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The rush of the waterfall could not defeat the sound of his pacing heart. He kept beating himself over it–he needed to remain calm so as to not wake the sleeping Empress. But nothing has worked so far. Not reciting the Jedi Code, not the breathing techniques, not even the Force could help him.
Suddenly, she stirred and whimpered, then tightened her grasp around his body, slumber undisturbed.
Which made the jitters even worse.
Should he move away to a more comfortable position? Or gently place her inside the tent using the Force? None of the above, apparently. He surrendered to the rhythm of her breathing to calm his nerves, carefully laying on the grass. Watching the makrins and ginxes swaying by the flowing water certainly helped.
And she was still in his embrace when he woke up from his nap. He noticed something wet near her head–his eyes translated it to her drooling on him. Must be one of a heavy sleep, he mused.
The beeping of his holocom inside the tent startled him. His mind immediately assumed it was his twin on the other end. He couldn’t possibly answer that call with a woman sleeping on him, regardless of who was calling. If the beeping goes on longer, it would surely wake Vaylin up. His panic only lasted for a few seconds, however, once he remembered that he could just shoot a message back. He terminated the call telekinetically. The bag containing the device slowly floated towards him, opened by itself; and a holocom floated onto his palm. All done with the goal of minimizing the noise.
Even though the waterfall already covered that part up for him.
It was his twin after all; inquiring about the droid shipment to Dubrillion. Before writing his response, he encrypted the message with a code only known between them. He described his status, the success of his objective, and estimated time of return–though that last part was subject to change. A lightbulb went off in his head–he moved the bag to use as a support so he could lean on his back. A holocron about lightsaber forms recorded by Master Ven Zallow in his right hand, while the other guarding Vaylin so she wouldn’t fall off of him.
It would be such a scandalous sight for anyone.
Two hours into his studying, the former Empress finally awakened. Hearing his heartbeat and inhaling his scent made her decide to stay immobile for a little while longer. Hoping that he didn’t notice her being awake just yet. Her eyes flitted towards his arm securing her. How badly she wanted to stay that way forever.
But she decided not to. He must be tired or sore from holding her that long, she thought. Once he felt her move, he quickly removed his arm from her waist, flustered. The holocron dropped at the same time his body scooted away. Vaylin was still rubbing the headache out–fingers brushing her implants sent tingles towards the back of her skull.
“Sorry. Must have been a long nap...” she murmured, avoiding eye contact.
“Not at all. Um, no need to apologize.”
As soon as he tried to stand up, he heard a faint crack. Much as he tried to hide the pained expression, Vaylin noticed anyway. “Can I... can I help with that? Maybe I could massage you?”
Massage means too much physical touch, according to him. His face flushed a shade closer to a high fever, then shaking his head, tremor-like. Uttering a response was already a struggle, let alone meeting her eyes. Vaylin however, felt dejected by his increasing distance. His overly apologetic nature began infecting her.
“Sorry again. That was inappropriate.”
“No! I-I mean… Uh, umm, it’s okay. I can soothe myself,” as his hand began glowing a teal, wispy glimmer. Wondering why he was so nervous and foolish now when he was absolutely calm earlier. “I think you could use a drink. I’ll get you some water-”
“It’s fine. I can get it myself.”
Vaylin weakly stood up, slowly heading towards the pitcher on top of the folding table. The sight of Rio clumsily cleaning up his bag was ignored while watching the vrakes near the waterfall. Unfortunately, with a clearer mind came the words of the child she just met, echoing faintly in the background. It wasn’t only that–the sights of the ruined nursery and starving children struck her differently this time. The twisted joy she used to feel for the destruction became an iceberg crushing into her chest. The fleeting intimacy she just had was overshadowed by the pain.
There was also the matter of turning herself back in. The heavy sigh she let out did little to reset her psyche. Her mind was leaning more towards delaying it further than facing the music. Perhaps she could seek comfort yet again with that bumbling Jedi over there?
“Hey…”
“Hello, Vaylin! Do you need anything?”
Comfort, as the little voice inside her spoke.
“I… I understand that we need to return to Odessen soon. Can I… Can I ask for…”
Riornivo waited for the continuation, as it became puzzling for Vaylin over the steep difficulty to articulate her intention.
“I need more time before we depart. I’m still… tired.”
Not entirely true, as his body proved to be quite comfortable to lay on. She was met with that classic smile again, agreeing to her request. By the next hour, the sun was setting along with the temperature. Wind generated by the waterfalls exacerbated the cold, as Rio did not plan on staying overnight nor did he predict that it would be a chilly one. Vaylin did what she could to reinforce the campfire, but the wind was against her efforts.
