Wicca is a Sex Cult - you won’t change my mind. Pt 2
And so we decided to join.....
We made our arrangements with our parents, each one of us “spending the night” with another so as to cover our tracks for our midnight outing. We were led in a fairly run-o-the-mill initiation rite with a group of other new members. They cast a circle, we were in white linen robes and donned with flower crowns. We all had a specific role in ‘calling’ the towers as to be one with the ritual we were involved in - they lit a bonfire. We all had candles, they lit one by one as they spouted out prayers and incantations. We were anointed and saged. When it came our time, we would speak our part - some generically worded ‘dedication’ to the Goddess. We tossed our crowns into the fire, along with a lock of our hair. As we were officially initiated, the lead would come around and extinguish our candles as she closed the circle. It was nice enough, but ....anticlimactic. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what I was expecting, but whatever it was - the reality fell flat. BUT, I walked away thinking - well that’s not bad at all! What was I ever worried about? It seemed to galvanize my faith, and my denial. And since I was still under the belief that this was just a modern interpretation of a very olde faith, I thought then, perhaps, all those things we read about were simply from the “olde ways”, and this modern faith was nothing to worry about.
But, it all changed once we had been initiated. There were now suddenly heavy expectations of new members. You HAD to attend so many meetings, or you’d be kicked out. You HAD to contribute so much work, or you’d be kicked out. You HAD to follow the High Priestesses rules - whatever that may be within each meeting - or you’d be kicked out. You HAD to pay tithings, or you’d be kicked out. And, of course - once you were initiated. Well....that’s when all the rituals became “skyclad”....and you HAD to participate....or else you’d be kicked out.
Well. Spoiler alert - I was kicked out. I wasn’t the only one, but there were a couple of our friends who stayed. And I was once again seething in envy. They came back with stories that were shocking, honestly, with some of the things they had to do --- but they also came back with fantastic stories about all these new things they were learning and doing, and I just couldn’t stand it. There was one skyclad meditation class my friend was a part of where she was partnered with an 60 something year old man, where there was touching. Nothing scandalous - but still, contact. And whilst I absolutely did NOT want to get naked in front of a 60 year olde man, and I absolutely did NOT want to see a naked 60 year olde man - and did not want to have to touch palms with him, whilst both of us are horribly uncomfortably naked - I couldn’t get past everything she was taking away from it. She constantly touted how natural it was, how uninhibited you felt and how nothing dirty or sexual every happened and how it was supposed to force you beyond the realms of your body, where you didn’t even notice that you or anyone else was naked. Months passed, and the ones who stayed had nothing but positive things to say - and they had seemingly accomplished so much. Comparisons between nude beaches and nudist colonies abound, and the tut-tutting of how Americans are just a bunch of prudes because of Puritans. It’s a hard argument to dispute. The grooming was successful. They had won them all over. And truth be told, they were winning me over as well. I had started to reevaluate all my misgivings. I was just a prude. I was a slave to Puritan thought and tradition.
It was less than a month hereafter, my friend was selected to participate in the Great Rite. I will not state how olde she was at the time, but her ‘partner’ was well into his 40s. I know nothing of the details beyond how utterly excited and eager she was, and how she apparently was able to achieve astral projection and make it to the Akashic Library.
Supposedly all her workings she ever did were wild successes - she got everything she ever wanted, and seemed to have just an infinite amount of knowledge about anything. She soared in confidence, personality, popularity, experimentation, intellect, and owned her blooming sexuality. I was unbelievably jealous.
I made moves to join another coven myself. I wanted what she had. I wanted to become this enlightened, powerful, greater version of myself I ever could be. I wanted to be that fucking cool. So, I did some digging, and met some people. But, as I had come to find out - it was extremely hard to find one open to younger members. Specifically because of the sexual content. I eventually found one open to younger members. In retrospect, I did absolutely no due diligence whatsoever - I joined the first one that was open to minors as I was just desperate to join one, and start my journey to become as awesome as my friend. Only, this one was run by a Priest, not Priestess, and forced skyclad from the get go - it was part of their “trials” as to whether or not you were serious in your journey, as, according to them, that was the -only- way to perform rituals. If you were uncomfortable doing so, then you were not “ready”.
So I performed. I hated every minute of it. I was unbelievably uncomfortable in front of all these complete strangers. But I forced myself through it, still holding fast to the idea that I just needed to shed all of my puritanical preconceptions and become comfortable in my own skin. The older men gravitated to the younger members - which was encouraged by the women as a rite of passage, for the sake of “mentoring”, that they all had gone through it themselves in their time. In more than one of my sessions, they were notably aroused. The older members brushed it off as just being a natural effect of the human nature, and not to take offense to it. So I pushed through, and tried to ignore it. I never had any of the overwhelming, enlightening experiences my friends claimed to have experienced - just horridly uncomfortable encounters with sexually aroused older men gawking at me. I was turned away from this coven for not being a “right fit” and not being “ready” for my journey. I was devastated. Though, when I look back on it today, I can only think that they could see/feel my discomfort and believed I would either not engage with them at all, in which case what’s the point? Or, if I did, I would have caved and told someone about the encounters - which would be a lot of problems for them.
But, I was young, and I was an idiot, and I was effectively brainwashed. So I set out to find another one, and was determined to not let my insecurities ruin my chances of being able to learn and grow in a legitimate Coven. It took a while, but I eventually found another one open to minors. They had legitimate application forms. I applied. I went to a few meetings and what could only be described as interviews. I had to take several tests. I found this encouraging - they really took the educational/intellectual side seriously. They swooned over the knowledge I had already gained - especially for it being all on my own. I was delighted. I was blind to the fact that so many of their tests were centered around doctrine - one of which being the secrecy aspect, yet again. Apparently, I had all the right answers. I was selected for initiation. I was ecstatic. But then they informed me that initiation was performed through the Great Rite, with either the High Priest or Priestess, and though wouldn’t be open to the entire Coven, would be confirmed/witnessed by the other Priest and several of the high-ranking officials. I immediately grew anxious - but I was determined. So I agreed....
(...continued)
