I thought you were having a good time.“
„I was having a good time and you certainly were too,“ he said, trying to explain the whole situation in a still hushed voice. One of his arms still remained around your waist to keep you steady and close to him. „I put every inch of my mental strength into not ruining this evening. I know how stressed you’ve been lately because of your job. And coming here meant a lot to you.“
„I hate when you pretend for my sake.“
He nodded and rested his forehead against yours. His lips slowly brushed against your mouth in a quick but passionate kiss before he spoke. „I don’t mind doing so if it means you’ll be happy.“
„Levi...“ He interrupted you with another kiss, this time a long one in which his tongue found its way into your mouth. You could still taste the metallic flavor of your own blood on his lips and tongue. His free hand traveled up to the back of your head to hold you close to him, deepening the kiss and showing you just how much he truly loved you.
When he pulled away, you felt slightly breathless and flushed. „I love you,“ he mumbled against your neck once again, kissing the tiny bite marks. Luckily, they never took long to heal.
„That’s nice to hear from someone who’s been alive for so long,“ you teased him a little and wrapped your arms around him, feeling a little dizzy from everything that happened in the span of barely two minutes. „Think it’s time to go home. We both had enough.“
„We still have to pick out those pumpkins you wanted,“ Levi reminded you and made sure that nobody was around before the two of you walked out of the maze. Nobody seemed to notice anything, thankfully.
Levi kept a close eye on you while you picked out four different-sized pumpkins and paid for them before you were even able to get your wallet from your purse. He carried them into the car’s trunk like they weighed nothing at all, before opening the door to the passenger seat for you.
„Are you feeling good?“ he asked when he got into his seat behind the wheel. You nodded silently and leaned over to kiss his cheek for reassurance. „Even if you aren’t, I’ll make you feel good when we get back home.“
You could feel the heat rising up to your cheeks and your heart starting to race when he flashed you a rare grin, baring his fangs just a tiny bit.
Oh I love the Vamp Levi feeding of reader but what if reader is human and she's not willing to be a vampire (I love being human ok forgive me😭 This idea was been running around my head since TWILIGHT!) but yeahhh I love and WILLINGLY be feed off the one and only Levi even thou my anemic ass would collapse seconds later 🍷✨
anon have u peeked into my mind because twilight is one of my favorite movie series!! (vamp!levi was briefly inspired by edward actually! ><)
but to answer your ask, i feel like levi could live without ever feeding off of you. he can always resort to hunting in a nearby woods for animals and that'll be the end of it. he never wants to pressure you in doing something you're not comfortable with or ready for. he'll wait a thousand years if he has to, as long as you're safe and healthy, that's all that matters to him.
that's not to say that he does get tempted from time to time though.. he has a good resistance and self control but when it comes to you and the way you unintentionally tease him with your neck exposed just for his viewing, it becomes difficult to be around you sometimes. during passionate and intimate moments, he can't help but graze his teeth along the side of your neck, though never applies pressure to actually pierce the skin – he'll always make sure of that. and in other times when it gets all too much for him, he'll disappear for a while, leaving a note by your bedside in reassurance that everything's okay and that he just needs to hunt for a few days.
days and days passed, without ever hearing from levi since he left. it was agonizing being alone in the confines of your cottage, you miss his scent that lingered everywhere you walked, you miss his tender embraces that hold you for just a little longer in the early mornings, you just miss him.
and abruptly, all your wishes and prayers were granted when you saw a figure standing by the front of your doorway, a shadow casted in all too familiar stature of your beloved. all at once, you wanted to be angry with him for leaving you like that, isolated and afraid – yet, you were overjoyed to know that his presence was reunited with yours once again.
"where have you been. i've been waiting for you.." as much as you tried to lace anger with your words, it was almost as difficult to do as trying to keep your composure in front of levi – it didn't go unnoticed by him either.
"i was w-worried sick. do you understand what was running through my mind these past few days?? how.. how scared i was?!" at this point, it was impossible to try and hold back anymore. bitter tears streamed down your face as levi's casted shadow grew closer to you. you soon felt warm, yet cold hands reach for your own and tug you against his chest.
he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a complete idiot for leaving you behind – he really was. he shushed you through soft coos of his voice and sweet apologies that were very much needed in this moment.
"i'm sorry, my love. i only wanted to keep you safe. im really sorry."
tags/warnings: sexual themes, vampire!levi, thrall!reader, blood drinking implied
Vampire!Levi who is exhausted with fighting his bloodlust.
Vampire!Levi who wants so desperately just to feel alive.
Vampire!Levi who looks at you and hates you because you have everything he could ever want, because you are human and you take it for granted that your still-beating heart is still beating and you waste the time you could be spending alive and happy and mortal fighting titans and bleeding and dying; because don’t you know how precious your life is? Don’t you know that the fleeting looks you give him as he crosses the mess hall are a fucking waste because you should be giving them to someone you can grow old with?
Vampire!Levi who has been around long enough to know that your attraction will fade even if his will not, and it is far wiser to let your fleeting hurt run its course than to force the immortal pain of eternal separation on a mortal soul.
Vampire!Levi who sees you as you lay dying, and decides to throw caution into the wind because he cannot bear to see you leave him so soon, so far before your time.
Vampire!Levi who thralls you to save your life.
Vampire!Levi who refuses to drink from you, even when you beg. Perhaps even because you beg.
“Please,” you say with breathless wanting. “Heichou— Levi, let me be your cupbearer.”
He turns bodily from you, not trusting his eyes with your pleading face. Already, he can hear your heartbeat echo in his ears, feel the lifeblood of your artery pulsing against his tongue— and he hasn’t even touched you, not even with gloved hands, since that day.
“No.”
It is all he can trust himself to say.
“I want it,” you reply, and he can feel the heat of your body as you take one step closer, can smell the blood rush to your cheeks in shameless humiliation. “Please, Levi— I owe you my life—”
“You owe me nothing,” he growls,
“— but I would want this even if I didn’t!”
Your words ring impossibly loud in his ears, and he turns to look at you, reprimand on the tip of his tongue, but then your hands are on either side of his face, pulling him to you. At your touch, he becomes boneless, strengthless; you kiss him, sweetly, chastely, and then you press deliciously against him, your chest heavy against his. Your tongue slips into his mouth— a mistake, he realizes, a stupid, foolish, human mistake, as his lower fang catches soft flesh, piercing it.
