AN: There’s a bit of a time skip in this chapter. Also, since we’re finally seeing the budding of the relationship between Levi and Reader, I just want to take a moment to remind everyone this story was started with a groundwork for a relationship already laid out between Reader and Levi, as it was established that there was a mutual care for one another in the first chapter before shit hit the fan.
Sorry if this seems to go a little rushed, but I couldn’t really think of something solid to go in between these events to draw it out, so it all got put into one chapter.
Characters: Vampire!Levi, Erwin, Hange, Reader, Various BG Characters
After so long where feeding was his outlet, where he let his control slip away and his emotions take over, it was strange to have to force himself to try and stop before he killed his prey. Even when he was feeding off the lowest scum in the Underground, he found it difficult to pull away, too bent on satiating his hunger when he was hunting to focus on the much-needed goal.
The pressure on him to change his diet had increased significantly since the expedition, and while he finally had a solid idea of what he was going to do about it, he needed to be able to stop himself, first. If he couldn't even do that with this low quality blood, how could he expect to stop when the clean stuff was dangled in front of him?
But for this to work, he had to make sure he could stop, first.
Of course, no one but Y/N knew how truly difficult it was for Levi to stop himself once he had a taste. They kept pushing, not aware of how difficult of a task stopping was for him. They were too focused on how potent the rumors of The Ripper below ground were becoming, with Erwin officially worried about the body count Levi seemed to have racked up...
"Levi, this is getting out of hand. You can't keep going to the Underground to feed, the attention is too much, and that diet won't keep you satiated much longer."
"What do you expect me to do about it, Erwin? Either we keep pushing despite the risk until I'm ready, or bodies start showing up above ground. We both know that will be much hotter water than what I'm in right now."
"I get that it's not an easy thing to break, but you're almost out of time, Levi. Do something about it, before it's too late for us to help you any more."
Levi growled in the darkness, pulling the prey currently in his hands away with effort, the only sign of life a few twitches and the still-running blood pushed through a large wound from a weak heartbeat. They were on death’s door, no longer conscious, moments from death.
It wasn’t good enough. He needed to stop sooner, he needed to stop before they were on death’s door. The diet he wanted to shift to depended entirely upon his restraint and being able to stop himself from killing the people he fed off--he couldn’t afford to be leaving them in states like this.
Hell, it would help to make it a little less painful for them, too.
Frustrated, Levi ripped back into his current prey’s throat, the body twitching beneath him before going completely still, the life finally leaving them entirely. After that, he fed in silence, sullen mood dissipating as he temporarily lost himself in the end of his feed.
*Reader’s POV*
Approaching Hange’s office quickly turned from a normal part of your routine to something you were doing with apprehension when you heard the raised voices inside. Not the usual excited raised voice Hange could have when she got particularly carried away--this was angry, frustrated conversation.
And the other raised voice--not shouting and screaming, but still raised, which was scary by itself--was Levi’s voice.
They were at least not reaching the point where the details of their conversation could be sussed out, but the argument was clear, and people seemed to be avoiding this hall. Considering the few touchy subjects you knew they could get into an argument like this about right now, you were reluctant to walk into the middle of it.
“I knew you could be pig-headed, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“It’s not ridiculous--you’re out of your damn mind if you think I’m going to let you pull a stunt like that.”
“Levi, we’re at the point where I’m not going to be able to help you more without seeing you in action.”
“Hange--”
You went into the room at that point, both of them pausing in their argument momentarily at your appearance. Levi turned partially towards you, about to say something before he decided it was the best time to drive the point home, turning quickly back to Hange.
“It’s out of the question, Hange, it’s too dangerous, despite what your crazy theories are telling you,” he snapped after you’d shut the door again.
“Y/N, back me up here! There’s so much we still don’t know, but I can’t even start looking into it if he won’t let me see him feed,” Hange practically begged, and your skin crawled at the topic.
Of course they were arguing about this.
“Leave her out of this, Hange, this is about your suicidal impulses--”
“But Levi--”
“You are not following me into the Underground to watch me kill people!” Levi hissed venomously.
“You’re going to have to let me see you in action eventually. And if you go forward with this plan of yours for your diet change, then I’m not going to have another chance to see before you move on from the Underground! It has to be within the next few times you go down there, or I’m not going to be able to help you anymore.”
“She has a point, Levi,” You ventured to say carefully, even though you knew you had one of the best reasons to side with Levi on this. He shot you a disbelieving look that you were taking her side in the matter, his eyes turning stormy.
“It’s too dangerous,” he said flatly. “I know how you are with Titans, Hange. If you get too close, or if you get even a little hurt when I’m focused on hunting, it could be over in seconds,” Levi said bitingly.
“I can handle myself, Levi--” Hange started to scoff, but you cut in again to correct her.
“Levi also has a point, Hange. You have less time to react with his speed than you do with a Titan. It is dangerous, and you can’t go into it lightly,” you said softly, your quiet tone forcing both of them to calm down by having to quiet and settle to listen to what you had to say. “And even though we gloss over it all the time, he is killing people. It’s not like your Titan experiments.”
You had to watch what you said, careful not to let your thoughts spill out that compared being excited to watch Levi hunt in the Underground to being excited to let a Titan loose and watch it eat someone. That was not a comparison you wanted to make with Levi--no one wanted to make the Titan comparisons to whatever had happened to Levi, but it was glaring, and you were certain everyone had at least thought of them.
The mood in the room shifted from tense to grim, and you took advantage of the silence to push a little in Hange’s favor.
“But Hange has a point about needing to see what happens when you feed. Most of her current questions and theories revolve around that, so you are going to have to let it happen eventually. And your plan for what to do besides feed off people in the Underground will make it impossible for her to tag along,” you told Levi pointedly.
“That doesn’t help settle the debate, Y/N, we’re still in the same rut. It’s too dangerous, but it is necessary,” Hange said in exasperation.
“How about this, then,” you said with a sigh, turning to look at Levi. “I know you don’t like the thought of it, but have Hange and Erwin follow, at least one time. That way there’s someone to keep her in check...Not to mention, it’ll be a good reality check,” you finished quietly, arms folded over your chest.
You could have suggested that you came along, but after last time, you weren’t keen to follow him on another hunt. Not to mention, you’d promised you’d never follow him on one again...and you didn’t think you could stomach witnessing it, even with the progress you were making in coping with your trauma from last time.
You were aware that you’d just significantly lowered the mood in the room, but it seemed everyone was keeping the truth about what was happening down there an arm’s length away from them, causing them to get out-of-touch with the reality of what happened to Levi. In your opinion, they did need a reality check to what those trips really meant. It was a horrible reality check, and you wanted desperately to not think about what they would see, but it would definitely help them approach Levi’s diet with a bit more...tact.
It wasn’t easy for him, you knew that firsthand. The bloodlust was a real and dangerous thing, and he had to be careful. They--namely Hange--wouldn’t push him so hard to do things before he was ready if they were faced with the gravity of the reality.
Ideally. Erwin was on an entirely different level, and you couldn’t predict what that man would do in any situation beyond surprise you, so you weren’t going to attempt to predict how he’d react to this reality check. You personally felt Hange needed to see it for herself. She would still be Hange, but at least she would finally know the gravity that this needed to be handled with instead of constantly having to rely upon shifty second-hand accounts.
Shifty because no one wanted to talk about what happened when Levi fed.
Hange turned back to Levi. “It sounds like a fair compromise. What do you say, Levi?”
Levi was sizing you up, trying to gauge what you were thinking and mulling over your words with a more-serious than normal feel in the air around him, expression grim. He’d been backed into a corner, now, and there was really only one way for this to go.
“Fine,” he relented, teeth grit and grinding against one another. “One time. That’s it.”
Hange brightened with glee at the thought of finally getting to observe Levi’s recent change in action like she’d been chomping at the bit to do for so long. “Great! You’re going back down in less than a week, right? We’ll go then--I’ll get everything arranged with Erwin.”
Levi let out a long-suffering sigh as Hange darted around the room to grab a few papers before rushing out the door, leaving just you and Levi in the room. He--understandably--looked gloomy and grim, apprehensive about the entire thing. Based on your own experience and what Hange had told you about her experiences, you knew he was not keen on letting Hange and Erwin see him like that.
Everyone was keeping the reality of the situation at arm’s length, and it was about time they all faced it. Strange how you were the one making the push for that confrontation.
“Look, I know it’s not at all what you want to do, but I think at this point, it’s needed. Everyone can’t keep turning a blind eye to the uglier side of this, it will only make things worse,” you told him, breaking the silence in the room. Levi didn’t say anything, his head turned away, holding perfectly still where he was leaning against one of the tables. “At least it will only be this one time.”
Levi turned to look at you, his eyes enough to tell you that you both knew if Hange got the chance or thought of a way, she would push for more. But what neither of them were talking about was the concern thick in the air about how they would react to this--Levi included. Up until now he’d been able to keep them relatively in the dark about his transformation--at least in what it looked like. Now they were going to see it in action as he ripped into and killed someone. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, he was probably terrified at what that was going to do to the relationship between the three of them.
You straightened, turning to the door. “Well...when it happens, and you come back, I’ll be in the mess hall with some tea if you want to talk afterwards. Or just want some company.”
Maybe it would help if afterwards he had some company with someone who had been on the receiving end and was still accepting of him nonetheless, even if you were still working through the forgiveness process to forgive him fully.
That night, your nightmares returned. They had lessened to off and on occurrences since the expedition, thanks to Levi’s efforts to apologize and the comfort he had offered that night after your nightmare. It wasn’t a complete cure, but you were getting better.
However, the argument between Hange and Levi about watching him hunt and the discussion had riled your bad memories, making it almost predictable that you would have a nightmare tonight.
As such, you awoke with a cry to your darkened room, squeezing your eyes shut and fumbling for the light to try and give yourself a bubble of protection while your panicked heart rate evened out and your mind reassured itself there wasn’t anything in the darkness lying in wait to pounce on you.
After a few moments, you managed to strike the match and light the lamp, providing you with a little light to push the shadows further away, giving you enough confidence to open your eyes. You ran your fingers through your hair, trying to get your breathing under control again.
You sat alone on your bed in the same position for what must have been several long minutes before a soft knock on your door had you raising your head.
He came again, then.
Grabbing the oil lamp that was sitting on the nightstand beside your bed, you shimmied out of bed and made your way quickly through the dark room to the door, unlocking it and stepping aside to let Levi inside.
Since coming back from the expedition, Levi was being more proactive in making things up to you. Maybe he didn't know exactly how to go about it, but he was still making an effort. When he spoke with you, his usual brisk, blunt way of speaking was softened. And when you had one of your nightmares…
Levi pressed a warm cup into your hand, taking the oil lamp from you once his hand was free, considering he had a cup of his own in his other hand.
"Go back to sleep when you're done with that," he told you quietly as he stepped inside, giving you enough space to shut the door behind him while you took a sip from your cup.
Like routine, Levi found his way to the desk in your room, setting down the lamp and his cup while you shuffled over to the bed. He sat down with a sigh at your desk, hand lingering over the cup as he watched you quietly for a few moments.
When you finished the tea, you settled back into your bed, turned so that you were facing where Levi sat.
It was an odd arrangement, perhaps, but since the expedition, this was what happened when your night terrors were bad enough to wake you. Levi would knock on your door minutes later if you hadn't managed to calm down, a calming tea for you in hand, and he would stay in the room as a reassurance that none of the demons that plagued you, waking or sleeping, were going to hurt you. Because he was right there, and he was going to stay there until you were truly okay. He didn't say much, and sometimes he brought paperwork to do while he was there, but for the most part, he would simply sit quietly at your desk keeping an eye on you, nothing more.
Facing the light and Levi helped to keep you calm as your mind slowly settled, your heart rate that had been pounding with anxiety gradually calming down. Your eyelids fluttered as you started to drift off towards sleep, watching Levi contently as he sipped on his tea and stewed on his thoughts. The slight curve downwards of his lips told you he was probably still thinking about Hange and Erwin coming along the next time he went to the Underground to feed. It was still bothering him, and she felt it would continue to bother him up to and most likely after it happened.
You hoped, all things considered, it wouldn’t turn out terribly. Levi had enough on his plate without worrying about how this could change how Erwin and Hange saw him.
*Levi’s POV*
Irritable and sullen was an understatement for how Levi felt as he led the way down to the Underground, Erwin and Hange flanking him in plain cloaks similar to his own, hoods drawn. They were supposed to stick close to him all the way down, at least until he had his target. At that point, he’d tell them where to go and break off to trap his prey on his own. Ideally, they would arrive where he told them to before it was over, but after he had his prey pinned so that they wouldn’t interfere with the actual hunt.
While Erwin and Levi pressed forward unfazed by their surroundings, Hange’s head was on a swivel, looking around at the Underground for the first time. Erwin kept her focused for the most part, occasionally having to pull her back into their group while Levi ignored them both, doing his best to put their presence out of his mind. Besides, he needed to focus in order to find who he was going to corner tonight--because of all the deaths recently, the criminals with brains were trying to be more subtle about their crimes instead of committing them out in the open, hoping that would help them dodge The Ripper.
Levi’s mood darkened further as the moniker flashed through his mind, sulking through the streets as he listened intently for a sign of trouble.
At least Erwin and Hange knew they could be down here for a little while before Levi managed to find someone up to no good that he wouldn’t mind preying upon.
“You really just come down here and wander until you find someone?” Hange eventually piped up after they’d been wandering for what felt like an hour. It looked like they were walking aimlessly, but Levi was being careful to bring a new part of the Underground within range of his hearing while they walked, covering new ground in his search for trouble.
“There’s always trouble down here if you know where to look,” Levi murmured in a low voice, gaze sweeping across the streets. They seemed more deserted than normal. Had his predatory presence made that much of an impact down here already?
As much as he hated to admit it and he knew he wasn’t in a position to try and force the change, Hange and Erwin were right--he needed to ditch the Underground diet as soon as possible and switch to his low risk plan.
This might have been a night that would go easier if he had taken the time to poke around and hear about some cruel top dog in one of the Underground criminal elements, that way he had a predetermined target he simply had to locate instead of wandering around waiting for an act of violence to happen. With most of the rats in hiding after the arrival of a cat, he was either going to have to start finding targets, or…
At long last, he heard a commotion that fit his criteria for a target. It was a little ways away, but the volume of hysterical screaming and crying made the words ring clear in his ears and painted a clear picture in his mind, expression darkening dangerously beneath his hood.
“Mommy!”
“Get the hell away from my son you sick son of a bitch! Get out!”
“Listen here you slut--”
“I’ll kill you myself--Don’t you ever come near us again! Get out! Out! Out!”
Levi spoke up, his tone low and dangerous and he interrupted whatever quiet conversation Erwin and Hange had been having behind him. “There’s a warehouse two streets over. I’ll be there in a few moments,” he deadpanned before abruptly breaking away from their group, stalking in the direction of the screaming at a jog before he turned a corner and it blurred into a run, the streets bleeding away at inhuman speeds as he rushed towards the sound of the commotion that seemed to be escalating in the home itself. Normally he’d wait until the creep was on the streets to snatch up his prey, but he was going to make an exception in this case, before anyone else got hurt.
With the sounds of someone getting thrown around inside, Levi busted through the door, prompting a shriek of panic. Making sure his face couldn’t be seen, he grabbed the man who had gotten himself marked for death, dragging him out the door and throwing him into the street before he grabbed the man by the throat, taking off at a full sprint and dragging the man along as he rushed for the warehouse.
When he reached the building he’d told Erwin and Hange to wait for him in, he threw his catch through the window, hearing a shout of surprise inside the building which told him Erwin and Hange were indeed already inside.
The man--now bleeding, judging by the smell in the air--attempted to plead with Hange and Erwin for help.
Hmm, he probably should have just dragged him through the door to try and avoid them getting even briefly dragged into the actual act.
“Please, The Ripper, he’s after me, please--”
Agitated by the use of that awful name, Levi followed close behind his now wounded prey, jumping cleanly through the shattered window and landing gracefully with a crunch of glass the only sound he made. His prey shrieked and clawed at Erwin’s shirt desperately in a last plea for help from the two people just standing there before Levi ripped his prey off Erwin and tossed him back several feet. His foot planted itself on his prey’s chest before they could even sit up, dark eyes boring down on him with his head tilted to the side as he debated the best way to go about this, every passing moment allowing him to put more and more distance between himself and his humanity as he let his monstrous instincts take charge.
Nothing about this hunt was normal, though. The entire thing was emotionally charged, with people he considered himself close to seeing this vicious, inhumane side of him he’d been hoping to keep hidden. It made the entire matter feel more personal, which was why he was desperately attempting to abandon his emotions and focus on the hunt.
He was, admittedly, playing with his food a little, though he was doing it between a mix of rage over what he had interrupted, and because Hange needed to see what happened when Levi let this new monstrous side of himself take over. It gave her time to observe like she wanted so badly to do.
“Is there anything in particular you need to see?” he asked in a monotone voice, his foot still holding down his prey effortlessly as the man struggled and cried trying to get free. When he didn’t initially get an answer, he turned to look at Hange to make it clear she was the one he was addressing.
Hange’s eyes went wide--even Erwin’s did, where he was standing just behind her--when Levi turned to look at her. Judging by the ache in his jaw from the scent of spilled blood and his hunger, and the fact he was on the verge of feeding, he knew his eyes were most likely glowing red in the darkness. Taken aback by the sight, it took a moment for Hange to respond, Erwin’s gaze sliding to her with her hesitation and Levi’s hunger-driven impatience causing him to shift his foot higher and press down on his prey’s throat to silence the blubbering.
“I...I just need to observe, for once,” Hange said in a serious voice, pulling herself back together and snapping to attention after Levi’s foot silenced the man beneath him. At that Levi picked up his prey--lovely, they’d pissed themselves--and shoved him up against a pillar with a low snarl, lips pulled back to show his fangs.
“But we could...also test the theory that you heal faster when you’re feeding,” Hange added hastily before he could bite into the sobbing man.
Levi turned slightly to glare back at Hange, that ravenous monster inside him already chomping at the bit to rip this man’s throat out and aggravated that it kept getting stopped. In his momentary distraction, the man Levi was keeping pinned grabbed the unlit torch on the pillar above them, ripped it down, and stabbed it blindly into Levi’s torso.
Now, Levi had been stabbed before, but the amount of pain that came from the mostly blunt edge of a wooden torch being stabbed into his chest was excruciating--and he’d been impaled by now. Of course, then he’d had the luxury of shock to numb the pain. This time, he felt every moment of it.
Levi recoiled with a gasp of pain, his prey slipping through his fingers and attempting to bolt down the hall. A wild snarl ripped past Levi’s lips as he pulled the torch out of his body and tossed it carelessly aside, eyes flashing as he darted towards the prey trying to escape.
Levi cut him off in the darkness, standing directly in front of the man and grabbing his chin, forcing his head aside before he hissed, fangs flashing moment’s before burying into his prey’s neck.
Any other parts of the world drowned out as Levi quickly lost himself in the feed, the rush of fresh blood soothing any pain he’d had from the stab. He was aware of the man bleating in his ear, so his hand shifted to force his mouth close and muffle the sound, his other hand stretching the exposed skin of his neck wider to give Levi a prime opening for his jugular. Blood trailed down the back of the man’s neck as Levi greedily gulped down what he could, initially thinking he would simply drain the man dry and move on.
However, he was still trying to stop himself before a person would pass the point of dying. He wasn’t sure now was the time for that experiment, but for the sake of his own progress away from this nightmare and not giving himself the chance to slip, Levi tried.
His prey was fighting back, fists pounding against Levi’s unmoving chest and arms, fingers clawing at him and drawing blood, but Levi didn’t move. If anything, it made him clamp down harder, feeling the struggles grow weaker and weaker…
While he still had enough strength to pound weakly against Levi’s chest, Levi managed to pull himself back, blood smeared across his lips and teeth with his tongue licking away stray drops, all thoughts of an audience forgotten as a slight groan escaped him.
Hold...hold...hold…
Once he was certain he’d paused long enough he would have been able to pull away if he so desired, Levi sank his teeth back into his prey at a much better angle this time. The pulls of blood he took were hard and long, his prey quickly going limp and turning cold in his arms as Levi bled him dry of his lifeblood, until he couldn’t draw any more blood without chewing on the man’s flesh like he’d done several times out of pure instinct when he’d first started feeding.
At that point, Levi let the body drop, stepping back with heavy breaths of air now that he was no longer gulping down blood, hand coming up instinctively to keep any wet blood from dribbling down his chin, licking up the traces around his mouth that he could reach, tongue careful of his still exposed fangs, before he pulled out a dark red handkerchief to wipe up anything he’d missed.
Levi wasn’t looking up at his audience he’d forgotten about in the midst of the feed, keeping his head down and focused on himself as he checked himself over to see how much of a mess he’d made. He was still getting blood down his chin and throat, and some around his collar, but he was no longer smearing blood all down his front.
He was nearly there, nearly able to leave this gruesome approach behind in favor of a more forgiving treatment for his curse.
But for now, he had two friends who had just seen him slowly murder a man in front of them for blood. Hearing about it was one thing. Seeing it in action...was entirely different.
“Did you get what you wanted so badly, Hange?” Levi asked as his handkerchief mopped up the blood attempting to stain his skin, his tone hollow--and not the kind of hollow that suggested he felt nothing over what he’d just done. It was more like...he felt something inside him dying, and he worried there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it.
“Levi…”
Levi finally looked up, swallowing hard at the looks of fear he could see in their eyes. Shutting down the thoughts of why they were looking at him that way before it could crack his composure, Levi stepped over the body and approached Hange, spreading open the hole in his shirt where he’d been stabbed so she could see it was already healed with a quickly disappearing scar.
“Looks like Y/N’s theory was right,” he said bluntly, turning partially back to the body. “You can head back. I’ll clean up here.”
“But we--” Hange reached out to grab his sleeve and stop him as he started to walk towards the body, but Levi shrugged her off without looking back. He didn’t want to see that look in their eyes while they stared at him any more than he had to.
“Discussion can come tomorrow. Take the night,” Levi returned before she could suggest they talk about this right now. He’d rather they both had time to process what they’d seen and for emotions to cool before discussing how he’d just murdered a man so casually...and cruelly.
He’d known this was a bad idea, that it wouldn’t end well, that it would do damage in an entirely different kind of way. But he’d been ganged up on and had to relent, and now here they were.
Levi crouched down next to the body in the darkness, mind already coming up with clever places to hide it as Erwin quietly spoke to Hange and got her to leave Levi be, guiding her away from the scene and back into the night.
Levi’s gaze lowered to his hands, the bloodied handkerchief still held in one hand, the bloodstains hard to catch with the color cloth he’d chosen.
I did it to survive, he was a stain on humanity, it was going to be someone, better him than an innocent...
So started the rationalization to help ease the guilt, except this time he couldn’t get the looks in their eyes out of his head, and the many things he tried to tell himself weren’t sticking properly.
How far from human have I drifted?
*Reader’s POV*
You were at the mess hall table for hours, trying your damndest not to fall asleep while you waited for Levi. Sure, it wasn’t a guarantee that he was going to show up after the hunt since you’d simply made an offer for companionship if he wanted it, but you wanted to make sure you were here if he decided to take you up on the offer. As such, you kept getting up to make tea as a way to keep yourself awake, nibbling on a small loaf of bread you’d pilfered from the food storage. Picking at it kept your hands busy, and eating the tiny pieces gave you something to do besides stare blankly into the darkness.
You looked up sharply when you heard the door creak open, relieved to see it was, in fact, Levi who was walking inside, his eyes downcast, expression mostly hidden in darkness. He seemed to still be wearing what he’d been in when he left, cloak and all, as he walked past the table you were sitting at and into the back, likely to make himself a cup of tea before joining you. He didn’t acknowledge you in any way, though you knew he knew you were there.
You’d known this was going to be rough for him, but this was giving you a foreboding feeling in your gut.
After several minutes spent in silence, Levi reappeared with his cloak draped over one arm and his cup in hand, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table, almost at the other end. He set his cup down carefully against the table and laid the cloak on the back of the chair next to him, and now that he was within range of the light of the lamp you’d lit on the table, you could see a hole in his shirt around his upper chest.
“Did something happen?” you asked in concern, nodding towards the tear. Levi glanced down at the hole, taking a short sip from his tea.
“I got distracted,” he said bluntly, his voice quiet and hardly piercing the dark silence between the two of you. As the silence settled once more between the two of you, you gazed at him in concern, thinking about his slightly disheveled appearance, the solemn air around him, his quiet tone that lacked it’s usual snarky bite, the hollow look in his eyes, the way his shoulders seemed slightly hunched forward.
You were worried about him. No, worried wasn’t strong enough. You might have been on the brink of being afraid for him, with that look in his eyes.
Just when you thought you wouldn’t be able to take the depressing silence any longer, Levi finally spoke up, though his words did nothing to brighten the mood.
