Just started reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower again.
Again, I will say it: it’s one of the best books I have ever read, and I love the movie just as much.
I didn’t have the same life as Charlie. I mean, obviously I didn’t, but there are some parallels.
The phrase “I didn’t think anyone would notice me” really stuck in my brain.
Because not feeling seen is my life.
Always there, but never THERE.
Always walking in the shadows.
Always hiding, but not really hiding.
Always feeling different.
Knowing something isn’t right with you. Like you’re not normal.
You just know something in your brain works differently than other people’s brains.
Why do people say being emotional is bad? That it shows weakness?
It shows that you deeply care about things. About people. About everything.
Deep down, I know that it really is exhausting to be emotional. Your emotions do whatever the hell they want to do.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
What’s wrong with my head? With my mind?
I feel this rush of emotions that switches in seconds, sometimes without any reason.
How do I keep them together?
How do I figure out why my brain works this way?
So much, but nothing at all.
It feels like a tornado in my head.
Constantly being exhausted.
And this is why I feel the book so much.
Charlie shows these patterns.
He shows that he doesn’t fit in.
He shows emotions, then he doesn’t.
Then he says things that shock others, and then he doesn’t know what to say.
(The one who knows, knows.)