Suddenly, she felt his Jedi robe draped over her shoulders. “You seem cold.”
“Aren’t you? You’ll get sick,” as Vaylin tried to return the garment.
“Don’t worry, I’m not cold. You can keep it, if you want.”
That last line was received differently, somehow. What could he possibly mean by that, as he said it so casually? What if she intended on taking up his word for it? She turned around, muttering a hushed gratitude before entering the tent. Her nerves almost defeated her there. When she sat and hugged her knees, the scent of him lingered around her–his robes enveloped her in a yearning comfort. As if returning to that embrace earlier that day.
“Might not return sooner than I thought. But I’ve succeeded in my objective.” Wrote Riornivo from a holopad to his twin, receiving a prompt reply.
“You and your endless honeymoons. The base is sniffing around and I wouldn’t be able to distract them for much longer!” Rionnic nagged.
“Just trust me. And no, it’s not a vacation!”
Moments after recollecting herself, she returned to wanting company. What she wished was to have normal conversations with him; unfortunately both of them weren’t making that possible. Sleeping again seemed impossible as she was still fully rested, but she had to keep those thoughts at bay, for her own sake.
The Barsen’thor was just a few minutes into his meditation when he spotted the former Empress approaching. Like the dutiful servant of light he was, he asked if she needed his help.
“I want… I want to talk. Just talk.” Her tone was aimless and vulnerable.
“Of course. Let’s sit by the fire, it’s warmer there.”
It took her a moment to speak up when asked about what conversation suited her. “How do you handle it? After something horrible happened to you?”
A heavy question. He hesitated, shuffling the right words to say. “To be honest with you… I… I failed.”
“... Failed?” she asked for elaboration after his following silence.
“I succumbed to the dark side. I know you view and use the Force differently, but let me try to summarize it,” as he shifted in his seating position to face her. “We believe that achieving balance in the Force means the absence of the dark side. The dark side is something to be feared and avoided, because even when you escape it, traces of it stays with you. When I was younger, I lost many of my family, friends, fellow Jedi… and… and…”
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s difficult.”
“But I want to. I’m just not great with words...” His diplomacy missions required carefully arranged words that he had no problem utilizing and mastering. Perhaps it depended on who he was talking to. “Before I continue, please know that I don’t mean to make you feel worse than you already are. I trust you.”
The last sentence came out so naturally as they both smiled at each other, shedding that distance away for a familiar warmth.
“There was one point where I believed people like us shouldn’t exist at all… I left a trail of death and destruction not just once, Vaylin. The regret that came after makes me want to stop living. It’s such a dangerous point to be in…”
It was quite the revelation to her. To see him so vulnerable for the first time, and it wasn’t like his previous, many near death instances either.
“But I clung on to… to love. The hardest part was to forgive myself, and that may be never, but I know I’m still here for a reason. I think I love too much to give up on everyone. Including myself. I… walk each day with the belief that I represent the fallen ones in wanting a better galaxy when they were alive.”
She could see his eyes beginning to moist. His words were hard to digest due to how different their upbringing and lives were, as apparent by her zoning out with the campfire reflecting off her irises. Rio chuckled an understanding one while wiping his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I know it probably won’t land as well with you. But my point is… you should afford yourself some grace, make peace with what has already happened, and accept the responsibility.”
“I’m not stupid, you know.”
“Oh! T-that’s-that’s not what I meant by–I’m sorry!”
Secretly, it amused her at how easy it was for her to unnerve him. But she steered the mood back by changing her expression to a sincere smile, making him blush over witnessing her genuine happiness. “Thank you for trusting me enough for you to be vulnerable with me. That’s some good advice.”
His classic smile was shining figuratively brighter than the flame, cherishing every word of her; of how developed they both were ever since meeting each other.
Which reminded her of that day.
“There’s… something else. It’s… it’s about…” as she lowered her gaze, sighing at her lack of strength to continue. “I think I did something inappropriate again. I shouldn’t have said all that to you. Maybe–maybe it’s offensive to your… your Jedi culture?”
“What do you mean?”
That demand for elaboration worsened her anxiety. “The whole wanting to be with you… thing!” Vaylin cried out, her head turned completely away from him.
The conversation going into that direction was expected by him, but he malfunctioned instead when it was actually said. Possible responses that he had arranged vanished on the spot. All he could hear at that moment was the climbing volume of his pounding heart. Luckily for him, his brain decided to hop back on course.
