#vh33

[theburrowtimes]

Gossip from the Burrow

WEREWOLVES ARE PEOPLE TOO

I have noticed a disturbing trend around the castle recently - a rise in anti werewolf rhetoric. Need I remind you all that these poor people (yes! People!) have no control over their status? You are hating on people for something they have no power over and this demonisation is disgusting. I understand that we as Hufflepuffs have closer ties to the Hogwarts attacks than most, but I also expect our house to show more sympathy than we have been doing. 

There was another werewolf that day trying to stop the attack. Why do we not remember this heroism? Like all groups, you will always have good and bad, and you shouldn’t judge the majority by the minority. In the future, I ask for kindness. If you see someone being harassed don’t stand by and allow this to happen, defend your werewolf friends! In times when our headmistress allows professors to make a spectacle out of someone's private life, they need all the support we can provide.

HUFFLEPUFF NIGHT OF HORRORS

Recently, residents of Hufflepuff house decided it would be a fun idea to host a game of truth or dare, except no one chose ‘truth’ because we are all asking for trouble. This led to some interesting events. Desmond Tonks and Mercutio Bates made out for several sickening minutes and Ethan Smith got squashed by the Whomping Willow. 

For all impressionable and reckless Hufflepuffs reading this and considering taking part in a dangerous game of Dare or Dare… do it!

FLAMEL CONTINUES TO TERRIBLE, IN OTHER NEWS WATER IS WET

The last dare, the dare to end all dares: break into the headmistresses office. I myself dared Addison Toft of Gryffindor shame to break into the headmistresses office, as I thought it would be quite fun. She was looking for bear portraits (???) and I went along to watch the fallout. At some point we were joined by Grace Foster, also of Gryffindor. I can’t reveal how we got in but we did, in the process, we assumed we were both invisible and inaudible. It turned out we were only the former.

I consider myself to be a voice of the people, demanding justice where I see injustice. My plan was simple: leave a letter explaining what needs to change around here on Flamel’s desk and then leave. I managed to leave the note behind, but had to stick it in a portrait, for the headmistress was in her office! Though we tried to remain silent, horrible accidents lead to our discovery and we were given detention.

If I deem myself guilty of a detention, I’ll endure it with little complaint. Should I have faced punishment for what I did? Yes. But the extent to which Flamel exerts her power is dangerous. All of us were forced into shackles, suspended above the Great Hall. These shackles burnt us if we moved too much. As I write, I still have the scars on my wrists. I am writing this article to warn you all about the headmistress. She is dangerous and regardless of what she says, doesn’t care about our wellbeing.

GAWKRODGER’S SECRET LOVER

In lighter news, my sources inform me that Professor Gawkrodger as been seen with a spring in his step that can only be attributed to finding a special someone to fill that empty hole in his life. Letters from a certain Penelope Proulx have been found amongst class notes. This mystery woman may just be the perfect partner for our head of house! Coincidentally, she shares the initials of Gawkrodger’s last love - Pollyana Pipkins. This is surely a sign that love will blossom! We at The Burrow Times wish you good luck, professor, in your quest for love.

WHAT TEAM? HUFFLEPUFF!

Congratulations to our house team for winning the Quidditch Cup recently! Led by Mercutio Bates and Anna Novak, our brave quidditch players flew their way into glory with a spectacular win over Slytherin. Orpheus Midnight got us off to a flying start with a brilliant goal in the opening seconds and we just kept improving from there. Hopefully we can recreate this success in both the house cup and a repeat of on pitch victory next season.

Rosie Roux

Co-Editor | Gossip Columnist

[theburrowtimes]

A Year of Reflection

Greetings Badgers! 

The year is almost over. Exams are being marked. Homework has been issued. Friends are making plans. So which lessons were ranked the best and which ones were ranked the least? 

I caught up with Hufflepuff’s very own Cordelia Waldegrave at Cordy’s Corner to find out what subject she loved the most. Her replay? “I loved History of Magic. I got to see Grim’s mustache!”

If you’ve been living under a rock for the past term and are unsure of what that is [lucky you] I would stay away from the common room. Period. Also, don’t leave anything alone for more than five seconds. 