“I’m running out of things to tell myself.”
At first, his words didn’t make much sense. What was he talking about? You studied his face closely as he gazed into his cup, trying to discern his inner thoughts based off context clues. He had just come back from a hunt, and considering his stance on human life, his current attitude, and what made this one so different, you could come up with a few guesses.
He could be talking about how he saw himself after what happened, or about hunting in general. Having to go out regularly and find someone to kill in order to survive was no doubt taking a toll on him, even if he tried to make it less terrible by choosing to go after bad people.
Were the rationalizations for what he was doing not enough anymore?
Whatever it was, specifically, that he meant, he was in pain. Pain wasn’t the emotion he was wearing openly right now, but you were certain it was there, even if it was buried under the gloom and solemnness. And he was coming to you, now, like you’d offered. But what could you possibly offer him at a time like this to help ease that pain? He would be going back to repeat the process within the next week, with how unsustainable his current diet had become, and he would continue to go back to kill someone until he could switch to another method that ideally was less of a risk.
Not to mention, you had the feeling he didn’t want to talk about what happened down there tonight, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by.
You scooted down a seat so you were a little closer, the rustling of your movement loud in the silence before you settled down again, now within arm’s reach of Levi. He hadn’t looked up from his drink, yet, but you didn’t need him to, not right away. Carefully, you reached out and put your hand over his, feeling him twitch underneath you at the gentle, almost intimate gesture. You waited until he finally looked up at you, a question in his eyes at what you were doing, why you were touching him like this.
“I forgive you,” you told him sincerely, your words soft even in contrast to the silence of the room.
It was a bit of a switch after what he’d just stated. The only reason why your words weren’t confusing was because you both knew what you had to forgive him for. It might not necessarily have to do with what was on his mind right now, but it was one of the many weights dragging him down right now. If there was ever a time he needed to be free of it so he wouldn’t drown, it was now.
Levi’s eyes widened marginally, lips parting in surprise before his eyes darkened and dulled, and he looked away, hand starting to pull free from under yours. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Maybe,” you admitted, reaching out to hold onto his hand a little more firmly before he could fully retreat, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance. “But I have. I’m the one who decides if I can forgive you or not, and I have. Not out of pity, either, so don’t get that twisted. I forgave you in my heart a while ago. I just needed to say it out loud.”
When Levi didn’t outwardly react, you pushed a little more, just to be sure that you were getting it through to him. Right now, you needed him to know that you forgave him. You needed him to know that you didn’t hold any malice in your heart for him after what happened.
“Levi...I forgive you,” you stressed to him quietly.
Levi cleared his throat, pulling his hand free of your grasp and using it to pick up his tea so you couldn’t grab his hand again.
You could tell him you forgave him all you wanted. That didn’t mean he could forgive himself and accept it, yet.
What the hell happened down there that had put Levi in this state? You were going to have to talk to Hange in the morning about this, if only so you could get on the same page as everyone else.
Once more the silence permeated the air around them, with you sitting quietly with Levi, concern for him growing stronger with every passing moment. When he was just about out of tea, you decided you needed to speak up before he had an excuse to leave before you could make a visible difference in his mood.
You didn’t expect to make him smile and laugh, but you at least didn’t want to feel that air of self-loathing hovering around him.
“Why don’t you tell me about your plan--the one so you don’t have to keep hunting in the Underground,” you suggested, a hand coming up to rest your head against.
“You already know it.”
“Tell me again, anyway.”
Maybe talking about what almost was, his alternative that would free him from killing people regularly, would help ease his mind, at least a little. He wasn’t the kind of person to let this body count go, but if he could be reminded by himself that it wasn’t going to last forever, maybe it would help to soothe his conscience.
Levi sighed, as if repeating himself was a great annoyance he would rather avoid. For a moment, you thought he would refuse, but thankfully he decided to humor you.
“I’ve been looking for people that no one listens to, that others write off as ‘crazy,’ or people who can’t say anything. If no one listens to them on a normal day, then no one is going to think anything of it if they ramble about some creature taking their blood. Especially if there’s no evidence to prove it’s happening. I’m learning to stop before killing someone and to be cleaner so I can feed off someone without leaving more than a bite mark or the ramblings of a crazy person behind as evidence. Since my blood can apparently heal someone without turning them into what I am, I can make the bite disappear by giving them a little blood. No one dies, no one that will be believed outs me, I stay fed and get a better quality blood in the process. That’s the theory, anyway. We won’t know until I try, and I can’t try until I can stop myself and feed without getting blood everywhere.”
“Do you already have some names?” you asked him, prompting him to keep talking and get his mind off the present by focusing how he was going to improve his situation in the future.
“Some. It’s mostly the elderly or the sick, considering what I’m looking for. You’d be surprised how few we actually have behind the walls.”
Now it was just a matter of him having enough control not to accidentally kill someone while feeding. You had the strong sense now wasn’t the time to be saying that out loud, though, so you kept that comment to yourself.
“Well, it sounds like you’re almost ready to start. It won’t be much longer, then,” you said instead, soft gaze still watching Levi’s features. He seemed to have grown slightly more at ease, as you’d hoped, but that grimness was still hanging over him.
His tea now finished, Levi got to his feet, gathering his stuff to clean up after himself before he finally met your gaze again, eyes softening slightly when he looked at you. “It’s late. Get some sleep,” he said simply before leaving you alone in the mess hall.
The next day, you were somehow the one to go to Hange first, between you and Levi. As such, you were able to get the story from her about what happened and just how...borderline personal this hunt became between the man’s begging and Levi playing with his food. His dark mood upon his return made more sense to you, now, and Hange was still coming to terms with what she'd seen.
"I knew what he was doing down there, we talk about it while trying to learn more about what he is all the time, but seeing it was…" Hange sought out the correct words for what she was trying to say, and after a few moments, you filled it in for her.
"Horrifying? Much more real? Made things more personal?"
"I felt like I was standing by watching and letting a Titan eat someone," Hange admitted quietly. "I know it's not quite the same, at least Levi actually needs to drink blood to survive, but--"
"The comparison is still there. Believe me, I know, I've thought of it a couple times myself. I'm sure Levi is well aware of the comparison, as well."
"The scariest part was how...casual he was about the whole thing after he got his hands on them. It was like he didn't even care. I know he's mentioned he gets lost in the feed, but it was scary seeing him enjoy it that much at one point."
No matter how they looked at it, once you stripped it down to the bare bones they still had stood by and let a civilian get ripped into and drained of blood--eaten--right in front of them, not even doing anything when the man pleaded with them for help and his life. The only consolation they could give themselves was the trust that Levi had picked someone who'd done something truly awful and wasn't some innocent plucked off the streets.
"Don't think that because he's able to distance himself and surrender to instinct in the moment that makes this any easier for him," you admonished. You weren't entirely sure if that was the direction Hange was going with this, that it was concern Levi might be losing a part of himself and his humanity, but you wanted to get ahead of that assumption before it could form, if that was the case. For Levi’s sake. Even if he was losing a part of himself, it wasn’t gone yet, and you were certain it could be restored if need be. "It still weighs on him when he gets back, probably kills him on the inside, not that Levi would ever be open about that part. I don't think he could do what he needed to survive if he didn't distance himself from his humanity while he hunts. The night he turned, he was talking about hating the thought of people dying so he could live. Even if we can't see it, I think it's taken a toll on him to go down there and feed, especially as often as he does, now."
"I know. I got so wrapped up in learning more about what he is now that I didn't fully realize how difficult certain parts had to be for Levi. I know better, now. It was a…" Hange sighed, shaking her head, "reality check, as you suggested it would be."
"And Erwin?"
Hange snorted. "Erwin is Erwin, as straight faced and silent on the matter as ever. Though, even he looked disturbed last night at what we saw."
"Do you think you'll treat him any differently? He's still Levi any other time."
Hange looked up at the ceiling, pondering your words. "I think I'll treat talking about his diet and hunting a little more seriously. And I think I have more respect for what you went through and how you still manage to see Levi. It might be strange for a few days, but I'll readjust. Erwin too, I suspect."
You nodded, feeling a bit of relief at her words. You weren’t sure how you would have felt if your pushing for them to face what happened to Levi had led to a division between them, but it wouldn’t have been pretty.
"Make sure Levi knows. He had to have been worried about how you two would see him after this."
Hange’s eyes closed, and she stayed where she was sitting with her head tilted up to the ceiling for several long moments, taking a deep breath before suddenly springing to her feet.
"Enough of the depressing stuff! There is now plenty to talk about and go over about what I was able to observe, and some theories that need confirming or fleshing out. Not to mention I've finally seen his change firsthand and can make a proper record of what it looks like."
Your lips quirked slightly towards a smile, leaning back in your seat. "We should probably get started on that, then."
(Three weeks later)
*Levi’s POV*
With his hood drawn and his mind focused to a razor’s edge on the task at hand, Levi walked through the dark streets of one of the many towns inside Wall Rose. He stuck to the shadows to lessen the chance of being seen, his footsteps only heard by his ears as he crept forward silently, following a predetermined route to the home that was his destination.
He had to dodge the occasional Garrison soldier, but he managed to make his trip without being spotted, coming to a stop in front of the three story apartment building and looking up at the window four down from the left. He took a moment to listen to the surrounding area, making sure there was no one around to witness what he was about to do. Once he was certain he was in the clear, Levi coiled, kicked off the ground with those new abilities of his, and leapt up to the window he’d been eyeing. His hand connected with the windowsill, allowing him to pull himself up and open the window, easily sliding inside with relative quiet. He couldn’t help the sound of the window opening, or the dull thud from the impact as he landed from his jump, but he could control what noise he made.
Leaving the window open in case he needed a quick escape, Levi straightened up from his crouched position in the bedroom, his hood having fallen away. He wasn’t too concerned about it, considering the only person in this room was the same person he’d marked as one of his...victims.
Shaking the thought from his mind, Levi went over to the side of the bed where he could see someone’s slumbering form. He stayed silent for now, listening to the rest of the apartment in case the caretaker was awake. So far, it was just him moving around. As long as he stayed quiet, and his quarry stayed quiet, he wouldn’t be discovered.
Continuing his quiet motions, Levi reached out and carefully touched the older gentleman’s shoulder, attempting to wake him.
Mostly for the sake of his own conscious, he was going to try and get consent before he tried drinking from anyone. Most of the people on his list probably were incapable of giving it or comprehending, but he was still going to make the effort. It was so different from what he’d been doing up until now, but at the same time, it was almost relieving.
The man stirred, shifting slightly in bed and opening his eyes to spy the strange dark figure standing beside his bed. His eyes went wide, mouth agape and arm stretching out as if to shoo him away, but the most sound he mustered was quiet croaks.
And this was why he was Levi’s first. He had the least chance of being discovered here, which meant it was the perfect place for his first try at this new diet.
Levi grasped the man’s wrist carefully, placing it over the man’s midriff as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not here to hurt you, not really,” Levi reassured him, his voice low to keep it from carrying out of the bedroom. “I’m here to ask you for something I need.”
The man stopped croaking and waving his arm around, but his eyes were still wide, following Levi’s every movement.
“I need your blood. Not enough to hurt you,” he amended when the man started to panic again. “I need it to live. I’ll take some from you, heal you, and leave. That’s all. You don’t have to do anything but lie there and try not to piss yourself.”
The man started to reach for a little bell on his nightstand, but Levi casually pushed it out of reach before the man could even get halfway there with his slow movements. “I’m going to do it whether you consent or not, but I’d rather you did.”
The man continued to grasp in vain at the bell, and Levi sighed, accepting that this one wasn’t going to give him any consent. Pulling the man’s arm back to the bed, Levi turned the man’s head to the side, ignoring the panicked croaks he was making as he lowered his mouth to this throat before the hunger even took over.
It would probably be better if the man didn’t have to see his fangs and the glow of his eyes in the darkness. He was well aware the sight was nightmare inducing, and he didn’t need to scare the older man any more than he already had.
Levi’s fangs dug into the man’s neck, a raspy whine escaping the man beneath him as fresh, clean blood rushed into his mouth. It tasted so much better than the shit below ground, that the world around him almost immediately bled away, eyes closed and body relaxing as he felt something truly sustaining rushing into his system. It wasn’t as good as Y/N’s blood, but it was definitely going to satiate him, and keep him satiated far longer than his Underground diet had been keeping him.
When he ended up taking a hard pull to keep the steady flow coming, Levi realized he’d hit the point he needed to stop. His hands dug into the bed, eyes squeezing tightly shut as he tried to pull away. It was so much easier to stop when he’d been drinking the tainted blood from before, which was saying something considering it took him so damn long to be able to stop at all.
Levi grunted, and through sheer force of will, he forced himself to release the man’s throat, pulling out his handkerchief and pressing it against the man’s neck for the time being, his tongue running across his lips to catch any stray blood.
Once he was certain he wasn’t going to attempt to attach himself to the man’s neck again, Levi put the man’s hand over the handkerchief to keep the pressure applied, pulling out a dagger he was keeping stashed on his person. He cut open his palm without flinching, hand curling into a fist to let the blood dribble down his hand and down against the man’s lips, into his mouth. It was dark, so ideally he couldn’t see what was being put to his mouth and would swallow reflexively, saving Levi the trouble of having to force him to drink a little of his blood in return.
A few moments later, the cut in his hand had healed, and Levi peeled back the handkerchief at the man’s neck to see that he was, in fact, healing, though it was happening slower than Levi’s injuries healed.
Taking back the handkerchief, Levi cleaned up what mess of blood he had made, which wasn’t much, thanks to his practice towards being neater when he drank. He stood up from the side of the bed, and picked up the bell he’d moved out of the man’s reach.
“You’ll be fine,” he told him bluntly, watching and waiting until the bite mark on the man’s neck had disappeared entirely before he placed the little bell back within the man’s reach. “I’ll be back, but not for a while.”
Levi pulled his hood back up as the man reached for his bell, crawling out of the window and sliding it shut behind him before disappearing into the night again.
Though he lingered to see if the bell would be rung, making sure that even though he’d chosen his newest victims for the fact they couldn’t raise the alarm about him, that the older man wouldn’t somehow find a way. The bell was rung, but the caretaker assumed the older man had simply had a nightmare, and Levi was free to disappear into the darkness to seek out the second and last house of the night.
Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea
AN: Soooo this part ended up being short compared to the others, cause it’s a connecting chapter. Also I wanted to use a certain gif SO BAD but I COULDN’T because it would spoil the end. You’ll know what I wanted to use by the end, hehehe
I kept agonizing over characterization, which is why it took me so long even though for the Investment series it’s pretty short.
Also, apologies to the people who weren’t tagged in the previous part, my tags were messed up and I just found out the other day, but I think they’re fixed now.
Characters: Vampire!Levi, Reader, Hange (Mentioned), Erwin (Mentioned), and a SURPRISE
Pairing: (Eventual) Levi x Reader
Warnings: Language, Blood, a bit of past Trauma and Fear, Gore
Word Count: 6522
<----Previous Part Masterlist Next Part---->
*Reader’s POV*
As you guided the horse through the dissipating fog, you kept glancing down at Levi in front of you. He held to the saddle horn with one hand, the other splayed on his chest as he weaved unsteadily in front of you, hunching forward with barely enough distance between his forehead and the horse’s bobbing neck. He still wasn’t in great shape, but he wasn’t near death anymore, which was a relief. You weren’t trying to catch up to the main formation anymore--they were long gone now, and the only thing you could hope for was for them to collect you two on the way back.
The silence between the two of you was almost uncomfortable, both of you enduring what remained of the wind and rain without a word spoken between either of you since you’d forced Levi to drink your blood. You could only imagine what was going on in his head after you’d done that. As much as you were aware it may have hurt him, you didn’t regret it--it was what you’d needed to do at the time, no matter what your personal feelings on the matter were.
Your arm still hurt where he’d bit you, and you could feel the odd sensation of mostly dried blood on your arm at his side. You really hoped the rain was helping to wash it away and getting rid of the temptation for him, because you didn’t have time to wrap up your arm while trying to flee the scene before Titans appeared. He hadn’t made any complaints or obvious fidgets of discomfort, though, so you could only assume he was coping. Maybe he was too distracted right now to really react, though there wasn’t much to distract either of you except your own thoughts.
“I’m sorry.”
The apology came out of nowhere, and it was so softly spoken the wind almost swallowed it up entirely. Shocked, you looked at the back of Levi’s head directly in front of you. He wasn’t turning to look at you, and he was still in that hunched over position. There was no outward sign that he’d spoken, but you were certain that he had.
“I pushed too hard...and I can’t fix what I broke. No matter how much I want to.”
The only thing Levi could have possibly seen in reaction to his words was the tightening of your grip on the reins to a white knuckled one, causing your bite mark to ache. Your eyes burned from more than just the wind, and your throat closed up as you struggled to swallow the emotion welling up inside you at his words so you could focus on getting the two of you to the safehouse.
That...that was an apology that you’d needed to hear to start to really forgive him.
Seeing him again, being a part of his life again even if it was from a distance, studying with Hange and learning more and more about what was happening to him, what he was struggling with; it had softened you to him once again, had seeds of genuine care sprouting in your heart again. However, there had still been something complicating it, something that held you back from starting to forgive him.
Now, after seeing him near true death again like that first night, then seeing him so hell bent on not drinking from you again no matter the personal cost...The sight of his fingers digging into the earth, rain and blood soaked, and his body taught and turned away as he vehemently refused your offer was going to be burned into your mind for years to come. He’d never admit it out loud, but you had the sense now, after that display back there, that what he’d done had damaged him as well as you. If he wasn’t traumatized from it, he was at least drowning in guilt for the things he’d done--and not just to you.
And now there was this apology, even if it was so soft spoken you almost missed it, the words disappearing in the wind as you raced forward, Levi not even turning to meet your gaze as he said it--though you strangely weren’t hurt by that fact. You knew it wasn’t for a lack of sincerity that he didn’t meet your gaze. He’d never been the best at communicating when it came to his emotions, anyway--he was a constant puzzle you had to pay attention to and work through to figure out what he was feeling or thinking, because most of the time, he wasn’t openly expressionate. But sometimes, like now, he would give someone a key piece to solve the current puzzle. And on the rarest of instances, like back there, he was open and vulnerable, though usually that was when the emotion was too strong even for him to contain. And he probably tried to keep those moments of vulnerability to when he was alone.
Just because his emotions were usually hidden or he could be tough to read, didn’t mean he was heartless and incapable of feeling, though, like some might suggest.
Even though you didn’t say anything in response to his short and quiet apology, as you gazed at the back of his head, you could feel a part of you forgive him. You weren’t ready to tell him verbally that you forgave him, you needed a bit more time for that...but in your heart, you were starting to forgive him.
Blinking away a few tears, you forced yourself to look ahead again, slowly bringing yourself out of the emotional funk and paying closer attention to the area around you, even though you knew Levi was going to be able to spot any Titans long before you could.
While some bases the Scouts had established were in ruins or abandoned castles, there was the occasional small house constructed high in the giant trees that grew in the area, far out of reach of any Titan but the Colossal Titan and accessible with ODM gear instead of ladders, for safety’s sake. It was one of these treehouses that Levi guided you to for the two of you to lay low until you could be retrieved by the main scout regiment body. Trusting your horse’s training to stay in the area, you let the horse wander as it pleased down below while you used your operational ODM gear to get the still-hurt Levi up to the treehouse. Once the weather cleared up, and day broke, you were going to go up into the treetops as high as your ODM gear would throw you and fire your flare shots to signal Hange.
But first, you needed to tend to Levi.
Once inside the small military cabin-esque safehouse, Levi took a seat on one of the lower bunk beds, an audible ‘Tch’ sounding in the room when he found the place fairly dusty. It hadn’t been used for a while, so it hadn’t been cleaned. You might have to see to fixing that afterwards--if you had the supplies to clean around here, which you might, if the Scouts had kept Levi in mind while setting this place up--for his sanity’s sake.
In the meantime, you took a seat on the edge of the bunk, a hand already out to touch one of the spots that was still damp with blood. “Let me take a look,” you asked, but Levi grasped your wrist before your fingers could brush fabric.
“I’m fine--it’s healing,” he said firmly, starting to sit up. One of the stains darkened in the process, convincing you otherwise.
“Stop being stubborn and let me help. Hange’s gonna want healing details anyway.”
“Leave it--I can tell her myself.”
“Levi,” you said firmly, holding his gaze with a harder look. “Let me look--you’re still bleeding, there’s still open wounds, they should probably at least be wrapped until they seal up, to keep them clean and try and staunch the bleeding. Or do you want to have to drink from me again because you lost more blood?”
He already might have to before the Scouts returned, but you didn’t mention that right now. Besides, you needed a little rest before you could act as a doner again.
Levi sighed, leaning back with eyes closed, a look of displeasure on his face. “Fine.”
Glad you’d won this little battle, you went through your stuff for your emergency medical supplies, finding the bandages and such you would need to wrap his wounds before turning around to see him already undoing the straps for his gear and sliding it off his torso. As you came closer, the cravat was carefully set aside and his fingers started unbuttoning his rain and blood soaked shirt.
If it hadn’t been for the garish shallow hole in his chest a few buttons down, this could have easily turned into an awkward and embarrassing moment. It was still a little awkward, as the start of a burn in your cheeks might suggest, but seeing the injury helped you mellow again. To keep the embarrassment at bay, you kept your eyes down, looking at his gradually exposed chest and refusing to meet his eyes as you turned all your attention to his injuries.
Well, the good news was that it did seem to be healing. The bad news was that the healing process had slowed dramatically for reasons unknown. Clearly, he’d healed rapidly earlier considering none of the holes went all the way through, but if it had stayed at that pace, these would have been gone by now. Your fingers even came away wet with blood--not a lot, but the point was that the wounds were still bleeding.
“I wonder why you stopped healing so fast…” you murmured, mostly to yourself as you helped Levi carefully sit up so you could properly start tightly wrapping around his torso so both front and back wounds were covered.
“Maybe I only heal fast at the start before it slows down,” Levi suggested, attempting to hold still while you worked. Both of you were ignoring the close proximity, even while your breath tickled his bare chest, fingers flush against his warm skin where you were holding him steady.
You shook your head. “No, I don’t think that’s it. Based off Hange’s observations, at least. You usually heal fairly quickly at the same pace.”
You had a theory, but considering you knew it wasn’t one you could test--or rather one you were certain Levi wouldn’t comply to testing--you were going to keep your mouth shut for now and mention it to Hange, later.
“You have been working with Hange,” Levi said as if he was confirming a theory of his. When you nodded, he pressed forward. “That’s how you knew about the curtains, why you made the tins, where you got the bracelet…”
It seemed he’d been paying just as close attention to you as you had been to him. Nothing got past Levi--he was as deductive and observant as ever. You were, too, though, and you thought you could hear a timber of...perhaps it was guilt in his voice again? Maybe he was thinking about what led to the arrangement between you and Hange. Or maybe he had the wrong idea about why you’d done all of it.
“I wanted to know what was happening with you, and I wanted to help however I could. Even if it was from a distance,” you admitted quietly.
Finished wrapping him up, you pulled back, grabbing what you’d used and getting up from the bunk. “Anyways, I’m going to see what I can do about cleaning up around here--you need to rest. It will help with the healing process.”
“So do you,” Levi said pointedly, eyes following you as you moved around the cabin looking for anything that you could use to clean up. “I don’t sleep much, anyway. I’ll keep watch while you sleep.”
You were rather exhausted. It had been a hard ride since the Scouts had left the walls, not to mention digging for Levi had been a wearisome, and he drank a hefty amount of your blood. That meant you were admittedly worn down and woozy, but at least you weren’t injured--well, not as bad as Levi, anyway.
Speaking of, you needed to sit down and wrap that before you got started cleaning.
“You really shouldn’t--”
“Just shut up and get some rest. I’ll make it an order if I have to,” Levi cut you off, looking slightly irritated at your insistence to try and keep him on bedrest while you darted around trying to do stuff.
Oh, ho, ho, he was threatening to pull the rank card. That one rarely got pulled, considering he wasn’t really one for authority. All right, you would give--this time. As long as he was still going to take it easy, you couldn’t complain too much.
After searching the entire cabin, you came to the conclusion that no, they hadn’t kept Levi in mind while supplying this place. You couldn’t find what you were looking for.
Heaving a disappointed sigh, you sat on the bunk opposite where you’d laid him down to rest, the bandages in hand once more. “Sorry, Levi, but there’s nothing here to clean with.”
“We’ll make do. Get some rest--you’ll need it in the morning,” Levi said, getting up from the bunk and finding his way to a chair by one of the windows with visible effort before sitting back down with his head leaned back, gazing out the window.