Your blood is somehow even sweeter than it was the first time. It tastes something like wine, he thinks— tangy from the iron, a bit bitter, and then the sweetest ambrosia imaginable. When you pull away, forcing himself to let you go is the hardest thing he has ever done.
“I’m sorry,” you say, breathless once more. “Did you get a taste?”
“More than,” he replies, and before he can stop you, you kiss him again, the blood that is pooling in your mouth smearing against his lips, and he groans even as he keeps himself rigidly, painfully, in place, refusing to kiss you back.
“I can’t,” he tells you as gently as possible, pushing you away. “You tempt me too much.”
His hands are shaking. He wants you so badly— but he refuses even to press his tongue against the crimson stain of your blood on his lips. He must be stronger than this. He must.
“You’re tired,” you tell him, looking at him with sad eyes. “You’re always so tired and it’s because you don’t feed properly—”
“I feed enough,” he insists, but you shake your head.
“I can feel it,” you say, taking one of his hands and pressing it against your chest. “Right here. I can feel your Hunger. You’re malnourished, Levi. Whatever you’re eating… it isn’t good enough.”
You move his hand slightly, and he finds himself cupping your breast, holding the weight of it in his hand.
“Let me be your cupbearer,” you whisper. “Let me be your Hebe. I want to— I want—”
You stumble over your words, and as he finishes your sentence for you, his mouth tastes like ash.
“You want to serve me. It’s your instinct as a thrall.” He shakes his head. “I refuse to take advantage of—”
Levi cuts himself off— and nearly bites through his own tongue— when he realizes that you’re tugging at him by the belt.
“I wanted to serve you long before you ever tasted me, Levi Ackerman,” you snap. “Ever since I first met you, I’ve wanted to kneel before you, put myself at your mercy— ”
He tries to back away, but you follow him, giving him no chance to put distance between you.
“I’ve wanted you,” you tell him, fierce and yet so vulnerable, “and my wanting for you has not changed, Levi.”
You kiss him then, and he yields. As he laps the blood from your tongue, allows you to press yourself against him, he knows he’s been completely, utterly defeated; your will has outmatched his, and he can do nothing but take all that you give him.
It is too early to tell you that he loves you, but it does not change the fact that as you offer up your wrist to him, that is exactly what he feels.
At first, they were just murders. Strange, bloodless murders.
Levi was somewhere in Wall Maria when he first heard of them. He was sent to a nearby Scouts base after a mission ended terribly. Most of his comrades had died, even his two friends. Levi didn’t elaborate on their deaths.
The blonde sighed. This man couldn’t catch a break.
As he healed, he used that spare time laying on his bed to write more frequently. He avoided mentioning Farlan and Isabel much, something Cora expected, but wrote about the battle nevertheless. As a result of everything he had seen, his nightmares became more frequent. He never described what he dreamt about, but she suspected it wasn’t any good. Or else, he wouldn’t be wandering around the base at night.
Levi complained about having to use a clutch because of his broken foot. He also complained about his comrades’ chatter and the state his room was when he first got there. Those days nobody talked much to him; he probably made sure of that with his grumpy nature. He focused on cleaning and organizing his room, writing in his journal and trying to use his foot again as his healing progressed. Levi wondered how much time he would have to endure the war.
If she remembered correctly, it had a few more years left and Levi did not. Whatever happened to him in December of that year wouldn’t be pretty.
His hatred for the clutch ceased once he got rid of it, now being able to walk without it. Only a slight limp lingered, but he didn’t seem to care. Levi briefly commented his superiors were somewhat astonished by his fast recovery. Soon enough, he was tasked with maintenance in the workshop of the base. He was introduced to some other soldiers once he began working, who were also in the last stages of healing. He didn’t seem too fond of any of them at the beginning. Levi showed his disinterest in them and his desire to be on his own in the notebook, which didn’t surprise Cora much. It actually took him a month to warm up to them, she noticed. He started appreciating Petra’s sweet and hard-working nature, Gunther’s reasonableness and Eld’s humor. There wasn’t much to like about Oluo, with the exception of when he would hit his head with something when they worked.
In the course of the next few weeks, Levi had fully recovered and managed to get used to his new routine. Aside from fixing and maintaining the vehicles, his team and he were tasked with scouting missions from time to time. Levi was designated captain and his squad was transferred to the Scouts Headquarters in Shiganshina shortly after.
Cora finally found something for her research purposes. Initially, she wanted the journal to feed her curiosity and maybe use it for her history paper. But now she was invested in Mikasa’s dead relative and, by the looks of it, she might have just read the majority of the journal for nothing. There wasn’t much about what she was looking for. Levi didn’t write about the country’s situation, it was just his personal matters, which was why it bothered Cora so much. At least, Levi wrote more about the military in the latter entries, but the invasion of privacy was done.
As she continued reading, something else caught her attention.
AN: There’s a bit of a time skip in this chapter. Also, since we’re finally seeing the budding of the relationship between Levi and Reader, I just want to take a moment to remind everyone this story was started with a groundwork for a relationship already laid out between Reader and Levi, as it was established that there was a mutual care for one another in the first chapter before shit hit the fan.
Sorry if this seems to go a little rushed, but I couldn’t really think of something solid to go in between these events to draw it out, so it all got put into one chapter.
Characters: Vampire!Levi, Erwin, Hange, Reader, Various BG Characters
After so long where feeding was his outlet, where he let his control slip away and his emotions take over, it was strange to have to force himself to try and stop before he killed his prey. Even when he was feeding off the lowest scum in the Underground, he found it difficult to pull away, too bent on satiating his hunger when he was hunting to focus on the much-needed goal.
The pressure on him to change his diet had increased significantly since the expedition, and while he finally had a solid idea of what he was going to do about it, he needed to be able to stop himself, first. If he couldn't even do that with this low quality blood, how could he expect to stop when the clean stuff was dangled in front of him?
But for this to work, he had to make sure he could stop, first.
Of course, no one but Y/N knew how truly difficult it was for Levi to stop himself once he had a taste. They kept pushing, not aware of how difficult of a task stopping was for him. They were too focused on how potent the rumors of The Ripper below ground were becoming, with Erwin officially worried about the body count Levi seemed to have racked up...
"Levi, this is getting out of hand. You can't keep going to the Underground to feed, the attention is too much, and that diet won't keep you satiated much longer."
"What do you expect me to do about it, Erwin? Either we keep pushing despite the risk until I'm ready, or bodies start showing up above ground. We both know that will be much hotter water than what I'm in right now."