It was later in the same day I met with Seamus Cassidy. He seemed to be in a poor mood, so I made a promise to come back and cheer him up later. Instead, I found two more Hufflepuffs, Alice Reed and Ekaterina Valentin. 

“Professor Knaggs is a great teacher.” The second year badger said, as Kat nodded beside her in agreement. “That’s why I loved Transfiguration.” Meanwhile, Kat focused more on the third year electives. “I enjoyed Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. They were really different but at the same time really interesting.” 

As for this reporter? It should come as no surprise my favourite class of the year was Care of Magical Creatures. 

The upcoming year is a chance to really focus. Whether that is on classes, making friends, dueling, quidditch or anything else that makes you happy. Until next time!

Kermit Princeley Co-Editor | Class Reporter

[theburrowtimes]

SUMMER INTERNSHIPS ABOUND!

Not sure what you want to do for the summer? Unsure about what you want to do after Hogwarts? Here’s your chance to get an idea of what certain magical fields might be like! Our professors are offering summer internships with their associates outside the school. These internships will last anywhere from a week to a month. Contact the Professor if you are interested!  

Erumpent Conservation with Aduke Okoye  

Aduke Okoye is a longtime friend of Professor Meryl Qin. She runs an Erumpent Conservation that not only seeks to increase the Erumpent population but also find a way to extract the liquid in the horn of the Erumpent safely. The internship is two weeks long and located in Africa. Since it is the mating season of Erumpents, Ms. Okoye is looking for some extra help. Learn how to manage these large beasts and perform a mating dance! Beware of explosions. Open to fourth years and above!

Understand the Stars with Ixion

Ixion is an old male centaur Professor Rhodes met when she was fairly young. Decades ago, as Professor Rhodes was keen on observing the stars in areas with lower light pollution, she ventured into a large grassy plain in rural Scotland. There, she met Ixion, who was observing the stars as well. They struck up a friendship and now, at Ixion’s request, Professor Rhodes is offering a week-long camping trip with this centaur. Under Ixion’s guidance, you will surely learn much about Divination and how to read the stars. Open to third years and above!

Artifact Maintenance with Jedidiah Daley (Grim affectionately refers to him as his personal jedi.)

Do you enjoy analyzing artefacts from a time long past? How about perusing through long historical texts? Then Professor Grimsby has the job for you! Jedidiah Daly is the curator of Museum of Magical History located in the underbelly of Edinburgh. Over a month during the summer, you will pick up the skills necessary to become a magical historian. There is always more to learn and discover in the history of wizards. Open to second years and above!

Speed Brewing with Artemis Reeds

Artemis Reeds is a famous American potioneer who was at the top of his class in Ilvermorny. He is staying in the United Kingdom for the summer to find out if the ingredients found here can help to speed up the creation of several iconic brews. An old friend of Professor Teague, he is known to be a nurturing teacher. The internship will last over a month and in that time, you can bet that you will learn plenty about how to make your potion brewing more efficient. Open to third years and above!

Desmond Tonks | VH33 Advertisement Columnist

OOC Note: These internships are mainly for the purpose for the burrow times. However, if you can actually interested in soloing a thread based on these blurbs during the summer, please PM Desmond Tonks! Thank you!

[theburrowtimes]

Hufflepuffs of the Moment

Today we bring you two of our most beloved Hufflepuffs! First off, Alice Reed. 

 ALICE REED 

Alice Reed is a second year Hufflepuff who is known to be a friend to all creatures. She is also a frequent visitor to the chamber. If you see someone with a gorgeous grey tabby or reading a book in the common room, that’s probably Alice. The second year is also known to be a good friend to Ravenclaws Vladimir Valentin and London Yates. If someone find themselves being wronged, you can bet Alice Reed will come to their defense.

KERMIT PRINCELEY

The second Hufflepuff in question is my very own co-editor Kermit Princeley! Like Alice, he is a lover of animals. However, he is especially sweet on amphibians. Kermit is also a valued member on the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team. Kermit is also a hard worker. Despite meeting roadblocks in his studies, especially in potions, he would persevere. If you ever need a friend, you’ll definitely find one in Kermit!