Reluctantly, you settled back onto the bunk, gaze trained on Levi and taking in his bandages, noting what spots already had red speckling through. You took the time to wrap up your arm, officially covering up the wound and hopefully helping him ignore any lingering bloodlust he might not be saying anything about. Silence settled over the cabin, the only sound your occasional shift on the bunk to try and get comfortable and your steady breaths.
You ended up surrendering to exhaustion with the last thing you saw Levi sitting perfectly still in his seat by the window, his gaze distant and far away, lost in his own thoughts.
*Levi’s POV*
After she fell asleep, there was nothing but Levi and his thoughts in the dark space, slivers of moonlight making its way into the room through the large trees and the window to give a semblance of light.
There was a dull ache in his jaw that had only started to dim after she had wrapped her arm to cover the open wound, but it wasn’t going away entirely. He could still smell the blood in the air, even if it was made faint. The wounds he’d received when he was crushed under the rubble had healed for the most part, not counting the wounds where he’d been impaled. Those were well wrapped and covered, but they still hurt like a bitch and sapped at his strength. He wasn’t oblivious to the wet blood that still darkened the wraps, even if it was slow. He just had to keep with the knowledge that he was healing, and it would eventually stop and his wounds close. He had at least a whole night and however long of the day it took for them to rejoin with the Scout formation to heal. Even if he tried to sleep tonight, he doubted he would be able to between insomnia, pain, the smell of blood in the air, and his thoughts.
As if that was different from any other night…
His head turned slightly to look at Y/N asleep on the bunk, face cast in shadow.
He had been mulling over what he would say to her for so long, trying to get the words to work, to come out right without being too blunt or harsh. He didn’t want to mess up this apology, which was why so much thought went into it. Frankly, he’d imagined he’d be sitting down talking to her face to face when he finally said it, but instead, he found himself saying it in that silence during their ride back. It had been at the front of his mind, then; glaring at him and demanding that he say something. He couldn’t gauge a reaction or anything sitting in front besides her grip tightening on the reins and her heartbeat picking up. He was pretty sure he picked up on a faint sound, like a whine that didn’t quite make it past her throat...but he could have imagined it.
On another note, she’d managed to help soothe another pain, possibly without realizing it. All that time, those little things she’d been doing like putting up curtains and making those bloodlust tins, he had thought she was doing it because she was terrified of him and trying to keep him pacified so he wouldn’t attack her again. Now she’d just told him she hadn’t done it out of fear like he’d assumed--she’d done it because she was genuinely trying to help. She still cared, even then, after everything…
Levi let out a slow breath, eyes halfway lidded as his gaze shifted to a dark corner of the cabin. At this point, he might as well stop being so damn stubborn about her getting involved in what was happening with him. He’d never really managed to get her out of this mess. She’d always been involved, and she was still involved. There was no point in continuing to try and keep her at a distance if it clearly never worked to begin with. He could at least control what he could, so he could make sure she at least stayed safe instead of ending up in reckless situations trying to muscle past his stubborn exterior. But pushing her away wasn’t the way to make it work.
While coming to terms with the fact she was going to be a part of this despite his initial decision, he caught the sound of her heartbeat quickening. Turning his head, he could tell she was still asleep, even as her breath got shallower and faster.
After all those nights your nightmares kept him awake, he was quite aware of what it sounded like when you were having one, even this early. You were having them a little less from what he’d been able to hear at night. As much as you’d both been getting off your chests tonight emotionally--at least in Levi’s head--that didn’t mean the trauma wasn’t still there. Hell, him biting you again may have triggered it tonight.
As it started to get worse, twitches and whimpers coming from your bunk, Levi carefully got to his feet, a little more steady than last time as he’d had a bit more time to rest and recover. As he walked over to the bunk, the signs grew clearer. Little twitches from the fingers, eyes darting side to side behind her eyelids, shallow fast breaths. It wasn’t severe enough to be waking her up, though--he was well aware you weren’t supposed to wake someone up from a nightmare unless it was at a certain point of severity. Besides, he was fairly certain if it got as bad as some of the nights he’d overheard her, she might just wake up on her own.
Just in case, Levi settled carefully on the very edge of the bunk, sitting there and listening to her heart rate and breathing, little sounds of distress, his face completely hidden in shadow as he pushed aside the thoughts that he was the one who had caused these night terrors in the first place.
Her hand partially jumped up off the bed with a muscle spasm, catching Levi’s full attention. Instinctively, he reached out to carefully put a hand on her shoulder, staying as gentle as he could with her as he studied her face with a sharp eye. Any more movements like that, and he would wake her up for her sake.
Her head tossed to the side, that same arm coming up partially and curling towards her chest, prompting Levi to give her a careful shake. “Oi...wake up,” he commanded in a voice that was still fairly quiet in the name of trying to wake her gently so he didn’t startle her awake.
It took a couple more shakes because she was so deep in her nightmare, but when he did manage to get her to wake, it was not peacefully. Her body jerked, and her arm flung out, almost hitting Levi in the face if he hadn’t caught her hand with his. Her eyes were wild with panic, and her heartbeat didn’t settle, giving him a cutting reminder that her nightmares didn’t always end when she woke, and the subject matter of these night terrors were...
Pushing aside his emotions yet again, Levi’s grasp on her hand tightened slightly.
I know she’s having nightmares about me. But how the hell am I supposed to convince her I’m not going to hurt her again to soothe them?
*Reader’s POV*
You were disoriented when you woke up, breathing heavy and gaze tearing apart the shadows for the red eyes you knew would be glaring at you from somewhere in the darkness. You tensed at the feeling of something grasping your hand, heart speeding up with the thought that the creature from your nightmares was right beside you and already had a grip on you, about to tear into you mercilessly.
Before the panic could take over entirely, your hand was pulled in, and you found it splayed against a warm and bandaged chest, one hand on your wrist and the other covering yours. You paused because you were confused by the unexpected action, and it definitely served to make you stop long enough for your head to start to clear.
There was, in fact, someone right beside you--Levi. You could make out his form in the faint moonlight that was let in through the open windows, his eyes somewhat visible between the little light and how close he was. He had to be sitting right on the edge of your bunk, now that you thought about it.
But, what you were mostly focused on was the feel of him holding your hand against his chest, able to feel him tangible and warm beneath him, a clear sign that he was real, not whatever you had seen in your dreams or might see lurking in the darkest corners. You could feel his heartbeat faintly with how firmly he had your hand pressed against his chest, and yet he wasn’t rough with you. He was careful and steady, and even though neither of you were speaking, it was almost like he was reassuring you in the suddenly softer darkness.
Hesitantly, you looked up at his eyes, those crimson eyes that peered at you in the darkness and terrorized you at night flashing through your mind. Yet, when you looked at him--what you could see of him--all there was, was the feel of his very human heartbeat, and those blue grey eyes of his studying your every move carefully. Not crimson--blue grey, and there wasn’t a hint of malice from him. Just genuine concern.
Abruptly, the red eyed demon that manifested in your dreams and came to torment you at night was completely separated in your mind from Levi. Even knowing what he was, what he was capable of after being on the receiving end, knowing those red eyes had originated from him, a sense of safety started to fall over you. Even if that demon somehow became real and came after you in the dark, he was perfectly capable of protecting you from it; and you knew he would.
A little piece that had broken in the Underground started to heal inside you at the unexpectedly soft and gentle action from Levi.
“It was a dream,” Levi suddenly said, voice a little gruff, but the intent to calm was still there. “You really think anything dangerous would get past my watch?”
Indeed. If there was any real threat, Levi wouldn’t let it waltz right in and harm you. You were safe, which meant you could go back to sleep with the knowledge that there was nothing your night terrors could do to truly hurt you.
Relaxing substantially, you let out a shaky breath and attempted to settle back down to sleep.
*Levi’s POV*
Levi held his position until he felt and heard her starting to settle down, her heartbeat calming down, breathing evening out, and hand starting to go slack in his grip. Satisfied with the results of his attempt to calm you down and get you back to sleep, and admittedly surprised at how easy it had been, Levi started to pull away to go back to his chair by the window.
Her grip tightened on his hand before he could pull away, and he looked back at her, surprised, since he was sure she was asleep, or at least practically asleep.
“Stay…” she mumbled, the words almost incoherent.
Levi stood there for a moment, debating. He was supposed to be keeping watch, but he also didn’t want those nightmares coming back. Did he comply and settle back down, or trust she wasn’t awake enough to tell and pull away?
Technically, with these new abilities of his, he could watch for trouble from this very spot considering he could hear any Titans approaching--or any kind of trouble, for that matter.
Had this been anyone else, hell no, he wouldn’t have even calmed her down the way he had. But her...well, he’d cared about her before this garbage fire of a situation, and what he’d done to her had served to make him realize just how much he deeply cared.
So, for her, knowing she wanted and needed this…
Levi carefully sat back down, noticing that she did relax with his proximity and quickly slipped off to a deep and hopefully far more peaceful sleep.
Just to be safe, he kept her hand cradled carefully over his heart the entire night.
*Reader’s POV*
You woke up with the first rays of sunlight through the windows signaling the start of the next day, eyes crusted with a good night’s sleep. Levi was already up and moving around, a breeze coming in from the open door Levi was standing in. You sat up slowly, rubbing at your eyes and taking in the scene. Levi was already covered up, his bloodied shirt buttoned up over the bandages once more, jacket and cravat back in place. It was almost like yesterday had never happened.
Not that you had much time to dwell on such a thing. If it was daybreak and the skies were clear, you needed to get up to the trees and fire the signals before the Scouts had a chance to get any further away from your position.
Levi turned when he heard you getting up, expression unreadable as his gaze swept over you with an examining air. “You overslept.”
Looking at the amount of daylight, you knew you hadn’t slept in that much. “Not terribly.”
“You said there was a signal you needed to fire before the main group pulls too far ahead. You’ll want to do that now,” Levi told you.
Right, your ODM gear--it was next to the bed and ready for you. Did Levi get it ready? Had he set it up while you were still asleep instead of deciding to use it himself? You were the one who knew the signals, so it wasn’t like he could have signaled them himself while you were asleep.
At his comment, you got off the bunk, pushing hair out of your eyes as you started putting the ODM gear on, a slight furrow on your face. You wanted to get above the tree line, but you weren’t going to be able to fire the flares and operate the ODM gear at the same time, even if you did it one flare at a time.
Your gaze slid to Levi as your ODM gear clicked into place, and his eyebrows rose at the sheepish look you were giving him. “What?”
“Its two signal flares at the same time, and I want to try and get those signals above the tree line, but it’s impossible while using the ODM gear, so--”
Levi let out a long-suffering sigh, reaching for the pouch at his side and pulling out his flare gun. “I get it.”
“Green and purple flares. Hange said she would make sure there were people keeping an eye out for our signal so they could find us.” Your eyes lowered to his bloodied shirt in concern. “How are you doing?”
Levi picked at his shirt with a displeased sigh, clearly wishing he had a change of clothes. “Almost healed. I’ll be in perfect shape by the time the formation passes through.”
Considering he was already agreeing, loading the purple flare into his gun, you assumed that meant he was well enough to be carried around in ODM gear. He’d probably do the flying part himself if he was completely healed. Those injuries probably didn’t feel good with the straps rubbing against them.
Gear in place, you loaded the green flare into your gun and handed it to Levi, stepping out the door onto the bare, no railing balcony that served as a landing platform for ODM users. You craned your neck up to gauge how far away the treetops were, looking at Levi who was standing silently beside you.
“I’m just going to propel us above the tree line, and you fire before we head back down,” you told him. Levi’s gaze flicked upwards to gauge for himself how high the two of you were going to go before it settled back on you.
“You confident you can bring us up and back down while holding onto me?” Levi asked seriously. It was already difficult to fly around in ODM gear holding someone, so his question made sense.
“Well, even if I dropped you by accident, I’m sure you could catch yourself before you hit the ground with those new reflexes of yours.”
Levi snorted in derision. “That’s reassuring.”
“Well there’s no point yapping about it--let’s just get it over with. The sooner the better, like you said, right?” you said pointedly, pulling the controls into your hands and facing him with arms open.
He didn’t even need to give you the death glare that said ‘We will never speak of this to anyone,’ and you had the decency to hide your smile as he clambered into your arms, one of his arms hooked around your neck and both his hands keeping a firm grasp on the flare guns while you made sure you had a firm grip on him. Once you were certain he wasn’t going to tumble out of your arms and you could still use the ODM gear, you kicked off the balcony, shooting one of the grapples into the trees.
Like last night, it was much different maneuvering while carrying someone, and far more difficult. However, you grit your teeth and focused, able to feel Levi’s grip tighten slightly at your outward sign of concentration to do this. Clearly, he didn’t want to get dropped.
A few more grapples and well-timed bursts of gas allowed you to slingshot the two of you out above the trees and into the clear air. As your momentum slowed, Levi outstretched one arm to fire the purple shot, then angled the other as far from your head as he could without losing his grip considering you were starting to go down again and fired the green shot.
With the purple and green smoke trailing high in the air, you instinctively wrapped one of your arms around Levi as you started to fall, angling your body and firing another grapple into the trees, branches cutting at your face on the way down until you saw the safehouse again, grappling the two of you back to the safehouse.
As soon as your feet were steadily on the ground, Levi slipped out of your grip, heading inside without looking back at you.
“You’re bleeding.”
Your hand raised to your face to see if any of those branches had cut deeper than you’d thought, but you didn’t come away with any blood. The bandage on your arm, though, was freshly red.
Shit.
You’d forgotten about your arm injury while carrying him.
Cursing your carelessness, you headed inside the safehouse, spotting Levi leaning partially out a window and looking out over the forest to give you the chance to change your bandages without the blood bothering him as much.
He must have been getting thirsty again, if all that blood you’d given him had somehow been used up faster while he healed. Not that he was going to let you offer again, if he was up and walking around unimpaired again and you were both simply waiting to be recovered. He would definitely wait until you were back behind the walls before he went looking for a drink, and it wasn’t going to be you he tapped into.
Once the bandage was carefully wrapped around your arm, Levi turned back into the room, walking over to the bunk opposite yours and sitting on its edge.
“If you’re going to be involved in all of this, there needs to be ground rules,” Levi suddenly said, gaze boring down on you with intense seriousness. Your heart, however, leapt up in hopeful excitement.
“What are you thinking?” you asked hesitantly. Surely whatever he asked of you for the ground rules, it would be worth him finally relenting and letting you help him.
“You stop pushing your idea to have me drink from you. I don’t want to hear it again,” he said curtly. That one you could have predicted, so you simply nodded your head. “I don’t want you anywhere near the dangerous stuff if it can be helped. Any experiments Hange conducts about my diet, anything that will include this hunger taking precedence, I don’t want you near it if it can be helped. Don’t ever follow me when I go hunting again, either.”
Levi’s gaze was hard as flint, but you understood his motivations for these kinds of rules clearly. With how much he was afraid to hurt you again, how drawn to your blood he seemed to be, he didn’t want you in any situation where he might bite you again if he lost control--not if it could be helped. At least he was willing to negotiate under extraneous circumstances.
“I can agree to those terms,” you said with another small nod. Levi looked away, finding dirt on his hands from where it had touched the edge of the bunk and brushing it away with disgust, getting to his feet again.
“I’ll tell Hange and Erwin when we’re behind the walls again.”
*Kenny’s POV*
Normally, Kenny didn’t bother himself much with what was going on in the Underground anymore. He had far bigger things to concern himself with, far more important thinks. Anything that might have brought him to the Underground these days had either died or left.
But, that didn’t mean there wasn’t the occasional occurrence that piqued his interest and was worth turning a few filth-covered rocks over in the darkest corners of the Underground.
Kenny had heard a rumor. One he normally would have ignored, if it hadn’t been for one glaring detail that had rubbed him the wrong way.
Everyone with their ear to the ground and the properly placed contacts knew that there was a rash of killings happening in the Underground--more than usual, and done by the same person. Of course, the Underground was the perfect place for fostering serial killers, as he should know. It would have been passing information that Kenny eventually forgot if it hadn’t been for the nickname they were giving this guy.
The Ripper.
Give me a break...
That was supposed to be his moniker, one he’d earned from his earlier years and had transformed his name to legend. Now some newbie was taking that badge out from under him. He couldn’t have that, now, could he? He had a reputation to maintain.
First thing’s first, he had to find the guy. No one was really paying much attention to his victims, since they were mostly the low-level thugs and scum of the earth kind.
Kenny, however, knew how to look at a body and a crime scene and know what kind of a killer he was dealing with. This guy’s targets already helped narrowed the kind of person he was dealing with, but he wasn’t settling on any stereotypes until he’d seen several of the bodies and got a real feel for how this guy killed.
That would be even more revealing than the targets, in his professional opinion.
One thing he’d been quick to find out, was that the official number wasn’t accurate, because all the bodies hadn’t been found.
For example--Kenny was currently in an abandoned house, crouching down beside the hole in the floor that served as a dump site for one of the many uncounted for victims. After seeing that several of the counted bodies were in dark corners and back alleys that were rarely frequented, it wasn’t hard to deduce that there was at least some effort put into hiding some of these bodies.
But looking at this guy, it was clear that some of the worst were going to be the hardest to find.
The body was long dead and in a state of decay, but it was still clear that it had been soaked in blood and ripped into. The head was almost torn off of the neck that had been ripped almost completely through in jagged, unclean tears, like something had bit into both sides in a manner more befitting a starving wolf. The rest of the body, save a few bites along the lower neck where neck met shoulder, was left alone. Judging by the state of the guy, this had to be one of the first.
Kenny frowned, looking over at the rug that had been hiding the hole, now rolled aside by Kenny to reveal the body beneath. The wounds didn’t quite match the effort to hiding the body. These wounds that were more befitting a mauling in the street of a rabid animal, yet they were contrasted by the intelligence of this body being so well hidden that the remains had only been found by someone looking for them.
Though he could definitely see how people might be tempted to dub him a ripper after seeing this sap and some of the found bodies. Always going for the neck, usually ripping it right out…
A flash of white cut through the darkness as a thrill went through Kenny at the game of cat and mouse he already saw being set up in front of him.
This was going to be quite a show.
He was looking forward to the chase.
Next Part---->
Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo
AN: yeeeaaahhhh this became a series. Not a super big ambitious one like Through The Looking Glass, but...there’s a few parts. Not sure if I can call it a mini-series, so right now I’ll just say series. Also this is officially a nitty-gritty series compared to some of my other stuff/ideas. I just feel like Vampire stuff should be like that, Y’know??? Also, yes, I’m a monster, believe me, I know, I was thinking that as I wrote some of these scenes...
AN On Character: Before ANYONE can call me out for this...if Levi seems too emotional...In my little Vampire Lore World, emotions are AMPLIFIED for Vampires. Happiness becomes joy, sadness becomes despair, (emotional) pain becomes agony, grief becomes devastation, etc etc.
Characters: Vampire!Levi, Reader, Hange, Erwin (Mentioned), many unnamed background OCs
Pairing: Still not sure if I can be labeling this Levi x Reader, esssspecially for this chapter...
Warnings: Language, Biting, Blood, Violence, Threats of Violence, Gore, Non-Consensual Blood Drinking, Heavy Angst, Bad Bad BAD Decisions. *Spoilery Tag* here comes some serious ‘Hurt Them to Protect Them’ Logic
Word Count: 11037
<---Previous Part Next Part--->
*Levi’s POV*
“You’re having far too much fun poking at me, Four-Eyes.”
“You can’t complain, Levi--you consented!”
“I made the mistake of assuming you’d have some form of restraint considering the situation.”
“Oh, come on, Levi, don’t be like that--don’t you find all this exciting?”
“No.”
“Just think of all we’re learning, though! Isn’t it fun?”
“None of this is my idea of fun.”
“That’s just because you’re too busy sulking to appreciate how fascinating this all is.”
“Tch.”
Levi sat next to Hange’s desk in her cluttered office, idly wiping a stray strand of blood from the fresh cut on his arm as she swiftly moved to study her new blood samples under the microscope. The curtains were drawn in consideration for Levi, the light in the room provided by the kerosene lamp on her desk. It was the morning after Levi had fed, and Hange was wanting to see if she could see any differences in his blood after his hunger had been satisfied. Ever since seeing how his blood had been able to bring Y/N back from the brink of death, Hange had been...rather obsessed. It was impressive how she managed to juggle her excited prodding of Eren as well as her smaller-scale experiments on Levi behind closed doors, though Levi was starting to wonder if she was even sleeping between it all.
“It’s amazing, but so unfair! We know your blood is different, that it has these extraordinary properties, and yet, comparing it with some of my own, there’s no visible difference I can see, even after you’ve fed--it appears to be the same as the sample of normal blood!” Hange said, her voice dipping in frustrated disappointment before swinging back upwards in excitement over and over again as she spoke.
Levi wiped the small smear of blood on his fingers away with his handkerchief and started to roll his sleeve back down. “Nothing about you is normal, Hange,” he deadpanned. “Eight seconds.”
“Oh?” Hange asked, perking up from the microscope to glance at where the minor injury had been, not a trace of blood left behind and smooth skin where the cut had been disappearing under his white sleeve. “That’s faster than last time by...five, six seconds? Does this mean that you heal faster the better fed you are?” Hange mused.
“It’s one theory,” Levi murmured, thinking back to when he’d given Y/N his blood. He had just, just fed off of her, yet the wound on his wrist then had taken a minute or more to heal up. Maybe there was some kind of focus or willpower involved, too. Right now, he didn’t need or want the wound to linger, and it didn’t, while then he’d need and wanted it to.
Just another theory to add to Hange’s growing pile.
Hange turned her attention back to the microscope, trying--most likely in vain--to see some kind of difference in his blood in case her first observation was wrong. “Speaking of feeding…”
“No, Hange,” Levi said in a quick, hard tone before she could continue her leading statement.
“Levi-iii, why not?” she whined. His irritation flared--how many times did he have to tell her no?
“I don’t have control when the hunger takes over like that--it’d be too dangerous. There’s no telling what could happen, and I can’t guarantee your safety.”
“It can’t be any different from poking at titans, which, need I remind you, I did with non-intelligent titans before we started the experiments with Eren.”
“This is different,” Levi said coldly. “Besides. It’s not something you want to see. Not really.”
“Except I do.”
Levi didn’t even bother to answer her this time. He’d already told her no, and since no one knew the Underground as well as him and he now had his inhuman speed, it wasn’t like she could follow him down into the Underground to try and spy on him. He had the final say, and he’d already said no.
Hange grumbled nonsense at his silence, Levi’s sensitive hearing not even able to pick up two words that could be strung together. “You’ve been more...short tempered, recently.”
“I wonder why.”
Hange ignored his sarcastic jab and kept talking.
“With all your senses and abilities being amplified, do you think its possible your personality has been, too? Your emotions?” Hange asked, growing curiosity in her voice as the theory formed.
Levi actually paused to consider it. He was annoyed easier recently. Sometimes he found it hard to get a grip on himself with emotions that went to extremes far faster than normal, or he clamped down so harshly on an impulse or emotion that he didn’t feel anything. He constantly felt like he was trying to do a balancing act blindfolded between the two extremes, trying to get back to his normal. Even he was aware that he wasn’t himself recently--besides the obvious. Though he’d written it off as just dealing with everything that had happened. What if this was going to be his normal if he couldn’t find that balance?
“I’m going to take your thoughtful silence as a yes,” Hange said, already reaching over to scribble down notes. “I feel sorry for the cadets.”
Levi scowled. What, did she think he had no self-control? He wasn’t taking all this craziness out on anyone, and he wasn’t about to start now.
“Don’t you have to go poke at Eren instead of me this morning?” he asked, giving Hange a steady look.
“Yes, but when I’m done, I’ll try to snag you for a few more tests I want to try today.”
“Wonderful…” Levi grumbled, already getting to his feet.
“Before you leave, just a few more questions!”
Levi paused, eyebrows raised, waiting for her to speak only a step away from the door.
“How’s the filtering with your hearing coming? Have you tried anything to help with the overpowering smells? Is the sunlight still bothering you the same way? What about those urges when you’re around people?”
Levi turned and leaned his back against the door, expanding his explanation for Hange’s sake so she could take her notes. “Sunlight’s still irritating. Tolerable, but in short bursts, not long periods. The best I can do for scent is to not breathe through my nose when something’s too strong. I’m getting better at focusing on specific sounds to block out the excess, but if there’s something sudden or sharp it all floods in again.” Levi paused, hesitating to go into details about his bloodlust issues. But Hange and Erwin needed to know what his limits were if they were going to keep others safe from him. They needed to be aware what made him more likely to bite someone. He’d already had a few close calls, and they all knew it. “It’s still...hard, when someone’s bleeding near me, even if I’ve fed recently. But being well fed--blood or regular food--helps...but only so much. When I’m around people, if I can block out their pulse by focusing on something else--even if its just different breaths or a person’s voice--I’ll be just fine. If I don’t, or I get...distracted by the sound of someone’s pulse, that desire returns.”
