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Vash: This could be us. :3 Gale: You invaded my privacy using the Necromancy of Thay, confiscated every magical item in camp, and now you can read my mind. I don't know which is more alarming. Vash: *scratching at his arms and neck while a carnival of voices whisper in his ears* Why do your thoughts taste like battery acid and spite?

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #gale dekarios #bg3 gale #dark urge #durge #desolate oath #vash logic #this could be us #wizard distress #gale is drafting a complaint

Your OC as a God(dess)

Vash Neel [Allegedly] God of Municipal Paperwork

Peace Bringer - Temporary Steward of the Emerald Grove

TENTATOR · TYRANNUS · TOTALITAS

Paladin of Conquest

Scion of Bhaal

Shepherd of Death

Harbinger of the End Times

Emerald Grove Ordinance 37: The following declarations shall apply to urchins within the jurisdiction of the Steward of the Emerald Grove. Section A: No urchin may be subjected to woolen socks. Section B: Gruel and oatmeal of a similar consistency are forbidden. A viscosity auditor will be available upon request. Section C: Battle training must start no later than the age of nine. Please refer to Asharak to register your urchin as soon as they can wield a sword. Section D: Hand gestures are an acceptable form of communication, and must be accommodated.

Violators of Ordinance 37 will be put to death without trial. will be put before a council to determine corrective action.

Tagged By: @optimisticgrey

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #dark urge #durge #bg3 oc #tiefling oc #desolate oath #vash logic #bhaalspawn #paladin of conquest #tentator tyrannus totalitas #wool is a war crime #fight me #also his cloak is 100% wool

Murder_Priest_Himbo.exe has encountered a problem.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #dark urge #durge #bg3 dream guardian #the emperor #bg3 alfira #desolate oath #vash logic #slave node has gained awareness #running poor coping mechanism defrag #this could take some time #sending an incident report to bhaal

Chapter 38 Abridged.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #dark urge #durge #desolate oath #vash #halsin #bex #vash logic #the process stopped successfully #the consequences did not

Desolate Oath

Rejected Taglines

A diesel Ford F250 attempts to have a relationship with a Jaguar S-Type, but finds himself committed to a married Mazda Miata.

#desolate oath #d'oath rejected taglines #bg3 fanfiction #baldur's gate 3 #vash neel #vash logic #this will make sense to exactly eight people

The tits remain ambivalent.

-Desolate Oath, Chapter 10

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #desolate oath #bg3 fanfiction #vash logic #vash neel #blackwell writes #divine breast omens

Getting Sidetracked While Working on Fan Fiction.

"Look. I know this isn't your problem but if you're going to be headed toward the inner sanctum… if you can get in…" "What is it?" Gale asks. "They've started a ritual to isolate themselves. They're calling it protection. I call it cowardice." "Seems a bit redundant," I say. "This place is mostly fortified as is. What is this ritual?" "The Rite of Thorns. I'm not familiar with it, but they've made it clear, they want us out before the Rite is ended." Gale glances toward the chanting down the trail. "It must be powerful druidic magic to isolate an entire grove." Zevlor rests his hands on the hilt of his sword. "Their new First Druid, Kagha, seems to think it's in their best interest." My lip twitches. "New? How long has she been leading these people?" "Half a tenday." "Really…"

Vash's one glowing eye flashes as he stares into the middle distance. > Power Vacuum Detected. > Running conquest_paladin.exe > service coupctl start > coupctl started successfully. > Weak leadership ready to be wiped from drive. [WARNING: This action cannot be undone once process is started.] Proceed? Y/N

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #conquest paladin #desolate oath #vash logic #dark urge #durge #ao3 #terminal humor #this will only take a coup-ple of moments #i'll see myself out

A Meet Cute Between Two Very Reasonable Men.

The tadpole bends behind my eye and I wince. My mind is flooded with vague notions of fear and paranoia. The man is tadpoled and by the gods, his mind is a carnival of suffering. I focus, trying to pull myself free from his thoughts. He clutches his head. "What the… get out of my head!" I’m suddenly bodied by a whole entire twink. He pushes us both to the ground, dagger at my throat. "Out! Now!" He nicks my neck as I pry the blade from his hand. Shadowheart grabs him and drags him off me. "Unhand me!" He writhes in her grasp. She fights to restrain him. "You're a madman!" He kicks off her and rolls to his feet, standing low and pulling another dagger from his boot. The man has knives hidden in every nook and cranny. I sit up, touching my neck and looking at the blood on my fingers. He points his blade. "You fucking bastard! I'm not going to let you violate me again!" "It was not intentional!" I bark. "Tymora's tits…" "Wasn't it?" He steps back as I climb to my feet. "No," I say. "I have no interest in participating in whatever fresh Hells are floating around in your mind." "Excuse me!" Shadowheart steps between us. "Perhaps we should all calm down before someone gets stabbed again." I grunt and hand him his dagger, hilt first. He hesitates but takes it. "Vash Neel." He turns the blade in his hand, then carefully tucks it away, dangling his hand in front of me. "Astarion. A pleasure." I glance down at it. Soft and pale. The whispers hum in my ears and my fingers twitch. I snatch it and pull him in, headbutting him in the fucking forehead. He staggers back and grips the bridge of his nose. "Nnngh!" He taps his nostrils, checking for blood. His jaw tightens. "Are we even?" His scowl could cut glass. I blink and slowly tuck my hands in my pockets. "…Yes." Not ideal.