“Um… it’s… not offensive. Compassion, it often leads to... to… love, and it’s one of our core tenets of operation, but requires the most amount of temperance… that being said…” He leaned to face her shy eyes, his face pleading. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted that day. I’m sorry if I hurt your… heart. I don’t ever want to do that to you…”
She could feel his words and tone stripping all of her strength away. Sweat began to cluster around her temple and neck. “Wh-why are you apologizing for that? How else are you expected to react? I am completely at fault here.”
“No, I–uh, I have to disagree,” as Rio rubbed his nose bridge, trying to get his point across. “I think those feelings are natural and I would never fault you for that. I appreciate being the recipient of your affection. I truly… do care for you. But I want to stay this way… if it’s fine with you.”
It felt like a second rejection, and it hurt just the same. She closed her eyes, fighting off the tears. The last sentence she was about to say sounded insincere but necessary.
“You mean… as friends?”
“Yes. But… I’m very sorry if this isn’t what you want.” “I understand. Stop apologizing. I… honestly, I don’t want our friendship to end after I said that the other day. So you have my gratitude for this. I hope we can still be like… like old times?”
His signature smile had a tinge of guilt over it. He hated having to break her heart again, especially considering how distressed she was earlier. While she was feeling more pragmatic about it. Knowing that she would end up behind bars and possibly dead later on wasn’t a promising start of a relationship. The confession morphed into a stupid mistake, one that triggered a number of consequences that she didn’t anticipate would be life-altering. But the yearning took advantage of her lowered guard.
She stood up, drained by a simple conversation. She wanted to spend the few hours left of her freedom to the fullest, regardless of the limiting circumstances.
“I’m going for a walk.”
Rio immediately offered to accompany her, fearful of her being spotted by someone. She declined, but after listening to his reasoning, she reluctantly agreed. Might as well converse further, she mused. However, both of them were cut off by each other trying to talk.
“You go first,” Rio sheepishly stated.
“Um… so what's it like for you growing up? I heard they start training Jedi since they’re… babies.”
“They take in children from many different circumstances. Most of them were brought by their parents. It’s–um, hold on, I hope this isn’t too-”
“Familiar with my experience? I think this is what usually happens with people like us around the galaxy. They get trained, but I know that not all of them are done properly.”
“Perhaps… though, I wouldn’t say that our Order is the only acceptable way to go about it. In my studies, I’ve found colonies and ancient tribes practicing the Force in a different manner; some of them seemed to thrive.”
Vaylin nodded slowly while their steps provided the background noise to the banter. They entered a cave illuminated by bioluminescence mushrooms and plants, keeping their volume low to avoid echoing around the walls.
“Oh, and about myself growing up–I digress! My mother was a Jedi herself, and my sister… She's a handful growing up. I was generally practicing and studying during my adolescence. Then I started joining my masters on their missions… mostly diplomatic. I remember them nudging me towards the enforcement ones. Combat, even. But I still feel like I’m not cut out for that… Still, I’ve always liked meeting other padawans from different temples.”
“You must have a lot of friends.”
“I do, and they’re not just the Jedi ones, and… uh… I have to say that as my newest friend… you’ve given me the deepest introspection I’ve experienced in my life. Thank you for that.”
What was he on about, her mind sneered. Was he flirting? She swiveled her head away, arms crossed to hide the blush. Then she attempted to divert the topic. “And what did you have to say earlier?”
“Me? Oh, y-yes. Um… so what do you like to do with your time?”
“Sitting in my cell, of course.”
That resulted in his haunted expression, guilty and dreadful. It was a twisted amusement for her.
“I’m just kidding. I like art. Maybe someday we can paint or whittle something together.”
“I’d love that!”
And thus they arrived at the cave’s exit to a display of an aerial view over Avesta’s estates. They were positioned just out of sight, as they spotted remnants of a sniper’s equipment next to the ledge. “Must have been taken out. No sniper leaves their gear behind like this.” Vaylin remarked.
“Hm, probably an Exchange employee. My sister was quite thorough, it seems.”
The former empress sat against the wall, enjoying the street lights below. The Jedi master standing next to her was stiff both body and expression-wise. She smirked, inviting him to sit. “I like traveling too… and it’s a newer discovery. This might be my last trip outside so I’m trying to absorb it all in…”
Riornivo nodded somberly, before switching to a desperate tone. “I’ll do everything I can to help your defense team. There might be deals to make, or at least-”
“Rio, it’s fine. I’m accepting it–my fate, or whatever my future is. You’ve certainly helped me in my introspection. You’ve done enough. I’d like us to spend this night without thinking too much of the future. Can we do that?”