“Do you think it’s getting easier with time?” Hange asked, her voice soft in consideration with the subject Levi was far more sensitive about.
“No. Not yet, anyway.”
“Do you think you need to eat more?”
Levi shook his head. “No. There’s a difference between the desire and the hunger. And usually I take the first chance I have to slip away when I feel that shift.”
“I’ll see if I can come up with some ideas on what might help. There’s still plenty we don’t know, so maybe we just need to spend a bit more time exploring.”
“Another time,” Levi said flatly, straightening up and turning to leave. He paused with his hand hovering over the doorknob, the sound of a new heartbeat from just on the other side of the door and a familiar scent wafting towards him causing him to stiffen before he turned to face Hange with a hiss. “Did you know she was coming?”
While Erwin had agreed to Levi’s request that Y/N be kept away from Levi as much as possible, Hange had openly disagreed with Levi’s tactic and had even tried to talk him out of it once. It was already hard enough to dodge Y/N daily while the persistent woman kept trying to corner him to make him talk to her. If Hange had started actively taking Y/N’s side and trying to get the two to bump into one another, staying away from her was going to become nearly impossible.
Hange held up her hands defensively. “I’m innocent this time, Levi, I swear.”
He didn’t believe her.
Levi’s teeth ground together as he backed away from the door, a knock sounding a few seconds later. Levi jerked his head towards the door to tell Hange to open it herself, his body taunt as he waited for the brief window he would have. Hange sighed dramatically to show her displeasure at the events around her, as always, but Levi simply ignored it, eyes still on the door.
As soon as the door had opened wide enough for Levi to slip through, he bolted, using his new speed to pass by Y/N with little more than a soft gust of air, maybe the briefest glimpse of Levi inside Hange’s office that would have been brief enough to pass off as a hopeful illusion. He didn’t stop until he reached an empty hall far enough away he couldn’t hear her heartbeat anymore. Once there, he leaned against the wall for a brief moment, eyes closed as he pushed any rising thoughts about her as far down as he could and reoriented himself.
He straightened just in time for another scout to round the corner, subconsciously putting on the façade of favoring his left leg as he continued down the hall. They didn’t have an excuse for why an injury that was supposed to sideline him for months would abruptly be so completely healed, so he had to keep moving around like he was out of commission even though he was even stronger physically than he’d been before. Plus, it gave Hange plenty of time to poke and prod while Levi was still only doing the non-physical half of his duties.
...or plenty of time to try and orchestrate forcing Levi into a situation where he had to talk to Y/N. He’d have to be on guard against Hange’s sneakier methods the more desperate she became to make it happen.
*Reader’s POV*
If anyone could rival you in stubbornness, it was Levi. Once that man settled on something, really put his mind to it and committed, nothing was going to change it except some kind of earth-shaking event. This particular quality of his was becoming more and more apparent with every passing day the Captain went so far out of his way to avoid you.
It had already been blatantly obvious the kind of lengths he was willing to go to try and push you out of his life entirely when, during your recovery, he didn’t even sleep in his office while you were recovering. He’d retreated to another side of the castle entirely, and stubbornly stayed there until his door was fixed and lockable again, and you had recovered and been moved back to where you usually slept. Now, you were lucky to catch glimpses of him from a distance. He started supervising training at different times--specifically ones where you were busy elsewhere--and was in and out of the mess hall for his food either long before you arrived or too quickly to give you a chance to corner him, not that the mess hall was the place to be having the kind of conversation the two of you needed. If you tried to find him in his office, he never answered--somehow he always seemed to know that it was you on the other side of the door, even if someone else did the knocking and talking for you. Once, when you had decided to just walk in, you’d even heard the lock click as your hand touched the doorknob. That one had hurt.
Still, you understood what he was doing. From the moment you’d woken up and had that brief exchange with him, Levi’s intentions had been obvious. Afraid that you would get hurt, Levi was trying to put as much distance between the two of you so nothing similar could happen again.
Had you been hurt? Yes. Had he almost killed you? Definitely. Had you been afraid? Hell yes, even if your surprisingly level-headed approach to the situation had suggested differently. But after waking up bed-ridden with a decently lengthy recovery period ahead of you, you’d had plenty of time to really think about what happened and what you understood of it. Almost being killed by someone wasn’t an easy thing to overcome. When you’d first woken up, you’d admittedly still been in a sort of shock about what had happened, the events hadn’t really sunk in yet. But your recovery had given you the time you needed to struggle, shake, cry a little, and work through it all.
What Levi had done, while terrifying and deadly for you, had been unintentional, and fueled by a hunger he wasn’t used to, a hunger that had probably been amplified by his near-death state and that much harder for him to control. He’d lost all sense of himself, you’d seen it in his eyes the brief moment before he’d bitten into your neck. You couldn’t imagine what he’d felt when he did come back to himself. Hange had said that he’d been desperate, that she’d never seen him the way he was while trying to save your life. And now, seeing the lengths he was going to in order to protect you from himself, seeing how afraid he was that he was going to hurt you again...how could you not be willing to forgive him?
If you could just catch him and get the stubborn, stoic man to talk to you already.
You couldn’t let the conversation be postponed any longer. This was something the two of you needed to talk about, so you could fully forgive him, maybe he could start to forgive himself, and both of you could move forward. It would also be helpful for Levi to get assistance with whatever this was he was going through, but right now you were focused on the basics.
And because you still couldn’t catch Levi, even with a heads up from Hange allowing you to briefly glimpse him in the woman’s office, you were pushed to the drastic and admittedly stupid actions.
You had to catch him when he went to the Underground to feed.
Knowing what was happening to him, it wasn’t hard to piece together how he’d been feeding recently when no cases of dead bodies drained of blood popped up within the walls on the surface or among the Scouts. You also knew he wasn’t feeding on any willing participants yet--he was afraid of losing control, and with the three people who were aware of his situation being people he didn’t want to accidentally kill, he wouldn’t be drinking from anyone in the Scouts. Where would he go if he was looking for people who would disappear without causing ripples if he lost control? The Underground, as depressing as the truth of it was.
Except he had started to catch attention. Not directly, obviously, but rumors were starting to bubble, rumors about a shadowy figure that snatched the filth of the Underground into the darkness and left mangled bloodless corpses behind as the only evidence it had ever been there. Only a couple bodies had been found, but if Levi had to feed as frequently as his nightly excursions suggested, there were more.
You’d been keeping an eye out for him nightly, trying to figure out his feeding pattern since you’d been driven to this point, which was how you knew. It was how you were able to figure out the rough window of when he’d need to feed again, how you were able to catch sight of him slipping out of Headquarters when everyone should have been asleep, and how you knew where you needed to go in order to follow him into the depths of the Underground.
Though you weren’t entirely sure if it could necessarily be called following. With his speed, Levi was impossible to keep in sight. You knew which entrance to the Underground he used, and you could rationalize that he would be looking for unsavory elements in the back alleys of the Underground, but that was all you had to go off of. You’d have to hope that you could find Levi down there, in a place he knew far better than you, in the short span of time it took him to find someone, feed, and then return to headquarters. If you missed him completely, you’d be stuck wandering the Underground until morning or later, considering there wouldn’t be any sun to tell you morning had broke.
But this was the only option you had left. It wasn’t your best idea, and you found yourself jumping at shadows as you plunged deeper and deeper below ground, but you had to try.
He wasn’t going to do it, so you had to try.
You had to resist the urge to cover your nose with your hand in a feeble attempt to block out the smell as you started weaving your way through the dark streets of the Underground. You couldn’t imagine how Levi tolerated it even if he had lived down here once, considering his enhanced senses.
Feeling eyes on you, you shook off the idle thoughts, reminding yourself this was the worst place inside the walls to be alone, even with military training, and you clearly stood out down here. You couldn’t afford to get lost in thoughts right now, especially since you knew Levi was prowling through these dark streets somewhere looking for someone to feed on.
Even though you hadn’t thought it could, the further into the winding, dark back streets, the worse the conditions were. Abandoned houses rotted away, and the occasional body was shoved aside off the main path so people could keep walking. Occasionally something would move in the dark, and you could see dim eyes watching you from huddled masses curled up next to walls or trash heaps for some form of shelter. You did your best not to disturb them, stepping carefully and trying to keep pity from rising into your expression. You were here for one person right now, and you were on a time limit. There wasn’t time to spend feeling bad for locals you couldn’t help.
It was while you were stepping around one of these locals that you hadn’t seen curled up at the corner because they’d been so indistinguishable from the trash pile they’d been sleeping in that you momentarily lost sense of your larger surroundings a moment too long. Taking care to step around the corner and not on the person you’d almost tripped over, you initially missed the sight of a group of five men that had almost reached the neck of the alley you were stepping into. Registering movement in your peripherals, your head snapped up to take in the sight of the small group of large men, body tensing at the light you saw spark in their eyes when you saw each other.
Your first thought was not to go down that alley, then it was to not turn your back on them. It was a T intersection, though. You couldn’t turn around because there was too much ground to cover still, and you didn’t really want to make some kind of awkward shimmy down the alley in the same direction they seemed to be heading.
You didn’t get much time to think about it. They were too close for comfort, so you turned and continued down the alley, your steps faster, body tensed and limbs ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. You could feel them behind you, heard the whistles and jeers about a pretty little surfacer wandering into the slums.
This wasn’t going to end well. Especially if you took a wrong turn into a dead end like you were in some kind of cliché horror story.
You turned your head just enough to get a look at them, noting with unease that the fifth seemed to have broken away from the group. No doubt to try and cut you off--you weren’t stupid, and you were in the Scouts, of course you’d be able to figure out that much.
Best not to keep going in a straight line down the alley, then. Maybe, if you were lucky, you could lose them in the winding back alleys. They might have the home field advantage, but at least you wouldn’t make it easy for them if they did manage to corner you between the five of them.
The next time you saw a narrow alley on your right, you took a sudden, sharp turn, breaking into a run as soon as you were out of the immediate sight of the group. You heard them holler behind you just past the halfway point in the alley, the four also breaking into a run a few seconds before you made another right turn, a left, straight, another left, a right…
Maybe you should try to double back and get back to the surface. You’d stumbled into trouble, you were going to have to spend time shaking them, most likely Levi would have fed and would be leaving by the time you managed to go back to searching for him again. It was best to cut your losses and head back above ground, try to corner him again another time, another way. This hadn’t been a smart idea from the beginning, but now it was much, much worse.
You could hear that group still pursuing you, more spread out now as they used their numbers to their advantage, just as you’d expected them to. And it seemed they’d sent the fastest ahead to try and cut you off, because as you turned the corner for another right turn, you could see one of them pop out of an alley a few ahead of you, already heading for you as you bolted into another side alley.
They were getting too close for comfort. And this one was staying on your ass like an abnormal in an open field.
Halfway down an annoyingly long and slightly wider alley, that one man still on your tail, a second appeared at the other end of the alley. He grinned when he saw you running straight for him, ripping one of the boards off the window of the abandoned house in the alley and holding it like a club.
You didn’t slow down, already taking in his form, mind going through the many disarming motions you’d been taught, some by Levi himself after you’d shown some promise in training. The smile diminished when you didn’t falter, but the second man stood his ground, waiting for you to get within reach.
You were waiting for the same moment.
As he pulled back to swing, you shifted to the side, grabbing at his arm with a pull, a twist upwards, a knee into his gut before you came down on his leg, shoving him aside with your upper body to send him staggering into the wall with a pained cry. His board clattered to the ground as the one who had been right behind you suddenly tackled you to the ground, your knees coming up to your chest in the fall so you could push him up and over your head once your back hit the stone. You all got back to your feet at roughly the same time, the two now between you and the mouth of the alley, and you knew there had to be about three somewhere behind you, so you needed to go forward, through these two assholes.
You put your hands up and fell into an at-the-ready stance.
Back to training, then.
You could practically feel Levi’s eyes on you on the training field, one of the only recruits who didn’t say a word of complaint about being taught to handle armed opponents even past basic training, when the Scouts were supposed to be fighting Titans, not humans. You took it seriously, actually put in the effort, actively listened to instructions and critiques, and didn’t utter a word of complaint.
Why the hell would you complain about being taught to protect yourself?
Now it seemed it was a good thing that had been the attitude you’d approached those lessons with, because you were going to need them.
One of them threw themselves at you with a shout and you side-stepped, pushing him past you with the help of his own momentum so you could focus on the guy who was trying to bring a fist down on your head, you leaned back just out of its path, stepped forward with your left, and brought your own fist in for a quick overhand punch with your right that connected with the man’s jaw. The first came in from behind you again, an arm slipping around your neck--you’d thought you had another few seconds before you’d have to face him again, hoping he’d fallen on his face. You leaned forward as much as you could and dropping one shoulder, sending the slim runner over your shoulder with his momentum to grab you from behind, stepping back and to the side with your other foot as he tumbled over you. Your arms came back up just in time to block another punch from the other guy with your arm, your other hand flashing out to nail him in the nose with enough force to hear a satisfying crack before you jumped back.
Another ripping sound similar to when the bigger guy of the two you were facing had ripped off a board came from the end of the alley you had entered behind you, and you turned long enough to see a third guy pulling off a smaller board with a little more effort.
Three on one in a back alley, now. You needed to get out of here, fast, before the rest could catch up.
Not wanting someone behind you again, you shifted, standing at the ready with your back to the wall between the two on the one end and the one on the other, coiled and ready to see who would come at you first. The one with the board charged you, prompting you to turn enough to face him, eyeing the board that was held high and swinging towards you as he came within range.
You caught the board, cutting your thumb open on a jagged edge in the process but keeping your grip firm as the force caused your arms to fold against your chest. With the man now within range, you pulled back just enough to give yourself enough room to kick him in the stomach, giving a push against the board at the same time to make sure he was send backwards. Knowing the other two would be trying to grab you from behind, you turned swiftly, bending your arm and swinging around sharply with your elbow connecting with whichever one had reached you first. You didn’t get the chance to see who it was before a shot suddenly rang out, shocking you enough you hesitated and were grabbed by the arm by the larger of your original two opponents.
Looking towards the other side of the alley you could see the other two members of the group had caught up, with one handing the still-smoking one shot pistol to the other, who was also giving him a second you were sure was already loaded and ready. It was probably safe to assume the one who had fired a shot into the air was the leader, and he was now approaching slowly, the other man hanging back to reload the little pistol.
What the hell kind of a job and black market deal did these guys have to pull off to get their hands on two pistols?
You tried to twist out of the hold on your arm, but even in the dark of the alley you could see the glint of the loaded pistol well enough to tell you it was leveled directly at your head, making you still. Another one of your original three attackers grabbed your other arm, the large man kicking the back of your leg to force you into a kneeling position.
“You’re quite the scrapper, aren’t you? Almost more trouble than you’re worth,” the leader mused, coming to stand directly in front of you. You tensed, pulling against the firm hands that held your arms and shoulders to force you into your kneeling position. As you struggled, the leader brought the barrel of the gun to hover directly and unmistakably in front of your face, causing you to still again. “I don’t like wasting bullets, so if you don’t want to die messy, I suggest you stay still in case I decide to just shoot you.”
“Boss, the whole point of chasing her down was to have a little fun with her!” the one who’d managed to stay on your ass during the chase complained. He sounded winded.
“At first, but after seeing all that? She might be able to overpower us if we keep her alive. You want to risk her breaking free long enough to kill you, idiot?” When no one made another complaint, the leader pressed the barrel of the gun against your forehead. “Such a waste, too. Sorry, Swee--”
Hands wrapped around the leader’s throat and one of his shoulders, so suddenly you weren’t sure you’d really seen it. However, the fact that he was suddenly yanked into the shadows without a warning let you know you had seen them. There was a visceral snapping sound a split second after the man had been grabbed, and before anyone could react, he was spat back out of the shadows as swiftly as they’d claimed him, thrown to the ground within sight of everyone, his neck snapped and body crumpled like a fallen handkerchief.
A feral snarl sounded from the darkness, and chaos erupted all around you.
*Levi’s POV*
Levi’s fingers threaded through the hair of tonight’s prey in a relentless grip, pressing their head down and into the ground while his other hand pulled their shoulder aside, leaving their neck stretched and exposed for him to sink his teeth into with little resistance. They had stopped struggling long ago, the kicks and futile punches and pushed now absent, the trembling beneath him slowing to a complete stop. He was able to drink deeply and undisturbed, hidden in the dark shadows of a dead end alley, the only sounds the occasional soft hum of pleasure and the sound of his teeth sinking deeper into flesh as he drank. He focused on the sounds to drown out the rest of the Underworld, the pulse he'd originally listened to long gone.
He was starting to consciously enjoy it when he fed...and even picking the scum of the Underground to prey on, he wasn't sure how he felt about that.
A loud sharp, familiar sound broke through Levi's filter, causing him to jerk back, head looking up towards the ceiling and tilted in the direction he'd heard the gunshot. A rush of sounds and smells suddenly rushed towards him again now that he'd been abruptly jostled out of his feed, overwhelming him while he wiped some of the blood from his face and tried to sort through the sensory mess once more and find the source of a gunshot, head pounding. The only people who were going to have guns down here were military and a lucky criminal who'd scored rather big--not ODM gear big, but still.
As he was trying to filter out the sound, the faintest whiff of a strong, familiar scent reached him. After being bathed in it the night he'd transformed, he would never mistake that scent for anything else. Y/N's blood. And it had to have been spilled if he was able to smell her through the stench of the Underground.
What the hell was she doing down here?
Focusing on that scent and trying to hear what was near her at the same time, Levi slowly rose to his feet, eyes closed as he focused. He could smell gunpowder in the air as well, could hear a concentration of heartbeats, most pounding from exertion, but one that possessed the familiar scent pounding faster from exertion and fear. Then came the distant voices.
"...don’t want to die messy, I suggest you stay still in case I decide to just shoot you."
Dammit.
Levi was moving before he could finish putting together what was happening, focused on closing the distance between where he'd been and where Y/N was in danger before another gunshot could be fired. The man who’d fired the shot was still talking with someone, making it easier for Levi to narrow down where they were. He stayed in the shadows even with his speed, making sure that he kept the element of surprise so that he could be sure to kill whoever had the gun first, before they had the chance to shoot again.
He could smell her blood, too. Did that mean she’d already been shot? How bad was her wound? If he got too close, could he resist?
He’d worry about that when he got there.
As soon as the scene of five men gathered around Y/N came into view, with one of them pressing the barrel of a pistol against her forehead, Levi’s blood boiled into a blind rage. The shadows around him blurred as he rushed forward, grabbing the man with the gun and pulling him into the shadows. He noticed there was a second man reloading the pistol that must have made the first shot, so he made his kill quick, snapping the man’s neck and pushing the body away without a second thought. The other armed man wildly swung around with the gun when he saw the dead body, a snarl ripping past Levi’s lips as he barreled into the armed man, sending him flying and colliding with the wall of once of the buildings he heard bones snapping as he was sent through the wall. Instincts taking over, including his newly acquired, monstrous ones, Levi went after one of the two men restraining Y/N next, moving too fast for the group of five to have even hope to react in defense.
Pulling the large man into the shadows and away from Y/N, effectively breaking his grip on her, Levi sank his teeth into the man’s neck, blood flowing free and unrestrained as he tore into the man’s throat with the intent to kill. He was able to drink quite a bit in the process, only because he didn’t let go until the man’s pulse started to stutter beneath his lips and he was sure the blood loss alone would kill him.
Looking at the two remaining, Y/N had taken the chance with their stunned state and the fact she only had one person holding onto her now to attack the other man restraining her. She didn’t look hurt in the slightest as she pulled her restrainer towards her and kneed him in the gut, but he could still smell the blood she’d spilled at some point.
At the moment, however, his attention was drawn to the second still standing man who was now trying to attack Y/N from behind while she was busy with her restrainer. Levi rushed the second man as well, not bothering to hide in the shadows now as he ripped into the slender man’s throat just as he’d done to Y/N’s other restrainer, waiting until the pulse stuttered and the blood loss turned fatal before he dropped the body to the ground and turned to face the last man.
Y/N had knocked him to the ground by now, the man staring in horror at Levi. He must have been quite the sight. When he’d fed before this mess, he’d only had blood on his face, neck, and around his collar, since he was gradually improving with how messy he was when he fed. Now, however, after ripping out two throats, the blood stained his front as well. His eyes glowed a vivid crimson and pierced through the dark of the alley, fangs flashing as he licked away a thicker trail of blood while he approached the last man. Levi grabbed the man by the front of his shirt, picking him up with ease and pinning him against the wall.
“Demon--” the man hardly managed to squeak out. Something in Levi burned at the accusation, his grip on the man’s shirt tightening.
No witnesses, no loose ends. Unless he wanted his situation public legend or knowledge, depending on how much people were willing to believe.
Without a word, Levi sank his teeth into the man’s throat, covering the man’s mouth with his hand to muffle the screams even though they didn’t last long. As he drank and the pulse below his lips eventually slowed to a stop, Levi listened and thought about what he would do next.
The only other sounds in the alley came from behind him, from Y/N. She hadn’t moved, was hardly breathing, her heartbeat wild from adrenaline and a sense of fear, and it only seemed to be beating faster as she watched him drain the life from her last attacker.
What the hell had possessed her to make her think that following Levi into the Underground when he came here to feed was a good idea? The Underground was already dangerous, especially at night, especially with something like him lurking in the darkness looking for a meal. Her foolhardy determination to blow past his insistence they not be anywhere near one another was going to get her killed--it nearly had.
Levi felt his blood chill, even if he was still drinking in fresh warm blood. What would happen next? How many more reckless ideas would she get, how much farther was she going to push? Was she really willing to push her luck until she died while he was trying to keep her safe from him? What did he have to do to make her back off, for her to realize how serious this was, that she couldn’t be anywhere near him, that she couldn’t follow after him like this? Did he have to scare her off? At this rate, it was the only thing he could think of that might actually work. But how far was he willing to go to scare her enough to protect her? At the moment, she already had some fear lingering in her. If he didn’t wait too long, he could work with it; there might be a chance that he wouldn’t have to do too much if she was already afraid. He just had to scare her a little one time to make her leave him alone.
He was a little dizzy at the moment, feeling almost drunk on the sheer volume of blood he’d just consumed in such a short span of time. He could muscle through it, though. Ride the high just long enough to do what he had to.
Steeling his resolve, Levi released the now limp body in his arms, rushing Y/N and pinning her against the wall with a hand around her throat. His fangs were bared, eyes still glowing crimson, fresh blood still smeared across his face and front as he snarled. His thumb was placed strategically on her pulse point, able to feel as her heartbeat doubled its speed. He was trying to subtly watch her reaction to know when he’d done enough, his thumb tracing lightly along the vein on her neck, but not biting yet. She was tense, holding her breath, heartbeat racing wildly, and yet...after the first few seconds…
She let out a slow, shaking breath, her heartbeat starting to gradually and slightly calm down.
“You’re just trying to scare me. It’s not going to work, Levi.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he let his fingers tilt her neck to the side, well aware that he was pushing his limits, playing a dangerous game in his attempt to convince her that if she didn’t stay away from him, he’d kill her. His lips brushed against her neck, his fangs feeling like they were aching in desperation to sink into her neck. He could remember what she tasted like--he hadn’t had anything better, since. Only the scum of the Underground that left a chemically, filthy aftertaste in his mouth. But her…
He struggled against those thoughts, willing himself not to give into them. He didn’t want to bite her, not really. He just wanted to scare her.
They were both perfectly still, neither of them even breathing loudly or heavily, just tense, each waiting for the other to make a move. What was she thinking? Was she trying to call his bluff? Did she believe he wouldn’t bite her? Was she thinking of last time she’d bet on his restraint, how it had been thrown back in her face when he almost killed her? Was she trying to figure out how far he’d go to make her stay away? Was she trying to decide if he would really bite her again to make her run?
He was wondering the same thing. He’d pretty much sworn that he wouldn’t bite her again for any reason, and yet, he found himself in a position where a warning bite seemed like an option, just enough to make her realize he was serious, just enough to scare her off...but he didn’t trust his control once he started drinking from her. Especially now, smelling the heady aroma of her blood again, so much better than what he’d been feeding on down here in the Underground for a while now. But did the risk really outweigh the possible result? He had just drained four fairly big men of their blood, maybe he’d had enough it wouldn’t be too hard to stop...maybe. Did he really want to take that risk, to hurt her once again even if it was only a little, for the chance he might finally make her run away from him instead of towards him, so she’d be safe?
He waited a moment too long. Without warning, Y/N suddenly pushed him back, and Levi gave easily against the action, backing away a few steps and looking away. He had hardly put any of his strength into the motion, only meaning to scare, not harm her, wanting her to be able to push him away and bolt when he finally scared her enough to make her run. Clearly, she’d seen right through his actions and to his true intention.