"I get that it's not an easy thing to break, but you're almost out of time, Levi. Do something about it, before it's too late for us to help you any more."
Levi growled in the darkness, pulling the prey currently in his hands away with effort, the only sign of life a few twitches and the still-running blood pushed through a large wound from a weak heartbeat. They were on death’s door, no longer conscious, moments from death.
It wasn’t good enough. He needed to stop sooner, he needed to stop before they were on death’s door. The diet he wanted to shift to depended entirely upon his restraint and being able to stop himself from killing the people he fed off--he couldn’t afford to be leaving them in states like this.
Hell, it would help to make it a little less painful for them, too.
Frustrated, Levi ripped back into his current prey’s throat, the body twitching beneath him before going completely still, the life finally leaving them entirely. After that, he fed in silence, sullen mood dissipating as he temporarily lost himself in the end of his feed.
*Reader’s POV*
Approaching Hange’s office quickly turned from a normal part of your routine to something you were doing with apprehension when you heard the raised voices inside. Not the usual excited raised voice Hange could have when she got particularly carried away--this was angry, frustrated conversation.
And the other raised voice--not shouting and screaming, but still raised, which was scary by itself--was Levi’s voice.
They were at least not reaching the point where the details of their conversation could be sussed out, but the argument was clear, and people seemed to be avoiding this hall. Considering the few touchy subjects you knew they could get into an argument like this about right now, you were reluctant to walk into the middle of it.
“I knew you could be pig-headed, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“It’s not ridiculous--you’re out of your damn mind if you think I’m going to let you pull a stunt like that.”
“Levi, we’re at the point where I’m not going to be able to help you more without seeing you in action.”
“Hange--”
You went into the room at that point, both of them pausing in their argument momentarily at your appearance. Levi turned partially towards you, about to say something before he decided it was the best time to drive the point home, turning quickly back to Hange.
“It’s out of the question, Hange, it’s too dangerous, despite what your crazy theories are telling you,” he snapped after you’d shut the door again.
“Y/N, back me up here! There’s so much we still don’t know, but I can’t even start looking into it if he won’t let me see him feed,” Hange practically begged, and your skin crawled at the topic.
Of course they were arguing about this.
“Leave her out of this, Hange, this is about your suicidal impulses--”
“But Levi--”
“You are not following me into the Underground to watch me kill people!” Levi hissed venomously.
“You’re going to have to let me see you in action eventually. And if you go forward with this plan of yours for your diet change, then I’m not going to have another chance to see before you move on from the Underground! It has to be within the next few times you go down there, or I’m not going to be able to help you anymore.”
“She has a point, Levi,” You ventured to say carefully, even though you knew you had one of the best reasons to side with Levi on this. He shot you a disbelieving look that you were taking her side in the matter, his eyes turning stormy.
“It’s too dangerous,” he said flatly. “I know how you are with Titans, Hange. If you get too close, or if you get even a little hurt when I’m focused on hunting, it could be over in seconds,” Levi said bitingly.
“I can handle myself, Levi--” Hange started to scoff, but you cut in again to correct her.
“Levi also has a point, Hange. You have less time to react with his speed than you do with a Titan. It is dangerous, and you can’t go into it lightly,” you said softly, your quiet tone forcing both of them to calm down by having to quiet and settle to listen to what you had to say. “And even though we gloss over it all the time, he is killing people. It’s not like your Titan experiments.”
You had to watch what you said, careful not to let your thoughts spill out that compared being excited to watch Levi hunt in the Underground to being excited to let a Titan loose and watch it eat someone. That was not a comparison you wanted to make with Levi--no one wanted to make the Titan comparisons to whatever had happened to Levi, but it was glaring, and you were certain everyone had at least thought of them.
The mood in the room shifted from tense to grim, and you took advantage of the silence to push a little in Hange’s favor.
“But Hange has a point about needing to see what happens when you feed. Most of her current questions and theories revolve around that, so you are going to have to let it happen eventually. And your plan for what to do besides feed off people in the Underground will make it impossible for her to tag along,” you told Levi pointedly.
“That doesn’t help settle the debate, Y/N, we’re still in the same rut. It’s too dangerous, but it is necessary,” Hange said in exasperation.
“How about this, then,” you said with a sigh, turning to look at Levi. “I know you don’t like the thought of it, but have Hange and Erwin follow, at least one time. That way there’s someone to keep her in check...Not to mention, it’ll be a good reality check,” you finished quietly, arms folded over your chest.
You could have suggested that you came along, but after last time, you weren’t keen to follow him on another hunt. Not to mention, you’d promised you’d never follow him on one again...and you didn’t think you could stomach witnessing it, even with the progress you were making in coping with your trauma from last time.
You were aware that you’d just significantly lowered the mood in the room, but it seemed everyone was keeping the truth about what was happening down there an arm’s length away from them, causing them to get out-of-touch with the reality of what happened to Levi. In your opinion, they did need a reality check to what those trips really meant. It was a horrible reality check, and you wanted desperately to not think about what they would see, but it would definitely help them approach Levi’s diet with a bit more...tact.
It wasn’t easy for him, you knew that firsthand. The bloodlust was a real and dangerous thing, and he had to be careful. They--namely Hange--wouldn’t push him so hard to do things before he was ready if they were faced with the gravity of the reality.
Ideally. Erwin was on an entirely different level, and you couldn’t predict what that man would do in any situation beyond surprise you, so you weren’t going to attempt to predict how he’d react to this reality check. You personally felt Hange needed to see it for herself. She would still be Hange, but at least she would finally know the gravity that this needed to be handled with instead of constantly having to rely upon shifty second-hand accounts.
Shifty because no one wanted to talk about what happened when Levi fed.
Hange turned back to Levi. “It sounds like a fair compromise. What do you say, Levi?”
Levi was sizing you up, trying to gauge what you were thinking and mulling over your words with a more-serious than normal feel in the air around him, expression grim. He’d been backed into a corner, now, and there was really only one way for this to go.
“Fine,” he relented, teeth grit and grinding against one another. “One time. That’s it.”
Hange brightened with glee at the thought of finally getting to observe Levi’s recent change in action like she’d been chomping at the bit to do for so long. “Great! You’re going back down in less than a week, right? We’ll go then--I’ll get everything arranged with Erwin.”