Rosie Roux | VH33 Burrow Times Editor (OOCly, Desmond Tonks)

[theburrowtimes]

How Not to Die at Hogwarts: Surviving Quidditch

Hopefully, everyone is still in one piece. If not, you should be ashamed of yourself for not taking this column seriously! These are serious issues people, and I’m trying to keep you alive. So, listen up and learn how to make sure you make it to the end of the year with all ten fingers and toes.

Now most of you probably saw me zigging and zagging on the Quidditch Pitch last match, and even though I'm like the best seeker, like ever, Quidditch is no joke. It's like a flying death trap. Twigs were not meant to support that much weight. Also, you're supposed to do things with your hands too, which means you're flying on a twiglet and not holding on. DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE? I do, and it's called death.

So, here are my top ten tips to avoid dying while playing Quidditch.

Safety always comes first, so make sure you stuff as many pillows into your clothing as possible. IF you don't look like a marshmallow you are going to die.

Distractions equal death, so wear those horse blinders* to keep your eyes focused ahead of you and not on the shiny object in the stands.

Focus, focus, focus. Keep your mind on the task at hand. As much as you might want to add a taxidermy version of your captain to your special corner in the common room, it can wait until after the match. Corner him in the locker room or something instead.**

Limber up. Isn't there a saying about loose limbs sinking ships or something? Pretend that's here.

Seriously, stop trying to murder your captain. You will not succeed and will be kicked off the team.

Avoid the balls. Seriously, just avoid them. Sure some of them aren't murder balls, but it's hard to remember which is which, so just steer clear of them.

Equipment is also important, or so I'm told. Even though the purple wonder mop is pretty and purple, it will not fly. If you jump off a high platform, you will fall and break every bone in your arm.

The little gold ball is not a Ferrero Rocher. Sure Harry Potter tried to eat it one time, but he was an idiot. You will choke and DIE.

Fake an illness. Seriously, do anything you can to avoid having to fly around on a fancy branch. Just because some bloke in a shop gave it a fancy name doesn't mean it's nothing other than a branch. Branches are not made for flying. They are made for leaves and birds and stuff.

Don't fall off. This isn't a dream, you will not wake up before you hit the ground. There is not a bouncy castle in disguise under you. Or a pool. Or a giant bed. Or a net. Or a herd of llamas. Nothing will break you fall, besides you.

*May or may not lead to being sneak attack bludgered.

**Do not corner people in the locker room. It gives off the wrong vibe, and you will probably be expelled for being inappropriate.

Cordelia Waldegrave Hogwarts Survival Columnist | VH33

[theburrowtimes]

Quidditch Fashion

Hello Hogwarts Hoofles. This is Ansel Eddleston reporting from the latest Quidditch match: Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw! And while you may think this article is about the match, you'd be wrong. There are many ways to show your team spirit without look a fool. Let me explain. First and foremost, it is not always about your clothes. Scrunchies, head bands, face paint, beads and streamers are all appropriate accessories to wear to a Quidditch match. Heed my advice though: I would not suggest wearing scrunchies anywhere else except a sporty event. It's more fashionably acceptable to go all out for a sports event rather than in an everyday look. The important thing to remember is moderation. Pick two or three accessories to wear on you. Any more than that and you look like you're trying too hard. Everyone knows that one person who goes a bit too far who is wearing twenty bead necklaces, has streamers sticking out of their hair which is colored yellow and has their face covered in paint. If you go all out with the face paint, perhaps skip the rest of the accessories for balance. Now let's talk about my personal favorite, clothes. The most horrendous fashion I see here today is people dressing in a disturbing amount of mix-matched colors of yellow. Please, the fashion world is begging you to stop. You look like a gross color blob in the stand that's confused on what color Hufflepuff yellow actually is. There is lemon, daffodil, cream, sandstorm, golden yellow, pastel yellow, corn, canary and many more shades of yellow that can be great colors, but they don't always look great together. If you insist on being all one color, make sure they match. I'm sure there's a spell for that. I suggest finding colors that compliment each other instead of going all out in one color. For example, Hufflepuffs can use yellow, black, silver and white with maybe a hint of gold. Still confused? That's alright. Fashion has a learning curve and if in doubt: ask a friend. I am always available for a quick yes or no answer to whether your Quidditch outfit matches the current fashion standards. Whatever you do, don't stress about it too much. Fashion is about feeling good in your skin, and sporting events are one of the few times you can go a little crazy with your clothes. So be supportive of our team! Wear your gear and look fabulous doing it!