His fangs retracted, the crimson in his eyes fading to a simple red glint, and he was suddenly quite conscious of the fact that he was covered in blood. Knowing it wouldn’t do him much good but wanting to make the attempt anyway, he tried wiping some of the blood from his face, refusing to look at Y/N as he did so.
He could run, but it wouldn’t do him any good. This talk was apparently inevitable, even if he deemed it inconsequential, pointless. She wasn’t going to change his mind. He’d already decided to cut her out--it was better for both of them if he did, rather than drag her down any further into this...mess.
“If you’re thinking of making a run for it, don’t,” she warned, as if she could read him as easily as a book. The fact he chose to look down the dark alley instead of at her probably gave the idle thought he’d had away.
“Why the hell are you down here?” he growled instead of addressing her accusation.
“It’s your fault I am! How else was I supposed to try and catch you to talk with you running from me like a kid instead of a grown ass man--”
“I’m not running from you, I told you to stay away from me from the start. You’re the one who apparently didn’t get the message,” Levi returned in a low tone.
“Oh, I heard you, I just chose to ignore it because you’re being--”
“If you end that sentence with what I think you’re about to--”
“What? What are you going to do, Levi? Just because you don’t like hearing what I have to say, because you know its true?”
Anger was bubbling up inside him with rapidly multiplying strength. He was trying to push it down, to clamp down on it for both their sakes, but it was a struggle he was losing the longer this argument went on. He could tell she was frustrated even though he still hadn’t looked at her, that she was hurt, that it was bubbling up as well and that was why she was so aggressive at the moment, but he didn’t care. Every word she threw at him, no matter how cutting, only stoked that anger right now.
“--damn it, Levi, look at me, will you?”
She flinched back from the anger in his eyes when he finally met her gaze, the red glint in his eyes growing stronger. He took the chance to throw in a few sharp words of his own.
“You’re the one acting worse than a child. At least a child’s ignorant when they stick their hand in the fire. You’re the dumbass that tries to jump feet first to see if its hot no matter how many times you’ve been burned before. A fucking incompetant idiot with a death wish is what you are!”
He’d never called her incompetant or incapable in any way before. Before all this happened, she hadn’t been, he hadn’t been worried about her being able to handle herself, hadn’t thought that it would be a stupid decision or a hasty, rash action that got her killed. Now, he was afraid her pigheadedness was going to lead to her getting killed because of him, directly or, after tonight, indirectly.
That was the other emotion swirling inside him under all the anger. Fear.
She stuck out her chin in defiance, though he saw a flash of pain in her eyes at his words that were spoken with a harsh tone that let her know it wasn’t just his gruff exterior talking. “Trying to shove me out isn’t going to work when I know that’s what you’re doing, Levi.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Levi snapped. “What part of ‘stay away from me or you’ll get hurt again’ did you not understand? What about me almost killing you the other night didn’t get through your head and trigger some common sense? How could you not understand the words I will kill you? I don’t want you anywhere near me, Y/N--”
“I already have been hurt, Levi! I’m already a part of this, and I want to help, what part of that don’t you understand?”
“The part where you suddenly became so intent to fucking die!” he snarled.
Even more infuriatingly, she ignored that exclamation and tried to switch to her version of cold facts. “You’re still not in control,” she said flatly, and Levi turned his back on her, already starting to walk away. She simply followed, still talking. “You’re not! You’re coming down here and ripping people to shreds, past recognition. You still don’t know how to control your bloodlust when you feed! What happens when someone gets wounded on an expedition and they’re bleeding all over the place in front of you? What happens if for some reason you lose control and you bite the wrong person? What are you going to do, Levi? Can you say that you’re going to stop, really? With the bodies you’ve been leaving that’s already getting you a shadowy reputation below and above ground? No!”
“None of this has anything to do with you. It’s not about you, its not effecting you, its not your problem, Y/N. You’re just desperately trying to insert yourself to feel important,” he spat out. He didn’t believe the last part, but he just wanted her to go away, to leave him alone like he’d asked. His hands were clenched into fists to hide the tremble, teeth clenched--
“I’m trying to help you because I want to. Its not that hard to understand, Levi. You need help, like it or not. You can’t keep attracting attention by feeding like this. You need to find someone who’s willing so you don’t have to keep feeding like this and to help you learn control, and you already know I--”
He blocked her out after that. Stopping in the middle of his angry prowl through the dark alleys, body rigid, hands flexing in and out of fists. His mind called back the intoxicating nature of her blood, how easy it had been to lose himself, the blood all over himself and the bed and drained from her body, how close she came to dying before a wild guess and a futile prayer managed to be just enough to bring her back from the brink. She wanted that to happen again? To offer her blood just for him to lose himself and drain her dry? He couldn’t remember how she’d struggled or plead with him because it was a euphoric haze in his mind, but he’d felt his prey down here struggle for their lives, heard them plead before he cut off or muffled their cries. His stomach lurched, threatening to send him forwards as his mind fabricated the vivid image of Y/N struggling in his grasp and gasping for him to stop as he drained her dry, too far gone to even flinch in reaction to her dying moments. He wouldn’t let it happen. He wouldn’t. He refused, and no matter what he had to do, he wasn’t going to let it become reality, he wasn’t going to set up her pointless death by giving in. He had to make her run from him now and never look back, had to make her see that he could and would hurt her--kill her--if she kept going down this path. Now. While he was still so gorged on blood he could stop himself out of raw satisfaction with all he’d drank.
“You’re so desperate for me to feed off of you again,” he said in a steady tone, interrupting whatever she’d been saying after he’d blocked her out. “Fine.”
Once more, Levi pinned her against the wall. Except this time he wasn’t gentle about it, and this time his grip didn’t give her even a hair’s breath of space to move. His hand was firmly on her throat and angling her head upwards, the crimson in his eyes blazing once again with enough infuriated intensity he could see the glint of their glow reflected in her wide eyes.
“Let me remind you what you’re in for.”
Before he could second guess, before doubts could encroach, before he even had the chance to weigh the consequences, Levi bit down on her collar. Hard. She cried out in pain, the sound cut off when he squeezed her throat just enough to make her quiet. The blood didn’t come nearly as easily as it would have if he’d bitten her neck, but that was part of the reason he’d bitten here instead. Still, even after drinking from four people minutes ago, her blood tasted divine compared to the blood he’d been drinking in the Underground, the euphoria from last time starting to return.
Without the need for blood, Levi’s struggle to ignore the euphoria was a little easier, and no matter how much it hurt, Levi focused on every other part of Y/N to try and stave off the haze long enough.
She was trying to push him off--not that it was doing anything to stop him. He could feel her pulse rapidly picking up pace, his grip almost bruising and keeping her firmly pinned against the wall. She kept telling him to stop, to get off, called his name. He heard every word. It cut like shards of glass burrowing into his heart and lungs, blood still flowing past his lips with his teeth sinking relentlessly into her flesh. He didn’t stop.
The commands turned to pleas. The shoves turned to blows that wouldn’t even bruise him. He kept her pinned against the wall, eyes burning but closed, teeth embedded in her collar, his grip tight both to hold her in place but also because of the coiling tension inside him listening to her plead with him to let her go. He still didn’t stop.
Then he tasted it. Felt it in her pulse and her posture, in the hot tears that fell on his face and neck. Heard it in her voice. True fear. Normally, in a twisted way, it made blood taste better, somehow richer. Now, it was almost acidic, leaving a nasty aftertaste as Levi finally, instantly let her go. The abrupt motion made her crumple to the ground with a sob…
But by the time she’d have enough cognitive thought to look up, he would already be gone. As soon as he let her go he walked away. He didn’t have a destination in mind, didn’t pick a direction to head to eventually get back to the surface. He simply walked, wiping the blood from his face again with trembling hands, eyes unseeing the paths he followed even if he was subconsciously using his other senses to guide him away from anyone who was still out in the streets this late at night. It was like he was in a daze, walking without thinking, without seeing, without any sense of direction. The longer he didn’t think, the better, because if he started thinking again, if he thought about it, if he thought, if he…
Where was he even going? Where was he now? He was alone, at least...completely.
His body shuddered, as if in anticipation as the daze started to pass, some part of him getting him to whisper a soft ‘shit’ before the thoughts started to rush towards him. He tried to stave them off a few moments longer.
I had to do it.
I had to.
I had to, for her sake.
For her sake, I...
He kept trying to repeat the thought enough to convince himself. His hand reached out to steady himself against the nearest wall. His shaking hands clenched into fists.
I had to do it, I had to, I had to.
His face was wet. Not just with blood--he could see pinkish drops of hot tears escape from the tip of his nose and the edge of his jaw and chin. His teeth ground painfully together, jaw feeling like it would snap from the pressure as he leaned against the wall his fist had been pressed against, feeling his shoulder start to slowly slide downwards in halting bursts.
I...I had...
It felt like someone had gutted him. Now, as he started to come out of his haze, he felt hollow, as if an amature had gutted him with a dull blade and simply took everything. Everything except a suddenly overwhelming self-hatred that pierced and burned through him from the inside out, causing short gasps to burst past his lips despite the instinctual effort to keep it all in.
I made the wrong choice.
I made the wrong choice.
He shouldn’t have done it, but he did. He’d really sunk this low, and he hated himself all the more because of it. He should never have let himself make that choice. He knew it was wrong, that was why it had gutted him even as he’d done it, he knew, but he did it anyway.
Why? Why?
Am I really that desperate?
If I’m really this desperate, was she really wr--
No.
No...no, he’d made his choice. It was done, it was over. He’d knowingly hurt her to make her afraid of him, to make her leave, and she wasn’t ever going to look at him the same way again. Just like he’d wanted so desperately to do in the moment.
The damage was done.
He had to accept it.
He had to live with it now, no matter how much it hurt him.
He’d done it to himself.
He’d done it to them.
And he couldn’t take it back.
It was far too late for that.
*Reader’s POV*
Nights had become a ritual of terror for you.
Every night, without fail, this very thing happened.
The lights were out, like they were supposed to be, so there wasn’t a fire, so occupants could sleep, because it was night. Yet you stood frozen in place in the dark, the heat of the lamp dissipating the longer you stood frozen in place, staring into the darkness around you. It was your room, but it felt like something sinister was watching you in the shadows. And as soon as that thought crossed your mind, they were there. Vivid and crimson, glowing from the shadows, freezing you in place as the demonic eyes pierced fear straight to your core. Your chest tightened, breaths coming in shallow, painful bursts as your gaze locked with them.
You knew, logically, they weren’t there, but that didn’t change the fact that you saw them, didn’t change the sweat that dampened your skin, the chill that wouldn’t leave you, the struggle to breath, the inability to move, the unbridled fear they caused.
Lighting lamps to try and cast out the darkness for a little while was the obvious first choice, but it only made things worse. They couldn’t light every corner, the dim light making the shadows longer and the darkness more prominent where the light couldn’t reach it. Every time you let one of those shadowy corners slip into your peripherals it looked like there was someone right behind you, looming to attack. And the lamps couldn’t stay on all night.
The only thing left was to blow out the lights so a fire couldn’t start, hiding under the covers like some frightened child before the fear could paralyze you. The blanket was pulled over your head, your trembling yet rigidly tense body curled into a fetal position with your eyes squeezed shut. Your mind relentlessly conjured up the image of fangs flashing towards you, those red eyes burning as they grew closer and closer to where you were huddled helplessly under a sheet in complete darkness.
But opening your eyes was worse. Opening your eyes you’d have to face the darkness, and your mind whispered that once you opened them, your nightmares would be real, that you’d see the dark figure with the red eyes and the bloody fangs right in front of you, and as soon as you saw them, they’d attack. With your eyes closed you could feel them there, but they still hadn’t touched you. If you opened your eyes, it was over. You couldn’t stand staring at the open dark of your room, without knowing what was hiding within.
And this wasn’t just your nightly ritual. Even in the day you saw the eyes in your peripherals, in the shadowy places, glimpsed in passing and making you jump at shadows.
And if you did manage to fall asleep at night...the nightmares came. Nightmares where you could feel it all again, could see just those damn crimson eyes, could feel the teeth sinking repeatedly into your flesh until you woke with strangled screams and muffled sobs, futility struggling to recover some sense of composure.
What made it worse was you didn’t have the comfort of being told it was just a dream, just your mind playing tricks on you, that none of it was real.
Your nightmares had already been real once. Who was to say they wouldn’t become real again?
*Levi’s POV*
Headquarters was perfectly quiet. The only sound was the occasional snore, soft, steady heartbeats, and breathing of most people in the building fast asleep. The sounds he made in the kitchen as he went about making a cup of tea seemed loud in comparison, even if he knew for a fact that he was the only one who could hear them.
His insomnia had been relentless for days now, only able to catch snippets of uneasy rest in bursts that didn’t even amount to an hour on their own. It was why he was down here now, water starting to bubble in a kettle, the mixture for a chamomile tea at the ready. If he didn’t find a way to sleep, soon, he’d have to ask Hange to help him--he was that desperate for a solution.
Not that she would want to help him.
Hange opened and shut the door with a resounding slam that made cadets in the hall freeze as she stormed into Levi’s office, glasses propped atop her head to clearly display the unbridled anger in her eyes. ”What the hell did you do?”
He knew why he couldn’t sleep, but he didn’t know what else to do.
“I treated the bite, Levi. I know what happened.”
Once he heard the water bubbling in the kettle, Levi went about slowly pouring the water into his cup, eyes unfocused as his thoughts came back to plague him in the silence of the kitchen.
”She followed me into the Underground, Hange. I just gave her a scare so she would finally stay away like I told her to.”
“Oh, you did more than that.”
“...What are you talking about?”
“Shit,” he cursed, yanking his hand back as he spilled some of the hot water onto his hand, setting the kettle down a little too roughly, trying to clean up the mess and ignore the burning in his hand.
“Have you seen Y/N lately?”
“No, and I don’t expect to, if she finally listened.”
“Keep up that attitude, Levi, and I’ll skewer you; I know you’ll heal. You went too far, Levi.”
He’d been picking up the too-full tea cup, and as Hange’s words from the memory pierced him far deeper with his recently acquired knowledge, his grip tightened, and the cup shattered under his hand. Flesh burning from the hot tea, herbs smearing against the now fresh wounds in his hands, crimson blending into the only temporarily yellowish orange liquid as the blood spilled down his hands, and bits of the cup stuck in his hand, while the rest lay shattered on the floor.
”She forgave you for the first one, and for good reason. But this?”
--Late at night, just beyond the stone of the wall, behind two simple wooden doors, Levi could hear the only other occupant in the castle that was awake right now. Her heartbeat was erratic with unbridled terror and emotional pain. It had been her strangled scream that only Levi could hear that had pierced the quiet of Headquarters, the scream now reduced to muffled, body wracking sobs into a pillow or a blanket.--
Levi kneeled down in front of his mess, still-injured hands reaching out to try to pick up the shattered cup, to gather up the broken pieces, to clean up his mess. He kept cutting his hands again, though. He didn’t know how, he knew how to be careful, knew how to be gentle so he didn’t cut himself, didn’t break anything further. But right now, he kept drawing more blood, kept inflicting fresh wounds on his hands and watching the small ones heal almost too fast to even notice they were there while the garish pieces sticking out of his hand and openly bleeding still showed, glaring at him in the dim lighting.
”Erwin’s already mentioned he might have to dismiss her as unfit for duty. We both know she didn’t have anything else besides the Scouts before, and now...”
The damn cup was broken. He didn’t even know why he was trying to recover each little piece, like he was actually going to try and reassemble it, like he could somehow fix it. The cup was broken and he couldn’t fix it.
It’s broken, and he can’t fix it.
Broken, and he can’t fix it.
Broken, and can’t fix it.
Broken…
Broken...
”Levi, stop, please!”
--He was alone in the hall. His lips were parted, but no sound came out, eyes half lidded, but glinting bright and wet in the moonlight with unrestrained pain, head leaning back against the stone with his chin tilted upwards towards the sky. The sobs continued through the stone behind him, and he let out a slow, shaking breath before he slowly pushed away from the wall--
“Fuck!” Levi suddenly shouted, hand slamming against the mess in front of him, hand slicing open even further as more shards of the cup found its way into his hand or shattered even further from the force of the blow. Blood dripped steadily onto his mess, painting everything that same, garish color, staining everything he touched.
He grabbed at the wrist of his injured hand, only then realizing his hands had been shaking the entire time.
”Levi, please!”
--he ducked his head low and tried not to hear the sobs that were already resounding mercilessly in his head, blending into the darkness with ease while his hand trailed absently along the stone as he walked away.
Next Part--->
Levi Tags: @humanitys-hottestsoldier @clary-quinn @sunny-flo
Investment Series Tags: @regalillegal @cecldcecld
Vampire Levi Tags: @mysteriousmagicx @thesilencebeforeastorm @super-peace-fangirl @psychiccvampire
AN: *Claps to underscore each word* This. Is. Not. A. Happy. Story. This. Is. A. Dark. And. Often. Heart. Wrenching. Story. You. Are. Here. To. Cry.
Soooo...ya’ll still on board this angst train? Good, good, cause I’ve got more for you XD XD (though despite the length I feel like this is still more of a connecting chapter basically laying a bit of groundwork down) I’m enjoying writing my heavier, grittier story maybe a little too much, geez, I really am an evil author XD
Characters: Levi, Reader, Erwin, Hange, Jean (Briefly), Armin (Briefly), Moblit (mentioned/briefly), Mikasa (Mentioned), Sasha (Mentioned), Christa/Historia (Mentioned), Many Unnammed OCs, a random OC named Sandy
Pairing: Levi????x????Reader???? it feels weird tagging that right now...WHo’s tO sAY?!?
Warnings: Heavy Angst, Language, Violence, Dangerous(Life or Death?) Situations, Injury, Trauma
Word Count: 19136 (Sweet merciful--what?!?! And I thought the first part was long)
<---Previous Part Next Part---->
(Gif found on Gfycat, source: YouTube, digitalmeals)
*Reader’s POV*
It was quiet in the small room you had made your own, the rest of the house’s occupants fast asleep since dawn hadn’t even finished breaking above the walls yet. A small oil lamp on the nightstand provided the light the sun wasn’t able to give yet as you stood in front of the mirror, fingers prodding gently at the spot on your collar you were sure was on its way to leaving a scar. Most of the teeth imprints might eventually fade, but those four points where the pressure had been hardest, the teeth deepest…
Your finger brushed gently along those spots specifically, your mind instantly bringing back the feeling of teeth sunk deep in your flesh, the hand around your throat, your own repetitive but desperate pleas for Levi to stop ringing in your ears.
Pulling your hand swiftly away from your neck, you tried to shake the memory out of your head, or at least push it back to the darker corners of your mind. Hands still trembling, you reached for the small tin of powdery makeup you’d bought to try and cover up the bite mark. This shit was expensive, and not something that a soldier getting paid as little as you were should have been spending money on. But if the bite was able to be seen even in passing under your collared shirts or the occasional casual shawl, you weren’t entirely sure it was one you could explain away--it was too deep to brush off as something kinky from a rough one-night stand. Not to mention anyone that knew you would know claiming you’d even had a one night stand would be hard to believe on its own. There had always been an excuse when it came to your romantic life: you were too busy, you didn’t feel like you had room in your life for someone else right now, there was no one you were interested in, the people you were interested in didn’t reciprocate the feelings.
Now the one person you’d started to care for had…
There was no point to dwell on that if you didn’t have to. Getting too wrapped up in thoughts about what happened had gotten you into this precarious situation, and you needed to try and move past it. That was the point of this entire indefinite leave of absence--to try and get your head on straight, or at least get it clear enough you could function properly again.
When Erwin had requested your presence in his office, you’d already known what it was about. You weren’t sleeping, jumping at shadows, mind constantly being pulled under into shadowy memories and making it almost impossible to focus on the present, easily distracted, performance plummeting in training for a messy myriad of reasons, even your appearance worsened noticeably. You couldn’t do your job on relaxed, out of the field days--if you were to go on a mission of any kind, especially an expedition, the way you were now, you would definitely be killed by something that could have been avoidable, and possibly take one or more fellow scouts with you. Your inability to stop your situation from getting worse had forced Erwin to act, and doubtlessly he was about to ask about your state of mind formally and dismiss you if he felt it necessary.
Before he could even ask, before he could even speak, you’d asked for a leave of absence. You didn’t know for how long, you couldn’t give him an estimate when he asked--you simply acknowledged you were working through something, and the look in his eyes told you that he knew exactly what that something was.
When only four people knew what was happening with Humanity’s Strongest, developments of any kind were bound to be known by everyone almost as soon as they happened.
Instead of being given an immediate dismissal, Erwin agreed to the leave, however long you needed within the usual limitation of no more than a year for leaves. And when you were ready, you would inform him if you were stepping away from the Scouts permanently, or if you were going to try and show him you still possessed the psychological and emotional ability to stay.
Since you didn’t have anyone to turn to outside of the Scouts, Erwin had set up a place for you to stay: a rented out room in a small house amongst a family of three. It was in the quiet part of town, and besides the young boy of the family constantly trying to get you to answer questions about the Scouts, you were left alone. Perhaps they could tell you needed to work through some things--you’d tried very hard not to let your nightly routine of terror disturb the rest of the family--or perhaps Erwin had informed them when making the arrangements that you would need space and quiet. Either way, it gave you plenty of time to simply work through what happened and try to figure out how you were supposed to move forward with your current situation.
The makeup now applied as well as you could, you got dressed in something more comfortable, wrapping a shawl around your shoulders high enough that it bunched around and covered your neck. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you stared into your reflection in the mirror, letting your eyes unfocus as your mind drifted.
And you’d done a lot already. It had taken a few days away from the Scouts and away from Levi for the fear to settle down enough you could start to think clearly again. Now, you’d had time to think about what happened, to try and approach it logically instead of steeped in fear, to try and look at it from Levi’s perspective, from an outsider’s perspective, however you could to understand as much as possible.
The entire thing had been one of the stupidest things you could have done. The idea alone had been a foolish death wish considering you had walked right into the most dangerous place within the walls looking for a hungry predator that lusted for the very kind of blood that ran through your veins. Acting on it had almost gotten you killed, and then pushing Levi the way you had, both of you letting things boil to the point it reached…
You thought you might be able to understand why Levi had decided to do what he did. From the very beginning, he’d been trying to protect you from himself. It had always been about protecting you. When he’d tried to scare you the first time--which he had, initially. How could you not be scared when he’d suddenly rushed you with fangs bared and eyes aglow--he had given himself away because he didn’t immediately lunge for your neck like he had the night he’d almost drained you. Plus, his eyes had been searching, probing, watching you for your reaction no matter how intent on your blood he’d been pretending to be. Then there was simply the fact he’d just saved your life. After it was initially clear he wasn’t in some kind of haze like the first time, it didn’t make sense for him to attack you. Finally, as terrifying as the suddenness of the intimidating act had been, he’d been gentle, careful, not anything close to the rough, feral way he’d lost control and attacked you the first night
He’d wanted to scare you away, he’d grown as desperate to drive you away as you had turned desperate to get him to talk to you and let you help. He’d pushed harder and harder the angrier he got, threatening and insulting, anything to try and push you away, and you’d simply pushed back. In his mind, at least in that moment, it was the only thing he could still do to protect you. In his mind, he must have decided that with how hard you were pushing back, he had to hurt you, to truly scare you, if he was going to make you leave him alone, so you’d finally be safe.
But that didn’t make it okay. It didn’t excuse what he’d done to you, how far he’d gone. As much as the knowledge of why could have been used to make things better, it also made it so much worse. Because every bit of it had been intentional. He’d done this to you intentionally. Maybe he hadn’t intended for what he’d done to leave the scars it did. Maybe he hadn’t intended for the pain and fear to run so deep you couldn’t stand the dark anymore, whether your eyes were open or shut. Maybe he hadn’t intended for the trauma to cause you to spiral so rapidly on a path of pure self-destruction with heavy sabotage from your own mind. But he had intended to scare and hurt you, to make you truly fear him. The last thing that was, was okay.
Realizing your hands were shaking again, and a lot more noticeably, you clasped them together with fingers interlaced, pressing your lips against your thumbs and trying to take deep, calming breaths as the familiar pain welled in your chest.
You still couldn’t believe that Levi had intentionally hurt you like that to make you leave. That he’d been able to bite and hold you harder and harder, to listen to you cry and beg to let you go, and then simply leave you. After saving you from the gang that had almost killed you, he’d drank your blood and left you wounded, terrified, and alone in a strange part of the Underground, having to regain enough senses on your own to find your way back to the surface and Headquarters. You’d accepted that it was possible for him to lose control and hurt you by accident because of this strange bloodlust he now had, that was just reality. But what he’d done, knowingly, on purpose…
It cut deeper than you’d even known it could. You hadn’t thought he was capable of that, no matter how desperate he’d been.