His body deflated, sighing at the unfairness that was her fate. From birth, she had been a pawn of a monster, and sadly it possibly wouldn’t end with her escaping with her life. Though she herself has embraced accountability for her vileness, her victims never received that second chance that he thought she deserved. The rest of the night was quieter, with only surface level conversations between them. Once it felt like dawn was approaching, they made the short trek back to camp, when she noticed his eyes struggling to stay open. An adorable sight for her.
“You should sleep. I can stay outside to guard in case anything happens.” Vaylin smiled, looking quite angelic in his drowsy vision.
“No, no… please use the tent. I insist. I’ll just…” as he yawned to his hand.
“Meditate?”
“Ha.. ha… err, yes.”
Yawning proved to be contagious, with her being the target. The sleepiness came easy to Vaylin; it has been an eventful day to her. “Fine, I’ll take the tent,” as she began walking towards it. “You can join me if you want. Life doesn’t have to be so restrictive.”
The proposition jolted him awake, and the way she so casually said it weakened his walls. He stood there stiff as a lamppost, meditation vanished from his agenda. A whispery voice kept chanting to him to accept her invitation. His feet betrayed the resistance of his heart and mind, moving as if he was on a puppeteer’s command.
And she looked just as surprised when his head poked through the tent’s opening.
“Hey, you can sleep there if you want. I’m going to watch some news to sleep, I think.” Vaylin said quietly.
It snapped him out of his trance. “Oh… uh…”
When the chance of escaping presented itself to him, did he take it? Apparently, his body was still divisive against his psyche. He entered, then wordlessly laid down on the edge of the tent, leaving plenty of room for Vaylin. It has been an eventful day for him too, so much that it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. Vaylin stole a glance, once again surprised at how fast the Jedi crashed.
She quietly joined him in her attempt to sleep, keeping a reasonable distance but never taking her eyes off of him. Her hands badly wanted to touch his face. She closed her eyes instead, wanting to respect his agency and follow his slumber.
But Vaylin was prone to stirring in her sleep. The crickets were loud as dawn was upon them. But what gripped her heart was how close Rio’s sleeping face was to hers that she could drink in his breathing. Carefully, she traced his skin with delicate touches. When would she be able to do this after her sentencing? The next thing she wanted was to steal another kiss.
No, she shouldn’t push her luck–the man she loved may be in her embrace at the moment, but his heart and consent were not. Though difficult, she finally resumed sleeping. That fleeting touch was enough for her.
The sleep was mysteriously better than the recent ones he had. The mystery changed into shock when he opened his eyes to a woman enclosed in his arms. Once he stealthily exited the tent yet again, he was dumbfounded by what happened last night. How could he lose control over his autonomy like that? Shaking his head, he began preparing breakfast to shake away the shame.
She woke up to the fragrance of a herbal soup, smiling at the thought of seeing him cook again. But he was nowhere near the campfire. Vaylin quietly went looking, and what she saw stopped her in her tracks. There were only a few strings covering him in the form of his underpants, showering under a smaller waterfall, facing away from her. Her mouth hung, before realizing that she was standing there just moments away from being discovered.
Her legs shakily ran back to camp. Her brain scrambled trying to look for any distraction. It’s not like she hasn’t seen him that way before, so why the jitters? The soup starting to boil finally gave her an activity, while secretly enjoying what she just saw. Shortly after, he returned to resume cooking, refreshed by the shower and change of clothing. He greeted Vaylin, startling her.
“G-good morning to you too. I saw your soup boiling so I stirred it.”
“Thank you! That should be ready now. Let’s put them in bowls so it can cool off a little.”
The two began eating their humble breakfast in silence before she spoke. “I’m ready to go back.”
To which the Jedi master nodded. “I’ll clean the camp up, then.”
“I’ll help.”
“It’s alright, if you want to explore further, I can wait.”
Vaylin took a moment to think about his suggestion, then accepted it. An idea flashed in her mind, needing to be done immediately. Looking around for the materials of her craft felt strangely calming. Rio took his time with the campsite, utilizing the Force for the heavier duty. When Vaylin returned, she had a beautiful smile on her face, with her hands behind her. Perhaps it was her smile that was the culprit behind the failure to control his actions.
“I have something for you.”
Rio’s smile widened as he approached Vaylin, then turned into a grin when he saw a flower crown. He had never felt that ecstatic before, though still reserved on the outside. Seeing Vaylin on her tiptoe made him kneel, looking up with such adoration as she placed the flower crown on his head. It was akin to a knighting ceremony of some sort.
“Thank you. I love this crown.”