Ansel Eddleston | Fashion and Beauty

[theburrowtimes]

Happy Classes

Hello Burrowers!

What a term it has been. I'm just about ready to kick back with a Halloween feast. Get those pumpkins carved, costumes tailored and settle back for an overview of this term. Classes are almost over - thank goodness - and I am here for a little next term advice.

First Years and Second Years: A new term is around the corner. Do not listen to Gainsborough. Do not worry if it takes you a few times to master a new spell. The friends you have made so far are wonderful - but so are the friends you have yet to discover. Pretty soon the time will come to choose electives. Do you love animals? Do you want to tell the future? Do you want to live like a muggle? I promise that there will be something you love for third year.

Third and Fourth Years: I know that the classes have promising aspects. Just try not to burn yourself out so soon and make sure to pace your learning. These years are all about choices. You struggle to wonder if you make the right electives, whilst you wonder what OWLs to take also. No one is going to yell at you for finding time to have fun also.

Fifth Year: OWLs. It’s one of the biggest years, and some of the most stressful exams. Make sure to find time to destress. Go dueling. Go flying. Go to Hogsmeade. Whatever you decide these examination are the key to whichever future you decide to unlock.

Sixth Years and Seventh Years: NEWTs. It's two years of work that will get you to the career goal of your dreams. The classes which you have decided on are important, and so is surrounding yourself with good energy.

Now. The hard part. What was Kermit’s favourite class this term? I have to say it was one of the new electives which were issued to us third years. Divination - a study of the future, the unknown and insight. I would certainly recommend to any future elective choosers, which charms being a very close subject this term. 

I’m sure everyone will have their own favourites. Bring on the debate!

Kermit Princeley |  Hogwarts Critique

[theburrowtimes]

How Not to Die at Hogwarts: Surviving the Dueling Chamber

The dueling chamber is a wonderful place, wonderful, but deadly. As a regular visitor to the chamber, I've picked up a few tricks of the trade to avoid being lit on fire by a hormonal Gryffindor. So, I've put together my top ten tips for not dying in the dueling chamber. Follow these if you want to stay alive and get the kitty your parents promised you for not dying*.

Avoid Ms. Cartwright at all costs. That lady is cray-cray. So just steer clear of her. If she comes to your platform to start a duel, run. Just run.

Avoid the green people. Not actual green people, just the people who wear the green robes. I can never remember what their house is called. Snakes-r-us, maybe? I don't know, but just avoid them.

If you opponent is being mean tattle on them to the officiator.**

Keep moving at all times. I prefer dancing, aka dodging in disguise. Singing is optional but highly recommended.

Duel Iseult Pryce as much as possible. She knows this fancy spell that makes you happy, and she's my new best friend, so duel her. But not too much, because she's my best friend not yours. Get your own best friend.

Do not duel Iseult Pryce, stay away from her. If you see me dueling her it's because I'm saving your life by risking mine.

If your opponent offers you candy, under no circumstances should you take it, ever. It never ends well.

Make sure you use the little girls room or boys room before dueling. A jinx to a full bladder does not end well. Sure you won't actually die, but you might die physically but the mental embarrassment is too much.

When in doubt play dead. Thankfully, Hogwarts doesn't have cannibals or wild animals running around inside the castle... yet, so play dead and your opponent will eventually go away.***

When in doubt, wear anti-distraction blinders to help you focus. An alert duelist is an alive duelist.

*Kitten not guaranteed. You'll have to make that deal with your own parents. **Results not guaranteed. ***Playing dead may result in a forfeit or being set on fire.

Cordelia Waldegrave Hogwarts Survival Columnist | VH33