But as terrifying as all of this had been, as cutting and traumatizing and world shattering as it was, you had to get past it. It was eating you alive, destroying what little of your life you still had to call your own. The Scouts were all you really had, and it threatened to take even that from you. If it took the Scouts, all that would be left to destroy and devour would be what little remained of you. If laying down and accepting you were going to wither away into nothing wasn’t an option, then you had to find a way to get up and move on, to try and recover.
Your first step had been your leave of absence, so that you could process away from everything, try to come to terms with what happened, get your head on straight, and stitch yourself back together at least enough so you could return to active duty.
Returning was going to be one of the hardest parts. Going back to being around Levi, of every corner you turned possibly having him on the other side, of inevitable meetings and training sessions and just basic day to day things causing the two of you to have to be in the same room...
But the hardest part wasn’t going to be visible. The hardest part was going to be internal.
Could you forgive him?
Right now? No. You didn’t even see the glimmer of the possibility on the horizon.
But...because you could see why he’d done what he did, because you might have some kind of understanding about why it had happened, and because he’d been someone you’d cared about...you were willing to try and forgive him. Maybe you would never be able to fully forgive him, but you wanted to at least try. At the very least, you felt like you owed yourself that--owed yourself because you didn’t want to have to carry any more weight of the burden crushing your chest than you needed to, and forgiving him might help lighten it. Owed yourself because you’d cared for him, one of the only things left in your life you’d given a damn about after everything you’d lost, and you were admittedly scared to lose anything else.
You wanted to at least attempt to forgive him, but before you opened that door, you needed something from him in return. If he showed some kind of remorse for what he’d done to you, if he was willing to try and make it right, you could open yourself up to trying to forgive him. If he was suffering even a fraction of what you were suffering because of his choice…
Your heart seemed to squeeze in your chest, lungs burning as you wiped away tears with the end of your shawl. Perhaps that was part of what made this so much harder. The few times you’d glimpsed him or had stopped to think about Levi--not what he’d become or what he’d done, just Levi--so many heavy emotions welled up inside you, bone deep and suffocating in their presence. The pain and fear was guaranteed after what happened, but there was also grief for what happened between the two of you, for how real the possibility was that things between you were shattered and ground to dust beyond repair. Every time you saw him, every time you even thought of him, those feelings rushed to the surface.
Yet despite everything, despite the strength of the pain, the fear, and the grief...you didn’t hate him. You didn’t wish any kind of ill intent on him, didn’t want anything terrible to happen to him like being physically harmed, didn’t want him to be discovered, didn’t want to hear about him starving himself or anything like that. Despite everything, hatred didn’t stir inside you like the rest of those feelings...never hatred.
Now, if you were going to attempt to forgive him, you needed to find a way to let him know that you were open to it. You needed to find a way to extend the peace offering where he could see it. With how far Levi was apparently willing to go to cut you out of his life to protect you, he clearly wasn’t the one who was going to reach out first. You were the one who was going to have to set the groundwork for a reconciliation if the two of you found yourselves mutually desiring one. Besides, maybe it was better that you would be the one to make the first move. You were the one who’d been hurt so deeply, wronged so thoroughly. Something felt...right, or at least a little comforting, about you being the one to decide if forgiveness was an option. If he were to come to you about forgiveness, especially right now, you wouldn’t be able to accept it, wouldn’t be able to find it in yourself to make that first step. But if you had the power to make it an option, if you chose whether it was even a choice, and if you got to choose when forgiveness was an option and when the first move was made...that felt secure. That felt right.
So, when you were ready...you were going to go back to the Scouts, you were going to retake your life...and you were going to decide what you were going to do about Levi.
When you were ready. For now...you just needed a little more time to feel steady ground beneath you again and heal.
*Levi’s POV*
He shouldn’t have said a damn word to her.
He hadn’t even entered the hall to Hange’s office yet when he smelled the freshly spilled blood, the familiar scent impossible to miss when it cut through the air and pulled at the constantly lurking bloodlust inside him. Immediately his mind started trying to figure out what had happened, if he should even walk into her office if he could smell blood. Had she dropped a beaker and cut herself? Was someone injured and she was stitching them up? Or was it intentional?
The last one was, unfortunately, the most likely. He should have kept his mouth shut the other day. He should have known if he’d mentioned it even in passing while giving Hange the usual report of whether or not his bloodlust was getting harder or easier to manage, and if there had been any changes in his feeding habits, she was going to try and experiment with it--it had been new information that made her eyes light up, as small as the bit of information had been. In all this time, up until that very moment, Levi had neglected to mention any kind of distinct differences in the blood he drank. But at the time, he’d still been dealing with the nasty, chemically aftertaste that came from drinking from someone who’d had unholy amounts of drugs rushing through their system, and when she’d asked why he ‘kept making that face,’ the comment had slipped out.
It seemed she’d decided a slightly riskier experiment was in order, if the scent was anything to go by. It was only getting stronger the closer he came to the door…
And he could hear two heartbeats inside, not just one.
Reluctantly, Levi knocked on the door, trying not to breathe in through his nose, half-hoping Hange was going to tell him she needed time to clean up a mess instead of call him inside.
“Aha! There he is, right on time,” Hange said in a rather chipper tone that let him know he could come inside, her normal speaking voice one Levi could hear clearly through the door.
Posture rigid and still avoiding breathing through his nose, Levi let himself in, gaze quickly flickering to take note that the other person in the room...was actually Erwin.
What was Hange planning that required Erwin to…
And then he noticed the fresh bandages on their arms, covering similar spots near their wrists.
Ah...that was what was happening. His suspicions were correct, then.
Maybe he should just give a resounding ‘no’ and leave before Hange had the chance to pitch her experiment to him.
“What the hell, Hange?” Levi did nothing to hold back his scowl, letting the woman know how displeased he was with the situation he was walking into. Even trying to avoid smelling it, he knew it was in here, and knowing there was fresh blood so close to him was enough to make the lust for it start to boil inside him.
“I knew if I gave you a warning, I’d never get you in here,” she said dismissively, reaching over to pull two small cups into view on the table as she started to speak. Levi’s gaze snapped right to them, the dark liquid inside unmistakable and causing the familiar ache in his teeth to return as he struggled to retain his composure. “You mentioned a specific taste the other day, and it gave me too many theories to test all at once, but there is one important factor I can test right now that could help us start to figure out the rest! Is there actually a different taste for different people, or is it all in your head?”
He could feel both of them watching him closely for his reaction, looking for every twitch and shift he made. He’d been lucky he hadn’t been around any serious training injuries that involved a lot of blood, yet, so he didn’t have much experience with resisting fresh blood he could visibly see. It was even harder than trying to tune out the temptation when he started to get hungry and was surrounded by people who could be another victim if he wasn’t careful. He was finding it difficult to look away from the two cups Hange held in her hands so he could give her a proper glare.
“Levi?”
Levi closed his eyes at Hange’s voice so that he could turn his head away from the sight, jaw tight despite the ache in his teeth he now knew was his fangs wanting to break through. “You should have given me a warning,” he said gruffly, hand reaching out to the nearest surface to give him something to grab to try and relieve some of the tension building inside him, as well as to steady himself.
He might have been able to ignore it if she hadn’t pulled the cups into his direct line of sight, just a few short paces away. His mouth was starting to water at the thought of fresh, healthy blood that wasn’t drained from the dregs of the Underground--clean, undiseased, untampered blood, and without a trace of drugs or alcohol in them, too.
After a few moments of shuffling, he heard the cups set down on a surface on the other side of the room, giving him a little more distance and putting them out of his immediate sight once he opened his eyes.
“There, out of sight out of mind?” Hange asked, a bit of a sheepish smile on her face. Levi only hummed--out of sight made it better, yes, but it was nowhere near out of mind. “This is something we’re going to have to work on before our next expedition…” she added in a mumble.
“I’m assuming you have questions, first?” Levi interrupted, suddenly overcome with the urge to get this all over with as soon as possible. He hadn’t expected Hange to be poking at some of his limitations today, and for all their sakes, he’d rather keep this brief.
“Right--before we move forward, I need you to describe the taste of the blood you’ve been drinking up until today, and any differences you’ve noticed between them,” Hange said with barely contained excited curiosity. “You mentioned you recently were left with a chemical aftertaste? You can start there.”
“I was tasting the drugs in his system more than anything else,” Levi muttered, nose still crinkling in distaste at the reminder. He hadn’t fed since then, and needless to say, that particular hunt hadn’t been very satisfying. Focusing on Hange’s question, Levi racked his brains to try and come up with descriptions of the blood he drank, something comparable that they could understand. “There’s nothing special about what I drink down there. It’s...thick, but flat, or like a watery tea. I run into drunks, most. Then, it’s...muddied. When I go to the Underground, there’s always something off about it. Tainted.”
None of them lived up to the high of his first time. Maybe it was just because he was feeding off the scum of the earth, and they usually did have drugs or liquor in them. It was still pleasurable, satisfying if he could find one that didn’t have something running through their system. Recently, when he fed, he simply satisfied the base hunger. None of it had managed to abate the desire though, not since…
“What about Y/N?”
Levi stiffened. The silence in the room suddenly seemed passively hostile, even though he knew that part was in his head.
He’d been trying so hard not to think about her since she’d left, and here Hange was, forcing him into a situation where he had to think about her. Even worse, he had to think specifically about the two times he’d hurt her the most in order to answer Hange’s question.
Trying to put Y/N out of his mind had gotten somehow...harder, after she left. Probably because he knew that the sudden yawning absence was entirely his fault. Before she left, he’d heard her every night, heard every time she’d woken from nightmares because of what he’d done to her, and he had been unable to do anything besides listen in silence to what he’d caused. Then, one night...his mental lashing didn’t come. Her cries didn’t cut through Headquarters to slice through his heart. And when he went to her quarters to see if maybe she’d finally had a peaceful night of rest, he hadn’t been able to hear her breathing or her heartbeat. There wasn’t a scent of blood or death, either, to support his mind jumping to the worst case scenario. She was simply...gone.
Surprisingly, it hadn’t been Hange who told him Y/N had taken an indefinite leave of absence. It had been Erwin who told Levi the very next day how much farther the repercussions of his actions had gone. Erwin was the one to tell Levi she’d taken the leave to try and cope, and decide whether she would stay in the Scouts moving forward. Erwin had been ready to dismiss her, noting her state had deteriorated to one that could cost herself and others their lives if she was to go out in the field, but she’d shown a sign of proactiveness, shown she was willing to at least try to get better. This leave was her last chance to stay in the Scouts, and it was entirely likely she might not even come back from it if she couldn’t recover herself away from everything.
No...if he was being honest with himself, she’d left to get away from him. She’d walked away from what she’d once told Levi herself was all she had left, she hadn’t been able to tell Erwin if she would even return. Wherever she was, she was alone, she didn’t have anything, and it was because of him. He’d never meant to take everything from her, but he had, in the end, hadn’t he? If she couldn’t come back, if the demons he’d created were too strong for her to overcome, that’s how far he’d pushed her.
It had all spiraled so far out of his control...grown far beyond what he’d ever intended. He hadn’t even done anything else to her beyond the one incident, but apparently it had been enough. From the sounds of it, her mind had taken the one trauma, and pulled her deeper and deeper into a hole she couldn’t get out of.
“Levi, I need to know. If there’s a difference in the blood you drink, it might answer some important questions about your diet and bloodlust.”
Levi pulled himself out of his pitiful thoughts and back to the present, reminding himself he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about all the damage he’d done to Y/N. Right now, he needed to be thinking about what her blood had tasted like, even if he’d rather block out the memories.
Trying to muscle past the pain, Levi focused instead on the taste of her blood, what had made it so hard for him to stop both times--even if the first time was more because he’d been starving and near death. The taste that his prey in the Underground could never live up to, a taste he now knew wasn’t in his head and distorted from desperate need. Even when he’d freshly gorged himself on four different people from the Underground, it had been just as strong the second time, just as heady, intoxicating, pleasurable…
“Intoxicating,” he finally said out loud, trying to ignore the ache in his teeth as the focus of his thoughts brought his desire back to the front of his mind. “Rich. Like a favorite tea spiked with warm liquor.”
It felt weird describing different blood to Hange and Erwin like they were unique brands of tea or alcohol, but it was the only comparisons he was able to come up with that might be able to describe to them the effect the different blood had on him as well.
Hange was already nodding, the gears clearly turning in her mind. “This is already looking good for some of my theories. It could still be mental, though, so just to be sure…”
This time, when Hange brought out one of the cups, Levi was prepared, keeping his gaze fixed on Hange with great effort and purposely taking steady breaths to keep his composure.
“To test the theory just a little bit more, I want to know if any other blood tastes different to you. Hence the cups,” Hange said, offering the first one to him.
Levi took the cup without hesitation, his grip strong and giving away how badly he wanted the blood, if his earlier reaction hadn’t been enough of a hint. He only paused for a moment, a thought flashing through his mind as he felt both Hange and Erwin’s stares burning into him, and could hear them holding their breath.
Neither of them had seen how he...changed...yet. They’d only seen the after-effects, the little things. They’d never seen his fangs, the glow in his eyes, and just how completely the desire for blood could take over. They were about to see it--a mild form of it, one that didn’t include biting into someone and ripping their throat out, but still.
The thought wasn’t enough to stop him, no matter how self-conscious it might make him feel. Right now he had a cup of fresh, clean blood given to him willingly for the first time since he’d turned into...whatever he was, and he wasn’t about to let it go to waste. The clawing need he’d been trying to push down wouldn’t let him.
The relief that seemed to wash over him when he finally tipped the cup back and felt the warm blood rush past his lips was unexpected. It wasn’t as hot as when it was fresh from the vein, but it also had been sitting for a few minutes in the cup, so that was to be expected. It was still...delicious. Satisfying. Enough that he had to push back a soft moan that tried to rise in his chest. His fangs started to peek through, as if his body expected him to be sinking his teeth into flesh when it tasted blood. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this kind of taste, considering the high of the blood he’d drank the first night had been all tangled up in his shame and panic, and the second time, he’d been inflicting emotional agony, both onto Y/N and himself--no part of him had enjoyed it that night.
But now he knew...and a small part of him dreaded what that would mean going forward.
The drink was over far too soon for his liking. He kept his eyes closed, a soft, slightly shaking breath escaping him as the taste started to fade--and this time, it didn’t leave behind the aftertaste he’d been dealing with ever since he’d started feeding in the Underground. He waited until he had his composure again, until the fangs retracted again and he felt his voice would be its usual, steady tone before he turned to look at Erwin and Hange again.
Hange’s eyes were wide, the red glow in Levi’s eyes flashing in the reflection of her glasses. She was scrutinizing every inch of him, looking desperately for any other visible changes besides his eyes. Her gaze kept wandering towards his lips, the look in her eyes telling him she was hoping to get a glimpse of his fangs. Erwin...was as stoic as ever, but there was a glint in his eyes. Levi was sure the other man was simply biding his time, waiting to figure out the extent of what had happened to Levi so they could use it to the Scout’s advantage...and seeing the physical proof of the change in Levi made it that much more real for him.
“So? Did it taste any different?” Hange pressed, taking the cup from Levi and noting with less surprise than anyone else would have when she found it empty.
“Sweet.” Levi said simply, tongue swiping at a stray smear by the corner of his lips. “With a bit of a...tang, to it.”
“Aw, Levi thinks I’m sweet,” Hange said with a smirk, prompting Levi to roll his eyes as she turned to grab the other cup. “Aren’t you curious to know what yours is like? Think you can top rich or sweet, Erwin?”
She was being way too lighthearted about all of this. A part of Levi was unsettled knowing what they tasted like--when his hunger got particularly bad, would he find it harder to resist drinking from them?
He’d be protesting if he wasn’t enjoying having even a small taste of willingly given blood that truly satisfied him. It would be short lived, so he was going to revel in it while he could. In fact, this time, there was no hesitation as his fingers curled around the cup that Hange gave him, already pressing it against his lips and tilting the cup back before he could finish registering he was about to taste Erwin’s blood.
He shouldn’t have been so quick to get it down.
The taste, while good, hit him with a raw, potent strength that made him quickly pull back, trying to swallow before the cough burst through, the blood burning in a way that threatened to tip past pleasurable as it slipped down his throat. It was overpowering, hard to get down, at least in large doses. No drinking in large, bloodlust hazy gulps, then--it was more something to be sipped gradually, nursed like a strong liquor.
“Levi?” Hange asked in concern as Levi started to cough, holding up a finger to tell her to give him a second as he waited for the burn to abate enough he was comfortable with speaking again.
“Just...Really strong,” he said haltingly, voice holding a hoarse edge. “Like a gin that kicks back.”
It was almost like a part of him was making it difficult because it didn’t like him drinking Erwin’s blood. He couldn’t even focus much on the taste because the kickback overpowered it. Though he definitely had a bit of a buzz humming through him once the burn passed.
“Has that ever happened before?” Hange asked curiously. Levi simply shook his head. He still had the cup firmly in hand, planning on trying to drink it with small sips a little at a time instead of the long pulls he was used to drinking with.
Hange looked back at Erwin. “On the bright side, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry too much about him ever biting you after that reaction.”
“You think so little of me?” Levi asked, his tone holding a bit of a biting edge as he spoke.
“Normally, no. But recently...you’ve given us reason to worry.”
Levi’s attention landed firmly on the two people standing in front of him, gaze sliding from Hange’s suddenly serious demeanor and Erwin, who was now radiating a grim, firm aura. The man was acting more like a silent observer right now, and it was starting to put Levi on edge. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Hange adjusted her glasses, taking a seat and scooting a little closer to where Levi stood with the cup of Erwin’s blood still in hand. “I’m guessing that just now, you feel better than you have in weeks? More comfortable, more...satiated?”
He still didn’t like where any of this seemed to be going, eyes narrowed. “Get to the point.”
Hange placed a hand carefully on the table in front of her, near the journal she kept her discovered facts about Levi recorded. “I’m supposed to be figuring out what’s happened to you, Levi. Of course I’m going to notice when you start feeding more often--you’ve been going to the Underground more and more, which means your bloodlust isn’t being satisfied, not really. Maybe the initial hunger, but not the desire, the important part--the dangerous part. And instead of telling me how those urges are getting easier to control, it sounds like they’re getting harder.”
Levi’s gaze flickered to Erwin. That was why he was here. This was about Levi’s bloodlust getting worse, and if it was getting worse...that meant that the other Scouts were going to be in more and more danger the more Levi’s control spiraled. Levi had been having...difficulties, lately, but he hadn’t felt like he was putting anyone in danger, not yet. Though Hange was right he’d been going to the Underground more often, recently, his hunger returning faster than it had been the first few weeks. And no, after he fed in the Underground, he wasn’t satisfied, not like he’d been that first time, not like he’d just been with that teasing taste of Hange’s blood.
Hange laced her fingers together thoughtfully in front of her face after Levi had a few moments to contemplate what she said. “I haven’t been able to think of much that could help up until now. We’ve tried a few things, but they only go so far. But with this...I think your diet is a crucial factor towards keeping your bloodlust under control. And right now, you’re not meeting those requirements.” When Levi fixed her with a questioning look, Hange continued before he could interrupt her. “I have never seen you as satisfied after feeding as you were just now. Not even if you came straight to me after one of your soirees into the Underground. And you only got a small cup--that wasn’t nearly as much as you’ve told me you usually drink.”
“I’m already drinking from people in the Underground--”
“But you’ve already explained how it’s not enough--you just described how its watered down, it leaves an aftertaste, it doesn’t even taste as good. It sounds like you’re choosing to eat stale bread when there’s a perfectly prepared roast in front of you--”
Anger sparked inside him at the comparison. “What am I supposed to do, Hange? Grab someone off the streets? Open a vein, drain them dry, and if somehow I don’t kill them when I lose control, hope they don’t run screaming what I am to everyone in the walls?”
“What you’re doing now doesn’t change the fact that I believe you need to make a dietary change if you’re going to adjust,” Hange’s return was just as blunt as Levi’s, her tone unusually firm. “I think Y/N had the right idea, as much as you might not have liked it. And before you bite my head off--I mean the part where you need to find people you can trust that are willing and able to let you feed off them regularly.”
Levi’s teeth clenched. Part of him wanted to look away, but instead, he held Hange’s gaze with his own eyes harder and sharp as flint. “When I feed, it...nearly...always ends with someone dead.”
“Then we’ll have to come up with a way for you to learn to control yourself when you’re feeding. Because if your appetite keeps getting worse at the rate it has, if we can’t find another way to fix this, then soon you’re not going to have a choice.”
Now he looked away, gaze staring down into the dark liquid that swirled lazily in the cup in his hand. He didn’t have anyone he trusted with this, no one that didn’t already know. He wasn’t about to feed off of Erwin--and apparently Erwin’s blood wasn’t going to comply with that, either. Hange was already spread thin, her experiments and research alone keeping her darting here and there and back and pulling late nights hunched over her desk trying to unravel the mysteries of not only Eren and the titans in general, but now Levi, as well. He worried that drinking from her would be the last bit of strain that proved too much.
And Y/N was out of the question.
What else could he do, if he didn’t want to start grabbing innocent people off of the streets above ground?
He could drastically cut down his options when he went to the Underground to feed. It was a start. Maybe it would be enough.
“I’ll be more selective,” he said quietly, pausing to take a small sip from the cup. It still burned on the way down, but not as strongly, and far more tolerable--pleasant, even. The only thing that kept him from trying to immediately down more was how badly that had gone the first time. “Figure out who has drugs or alcohol in them. It should clean up my diet some.”
Right now, he didn’t have any other answers for how to fix this. Not yet, anyway...but he would have to put some thought into it, if only so he didn’t end up losing control and hurting someone.
Again.
*Reader’s POV*
The stone walls of the Scout’s headquarters felt almost comforting in the familiar sense. There was still something about them that put you on edge still, even after your break. Maybe it was the knowledge that Levi was somewhere around here. While you were on leave, you’d known he wasn’t anywhere near you. Now, he could be just around the corner.
Especially since you were on your way to Hange’s office.
You had just returned, only returned long enough to give Erwin your decision to return before you’d made a beeline for Hange. Even then, the meeting with Erwin had been overall brief, with Erwin mostly making sure you understood that you were going to be watched for some time, just to make sure you really were fit to return to the field. Part of you, once you were out of that office, simply wanted to make a beeline to your quarters and settle back in, to try to make the room as warm and inviting as possible to try and sooth what remained of your fears. But you knew you had to make a beeline for Hange’s and ask her now before you had enough time to come up with excuses, something you knew you would continue to do before giving up entirely.
You had to ask her now.
Outside her door, you still hesitated, hand hovering over the door, mind screaming that it was entirely possible Levi was on the other side of the door.
You might have been ready to return to the Scouts, but you weren’t quite ready to see Levi again. You needed time to settle back in, and time to prepare yourself now that you were here and the fact that you were going to inevitably run into him again was that much more real.
But you needed this conversation before you saw Levi again, too. So you would simply have to take the chance.
You finally knocked, making sure the sound was loud just in case Hange was sucked into something and her hearing was a little selective.
“C’min!” came Hange’s muffled voice, and you let yourself in, finding the door partially blocked by her shifted desk, but still able to open wide enough to let you inside.
You had no idea what the other woman was doing, but she had all sorts of notes scribbled and pinned in random places around the room in what you guessed was some kind of specific order, and Hange was stretching as far as she could to reach a pin so she could add the sheet she was barely keeping on the wall with her fingers, the pin she needed just out of reach. Hange groaned in frustration, and without bothering to ask the what, you simply reached out and grabbed the pin for her, allowing Hange to stop trying to stretch beyond her abilities.
“Oh, thank--Y/N!” Hange snapped the collection of notes and rough sketches on the sheet in place, then pulled you into a sudden and strong hug. “You came back! We weren’t sure you would! How long have you been back? Is it permanent? You are back, right? Moving in, not finishing moving out?”
“I’m here to stay, yes,” you said softly as she pulled back to bombard you with questions. “I just finished talking to Commander Erwin, so I only just officially returned.”
“This isn’t the first place you came, is it?” Hange asked in surprise, which only grew when you nodded to confirm her thought. “Why? Don’t you need to get moved in? And lunch should be coming up, soon--”
“Hange, it’s almost dinner. It looks like Moblit brought you lunch, too, from the looks of that plate,” you said, gesturing to the half-eaten sandwich on her desk.
“Semantics--I wouldn’t think I’d be your first stop after returning! I’d be more honored if I wasn’t so confused--why come here first?” Hange continued quickly, studying you with almost disconcertingly perceptive eyes.
You averted your gaze, choosing to look at the notes she had pinned all over the wall to try and figure out who she was studying--Eren or Levi--and what exactly had her so worked up when you walked in. The rough sketch on the wall seemed to be of...Levi’s fangs. Specifically several different iterations of what they looked like and what happened when they came out. Was she working on his physiology, then?
“These aren’t right,” you said abruptly, carefully taking down the paper but leaving the pin in place so that it could be returned to its spot when you were done. You brought the paper to her desk, flipping it over so you could sketch what you had in mind on the back.
