I need advice as a freshman music major (voice). I have this problem where every time I sing in studio class on something that's still "in progress," I totally fall apart-and then even worse, I get super upset about it and end up crying in front of everyone. My teacher isn't harsh and I don't usually have performance anxiety, but I hate crying in public and the whole situation is so embarrassing to me. It's like after one mistake, my feelings just snowball and inhibit me from getting back (cont)
(Cont) on track. It never happens in recitals/auditions because I'm always well prepared for those and in lessons it doesn't matter because I'm with my teacher. I'm so embarrassed and it just keeps happening. What can I do, or how can I make my mistakes not affect me so much? I'm the only person in my studio this happens to. I hate both that I keep falling apart singing-wise and that I end up crying in front of my peers.
ANON HONEY I’M SORRY I COULDN’T ANSWER YOU SOONER. *hugs* I hope I can help you. And if anyone reading this has any ideas, PLEASE send them in so I can publish them.
Anon, the first thing I’m going to tell you is that, regardless of the fact that it’s not happening to anyone else in your studio, it’s completely okay to cry. Please try to forgive yourself for it, especially since this doesn’t affect you during formal performance situations. Crying under learning circumstances is nothing to be ashamed of.
Here’s why I say this: it happens to me, all the time. Not in studio classes, since I’m not studying voice at university, but in lesson situations. What I’ve figured out is that a) I get impatient with myself easily because I’m not where I feel I “should” be yet (i.e., it’s a work in progress); and b) a correct singing mechanism, properly anchored, is intricately connected to the crying mechanism.
Add to this the fact that your instrument is a part of your body and you have no distance from it, and it stands to reason that emotions could end up on a hair trigger. I’ve literally cried in a lesson for no reason but vague frustration plus trying to yawn after intense technical exercises.
As far as advice goes, all I can tell you is to try and work through it. Something that might help is to take some time to yourself after each crying incident and see if you can figure out what exactly set you off. This is probably going to require some very detailed reflection and self-examination - which is a good thing. It will be easier if you’re naturally self-aware, but even if you aren’t, practice noticing what’s going on with yourself.
Start with the trigger, the thing that caused you to begin to cry in that moment. Did your teacher say something? Did you make a mistake? Did you feel anxious or like people were waiting for you to mess up?
Then work backward from there: were you already stressed out? What particularly were you stressed about? Was there a specific element of your song or technique that you felt was under-prepared?
Once you’ve mapped out what was going on with you (and it can take some time to figure this out! Maybe you can do this easily, maybe it takes you weeks. That’s okay!), then you can start to try to anticipate what might set you off next time, and try to head it off.
If it’s a technical preparation issue, and that’s making you anxious, try to remind yourself that you’re in school because you’re not a professional yet (you’re a freshman! You have YEARS to get where you’re going!), and that everyone in your studio has technical hurdles to overcome, even if you as a student aren’t necessarily equipped to know what exactly those are.
If you just plain don’t know your music well enough to perform comfortably, maybe work on that.
If it’s primarily emotional, do your best to eat and sleep well, and give yourself pre-emptive permission to cry if you have to.
ALSO, and this is VERY IMPORTANT: give yourself permission to block off your emotions if you have to. Eventually you’ll need to learn how to let it back in, so that you don’t end up compromising the artistry of your performances, but it’s important to learn how to keep your emotions from getting away from you. You have a valuable opportunity here to teach yourself that skill in a relatively safe and low-risk environment.
I’m not advocating cutting off your emotions as a solution to not crying in studio class; it’s not as simple as that. But singing is by default an intensely personal and emotionally connected experience (in comparison to playing an instrument that is external to your body) and this is the time to learn to manage that. I’m thirty and just now figuring it out, and that’s okay, too. You’re so young. You have so much time. Don’t worry.
You’ll be okay, Anon. I hope some of what I’ve said is of use to you. Please come back sometime and tell me how it’s going. <3