Levi let out a long-suffering sigh as Hange darted around the room to grab a few papers before rushing out the door, leaving just you and Levi in the room. He--understandably--looked gloomy and grim, apprehensive about the entire thing. Based on your own experience and what Hange had told you about her experiences, you knew he was not keen on letting Hange and Erwin see him like that.
Everyone was keeping the reality of the situation at arm’s length, and it was about time they all faced it. Strange how you were the one making the push for that confrontation.
“Look, I know it’s not at all what you want to do, but I think at this point, it’s needed. Everyone can’t keep turning a blind eye to the uglier side of this, it will only make things worse,” you told him, breaking the silence in the room. Levi didn’t say anything, his head turned away, holding perfectly still where he was leaning against one of the tables. “At least it will only be this one time.”
Levi turned to look at you, his eyes enough to tell you that you both knew if Hange got the chance or thought of a way, she would push for more. But what neither of them were talking about was the concern thick in the air about how they would react to this--Levi included. Up until now he’d been able to keep them relatively in the dark about his transformation--at least in what it looked like. Now they were going to see it in action as he ripped into and killed someone. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, he was probably terrified at what that was going to do to the relationship between the three of them.
You straightened, turning to the door. “Well...when it happens, and you come back, I’ll be in the mess hall with some tea if you want to talk afterwards. Or just want some company.”
Maybe it would help if afterwards he had some company with someone who had been on the receiving end and was still accepting of him nonetheless, even if you were still working through the forgiveness process to forgive him fully.
That night, your nightmares returned. They had lessened to off and on occurrences since the expedition, thanks to Levi’s efforts to apologize and the comfort he had offered that night after your nightmare. It wasn’t a complete cure, but you were getting better.
However, the argument between Hange and Levi about watching him hunt and the discussion had riled your bad memories, making it almost predictable that you would have a nightmare tonight.
As such, you awoke with a cry to your darkened room, squeezing your eyes shut and fumbling for the light to try and give yourself a bubble of protection while your panicked heart rate evened out and your mind reassured itself there wasn’t anything in the darkness lying in wait to pounce on you.
After a few moments, you managed to strike the match and light the lamp, providing you with a little light to push the shadows further away, giving you enough confidence to open your eyes. You ran your fingers through your hair, trying to get your breathing under control again.
You sat alone on your bed in the same position for what must have been several long minutes before a soft knock on your door had you raising your head.
He came again, then.
Grabbing the oil lamp that was sitting on the nightstand beside your bed, you shimmied out of bed and made your way quickly through the dark room to the door, unlocking it and stepping aside to let Levi inside.
Since coming back from the expedition, Levi was being more proactive in making things up to you. Maybe he didn't know exactly how to go about it, but he was still making an effort. When he spoke with you, his usual brisk, blunt way of speaking was softened. And when you had one of your nightmares…
Levi pressed a warm cup into your hand, taking the oil lamp from you once his hand was free, considering he had a cup of his own in his other hand.
"Go back to sleep when you're done with that," he told you quietly as he stepped inside, giving you enough space to shut the door behind him while you took a sip from your cup.
Like routine, Levi found his way to the desk in your room, setting down the lamp and his cup while you shuffled over to the bed. He sat down with a sigh at your desk, hand lingering over the cup as he watched you quietly for a few moments.
When you finished the tea, you settled back into your bed, turned so that you were facing where Levi sat.
It was an odd arrangement, perhaps, but since the expedition, this was what happened when your night terrors were bad enough to wake you. Levi would knock on your door minutes later if you hadn't managed to calm down, a calming tea for you in hand, and he would stay in the room as a reassurance that none of the demons that plagued you, waking or sleeping, were going to hurt you. Because he was right there, and he was going to stay there until you were truly okay. He didn't say much, and sometimes he brought paperwork to do while he was there, but for the most part, he would simply sit quietly at your desk keeping an eye on you, nothing more.
Facing the light and Levi helped to keep you calm as your mind slowly settled, your heart rate that had been pounding with anxiety gradually calming down. Your eyelids fluttered as you started to drift off towards sleep, watching Levi contently as he sipped on his tea and stewed on his thoughts. The slight curve downwards of his lips told you he was probably still thinking about Hange and Erwin coming along the next time he went to the Underground to feed. It was still bothering him, and she felt it would continue to bother him up to and most likely after it happened.
You hoped, all things considered, it wouldn’t turn out terribly. Levi had enough on his plate without worrying about how this could change how Erwin and Hange saw him.
*Levi’s POV*
Irritable and sullen was an understatement for how Levi felt as he led the way down to the Underground, Erwin and Hange flanking him in plain cloaks similar to his own, hoods drawn. They were supposed to stick close to him all the way down, at least until he had his target. At that point, he’d tell them where to go and break off to trap his prey on his own. Ideally, they would arrive where he told them to before it was over, but after he had his prey pinned so that they wouldn’t interfere with the actual hunt.
While Erwin and Levi pressed forward unfazed by their surroundings, Hange’s head was on a swivel, looking around at the Underground for the first time. Erwin kept her focused for the most part, occasionally having to pull her back into their group while Levi ignored them both, doing his best to put their presence out of his mind. Besides, he needed to focus in order to find who he was going to corner tonight--because of all the deaths recently, the criminals with brains were trying to be more subtle about their crimes instead of committing them out in the open, hoping that would help them dodge The Ripper.
Levi’s mood darkened further as the moniker flashed through his mind, sulking through the streets as he listened intently for a sign of trouble.
At least Erwin and Hange knew they could be down here for a little while before Levi managed to find someone up to no good that he wouldn’t mind preying upon.
“You really just come down here and wander until you find someone?” Hange eventually piped up after they’d been wandering for what felt like an hour. It looked like they were walking aimlessly, but Levi was being careful to bring a new part of the Underground within range of his hearing while they walked, covering new ground in his search for trouble.
“There’s always trouble down here if you know where to look,” Levi murmured in a low voice, gaze sweeping across the streets. They seemed more deserted than normal. Had his predatory presence made that much of an impact down here already?
As much as he hated to admit it and he knew he wasn’t in a position to try and force the change, Hange and Erwin were right--he needed to ditch the Underground diet as soon as possible and switch to his low risk plan.