It might sound like you were changing the subject, but you weren’t. In reality, this was actually an easier transition into what you needed to talk about than anything you could have come up with.
As you spoke, you thought about the couple times you’d seen Levi’s fangs bared, trying to muscle past the fear you had felt in those moments, steadying your hand by grabbing it with your other hand when it started to shake, and putting the rest of your attention on trying to sketch out what you were talking about for Hange.
“There’s four fangs, not two. They’re hard to see, but there’s two on the bottom--not as noticeable, but it makes...biting, and I suppose tearing, much easier. And they might be thicker at the base, but they’re fine and sharp when they’re all the way out. I doubt he could chip them or anything, though. They’re probably as strong as he is.” You waited until you had your rough sketch of four bared fangs for Hange to see, turning it towards her and pointing as you continued your explanation. “I only saw it once, but I think...it’s a little hard to describe, but the original teeth don’t go away, it’s almost like the fangs grow rapidly out around them, and when they retract, they pull back into the gums.”
You left that sketch to Hange.
Hange was looking at you more than your sketch, despite the information you were giving her. If you’d thought her gaze was intense and probing before, it was burning, now. “I thought this was...too sensitive of a topic,” Hange said carefully.
In other words, Hange and Erwin knew how badly Levi had shaken you, and they were afraid to break you if they brought it up. They weren’t entirely wrong. It was painful to think about--your hand was still shaking, and both of you could see it. Your heart was beating a little faster, breathing a little heavier, and not anywhere near in a good way. It was incoming panic, but you were fighting to hold it back, fighting to steady your breathing and keep your composure. This was something you had to do.
“I want to learn more about what’s happening, and help however I can,” you said carefully, drawing yourself up to your full height to make yourself look more confident about the decision. Your shaky composure wasn’t helping, but this was something that you were intent on doing, despite how you might look right now. “I’m hoping if I can...understand...and if I can find ways to help from a distance...it’ll help me, too.”
If you could understand what was happening to Levi more, if you were around it and knew as much as they did about what he was going through, you were hoping that the knowledge--and gradual exposure from a distance--would help you cope. If you could understand it all, maybe you wouldn’t be so afraid. The nightmares might still be a problem, but maybe you could soothe the daytime paranoia in the process. And maybe, if you started working to help Levi from a distance...it would help lessen the fear of him. Maybe you could nurture that desire to help back until it was strong enough to overcome the fear. It was still there, you wanted to help him, even now, but at the moment, the fear was still too strong. You were still afraid of even running into him in the hall--you were shaking just trying to describe his fangs to Hange. So you would settle for starting from a distance. Baby steps, little things, until you’d recovered enough of the pieces you were still picking up from the floor to feel confident enough to try the harder parts.
And if you could find ways to help him from a distance, maybe that could be the first olive branch between you two, the first peace offering he could see that told him you were open to a reconciliation in the future.
Hange’s gaze flickered to the hand you were still holding to keep it from shaking. “Are you sure?”
You nodded. “I’m sure. I have to do this.”
“You don’t owe him--”
“I have to do this for me, Hange.”
At the very least...you had to do this for you. If you managed to help Levi, too, then good. But right now, you were learning so you could help yourself heal. Helping Levi could be a main focus later when you were comfortable again. Right now...Right now this was for you. This was healing for you.
Hange took a seat, gesturing for you to take the seat beside her that was angled so it faced her. There was a brief silence that lingered between you as Hange added notes and a few extra sketches for what you had described to her about Levi’s fangs. Eventually, she finished, got up to pin the sheet back into place, and then turned to face you.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” you said softly. “And I’ll try to answer as many questions as I can.”
“I do have questions--believe me, I have plenty. Levi won’t let us really...see him feed. I only caught a brief glimpse of his top fangs the other day. You’ve seen far, far more than me, and yes, you could probably answer some important questions I have.” Hange’s expression was serious, eyes appearing to look straight through you. “But they’ll be questions I’d rather you answer when you’re ready.”
“I’m ready now.”
Hange leaned forward, gaze sharp. “You are, are you? What did it feel like when he bit you? Was it painful, and was there a difference with where he bit? What did him drinking your blood feel like? He’s always talking about the risk of him losing control, but only you’ve seen him do that. Are there any warning signs? Any features that appear? What exactly happens when he loses control? He says he blacks out, but what does it look like?”
Out of your control, you felt yourself starting to sweat, heartbeat picking up speed, rapid-fire images playing in your mind’s eye of Levi’s teeth sank deep into your neck and collar, your pleas, tears, Levi unyielding, outwardly unaffected--
Hange’s hand covered your own, pulling you out of your thoughts to give you a sympathetic look. “Like I said, when you’re ready. I’ll write them down, give them to you...and you can simply answer them whenever you like--whenever you can. You’re the only one who’s seen Levi when he feeds, and he won’t let Erwin or myself see, so I’m going to have to settle for your accounts when you’re ready to give them.”
You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice to be steady if you tried to speak quite yet.
“Now, you said you wanted to know everything...anywhere in particular you want to start?”
You took a few deep breaths, steeled your resolve once more, and met Hange’s patient gaze head on. “Start by telling me how much all of this has changed him.”
*Levi’s POV*
Someone should have warned him she was back.
It wasn’t a bad thing--quite the opposite, in fact--but if he’d known, he could have been on the lookout, he could have kept his distance for both their sakes. Instead, because he hadn’t been aware, and hadn’t been seeking out the familiar sound and scent and had blocked them out with everything else, he ended up running right into her as she walked out of the office Levi was about to enter.
There was a tense silence between them as they both paused in shock, staring at one another. Levi blinked, coming back to his senses. When had Y/N returned from her leave? How long had it been since he’d seen her? Over a month since her leave? Even longer since he’d scarred her so terribly?
He felt a slew of things he wanted to say rising up in his chest. She’d been in so much pain the last time he’d heard her, enough pain that he inflicted that she’d been driven away, he had been so sure that he’d taken everything from her. Seeing her in front of him sent a rush of relief through him, relief that he hadn’t taken everything from her if she was still here, relief that she’d come back, that she was still in the Scouts. How long had she been back--when had she come back? Surely she wasn’t better, so how was she, really?
Something inside him seemed to reach out, lips parting with the start of what he wanted to say on the edge of being spoken into existence.
Then the sound of a heartbeat doubling, perhaps tripling in its pace reached his ears. Her breathing stopped as she trembled, feet trying to bring her a few steps away even if it was only two steps to the side she could currently manage. Fear flashed bright in her eyes, slapping down the brief feeling to reach out as he quickly retreated back into himself.
Idiot.
Hopefully, before his eyes could give him away, Levi shut himself off again, expression blank as he stepped aside so she could get away from him faster, so she wouldn’t have to be anywhere close to him.
He’d wanted to cut her out of his life, and he’d succeeded in making her fear and hate him. After all this...there was no place for any words of concern or relief, not from him. It wouldn’t be anything she wanted to hear from him ever again.
She bolted as soon as she had the space in the hall to do so, her pace just shy of a sprint as he listened to her footsteps fade behind him. Hange was standing just inside her office, an awkward silence filling the space between them as Hange’s gaze bore into him. He didn’t look at her, though. He made himself keep walking, to keep going down the hall and pass Hange’s office instead of going inside, as if he hadn’t been intending to go see her in the first place.
Right now, he didn’t want to see anyone.
Not long after Y/N returned, Levi started to notice things.
He didn’t see her, not at first. She managed to always be somewhere else, or to have just left. Part of that avoidance might have been his doing, with Levi going out of his way not to bump into her again and cause a panic attack, checking rooms before he entered them, staying as aware of his surroundings as he could without getting overwhelmed by all the sounds and smells. But even though he didn’t see Y/N in person, he could see little signs of her presence.
At first, he didn’t think anything of new homemade curtains appearing on some of the windows. He did start noticing them, though, when they gradually appeared on all the windows, and he found out they were thick enough they could block out the sun and stop the irritating, burning itch if he couldn’t stand it any longer.
Then, while he was supervising the cadet training one day, he’d caught a whiff of the scent of tea leaves carried by the breeze. Looking around, he couldn’t see anyone other than the cadets, and all of them were too busy to be drinking tea. Not to mention, it was specifically tea leaves before they were brewed--the subtle difference in scent was a lot easier for him to pick up on now. Curiosity made him try to find the source, the scent leading him to the edge of the woods, and to one tree in particular. Reaching into the hollow space in its trunk, he found a small tin with a small wrap of the tea leaves he’d been smelling on top. Like some kind of lure--and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Inside the tin were a few tea biscuits wrapped together, a few crusts of bread--the kinds of things that wouldn’t spoil if they were wrapped up inside the tin in the shade for a few days. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was supposed to find the stash, or if one of the cadets--Sasha came to mind--had gotten crafty with stashing snacks.
The stash on the training grounds wasn’t the only one he found, though. He kept finding the same kind of snack tins in places he frequented--aside from his own quarters and office--with little bundles of tea leaves on top to help him find them through smell.
And for a while, he couldn’t figure out where the hell these little stashes were coming from, or who had put up the curtains.
Until the day him and Y/N were finally in a room together. It was brief, and Y/N had kept to the other side of the mess hall despite all of the people she usually sat with on the side of the room near Levi. But once she’d spotted Levi, her first reaction besides looking away had been to draw the curtains.
Then it clicked.
She’d made or bought the curtains, she’d put them up on the windows for moments like this, when they were in the same room together. She must have been the one to put together the tins, too, and if she had been the one to put together the tins, then he knew why she’d done it, too. Hange had him try to go a few days without eating, and the result had been discomfort on Levi’s end as they’d found out he didn’t actually need to eat--he only needed blood. Eating was more of a ritual, something that made him appear to still be like everyone else, and, more importantly--something else they had discovered--it helped to keep his bloodlust under control. The tins weren’t motherly little care packages, the curtains weren’t simple thoughtful gestures. She was trying to keep him pacified, to keep him as undisturbed as possible out of fear. If he had something to abate his bloodlust, if the sun wasn’t irritating him as much, then he was less likely to hurt her again.
It made him squirm, put a sick feeling in his stomach. It had been better when he hadn’t seen her, when he’d known the pain was there but it was still distant. Now, to see that fear of being hurt again, so close, even in the tiny details he couldn't escape. It hurt more to see these small gestures born out of that fear. As if hearing her cries at night again--a clear sign she still was far from all right even if she could function fine during the day--was not painful enough, as if seeing the fear in her eyes when he was remotely near wasn’t already difficult, as if he hadn’t already hated himself for what his choice had brought her.
Part of him wanted to try and say something to her, to somehow lessen the pain, to tell her she didn’t need to pacify him...but he feared he’d only hurt her more. He didn’t have the words to even start to try, and she clearly wanted him as far from her as possible.
Once again, he’d gotten what he wanted when he’d pushed her--she was finally staying away from him, now. He’d just never thought it would be this painful for both of them.
Levi straightened from his thoughtful spot leaning against the desk as his office door opened, once more letting in the one person who didn’t bother to knock when coming into Levi’s office.
“You and I need to talk,” Erwin said as he shut the door behind him.
“What is it this time?” Levi asked, eyeing the two cups of freshly brewed tea Erwin was carrying. If Erwin was bringing tea with him, then he intended for this conversation to take a while. He might even be trying to bribe Levi to good behavior.
Erwin set the tea down on the desk between the two of them, fixing Levi with a firm stare. “It’s about you. Particularly, where your head is, currently.”
Not at all a good start to this conversation.
“You’re checking in on my wellness? Making sure I’m of sound mind?” Levi asked, a biting edge in his voice. “I’m fine.”
“That’s not what I’m asking,” Erwin returned patiently, taking a seat in front of Levi’s desk. Levi was still leaning against the side of the desk, watching Erwin closely with his eyes narrowed. “For the first time, you’re not entirely here, are you? Now, there’s the obvious, for what could be distracting you, and it’s a valid reason...but I think there’s more than that. I think there’s something you’re starting to want more than anything that’s involved with our fight against the Titans.”
“I’m not abandoning this fight, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Levi cut Erwin off before he could even suggest the notion, voice as sharp as his fangs.
The slightest smile quirked the corner of Erwin’s lips up, his head inclining slightly towards Levi. “That’s good to hear, but I still have some rather important questions.”
Levi finally reached for the tea Erwin brought with him, gaze still fixated on Erwin as he tried to figure out what the other man was getting at.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re distracted by something other than what’s been going on with Y/N. I want to know where your head is at, and more specifically…” Erwin leaned forward, tone hard and laced with that intense drive and purpose that had caught Levi’s attention in the first place when he really joined the Scouts. “What is it that you want, now?”
Levi hid most of his thoughtful reaction behind the rim of the teacup, eyes unfocused and mind distant as he mulled over Erwin’s question. He was distracted--he had every right to be, between everything happening to him and the tension between himself and Y/N, but something else, something deeper, something he wanted? That wasn’t where his mind had been, necessarily, but maybe Erwin had caught something before Levi even realized it himself. He was trying to use the momentary pause to do a bit of soul searching, to try and figure out what Erwin had noticed, hiding the action by finally taking a drink of the tea during the pause.
All other thoughts were immediately halted after the first reflexive swallow of his tea. It burned all the way down, far more than a simple it’s too hot kind of burn. This was acidic, like it was eroding his mouth, throat, and chest, a soft sizzle and a light steam curling off his lips as Levi erupted into pained coughs and gasps. A weakness started to spread through him as quickly as the burn, causing his doubled over posture to turn into a crumple as his legs lost the strength to support him.
If it wasn’t for Erwin’s reflexes, Levi would have hit the floor. The man had been on his feet the moment Levi reacted negatively, and had caught him when he’d started to collapse. The cup had fallen to the floor, spilling its burning contents all over as Levi clutched at his throat, mind trying to figure out what the hell was happening to him. Erwin’s alarmed voice asked if the tea had been somehow poisoned before immediately shooting down the thought himself, because Erwin had made it himself.
“Water.” Levi’s voice was hoarse, raspy, a shadow of the pain he felt reflected in it. Erwin left Levi’s side to grab the pitcher of water behind Levi’s desk, leaving Levi to sink to the floor and try to endure the burn. His hand reached out to try and steady him as the strength continued to drain out of him, his palm connecting with the spilled tea on the floor as Erwin came back around the desk with water.
“Shit!” There was a much louder sizzling sound and a far more noticeable stream of steam when his skin connected with the tea, and when he yanked his hand away, the skin was red and had even blistered. Cradling his burned hand towards his gut, Levi reached out for the glass of water Erwin was holding out for him with his other hand, draining the majority of it to try and sooth the burn, and using the last gulp to rinse out any lingering trace of whatever was in his tea that had caused the reaction.
While Levi was doing that, Erwin crouched down next to him, reaching out to carefully brush his fingertips along the spill. Unlike with Levi, nothing happened--no burn, no sizzle, no steam. There was only the slight glisten on his fingertips of the few drops of tea that had clung to his fingers. Erwin rubbed the liquid away thoughtfully while Levi watched, pulling his hand away from his midriff to show that, despite Levi’s rapid healing, the skin was still an angry red and slightly blistered.
This wasn’t a poison or anything like that--this was another side effect of what had happened to him.
“What kind of tea was that?” Levi asked, voice still strained.
Erwin looked from where the tea had been on his fingertips to Levi’s burned hand, expression both concerned and thoughtful.
“White sage.”
*Reader’s POV*
By some miracle, you’d managed to find a comfortable routine to help ease you back into the Scouts, and, more specifically, helped you re-adjust to being around Levi once again.
You did try your damndest to stay away from him at first, mostly because you just weren’t ready to see him yet. The run in you’d had with him outside Hange’s office had been terrifying, your body reacting before your mind could catch up and try to speak reason. Your eyes may have seen how his shoulders pulled back slightly, how he froze in place once you’d seen each other, how for the briefest moment he’d looked like he was going to say something to you before his entire demeanor shifted again to cold and closed off, and he’d stepped aside. While your eyes had seen it all, your mind had been too busy screaming danger at you and trying to get your instincts to stir you into running away, and your mind and instincts had won out against what your eyes could see.
After that, you didn’t run into Levi at all. Probably because it was easier to avoid someone if you were both actively avoiding each other. Thankfully, it gave you the time you needed to learn, to try and understand, to sooth the fear that had taken hold. Hange had quite a bit of information to give you, some of which had been extremely thought provoking about the entire situation between yourself and Levi, and others which had given you the perfect ideas to start trying to help him from a distance, to push small peace offerings his way.
They had, in fact, found something that somewhat helped his bloodlust. Apparently, Levi didn’t need to eat or drink, but doing so could help cool down that lust for blood and make it a little more manageable. Knowing he was still overseeing the cadets on the training grounds from time to time, you’d decided it might help--at least a little--if there was something nearby that he could turn towards to try and soothe the craving if someone ended up bleeding during training. It wouldn’t be as effective as blood itself was, but it was better than nothing.
You’d even placed a small bundle of tea leaves atop the tin, using your knowledge from Hange about just how heightened his senses were to provide a way for him to find your little emergency stash. You weren’t exactly comfortable going up to him and telling him about it, so you settled for simply giving him a way to find it. You’d even used the same kind of tea leaves when you’d gotten the idea to make a few other secretive stashes just for him hidden around Headquarters, trying to pick spots he was in frequently that he could potentially find himself in a position that made him struggle with his bloodlust.
The bit about sunlight irritating him like a burning itch had been news to you--even if you’d seen him irritated out in the sunlight, you would have simply assumed some of the cadets were getting on his nerves, or that he was particularly disgruntled with everything going on. Still, that had been something you could easily help with from a distance as well, putting aside some of your free time to learn how to make some simple, heavy curtains that you could put up on the windows around the castle. It had also been a nice side project to help keep yourself occupied. And, knowing sunlight was an irritant, when you started to catch glimpses of him in the mess hall or the library, in any shared space that you were bound to see each other in at some point, you’d almost subconsciously reach for the curtain to pull it closed, trying to make it a little less prominent for Levi’s sake.
But those were just the little things. The big things were something you mulled over frequently.
Such as your discovery of how his emotions (and personality) had been amplified ever since he’d changed, and how he was still trying to figure out how to balance and control them. It almost explained his attitude towards you since that first night. You’d known that he was afraid to hurt you again if you stayed in his life, and you’d known he had been--understandably--angry when you’d followed him down into the Underground, when you’d argued with him. But knowing this changed things. Fear turned to terror, so he hadn’t simply been afraid of hurting you again, he’d been terrified he would. Anger turned to rage, to fury. And you kept pushing and pushing him harder and harder. Had he even been thinking straight that night? Had he been in full control of himself, really?
Pain turned to agony.
What would guilt turn into?
Devastation?
That discovery...that one had stuck with you. It was something you thought about every time you caught a glimpse of him, usually as he left a room you’d just entered.
One of the biggest helps for you, though, had been the recent discovery of white sage, and Hange’s prompt, quick thinking that resulted in a gift specifically for you. On your wrist you now wore simple, woven bracelet, day and night--never once did you take it off. Twine made from white sage plant fibers made up the majority of the surprisingly sturdy bracelet. Apparently, Hange had enlisted the help of Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa to make it, claiming that it was a feel better, welcome back gift for you. It wasn’t really a lie, either. When Hange gifted it to you, she’d explained how recently, Levi and Erwin had found out white sage acted as a sort of poison, that it burned when Levi came into contact with it. Hange suggested that you think of it as peace of mind, a bit of protection against the possibility of Levi ever biting you again. The little bracelet, despite how flimsy or fragile it may appear, was a small assurance of some kind of security, and it helped soothe the fears that your mind came up with in the dark at night. More than once, you’d started to fall asleep with your other hand lightly touching the bracelet, to assure yourself it was there, that you could use it to protect yourself if the red eyes materialized from the darkness.
Speaking of a feel better gift, it had become painfully obvious that even those who didn’t know about Levi, knew that something was going on with you. The sudden leave had probably been a good indicator considering you didn’t have anyone you would need to visit or leave for, but the fact that Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa hadn’t questioned a feel better gift was your first sign your current state was rather public knowledge. You even had another scout that had been giving you a lot of help recently, probably deciding to try and help ease your load after hearing whatever happened to you had resulted in you taking a personal leave. Sandy was always nearby if you needed help, probably keeping an eye on you to make sure you were okay, that you didn’t need anything.
You appreciated the help, even if the realization that almost everyone knew you were not okay was not something that sat well with you.
Well...at least everyone was too preoccupied trying to figure out what was happening with you to notice anything odd that might be happening with Levi. Though that also meant that you had to be a little more careful when you went to make sure the tin boxes you hid for Levi stayed stocked with fresh food, changing out anything going stale.
The first time you’d gone to check the tin boxes, you would have been worried he hadn’t even found them if it hadn’t been for the fact that the tea leaves you’d put on top were gone. At first, he didn’t seem to be using it, and you debated giving up on the little stashes. But after a while, you had noticed that a crust of bread or one of the tea biscuits would be gone when you went to check the boxes. He was using them. Not often--which overall was a good thing--but he was using them. So you kept making sure that the tin boxes stayed full, and the food inside stayed fresh.
Considering some people were actively watching you out of concern, you had to make the trips later and later at night in order to avoid drawing attention to the tins meant only for Levi. God-forbid Sasha found one of these stashes.
That was what you were doing right now, a small collection of tea biscuits and a few crusts of bread wrapped and tucked safely away as you crept quietly through the halls, unable to bring yourself to stick to the shadows, but still trying to stay relatively out of sight as you headed towards the training grounds, first. It was the only place you didn’t have an excuse readily available if someone caught you sneaking around, so you usually tried to get this checkpoint done as quickly as possible.
A few halls and turns away from the back exit you were hoping to take, you suddenly felt hands around your arm, pulling you roughly into one of the unused offices and shutting the door sharply behind you. It was dark inside, a single oil lamp kept relatively dim on the desk not giving you enough light to see whoever had pulled you inside and was now in the shadows. That was all you had time to register about your surroundings before the figure was lunging at you, almost the image of your nightmares personified without the fangs and eyes. Though the eyes and fangs were missing from the nightmarish image, there was a flash of something sharp headed your way as it caught the light, and you reacted instinctively, still trying to figure out what was happening as your heart rate picked up speed.
They had to come closer into the light to attack you, and you were able to make out the glint of equipped ODM gear, a drawn Scouts cloak hood, one slender hand reaching out for you again while the other came in fast with what looked like a needle. Your hand was already moving to disarm the hand that held the needle, since that was what you had seen glint in the dim light, both hands latching onto the offending arm as you tried to knock the needle away, the other hand of your attacking latching onto your hair to try and steer you where they wanted you.
“Ah-Ow--What the hell!” you tried to shout, most of your cry muffled by the sound of your scuffle as you managed to knock the syringe to the ground where it shattered and seeped into the thick, large, centerpiece rug, but found yourself shoved back into the desk in the process. They’re other hand was reaching for the blades on their gear, a motion you immediately reached out to stop as you were bent backwards over the desk. Your attacker’s face was finally luminated under the hood by the awkward angle, just long enough for you to see that it was Sandy, the girl who had been helping you so much recently.
She was still trying to draw her blade with her other hand tangled in your hair, and before you could stop and think, you grabbed onto the back of her neck, pulled her close, threw your body weight backwards over the desk, and sent you both careening across its surface and over the other edge. The shattering of glass and a familiar fwoosh sound reminded you there had been an oil lamp on that desk, one that, judging by the sound and the sudden growing light in the room, had fallen onto the rug and sparked a fire.
Sandy didn’t seem to care much about the fire as both of you landed on the ground behind the desk. You tried to scramble to your feet to either bolt for the door or put out the fire, you weren’t entirely sure yet. It ended up not mattering, because Sandy tackled you to the ground again, the sound of the ODM gear clattering against the floor a little louder than your yelp as she tried to pin you down. You fought back, knees pulled up to keep as much of her at a distance as you could while one of her hands grappled for your throat, the other reaching under her cloak, most likely towards her weapons again.
“Get...off!” you grunted, using your knees to vault her over you and towards the fire that was still behind both of you. As she rolled back to her feet, you turned, taking in the sight of the fire that had already rapidly spread across the rug and was trying to devour some of the furniture in the room, now. If you wasted any more time on this fight, you were going to be trapped in here.
As Sandy popped back up onto her feet, she pulled what she had been reaching for out from under her cloak, but it wasn’t the blades from her ODM gear. It was a bundle of plants you couldn’t quite make out in the darkness, a slight shine to them in the light of the growing fire suggesting they were coated in oil, but she was holding it like a weapon. What, was it poisonous? What was she planning on doing with that?
Sandy grabbed at you again, holding onto your collar with one hand, bundle of plants in the other, pushing you back against the desk once more. She let go of the plants, tossing them into the rapidly spreading fire.
Several things happened at once.
