Since it’s the International day against homophobia, transphobia and biphobia, I thought I might share my coming out experience with you.
First of all, I didn’t do it out of my own will, not completely however. It happened in January, but it’s not like my parents were totally clueless before that day. As a matter of fact, my mother knew about my preferences because when I had my first girl crush (way back to 2012) I had nobody to talk to, so I started writing down my feelings in a journal. Eventually, my mother found out about my journal and read it, I remember being forced to talk about it – not the bravest girl, since I locked myself in the bathroom. After that day, she had her doubts but we never spoke about it ever again.
Two years later, I fell in love with a kind and beautiful girl, we dated for a while but after our first kiss I freaked out and I decided it was better for both of us to just stop seeing each other, I was so scared of what people might have said about me. She tried to fight me on this, and I was so in love I grew the balls to talk about her to my sister. I told her everything, the dates, the things she made me feel and all I got out of her was: so, are you gay or not?
Back then, I din’t have an answer, nor for her nor for me. She ended the discussion with a simple “as soon as you find out, let us know.” And it wasn’t really inviting nor accommodating. It shocked me, because to me my sister was the most open-minded member of my family and all I could think about was how will my parents react if my sister didn’t even try to hear me out?!
So I let it go, I let her go and I stayed in the closet for a little more. Other two years, the be exact (equals a total amount of: five years spent in the closet!)
This January, 2017, I had the greatest quarrel ever with my parents (especially my mum), we didn’t talk to each other for three weeks which is funny, because the whole argument started because I omitted a little thing to them (home alone 4 days, I invited a boy over without them knowing and spent those days with him – my sister who currently lives in another house found out and told my parents. My mum acted like she didn’t know about it for a while, I knew she knew because – opps, I read her text conversation with my sister. There was a particular text that said: don’t be mad at her, she wouldn’t have let a total stranger in our house. Plus, at least now we know what she likes/what she’s into. – There is probably no need to say it, but it broke my heart).
An evening, during dinner, my father – tired of living in a cold-war-like- atmosphere, addressed the argument. He kindly asked me what was wrong and I told them everything. I told them how betrayed I felt by that text, I told them it shouldn’t matter whether I’m into boys or girls as long as I’m happy and that, by the way, I’m into both.
Allow me to say, I live in a small village in Italy, my family is christian and practicing, I still play in the chorus of my church.
My father took it well, my mother needed more time, she didn’t really understand how it worked for me and I saw her point because it took me a lot to realize it was possible and ok for a person to feel attracted by both, boys and girls. I feel like bisexuals in general need more time to be recognized as such, however.
Only advice I have for you is give your parents time.
I don’t know about you guys, but it took me something like four years to acknowledge I was bi, to accept me as such. Your parents are just shocked in their expectations of the future, they most probably will accept you but they need time.
Remember how terrible it felt to go through it alone? Then be there for your parents, even if it looks like they don’t want you be there for them ever again. Help them see it’s ok to be you, you’re still the same kid just with different likings.
If you want to talk about it, I’m here on tumblr, kik and snapchat. :)