This might have been a night that would go easier if he had taken the time to poke around and hear about some cruel top dog in one of the Underground criminal elements, that way he had a predetermined target he simply had to locate instead of wandering around waiting for an act of violence to happen. With most of the rats in hiding after the arrival of a cat, he was either going to have to start finding targets, or…
At long last, he heard a commotion that fit his criteria for a target. It was a little ways away, but the volume of hysterical screaming and crying made the words ring clear in his ears and painted a clear picture in his mind, expression darkening dangerously beneath his hood.
“Mommy!”
“Get the hell away from my son you sick son of a bitch! Get out!”
“Listen here you slut--”
“I’ll kill you myself--Don’t you ever come near us again! Get out! Out! Out!”
Levi spoke up, his tone low and dangerous and he interrupted whatever quiet conversation Erwin and Hange had been having behind him. “There’s a warehouse two streets over. I’ll be there in a few moments,” he deadpanned before abruptly breaking away from their group, stalking in the direction of the screaming at a jog before he turned a corner and it blurred into a run, the streets bleeding away at inhuman speeds as he rushed towards the sound of the commotion that seemed to be escalating in the home itself. Normally he’d wait until the creep was on the streets to snatch up his prey, but he was going to make an exception in this case, before anyone else got hurt.
With the sounds of someone getting thrown around inside, Levi busted through the door, prompting a shriek of panic. Making sure his face couldn’t be seen, he grabbed the man who had gotten himself marked for death, dragging him out the door and throwing him into the street before he grabbed the man by the throat, taking off at a full sprint and dragging the man along as he rushed for the warehouse.
When he reached the building he’d told Erwin and Hange to wait for him in, he threw his catch through the window, hearing a shout of surprise inside the building which told him Erwin and Hange were indeed already inside.
The man--now bleeding, judging by the smell in the air--attempted to plead with Hange and Erwin for help.
Hmm, he probably should have just dragged him through the door to try and avoid them getting even briefly dragged into the actual act.
“Please, The Ripper, he’s after me, please--”
Agitated by the use of that awful name, Levi followed close behind his now wounded prey, jumping cleanly through the shattered window and landing gracefully with a crunch of glass the only sound he made. His prey shrieked and clawed at Erwin’s shirt desperately in a last plea for help from the two people just standing there before Levi ripped his prey off Erwin and tossed him back several feet. His foot planted itself on his prey’s chest before they could even sit up, dark eyes boring down on him with his head tilted to the side as he debated the best way to go about this, every passing moment allowing him to put more and more distance between himself and his humanity as he let his monstrous instincts take charge.
Nothing about this hunt was normal, though. The entire thing was emotionally charged, with people he considered himself close to seeing this vicious, inhumane side of him he’d been hoping to keep hidden. It made the entire matter feel more personal, which was why he was desperately attempting to abandon his emotions and focus on the hunt.
He was, admittedly, playing with his food a little, though he was doing it between a mix of rage over what he had interrupted, and because Hange needed to see what happened when Levi let this new monstrous side of himself take over. It gave her time to observe like she wanted so badly to do.
“Is there anything in particular you need to see?” he asked in a monotone voice, his foot still holding down his prey effortlessly as the man struggled and cried trying to get free. When he didn’t initially get an answer, he turned to look at Hange to make it clear she was the one he was addressing.
Hange’s eyes went wide--even Erwin’s did, where he was standing just behind her--when Levi turned to look at her. Judging by the ache in his jaw from the scent of spilled blood and his hunger, and the fact he was on the verge of feeding, he knew his eyes were most likely glowing red in the darkness. Taken aback by the sight, it took a moment for Hange to respond, Erwin’s gaze sliding to her with her hesitation and Levi’s hunger-driven impatience causing him to shift his foot higher and press down on his prey’s throat to silence the blubbering.
“I...I just need to observe, for once,” Hange said in a serious voice, pulling herself back together and snapping to attention after Levi’s foot silenced the man beneath him. At that Levi picked up his prey--lovely, they’d pissed themselves--and shoved him up against a pillar with a low snarl, lips pulled back to show his fangs.
“But we could...also test the theory that you heal faster when you’re feeding,” Hange added hastily before he could bite into the sobbing man.
Levi turned slightly to glare back at Hange, that ravenous monster inside him already chomping at the bit to rip this man’s throat out and aggravated that it kept getting stopped. In his momentary distraction, the man Levi was keeping pinned grabbed the unlit torch on the pillar above them, ripped it down, and stabbed it blindly into Levi’s torso.
Now, Levi had been stabbed before, but the amount of pain that came from the mostly blunt edge of a wooden torch being stabbed into his chest was excruciating--and he’d been impaled by now. Of course, then he’d had the luxury of shock to numb the pain. This time, he felt every moment of it.
Levi recoiled with a gasp of pain, his prey slipping through his fingers and attempting to bolt down the hall. A wild snarl ripped past Levi’s lips as he pulled the torch out of his body and tossed it carelessly aside, eyes flashing as he darted towards the prey trying to escape.
Levi cut him off in the darkness, standing directly in front of the man and grabbing his chin, forcing his head aside before he hissed, fangs flashing moment’s before burying into his prey’s neck.
Any other parts of the world drowned out as Levi quickly lost himself in the feed, the rush of fresh blood soothing any pain he’d had from the stab. He was aware of the man bleating in his ear, so his hand shifted to force his mouth close and muffle the sound, his other hand stretching the exposed skin of his neck wider to give Levi a prime opening for his jugular. Blood trailed down the back of the man’s neck as Levi greedily gulped down what he could, initially thinking he would simply drain the man dry and move on.
However, he was still trying to stop himself before a person would pass the point of dying. He wasn’t sure now was the time for that experiment, but for the sake of his own progress away from this nightmare and not giving himself the chance to slip, Levi tried.
His prey was fighting back, fists pounding against Levi’s unmoving chest and arms, fingers clawing at him and drawing blood, but Levi didn’t move. If anything, it made him clamp down harder, feeling the struggles grow weaker and weaker…
While he still had enough strength to pound weakly against Levi’s chest, Levi managed to pull himself back, blood smeared across his lips and teeth with his tongue licking away stray drops, all thoughts of an audience forgotten as a slight groan escaped him.
Hold...hold...hold…
Once he was certain he’d paused long enough he would have been able to pull away if he so desired, Levi sank his teeth back into his prey at a much better angle this time. The pulls of blood he took were hard and long, his prey quickly going limp and turning cold in his arms as Levi bled him dry of his lifeblood, until he couldn’t draw any more blood without chewing on the man’s flesh like he’d done several times out of pure instinct when he’d first started feeding.
