#velurii

[saronai]

For Vel: Incubus: What would someone have to do to get in your pants?

Asked by @argentbradamante

Stay out of Jodaani’s.  I mean, I have standards, but that would be the primary one.  You’d be surprised how many fail when the soul-sucking fiend comes sniffing around.

[askvelurii]

"So there's this human I met a while back, an' he's real cute. How do I show that I like the guy without scarin' him off?"

I’m getting the sense you might actually be…hm…how to put this delicately…naturally scary?  Might I suggest a smiley face on a paper bag?  Over your head. You could draw a little dialogue balloon on it that says “I like you, please don’t be scared.”

Alternatively you could be as scary as possible.  If he sticks around, he’s a keeper…or just deperate.

But since we’re talking about a short-lived human, I feel I must point out a third option.  Just get a dog.  They live about as long.  Or a worgen!  Best of both worlds.

[askvelurii]

Mom's tracked down yet ANOTHER of my boyfriend's, can you distract her or something? Or at least be an alibi? Tully almost shot her, and I don't really have it in me to be upset about it. - Teeks

Velen’s tits, Teeksy, where do I even start?

1.  Signing your name at the end of an anonymous ask?

2.  The authorities can check your computer, now they won’t believe any of the alibis we come up with.

3.  Wait…

Your new boyfriend almost shot her?  Bring him over for dinner.  You’re marrying this one, right?  We can discuss business.  

4.  This isn’t asking for any advice.  It’s a favour.

*Edit to add:  Shit.  Meant to answer this privately.  Oh well.  Just a joke officers, nothing to see here.

[askvelurii]

Any tips for how to get my dad to like my new boyfriend? We're Draenei and he's a Kaldorei....

Just introduce daddy to that kind of orc (you know the kind I’m talking about), play it up, pay him to have bad manners and slobber all over you at dinner, chew with his mouth open, drink something fruity, the whole orc thing.  I don’t know, how do I know what orcs do?  Point is, by the time you introduce the real deal your dad’ll be thanking his lucky stars it’s an elf.If they’ve already been introduced, tell him you’ve broken up, partly BECAUSE of his interference to begin with.  Then bring the orc home.  Zug, zug, baby!

He’ll miss the long ears soon enough.

Bonus:  If the orc is drunk enough, you might score his help for free!

[askvelurii]

Velurii’s Bad Advice Blog

And we’re live!

You have questions... I’ve got answers!

Real or fictional.   Taking questions all day, every day, all AUs, all issues, all knowing.   Be amazed!

Disclaimer:  I cannot be held responsible for you actually taking my advice.  

[saronai]

Rants courtesy of Velurii’s personality inspiration.  She speaks with the same cadence :D

[saronai]

Velurii’s personality clone (even tends to speak with the same cadence) saying no.  One of my favourite Dr. Cox moments.

[saronai]

512

Velurii:  I do not buy your sweet act for a minute.  Or maybe I do, but if that were the case I have to tell you, it only serves to make you creeeeeeee-heee-eepy as Fel.  Doing what you do and just acting like a great big elekk plushie about it.  *shivers*  Gotta tell you, Twinkle-hooves, I don’t like plushies and I don’t trust cute.