(n) The frustration of photographing something amazing
when thousands of identical photos already exist
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Pairing: Shittykawa x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 581
Triggers?: N/A
Author’s Note: Oikawa is a ladies man and a photo whore, I don’t make the rules. Wrote this listening to lofi romance and I don’t regret-
Oikawa wasn’t the most sentimental guy, but seeing as you were currently in an exchange program far away in America, he got, well, a little sentimental; if one could call it that. Nah. He was just...sad. He missed you, a lot. Of course, he demanded you text and call everyday, but most importantly, send him pictures. He really missed your smile.
He adjusted his glasses and scrolled through the photos on his phone. He was just sitting on the couch, legs hoisted up on the other cushions. The boy gave a chuckle as he saw a photo of you. He remembered taking it. You had just finished studying for a huge exam and you had fallen asleep. With one arm on the desk with your head on it and the loosely holding a pencil, he took a photo to capture it. The soft glow of the lamp, the dark room with a darkening sky in the background.
Another swipe. He reached the next one. It was of you, of course, and you were very much awake in this one. The photo itself was bright and joyful, just radiating the happiness of the moment. It had been during your birthday. He had taken you to a fancy restaurant for lunch this was taken on the walk back to the car. Your face was flushed and you had the biggest grin on your face. Oikawa let out a little laugh. He very clearly remembered you had just scolded him for being so childish, but you had laughed when he insisted, quote, “I love your face when your angry”.
He scrolled down his photos, most of them of you. And he saw the time fly by. Hundreds of smiles, sleepy eyes, the happiest of times, all in photos. Each photo had a date, each one a memory. Yeah, he felt pretty sentimental. A certain photo caught his eye. It was darker than the rest. He clicked on it, waiting for the HD to load, and then his eyes widened. Every photo had brought back a memory, but none so strongly as this.
It was just you. A dark sky, a balcony railing, a glowing city, and...fireworks. Big, beautiful fireworks. He had captured it when you turned around to face him. He recalled scolding you for turning around in his “moody” picture. He took the photo and didn’t look at it again. But now? He fully took it in. Wind blowing carefully rustling through your hair, big, bright eyes, that reflected the fireworks behind you. He remembered kissing you right after. Well, more like you kissed him. He had been scolding you childishly when you cut him off. Your soft lips had met his. And he melted, fully, and he thought the fateful words. I love you. Now he missed you more than ever. The boy slowly lifted two fingers to his lips and then to the phone screen, sending you love. There may be a million photos like this one, like all of the photos he had, but none would be quite like this. A part of him felt frustrated by this, but he knew nothing could really replace that feeling, nothing could replicate it.
He flipped to messages and quickly type you a message.
Hey
What’s up? you responded quickly.
I love you, just thought you should know.
And he put his phone down, smiling, thinking of how you may respond. A ping and he picked up the phone again.
تمر بنا الكثير من المشاعر التي لا نجد لها كلمة تصفها بدقة، ونحتاج إلى شرحها بكثير من الكلمات أو نبقيها للشعور فقط دون تعبير.
لاحظ هذا الأمر شاب ألماني مغرم باللغة الإنجليزية يدعى "جون كوينج"، وقرر ابتداع كلمات إنجليزية جديدة تصف أكثر المشاعر غموضًا وتعقيدًا، مؤلفًا بهذا "قاموس الأحزان الغامضة" وهو مليء بالمعاني الرائعة التي تجعلك تشعر بأنك لست وحيدًا في أغلب ما تشعر به.
هنا بعض الكلمات حسبما ذُكِرت في موقع "dictionary of obscures sorrows":
.
Opia
: الشعور بالمعنى الكثيف والغامض المتولد من تبادل النظرات الصامتة أو العابرة مع الآخرين.
.
Alazia
: الخوف من ثباتك وأنك لن تتغير أبدًا وأن شخصيتك تتصلب بمرور الوقت ولم يعد لديك أية مرونة للتغير.
.
Des Vu
: لحظة الوعي بأن ما تمر به سيصبح ذكرى حد أنك تستطيع تخيل حاضرك في صورة ذكرى.
.
Kudoclasm
: اللحظة التي تبدأ فيها بالتنازل وتبدأ أحلامك الكبيرة بالتقلص لتلائم الواقع.
.
Vemodalen
: الشعور بأن كل شيء قد تم فعله مسبقًا، وأن حياتك وسعيك ما هو إلا تكرار ممل وأنه لا يوجد لديك جديد تضيفه للحياة.
.
Kenopsia
: الشعور الغريب تجاه الأماكن الساكنة والفارغة التي كنت معتادًا على ازدحامها، مثل مدرسة في الليل، أو مكتب عمل مظلم بعد ساعات الدوام، أو مدينة ألعاب بعد منتصف الليل.
.
Lutalica
: الشعور بأن جزءا من هويتك لا يتلاءم مع التصنيفات التي وضعت بها منذ ولادتك.
.
Exulansis
: الميل إلى عدم الحديث عن تجربتك للآخرين لأنهم لن يستمعوا لها جيدًا بسبب أنها قد تثير الحسد أو الشفقة أو سوء الظن، مما قد يجرفهم بعيدًا عن قصتك.
.
Onism
: الشعور بالإحباط لأنك عالق في جسد واحد والوعي بقلة أو شحّ حول ما ستجربه في هذه الحياة، وأن الكثير من الأشياء والأماكن في العالم لن يتاح لك تجربتها أو زيارتها قبل موتك.
.
Sonder
: لحظة الشعور بأن الآخرين لديهم قصصهم المعقدة التي يؤدون دور البطولة فيها كما تفعل أنت، اللحظة التي تعي فيها أنك بطل قصة محاط بأبطال قصص أخرى.