At that point, Levi let the body drop, stepping back with heavy breaths of air now that he was no longer gulping down blood, hand coming up instinctively to keep any wet blood from dribbling down his chin, licking up the traces around his mouth that he could reach, tongue careful of his still exposed fangs, before he pulled out a dark red handkerchief to wipe up anything he’d missed.
Levi wasn’t looking up at his audience he’d forgotten about in the midst of the feed, keeping his head down and focused on himself as he checked himself over to see how much of a mess he’d made. He was still getting blood down his chin and throat, and some around his collar, but he was no longer smearing blood all down his front.
He was nearly there, nearly able to leave this gruesome approach behind in favor of a more forgiving treatment for his curse.
But for now, he had two friends who had just seen him slowly murder a man in front of them for blood. Hearing about it was one thing. Seeing it in action...was entirely different.
“Did you get what you wanted so badly, Hange?” Levi asked as his handkerchief mopped up the blood attempting to stain his skin, his tone hollow--and not the kind of hollow that suggested he felt nothing over what he’d just done. It was more like...he felt something inside him dying, and he worried there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it.
“Levi…”
Levi finally looked up, swallowing hard at the looks of fear he could see in their eyes. Shutting down the thoughts of why they were looking at him that way before it could crack his composure, Levi stepped over the body and approached Hange, spreading open the hole in his shirt where he’d been stabbed so she could see it was already healed with a quickly disappearing scar.
“Looks like Y/N’s theory was right,” he said bluntly, turning partially back to the body. “You can head back. I’ll clean up here.”
“But we--” Hange reached out to grab his sleeve and stop him as he started to walk towards the body, but Levi shrugged her off without looking back. He didn’t want to see that look in their eyes while they stared at him any more than he had to.
“Discussion can come tomorrow. Take the night,” Levi returned before she could suggest they talk about this right now. He’d rather they both had time to process what they’d seen and for emotions to cool before discussing how he’d just murdered a man so casually...and cruelly.
He’d known this was a bad idea, that it wouldn’t end well, that it would do damage in an entirely different kind of way. But he’d been ganged up on and had to relent, and now here they were.
Levi crouched down next to the body in the darkness, mind already coming up with clever places to hide it as Erwin quietly spoke to Hange and got her to leave Levi be, guiding her away from the scene and back into the night.
Levi’s gaze lowered to his hands, the bloodied handkerchief still held in one hand, the bloodstains hard to catch with the color cloth he’d chosen.
I did it to survive, he was a stain on humanity, it was going to be someone, better him than an innocent...
So started the rationalization to help ease the guilt, except this time he couldn’t get the looks in their eyes out of his head, and the many things he tried to tell himself weren’t sticking properly.
How far from human have I drifted?
*Reader’s POV*
You were at the mess hall table for hours, trying your damndest not to fall asleep while you waited for Levi. Sure, it wasn’t a guarantee that he was going to show up after the hunt since you’d simply made an offer for companionship if he wanted it, but you wanted to make sure you were here if he decided to take you up on the offer. As such, you kept getting up to make tea as a way to keep yourself awake, nibbling on a small loaf of bread you’d pilfered from the food storage. Picking at it kept your hands busy, and eating the tiny pieces gave you something to do besides stare blankly into the darkness.
You looked up sharply when you heard the door creak open, relieved to see it was, in fact, Levi who was walking inside, his eyes downcast, expression mostly hidden in darkness. He seemed to still be wearing what he’d been in when he left, cloak and all, as he walked past the table you were sitting at and into the back, likely to make himself a cup of tea before joining you. He didn’t acknowledge you in any way, though you knew he knew you were there.
You’d known this was going to be rough for him, but this was giving you a foreboding feeling in your gut.
After several minutes spent in silence, Levi reappeared with his cloak draped over one arm and his cup in hand, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table, almost at the other end. He set his cup down carefully against the table and laid the cloak on the back of the chair next to him, and now that he was within range of the light of the lamp you’d lit on the table, you could see a hole in his shirt around his upper chest.
“Did something happen?” you asked in concern, nodding towards the tear. Levi glanced down at the hole, taking a short sip from his tea.
“I got distracted,” he said bluntly, his voice quiet and hardly piercing the dark silence between the two of you. As the silence settled once more between the two of you, you gazed at him in concern, thinking about his slightly disheveled appearance, the solemn air around him, his quiet tone that lacked it’s usual snarky bite, the hollow look in his eyes, the way his shoulders seemed slightly hunched forward.
You were worried about him. No, worried wasn’t strong enough. You might have been on the brink of being afraid for him, with that look in his eyes.
Just when you thought you wouldn’t be able to take the depressing silence any longer, Levi finally spoke up, though his words did nothing to brighten the mood.
“I’m running out of things to tell myself.”
At first, his words didn’t make much sense. What was he talking about? You studied his face closely as he gazed into his cup, trying to discern his inner thoughts based off context clues. He had just come back from a hunt, and considering his stance on human life, his current attitude, and what made this one so different, you could come up with a few guesses.
He could be talking about how he saw himself after what happened, or about hunting in general. Having to go out regularly and find someone to kill in order to survive was no doubt taking a toll on him, even if he tried to make it less terrible by choosing to go after bad people.
Were the rationalizations for what he was doing not enough anymore?
Whatever it was, specifically, that he meant, he was in pain. Pain wasn’t the emotion he was wearing openly right now, but you were certain it was there, even if it was buried under the gloom and solemnness. And he was coming to you, now, like you’d offered. But what could you possibly offer him at a time like this to help ease that pain? He would be going back to repeat the process within the next week, with how unsustainable his current diet had become, and he would continue to go back to kill someone until he could switch to another method that ideally was less of a risk.
Not to mention, you had the feeling he didn’t want to talk about what happened down there tonight, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by.
You scooted down a seat so you were a little closer, the rustling of your movement loud in the silence before you settled down again, now within arm’s reach of Levi. He hadn’t looked up from his drink, yet, but you didn’t need him to, not right away. Carefully, you reached out and put your hand over his, feeling him twitch underneath you at the gentle, almost intimate gesture. You waited until he finally looked up at you, a question in his eyes at what you were doing, why you were touching him like this.
“I forgive you,” you told him sincerely, your words soft even in contrast to the silence of the room.
It was a bit of a switch after what he’d just stated. The only reason why your words weren’t confusing was because you both knew what you had to forgive him for. It might not necessarily have to do with what was on his mind right now, but it was one of the many weights dragging him down right now. If there was ever a time he needed to be free of it so he wouldn’t drown, it was now.
