#varsavarti

[papiyan]

I don't write about you anymore. I don't know how to.

[geniusname]

16, 17, 18 xx

16: your favorite childhood song

idk if i have a FAVORITE favorite but i used to bop really hard to crazy in llove by beyonce when i was a kid!!

17: a song that reminds you of a good time

it’s real - real estate

18: a song that reminds you of a bad time 

i tried - folded like fabric :^(

[papiyan]

i have the tendency

to take things too personal

and to ruin myself carelessly

because it's not art if it's not a tragedy

right?

but it's not poetic to destroy yourself

for nothing but some sad poems

and bloodshot eyes

i'll have to work on that

[papiyan]

i want to love you

but i guess nobody ever thaught me

how to love

without destruction

i want to love you

but i don't know how

the only love i know

makes you want to die

[papiyan]

today a friend asked for a cigarette but the smoke made her cought up so hard that i felt bad for giving her one in the first place

she reassured me that it was fine although she had to sit down for a while and i kind of understood

sometimes we do things even though we know they're bad for us

when i was thirteen i passed out on the bathroom floor because i only ate half an apple in two days

my father begged me to eat and my mother started crying but i just got angry at them for yelling

so i don't know maybe it's written in our genes

[papiyan]

in the beginning you felt something too it would be fine if you just didn’t fell for me but knowing that there was something feels very lonely

was it something i did? something i said? where did i go wrong? when did you fell out of love with me?

i can’t fall out of love with you and i wish i could go back it’s so unfair that one day you just decided to let go of me

[papiyan]

i'm in love with you

but i won't tell

there's just that thing

when someone calls your name

or asks me about you

that my face gets red

and my voice sounds kinda funny

it's because i'm in love with you

but i swear i won't tell

tbh it’s about you

[papiyan]

my parents used to reward me with little sun stickers for every night i slept through without waking them

when i had enough, i could wish for anything i wanted like a trip to an amusment park or a new game

it might seem silly to reward such an easy task with so much but even if i didn't wake them, i wasn't able to sleep

i cried hidden under my blankets and stared into the darkness for hours because even if i fell asleep, i always ended up getting horrible nightmares

years later, i still can't sleep but my parents won't give stickers to me anymore