A thick, fragrant smoke starting to billow and fill the room as the oily bundle was swallowed by flames.
Sandy tried to push you closer to the flames and smoke, close enough the smoke made you start coughing.
The door to the room burst open to reveal the familiar silhouette of Levi, who was already rushing into the room at the sight of flames and you bent over a desk by a hooded figure.
He made it halfway across the room before passing through a cloud of smoke that had an instant effect on him. In a split moment, Levi went from charging in to break up the fight and drag them both out of the on-fire room, to on one knee, hand at his throat, coughing violently between gasps for air, his skin starting to redden and blister.
The bundle of plants...it was white sage. She threw white sage into the fire!
Sandy knew about--
The other scout’s grip slackened on your collar as she saw Levi’s visceral reaction to the white sage-laced smoke, realization and shock dawning on her face. There was a tense moment, a pause between the two women who were watching as Levi tried to pull himself to his feet away from the smoke that had rapidly started to fill the room. There wasn’t anywhere he could go now except out, but considering he’d sunk to his knees, he might already lack the strength to stand, especially with such a large amount of white sage being pumped into his system with every breath.
Sandy let go of you completely, her interest in you vanishing entirely as Levi continued to collapse. Instead, she turned towards Levi, her hands already reaching to start to draw her blades, steps quickening to close the distance between herself and Levi--
“No!”
You didn’t think about what you were doing, you simply did it, throwing yourself at Sandy and tackling her to the ground, hands clawing at hers to try and pry one of the blades out of her grip, pinning her to the ground with yourself between her and Levi, Sandy angled close to the fire.
Sandy tried to jerk her blades aside with enough force to either pull free or embed the edge of her blade into your side, forcing you to use both your hands to keep her restrained as your eyes sought for a way to end this fight quickly. As you and Sandy struggled back and forth over her blades, your fingers starting to draw blood from her hands, you heard Levi's coughs and gasps behind you dwindle towards a disturbing silence. If this white sage stuff was poisonous to him, could it kill him in large doses?
The thought spurred you to more desperate action, leaning down to bite at the wrist closest to you, eliciting a scream from Sandy. She tried to jerk away, but only succeeded in pulling her hand away from your mouth and into the fire--which earned an even louder scream.
Behind you, Levi went entirely silent.
You pinned her hand down by the arm, forcing it to stay in the flames until she let go of the blade. Ignoring her louder screams, you waited until she finally let go before you released her arm, grabbed the cable it was connected to, pulled it from the flames, and smashed the handle into the side of her head as hard as you could while she was busy cradling her severely burned hand. You cried out at the pain of the scorching hot metal along the way, forcing yourself to hold onto it long enough to knock Sandy out before instantly dropping it and backing away. You looked back, dragging Sandy a little further from the flames by the leg as you staggered over towards Levi's prone form. It was getting harder to breathe with all the smoke in the room, sweat making your hands slick as you rolled him over to try and see what state he was in.
Every inch of his exposed skin was red and blistered, and he was unconscious--either because of the pain or the sage itself, you couldn't tell. The room might have been on fire, your lungs burning as you struggled to breathe between increasingly frequent coughs, a light headedness starting to sink in, and Sandy clearly knowing something about what had happened to Levi, but your first priority, in that moment, was to get Levi out of this room. Even if you could only save one, and Sandy somehow had information about what Levi was, he was the priority. He was the one you cared about what happened to him, and this smoke was poisonous to him.
Winding your arms under his and around his chest, you lifted, the task made more difficult by his unconscious dead weight. Unconscious, but alive. Hopefully. You hadn't checked yet, and you didn't think you were going to have the time to check with how fast that fire was growing. Right now you were focused on dragging him little by little out of the room and out into the hall, your bracelet causing another burn and trail of steam as it pressed into him thanks to your grip, but he didn’t react, still out cold. At least now you knew for a fact that your bracelet worked. You didn't stop after you'd passed the doorway, but kept going, trying to get far enough the smoke wasn't as thick, and he might be able to start to recover. Several doors down you finally set Levi down, covering him with your cloak just in case before rushing back to the room to see if you could get Sandy out of there, sucking in the fresh air while you still could.
The flames were higher as you reached the doorway, the smoke rolling out into the hall, thick and cloying. There was still a thin path in, but it wouldn't be there for long. Covering your mouth and nose with your arm, you plunged back inside, squinting against the flames and smoke as you leapt from open space to open space, retracing your steps to where you'd left Sandy.
She was on fire. Partially, just the arm and leg on one side so far, but still on fire as the flames tried to take over the section of the room you'd left her in. You yanked her away from the main flames, ripping off her cloak and using it to beat the flames on her arm and leg out, coughing the whole time.
She's not worth dying over, remember that. But I at least have to try and get her out, in case she does have information, you told yourself as you grabbed the other woman, preparing to attempt to carry her out as well. You tried to pick her up and sling her over your shoulders, knowing your path wasn't wide enough to drag her like you had Levi, so you were going to have to expend some of your strength to get her out. Once you were sure you wouldn't drop her, you started forwards, trying to avoid the flames and tolerate the smoke long enough to pass the threshold. One step and three coughs at a time, slowly but surely…
By the time you reached the hall, you practically collapsed, dumping Sandy carelessly onto the ground as you doubled over, body wracked by the violent coughs from your smoke-filled lungs.
You couldn't stop here--you needed to get help. The building was on fire, and it was too big of a fire for you to try and put out on your own, especially with the state you were in, now.
Fast approaching footsteps drew your attention towards the end of the hall opposite the side you'd dragged Levi down, a few of the male cadets who roomed on the ground floor--including Jean and Armin--appearing around the corner.
Ah, so the smell of smoke was spreading…or the sounds of a fight in a silent headquarters in the middle of the night had caused a few people other than Levi to stir. Good, because you didn't think you had the energy to try finding people right now.
Before anyone could ask any questions, you started giving out orders.
"The room's on fire. Armin--find Commander Erwin and Hange, I'm gonna need them, and they need to know what happened. Jean, get her out of here, but be careful--she's probably gonna be arrested," you said between gasps and coughs, nudging Sandy with your boot to indicate who you meant for Jean to take care of. Armin was already racing down the hall, glancing curiously at the prone figure covered by your cloak but wasting no time to investigate considering the urgency of the situation. "The rest of you, we need people and water, fast. Start waking people up. Have some people at the well filling buckets and others running them inside--those flames are moving quickly and we need to get this fire under control before it spreads any further."
Jean rushed forward to grab Sandy off the ground and carry her away, the other cadets scattering to do as you'd told them to while you shuffled down the hall back towards Levi. He wasn’t moving, not even the slightest rise and fall of his chest, and you were starting to fear that you might have been too late.
Once you’d made it to his side, you slid down the wall, reaching out to gently pull back the cloak you’d thrown over him so you could get a good look at him. You only did it enough so you could see, not wanting any potential passersby that wasn’t Hange or Erwin to see him like this.
His skin was still blistered and red, though you thought it seemed to be slowly fading away, like he’d simply stuck his arm in a too-hot bath and had just pulled it out. It was almost too slight to notice, though, and you worried how long it might take for him to recover.
The adrenaline of the fight was starting to fade, but your heartbeat quickened again now that you were alone in the hall with Levi, even if he was unconscious. There was a slight tremble in your hands as the fear tried to creep up again, but you ruthlessly pushed it aside, drawing on the knowledge that your bracelet worked, his current state, and the fact he was like this because he’d charged right in to help you without knowing about the sage as a cool rational that you had no reason to be afraid.
Your fingers gently pressed against his throat, feeling for a pulse...and finding none. You tried again, thinking that maybe you just weren’t feeling in the right spot, that you hadn’t pressed hard enough.
Still nothing.
Starting to feel an entirely new kind of fear rush through you, you drew closer, feeling anywhere you could think to try and find a heartbeat, but you couldn’t find anything.
“No, no, no, no, don’t be dead, you can’t be dead, ‘specially not like this,” you murmured, hands pulling him a little closer as you tried to figure out what you were supposed to do next. CPR? You’d have to drag him into one of the other rooms in case it worked so no one would notice Captain Levi covered in burns and blisters tonight but perfectly fine, say, the next morning--
The burns.
Your panic stilled for a second, logic kicking in once more as your hand gently moved across one of the nastier burns on his cheek. The red skin around it had faded to an irritated pink, and the burn looked a degree milder than when you’d pulled him out of the room initially.
They were still healing. Who knew how long his pulse had been missing, and yet, he was still healing. If he wasn’t still alive in some sense, wouldn’t the healing have stopped? How did all this work? There was still plenty you didn’t know about what happened to Levi--that none of you knew.
“Y/N!”
You looked up at the welcome voice, dropping the cloak back over Levi instinctually before anyone else could see on instinct. Thankfully, at the moment, it was just Hange approaching you, Moblit rushing past to help put out the fire with the other cadets. Reality snapped back to its full pace around you to make you realize that there were people running around in the halls, mostly ignoring you to focus on keeping the fire under control. No one questioned the fact you weren’t helping considering you were covered with the blackish grey soot from the fire and had a burned hand, bloodied hands, and maybe even a little blood near your mouth. Clearly, you’d already been in the middle of it.
“Hange--Help me with him,” you said, putting your arms under Levi’s limp body once more with the obvious intent to pick him up. Hange did the same without question, taking Levi into her own arms since you actually lacked the strength to pick him up. She pulled back the cloak to see who it was and froze.
“Don’t let anyone see him,” you said quickly, and she dropped the cloak back into place. “That smoke’s laced with white sage, he walked right into it and...Hange, he doesn’t have a pulse, he’s not breathing, but he’s still healing, I don’t know--”
“I’ve got him,” Hange said as you broke off with another cough, her gaze flickering back towards everyone still fighting the fire. She was already turning to carry Levi out of there before anyone could notice, giving you one last parting statement before she hurried away.
“Armin said he was supposed to get Erwin, too--he shouldn’t be long. You can tell him what happened.”
*Levi’s POV*
He was burning alive, inside and out, throat closing and cutting off the air he’d desperately tried to breathe, eyes blurred by the smoke that filled the room. He could only just make out the sight of someone approaching him quickly, barely caught the glint of blades being drawn--
“No!”
Before they could reach him, a dark blur collided with and knocked them to the ground, their struggle illuminated by the flames just enough so he could see Y/N on top and positioned between Levi and the other scout, holding down the hooded scout and trying to claw one of their weapons from their hands.
He only caught the faint smell of blood before the smoke once more blocked everything out, this time choking him entirely and causing his vision to darken until he slipped away into nothingness.
Everything came back to him in a rush, like he’d vaulted himself out of the depths of a lake with his ODM cables after nearly drowning, gasping in air as he lurched forward, eyes snapping open, world spinning around him in an overwhelming cacophony of sensory information coming at him all at once. The surface beneath him had a slight give to it, a blanket falling into his lap as Levi lurched forwards, breathing heavy since the last thing he remembered was being unable to breathe and he was instinctually trying to gulp in air.
Someone’s hand lightly touched his arm, drawing Levi’s attention before he could even start to visually take in his surroundings and bringing him face to face with a familiar pair of glasses.
“Oh, thank god, you are still alive, I wasn’t wrong, good,” Hange was saying with visible relief, helping to steady Levi as he tried to regain his bearings.
“What?”
Still alive--what was she going on about? No...what had happened? The fire, Y/N, the other scout, it was coming back to him in fragments, and he had a gaping hole in his memory after he’d seen Y/N tackle the scout to the ground before they could reach him. He’d just lost consciousness...right?
“You didn’t have a pulse--we thought you were dead. Well, technically you were, but I mean, you weren’t permanently dead, apparently. You were still healing, so we thought--or, I suppose, more hoped--that you were actually okay, or you would be. The only thing we’ve been able to do is wait and see what would happen.”
Levi listened to her with partial disbelief, hand moving subconsciously to lay over his chest and feel his heart pounding beneath his fingertips. Dead? Again?
The smoke...it shouldn’t have burned like that, unless the thing that scout had thrown into the fire as he’d entered the room...had it been white sage? Was that why the air had suddenly choked him, why the smoke burned when he walked through it? His gaze flickered towards the hand that was still holding him up, the skin smooth and unblemished once again, even though earlier it had been blistered and red, had felt like someone had set him on fire.
Levi gave himself a small shake mentally. No, that was something he could reflect on later, there were more pressing questions right now.
“Y/N, the fire...what happened?” Levi asked, voice still sounding weak to his ears.
“I didn’t hear the story, but besides a bit of a burn on her hand, Y/N’s all right, we managed to put out the fire before it spread too far, and the scout that attacked you two is in the dungeons. Y/N told Erwin the full story, you’ll have to ask him for the specifics. He’s been waiting to see what happened with you before going to get answers from the scout--I suppose he figured you’d want to be there, if you woke up.”
Levi pushed aside the blanket, feet planted firmly on the ground as he started to get out of the bed Hange had him laying on. Now that he looked around him, this wasn’t Levi’s room, Hange’s, or Erwin’s--it seemed like they’d stashed him in a spare room while he recovered.
“He’s in his office?”
“Most likely,” Hange answered, watching with concern as Levi had to reach out and steady himself, a brief wave of dizzy weakness washing over him as he stood up. “Levi, you might need to rest a little longer. You were just dead a few minutes ago--”
“I’ll be fine,” he said bluntly, cutting her off as he let his hand drop and headed for the door.
He needed answers for a lot of things right now, but his current priority was figuring out why that scout had been attacking Y/N, how the hell she’d known about white sage, and what else might she know about what was happening to him.
Erwin had been understandably surprised when Levi entered his office--pleasantly surprised, yes, it was good news Levi was alive, but still surprised. Apparently they’d had to make excuses for his absence for almost two days, unsure if he was even going to wake up.
After dismissing the scout who didn’t understand why Erwin was visibly surprised to see Levi, Erwin had locked the door and explained the situation to Levi. Of course, Levi already knew that Y/N was all right and the fire had been put out, but now he had a better understand of what happened. Now he knew that the scout had attacked Y/N, possibly believing her to be whatever Levi was, considering how quickly the woman’s attention had shifted once she saw Levi react to what Y/N hadn’t.
He was also aware now that not only had Y/N tackled the other scout and subdued her before she could attack Levi in his weakened state, but apparently she’d been the one to drag him out of the room before the flames could reach him or the smoke burn him any longer. She’d also been the one to take charge of the initial reaction to the fire before a disorganized panic could give it a chance to spread too far.
Erwin, in the meantime, had plenty of time to prepare his approach. From what was explained to Levi, if they could convince the scout who’d attacked him--Sandy, her name was, apparently--that she was mistaken, that Levi wasn’t...whatever she thought he was, then she’d be allowed to stay in the scouts. If not, then understandably, she couldn’t stay. They’d dismiss her, citing her to have had some kind of mental break, likely from stress.
It wasn’t ideal, having to make someone doubt themselves, to discredit them that way, but if her meditated reaction to finding out about Levi had been to attempt to kill him--and to technically succeed for two days--then she couldn’t stay.
But all that would come after they attempted fishing for information, which was what they were doing now. Erwin was situated on a chair facing Sandy’s cell directly, the guards dismissed, while Levi leaned against the wall in the shadows, by the door. He could hear just fine from his spot over here, and he would stay out of sight, which would hopefully result in Sandy being a bit more talkative. As such, it was already established that Erwin was going to conduct the interview as if Levi wasn’t there, and Levi was simply there to listen, just in case she had something informative to say.
“You do realize that not only did you attack one of your comrades, you attempted to attack a superior officer, based on the statement given by L/N,” Erwin said, gaze steadily fixed on the imprisoned scout that was sitting out of Levi’s sight.
“Attacking Y/N was a mistake, I swear, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known I was wrong--I was sure it was her, I was sure, I was just trying to confirm it, but things escalated, and then Captain Levi showed up, and--”
Clearly, sitting in a cell with no one to talk to for two days hadn’t done anything for Sandy’s nerves. She was a nervous wreck, and her statements were all over the place. It looked like she hadn’t thought of what she was going to say when she was faced with consequences for her actions--or maybe she’d actually believed she wouldn’t be discovered.
“I know it’s going to sound crazy, and I didn’t quite believe it myself until I saw it, I saw it with my own eyes, but Commander Erwin, Captain Levi isn’t human!”
Levi straightened where he was standing by the door, attention sharpening. This was what he was down here to hear.
“I know Levi’s skills exceed that of any other soldier, but that doesn’t mean--” Erwin started to say patiently. His steady dismissal of the statement caused an outburst in Sandy, which was probably his intent.
“That’s not what I mean! I mean, maybe, that’s something else, maybe that has something to do with it, too, I don’t know, but that’s not why I’m saying this! Please, Commander, you have to believe me. I wasn’t trying to kill anyone, not...not at first,” she finished in a squeak before she jumped right back into her fervent claims. “My grandmother used to tell these stories, and that’s all they were, stories! Nonsense! There were no such things as bloodsuckers, the living dead that drank the blood of humans to stay alive--they were just ghost stories she told to make us behave! But then Y/N kept pulling those curtains shut to block out the sun, and she was sneaking out late at night, everyone knows she left for unknown reasons for a whole month, and there’s those whispers about all the strange deaths in the Underground, of people showing up drained of blood and I-I got spooked, so I just thought--I thought I’d just make sure that they really were just stories.”
Levi felt sympathy start to rise to the forefront of his mind at her statement. She’d simply been scared, and she’d handled it poorly. There was a lot of that going around, recently.
“L/N said that you threw something into the fire instead of putting it out when it started. I’m assuming the stories had something to do with that, too?” Erwin asked, expression and voice both entirely indifferent, unrelenting in his thoughts or feelings about what he was hearing.
Sandy had apparently started tearing up at some point, since Levi heard a sniffle inside the cell. “She used to say that you were supposed to burn white sage to cleanse a place of evil spirits and demons,” Sandy said rather pitifully. Levi’s grip tightened on his arms, but it was the only reaction to her words between him and Erwin. The other man simply kept up his interrogation.
“That explains that part,” Erwin mumbled under his breath, purposely loud enough for Sandy to hear. “Anything else you want to explain about your actions? Now is your chance to do so.”
“I know it all sounds crazy, I thought they were just stories, too, but that sage worked, I saw it, it burned Captain Levi--he’s not human, Sir, you have to believe me. If he’s one of those bloodsuckers from my grandmother’s stories, then all the scouts are in danger!”
Erwin started to stand up. “What happened to Captain Levi was a severe allergic reaction to white sage--”
“This wasn’t an allergy!”
Erwin continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “--one that I’ve known he has because I was there when he first discovered it. I also saw him after the fire and can confirm the rash and hives--not blisters and burns, like you may have led yourself to believe--”
“No! I saw it! Commander Erwin, please, you have to believe me, I saw it with my own eyes, that wasn’t an allergic reaction, the Scouts are in danger--”
Levi straightened from his spot against the wall, silently making his way out of the dungeons and back towards his quarters. None of this was something he needed to be here for. In fact, it turned out he didn’t need to be here to begin with--Sandy didn’t know any more than they did. She knew even less than them. Listening in had been pointless.
As he entered his office, Levi left all but one of the lights off, even though it was late at night by now. He simply let the moon and the oil lamp on his desk provide the light, mind trying to decide if he needed a cup of tea or something stronger as he made his way to the window. After unlatching and opening it, he leaned outside, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air as a cool night breeze pushing his hair back. His thumb idly traced along his palm, tracing scars he should have had from burns and shattered tea cups before dipping down to feel at the pulse in his wrist.
Demon...that was the second time he’d been called that. A red eyed demon that preyed on the unsuspecting. An evil spirit warded off with a little white sage. The living dead.
He was dead, wasn’t he? He’d died twice, now--once in that alley when his investor snapped his neck, and again just the other night when he’d apparently suffocated or the white sage had caused his heart to stop--he wasn’t entirely clear on the details, there, though he was sure Hange would have plenty of inquiries after this to find out. Could he even really, truly die now? If he hadn’t been breathing, if he didn’t have a pulse, yet he still healed and came back, was there a death for him? He wasn’t even alive--or he shouldn’t be, at least, after he was killed that first time.
From what Sandy had said about her stories, he wasn’t even human anymore. He was some kind of monster that preyed on humans...like the titans preyed on humans…
Levi shuddered in self-revulsion at the thought, feeling his ire rise as he ran his hand through his hair to try and dispel the idea that was already taking root in his mind. As he did so, the flap of powerful wings drew his attention out just past his window, towards the tree that grew outside his office that had recently become the home of a rather large brown owl. As he watched, the owl landed on one of the branches with one talon, the other talon holding a pinned black raven in its claws. Levi locked eyes with the owl, which seemed to look at him inquisitively before, after deciding Levi wasn’t going to interrupt or disturb it, it reached out with its other talon to hold the still-squirming raven’s head down before it’s beak tore into the neck of the pitifully flailing smaller bird. Able to see the scene in perfect clarity, Levi tensed and looked away, shutting the window behind him as if he could shut out the scene that reminded him too strongly of the night everything went wrong.
As Levi was latching the window, his door opened. Erwin, again, then.
“Didn’t sound like you were convincing her when I left,” Levi said as Erwin stepped inside, Levi pushing the curtains aside a little more to let the moonlight in before he turned to face Erwin.
Erwin shook his head. “I left her to think things over, but she knows what she saw. She’s not going to let it go.”
Levi nodded. So they were going to go about dismissing her. It was a shame...and unfair to Sandy. She’d truly been trying to protect the Scouts from the monster dwelling among them. She should be thanked, not dismissed, except that monster was him, and Erwin needed Levi out there fighting titans, protecting Eren...so Levi’s secret took priority.
“You seem a bit more occupied with your thoughts than usual. What are you thinking, Levi?”
That was one way to ask him how he was doing after all those frantic accusations about Levi being a demonic, bloodsucking, evil spirit, a monster, a threat to the Scouting Regiment, to everyone around him, even if he was trying so hard not to.
“I go down to the Underground regularly. And I rip open the throats of unsuspecting people to drink their blood. To eat them. I come back wanting to eat more.”
His tone was on the brink of a threat, his words sharp, and as he spoke, he kept his gaze locked with Erwin’s, refusing to let Erwin look away from the truth of what Levi was saying. He refused to let the other man blindly deny that he was actively protecting a monster that devoured people like the titans did.
Erwin’s gaze only hardened, meeting Levi’s head on as he stepped closer, as if to prove he wasn’t frightened by the threat in Levi’s tone.
“What happened to you wasn’t your choice,” Erwin said bluntly. “What you did choose was to keep fighting, and to continue as yourself. We both know you’ve been trying to minimize the casualties despite needing blood to survive now. You’re still fighting for yourself, for the scouts, for humanity, despite everything that’s happened. You didn’t change as a person, Levi, you’re still you. You still have a heartbeat pumping blood through your veins, so you’re still alive. You still think and feel--from what I’ve heard from Hange, you feel even more, now. You’re more human than most of us, Levi. Don’t forget it.”
Levi turned his head away, choosing instead to look out towards the shadow on the tree he knew to be the owl, eating the rest of its meal. It seemed every day he found another reason to be mortified with what he was turned into, whether it was discoveries like tonight that forced him to look at how inhuman he could be with the slightest step in a different direction, or with how thoroughly he’d already hurt the people around him despite how much he’d wanted to avoid doing so. But under everything, at the very center of it all, was a rage simmering under the surface, a fury focused entirely on the man who’d done this to him, who had turned him into this creature against his will. That was what Erwin saw, that was what was at the root of everything bothering him, distracting him. Levi’s goddamn investor, who hadn’t even rippled the water from what Levi could tell since turning him.
“What I want…” Levi said suddenly, his voice quiet and steady despite the intensity of his unearthed rage he was finally bringing to the surface so he could properly look at it. “Is to find the thing that did this to me, and rip its throat out.”
Erwin seemed to consider Levi’s words for a few moments, studying Levi closely as if trying to gauge if it was an honest desire or if Levi was simply trying to throw him off from the conversation they’d been having about how Levi saw himself. However, he still relented--for the time being--and nodded slowly.
“It does seem that there’s something...possibly more dangerous than a titan...lurking within the shadows of the walls,” Erwin said carefully. “Considering how easily it was able to overpower you, we were lucky it decided to turn you instead of kill you, or we would have suffered a devastating blow for our efforts. It would be wise to try to find it before it reappears. Right now, if it was to go after someone else, if it decided to kill someone important to our cause, we’re woefully unprepared to handle that kind of a threat. That needs to change.”
Erwin gave Levi a level look, one that clearly laid down the fact that this would still be a give and take deal between the two of them. “I’ll tell Hange we’re doubling our efforts to understand what’s happened to you so we can start coming up with ways to fight back. And we’ll start looking for the being that attacked you. What you want, is something the Scouts can want, too. It’s something that would be in all of our interests.”
Next Part---->
Levi Tags: @humanitys-hottestsoldier @sunny-flo @clary-quinn