Levi’s eyes widened marginally, lips parting in surprise before his eyes darkened and dulled, and he looked away, hand starting to pull free from under yours. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Maybe,” you admitted, reaching out to hold onto his hand a little more firmly before he could fully retreat, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance. “But I have. I’m the one who decides if I can forgive you or not, and I have. Not out of pity, either, so don’t get that twisted. I forgave you in my heart a while ago. I just needed to say it out loud.”
When Levi didn’t outwardly react, you pushed a little more, just to be sure that you were getting it through to him. Right now, you needed him to know that you forgave him. You needed him to know that you didn’t hold any malice in your heart for him after what happened.
“Levi...I forgive you,” you stressed to him quietly.
Levi cleared his throat, pulling his hand free of your grasp and using it to pick up his tea so you couldn’t grab his hand again.
You could tell him you forgave him all you wanted. That didn’t mean he could forgive himself and accept it, yet.
What the hell happened down there that had put Levi in this state? You were going to have to talk to Hange in the morning about this, if only so you could get on the same page as everyone else.
Once more the silence permeated the air around them, with you sitting quietly with Levi, concern for him growing stronger with every passing moment. When he was just about out of tea, you decided you needed to speak up before he had an excuse to leave before you could make a visible difference in his mood.
You didn’t expect to make him smile and laugh, but you at least didn’t want to feel that air of self-loathing hovering around him.
“Why don’t you tell me about your plan--the one so you don’t have to keep hunting in the Underground,” you suggested, a hand coming up to rest your head against.
“You already know it.”
“Tell me again, anyway.”
Maybe talking about what almost was, his alternative that would free him from killing people regularly, would help ease his mind, at least a little. He wasn’t the kind of person to let this body count go, but if he could be reminded by himself that it wasn’t going to last forever, maybe it would help to soothe his conscience.
Levi sighed, as if repeating himself was a great annoyance he would rather avoid. For a moment, you thought he would refuse, but thankfully he decided to humor you.
“I’ve been looking for people that no one listens to, that others write off as ‘crazy,’ or people who can’t say anything. If no one listens to them on a normal day, then no one is going to think anything of it if they ramble about some creature taking their blood. Especially if there’s no evidence to prove it’s happening. I’m learning to stop before killing someone and to be cleaner so I can feed off someone without leaving more than a bite mark or the ramblings of a crazy person behind as evidence. Since my blood can apparently heal someone without turning them into what I am, I can make the bite disappear by giving them a little blood. No one dies, no one that will be believed outs me, I stay fed and get a better quality blood in the process. That’s the theory, anyway. We won’t know until I try, and I can’t try until I can stop myself and feed without getting blood everywhere.”
“Do you already have some names?” you asked him, prompting him to keep talking and get his mind off the present by focusing how he was going to improve his situation in the future.
“Some. It’s mostly the elderly or the sick, considering what I’m looking for. You’d be surprised how few we actually have behind the walls.”
Now it was just a matter of him having enough control not to accidentally kill someone while feeding. You had the strong sense now wasn’t the time to be saying that out loud, though, so you kept that comment to yourself.
“Well, it sounds like you’re almost ready to start. It won’t be much longer, then,” you said instead, soft gaze still watching Levi’s features. He seemed to have grown slightly more at ease, as you’d hoped, but that grimness was still hanging over him.
His tea now finished, Levi got to his feet, gathering his stuff to clean up after himself before he finally met your gaze again, eyes softening slightly when he looked at you. “It’s late. Get some sleep,” he said simply before leaving you alone in the mess hall.
The next day, you were somehow the one to go to Hange first, between you and Levi. As such, you were able to get the story from her about what happened and just how...borderline personal this hunt became between the man’s begging and Levi playing with his food. His dark mood upon his return made more sense to you, now, and Hange was still coming to terms with what she'd seen.
"I knew what he was doing down there, we talk about it while trying to learn more about what he is all the time, but seeing it was…" Hange sought out the correct words for what she was trying to say, and after a few moments, you filled it in for her.
"Horrifying? Much more real? Made things more personal?"
"I felt like I was standing by watching and letting a Titan eat someone," Hange admitted quietly. "I know it's not quite the same, at least Levi actually needs to drink blood to survive, but--"
"The comparison is still there. Believe me, I know, I've thought of it a couple times myself. I'm sure Levi is well aware of the comparison, as well."
"The scariest part was how...casual he was about the whole thing after he got his hands on them. It was like he didn't even care. I know he's mentioned he gets lost in the feed, but it was scary seeing him enjoy it that much at one point."
No matter how they looked at it, once you stripped it down to the bare bones they still had stood by and let a civilian get ripped into and drained of blood--eaten--right in front of them, not even doing anything when the man pleaded with them for help and his life. The only consolation they could give themselves was the trust that Levi had picked someone who'd done something truly awful and wasn't some innocent plucked off the streets.
"Don't think that because he's able to distance himself and surrender to instinct in the moment that makes this any easier for him," you admonished. You weren't entirely sure if that was the direction Hange was going with this, that it was concern Levi might be losing a part of himself and his humanity, but you wanted to get ahead of that assumption before it could form, if that was the case. For Levi’s sake. Even if he was losing a part of himself, it wasn’t gone yet, and you were certain it could be restored if need be. "It still weighs on him when he gets back, probably kills him on the inside, not that Levi would ever be open about that part. I don't think he could do what he needed to survive if he didn't distance himself from his humanity while he hunts. The night he turned, he was talking about hating the thought of people dying so he could live. Even if we can't see it, I think it's taken a toll on him to go down there and feed, especially as often as he does, now."
"I know. I got so wrapped up in learning more about what he is now that I didn't fully realize how difficult certain parts had to be for Levi. I know better, now. It was a…" Hange sighed, shaking her head, "reality check, as you suggested it would be."
"And Erwin?"
Hange snorted. "Erwin is Erwin, as straight faced and silent on the matter as ever. Though, even he looked disturbed last night at what we saw."
"Do you think you'll treat him any differently? He's still Levi any other time."
Hange looked up at the ceiling, pondering your words. "I think I'll treat talking about his diet and hunting a little more seriously. And I think I have more respect for what you went through and how you still manage to see Levi. It might be strange for a few days, but I'll readjust. Erwin too, I suspect."
You nodded, feeling a bit of relief at her words. You weren’t sure how you would have felt if your pushing for them to face what happened to Levi had led to a division between them, but it wouldn’t have been pretty.
"Make sure Levi knows. He had to have been worried about how you two would see him after this."
Hange’s eyes closed, and she stayed where she was sitting with her head tilted up to the ceiling for several long moments, taking a deep breath before suddenly springing to her feet.
"Enough of the depressing stuff! There is now plenty to talk about and go over about what I was able to observe, and some theories that need confirming or fleshing out. Not to mention I've finally seen his change firsthand and can make a proper record of what it looks like."
Your lips quirked slightly towards a smile, leaning back in your seat. "We should probably get started on that, then."
(Three weeks later)
*Levi’s POV*
With his hood drawn and his mind focused to a razor’s edge on the task at hand, Levi walked through the dark streets of one of the many towns inside Wall Rose. He stuck to the shadows to lessen the chance of being seen, his footsteps only heard by his ears as he crept forward silently, following a predetermined route to the home that was his destination.
He had to dodge the occasional Garrison soldier, but he managed to make his trip without being spotted, coming to a stop in front of the three story apartment building and looking up at the window four down from the left. He took a moment to listen to the surrounding area, making sure there was no one around to witness what he was about to do. Once he was certain he was in the clear, Levi coiled, kicked off the ground with those new abilities of his, and leapt up to the window he’d been eyeing. His hand connected with the windowsill, allowing him to pull himself up and open the window, easily sliding inside with relative quiet. He couldn’t help the sound of the window opening, or the dull thud from the impact as he landed from his jump, but he could control what noise he made.
Leaving the window open in case he needed a quick escape, Levi straightened up from his crouched position in the bedroom, his hood having fallen away. He wasn’t too concerned about it, considering the only person in this room was the same person he’d marked as one of his...victims.
Shaking the thought from his mind, Levi went over to the side of the bed where he could see someone’s slumbering form. He stayed silent for now, listening to the rest of the apartment in case the caretaker was awake. So far, it was just him moving around. As long as he stayed quiet, and his quarry stayed quiet, he wouldn’t be discovered.
Continuing his quiet motions, Levi reached out and carefully touched the older gentleman’s shoulder, attempting to wake him.
Mostly for the sake of his own conscious, he was going to try and get consent before he tried drinking from anyone. Most of the people on his list probably were incapable of giving it or comprehending, but he was still going to make the effort. It was so different from what he’d been doing up until now, but at the same time, it was almost relieving.
The man stirred, shifting slightly in bed and opening his eyes to spy the strange dark figure standing beside his bed. His eyes went wide, mouth agape and arm stretching out as if to shoo him away, but the most sound he mustered was quiet croaks.
And this was why he was Levi’s first. He had the least chance of being discovered here, which meant it was the perfect place for his first try at this new diet.
Levi grasped the man’s wrist carefully, placing it over the man’s midriff as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not here to hurt you, not really,” Levi reassured him, his voice low to keep it from carrying out of the bedroom. “I’m here to ask you for something I need.”
The man stopped croaking and waving his arm around, but his eyes were still wide, following Levi’s every movement.
“I need your blood. Not enough to hurt you,” he amended when the man started to panic again. “I need it to live. I’ll take some from you, heal you, and leave. That’s all. You don’t have to do anything but lie there and try not to piss yourself.”
The man started to reach for a little bell on his nightstand, but Levi casually pushed it out of reach before the man could even get halfway there with his slow movements. “I’m going to do it whether you consent or not, but I’d rather you did.”
The man continued to grasp in vain at the bell, and Levi sighed, accepting that this one wasn’t going to give him any consent. Pulling the man’s arm back to the bed, Levi turned the man’s head to the side, ignoring the panicked croaks he was making as he lowered his mouth to this throat before the hunger even took over.
It would probably be better if the man didn’t have to see his fangs and the glow of his eyes in the darkness. He was well aware the sight was nightmare inducing, and he didn’t need to scare the older man any more than he already had.
Levi’s fangs dug into the man’s neck, a raspy whine escaping the man beneath him as fresh, clean blood rushed into his mouth. It tasted so much better than the shit below ground, that the world around him almost immediately bled away, eyes closed and body relaxing as he felt something truly sustaining rushing into his system. It wasn’t as good as Y/N’s blood, but it was definitely going to satiate him, and keep him satiated far longer than his Underground diet had been keeping him.
When he ended up taking a hard pull to keep the steady flow coming, Levi realized he’d hit the point he needed to stop. His hands dug into the bed, eyes squeezing tightly shut as he tried to pull away. It was so much easier to stop when he’d been drinking the tainted blood from before, which was saying something considering it took him so damn long to be able to stop at all.
Levi grunted, and through sheer force of will, he forced himself to release the man’s throat, pulling out his handkerchief and pressing it against the man’s neck for the time being, his tongue running across his lips to catch any stray blood.
Once he was certain he wasn’t going to attempt to attach himself to the man’s neck again, Levi put the man’s hand over the handkerchief to keep the pressure applied, pulling out a dagger he was keeping stashed on his person. He cut open his palm without flinching, hand curling into a fist to let the blood dribble down his hand and down against the man’s lips, into his mouth. It was dark, so ideally he couldn’t see what was being put to his mouth and would swallow reflexively, saving Levi the trouble of having to force him to drink a little of his blood in return.
A few moments later, the cut in his hand had healed, and Levi peeled back the handkerchief at the man’s neck to see that he was, in fact, healing, though it was happening slower than Levi’s injuries healed.
Taking back the handkerchief, Levi cleaned up what mess of blood he had made, which wasn’t much, thanks to his practice towards being neater when he drank. He stood up from the side of the bed, and picked up the bell he’d moved out of the man’s reach.
“You’ll be fine,” he told him bluntly, watching and waiting until the bite mark on the man’s neck had disappeared entirely before he placed the little bell back within the man’s reach. “I’ll be back, but not for a while.”
Levi pulled his hood back up as the man reached for his bell, crawling out of the window and sliding it shut behind him before disappearing into the night again.
Though he lingered to see if the bell would be rung, making sure that even though he’d chosen his newest victims for the fact they couldn’t raise the alarm about him, that the older man wouldn’t somehow find a way. The bell was rung, but the caretaker assumed the older man had simply had a nightmare, and Levi was free to disappear into the darkness to seek out the second and last house of the night.
Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea
