#warwick.story

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ONE OF THOSE EARLY SPRING SNOWS.

MARCH, 2025

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WARWICK Second Generation Refresh: 1973 - 2001

first generation - third generation

You might notice that the Warwick family looks a little different in newer story posts. Let's take a moment to flesh out who is who.

Jacqueline Louise Anne Georgina. Princess Jacqueline, Countess Belmont. The eldest child and only daughter of Louis V. Fashionably blonde muse of Karl Lagerfeld. Would have been first in line if not for her younger brothers.

Lawrence Kenneth Mark. Earl Belmont. The hawkish venture capitalist unhappily married to Princess Jacque. As a rumoured billionaire, he is wealthier than his in-laws.

James Louis Michael George. James, Prince of Danforth. The eldest son of Louis V. Jack and master of all trades and general Prince Charming. Widely adored even in death, O Captain! My Captain!

Tatiana Grace. Tatiana, Princess of Danforth. James's widow and the mother of his two sons. Notable for her abandoned ballerina career and western heritage.

Phillip George Christian David. The Duke of Woodbine. The second son of Louis V. Currently estranged from the royal family after steping back from his duties in 2020. He is the first royal duke to get divorced since 1921.

Courtney Nicole. Courtney, Duchess of Woodbine. Phillip's disgraced ex-wife. Her affair with an American financial manager resulted in widespread public ridcule. Queen Irene refuses to speak with her and, probably worse, Louis V announced he would not take responsilibty for his ex-daughter-in-law's financial welfare.

Jean. Miss Jean Park. Phillip's long-term partner and watercolourist of South Korean descent.

Henry George Richard Neil. The Duke of Sherbourne. Louis V's youngest son and the most "ardently monarchist" of the royal children. In recent years, he has been burdened with increasing royal duties following the death of his first brother and the stepping down of his second brother.

Sehlby Elizabeth. Henry's wife of sweet, middle-class origins. Alledgely the King and Queen's favourite daughter-in-law. Much has been made about her fertility issues in the press.

THE KEELE BRANCH - the descendants of Louis V's only sibling, Prince Clarence, Duke of Keele.

Christopher George James. Prince Christoper, Earl of Donlands. The Duke and Duchess of Keele's elder son. Takes on royal duties on behalf of his uncle, the King. These duties increased following his father's retirement.

Angela Emma. Angela, Countess of Donlands. Prince Christopher's wife. Notable for being the first person of African decent to marry into the royal family. Accompanies her husband on his duties.

David Louis Benjamin. Prince David of Keele. The Duke and Duchess's younger son. Trained as an architect, but mostly does nothing.

Fiona Clare. Princess David of Keele. Model turned physician and professor of molecular genetics and biochemistry. Known prefessionally as Dr. Fiona Keele. Notable for being smart and hot.

Iris Alexandra Katherine. Princess Iris of Keele. The Duke and Duchess's only daugther. A shy and sweetnatured photographer.

THE GLENCAIRN BRANCH - the relatives of Princess Mary and decendants of Louis V's late uncle, Prince Michael, Duke of Glencairn. As of 2028, all but two, the children of Princess Valerie, are married.

Connor Michael Louis John George. Mr. Connor Oberon. Princess Valerie's son, he served as a page of honor to Louis V, his first cousin once removed, from 2009 to 2015. Following university, he joined the Royal Navy.

Lauren Esther Mary Eleanor. Miss Lauren Oberon. Princess Valerie's only daughter. Laruen is signed with IMG Modles, walking for Gucci on two occasions. She's also worked for Dior, MUGLER, and interned at Chopard. As a close friend of Prince Nicolas, she's introduced him to several of her female friends, earning the nickname of Queenmaker in the tabloids.

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WARWICK First Generation Refresh: 1946 - 1962

latest story post - second generation

You might notice that the Warwick family looks a little different in newer story posts. Let's take a moment to flesh out who is who.

Louis James Arthur George. Louis V. King of Sunderland and her Dominion Relams. Head of the State and the Family. The Man, The patriarch, etc.

Irene Rose. Queen Irene. Louis's wife and Queen Consort of Sunderland.

Clarence John. The Duke of Keele. Louis's only sibling. Retired from royal duties in 2018.

Phyllis. The Duchess of Keele. Clarence's middle-class, eccentric wife. Retired with her husband in 2018.

Mary Louise Matilda Anne Agnes. Princess Mary of Glencairn, Lady Belgraves. Louis's paternal first cousin. Matricarch of the Glencarin branch of the family.

Sir John Roy Belgraves. Princess Mary's rancher husband.

Frances Alexandra Olga Dagmar Natalie. Princess Frances of Glencairn, Mrs. Greirson. The second of the three Glencairn sisters and allegedly the most stylish. Separated from Mr. Greirson.

Valerie Louise Michaela Jane. Princess Valerie of Glencairn. The third and youngest Glencairn sister. Was a trapeze in the 90s. More notably a divorcée and retired model.

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WARWICK Third Generation Refresh: 1998 - 2028

second generation - fourth generation

You might notice that the Warwick family looks a little different in newer story posts. Let's take a moment to flesh out who is who.

Katheryn Louise Irene. Lady Katheryn Belmont. The eldest grandchild of Louis V. Debuted at Le Bal, alongside Lori Harvey and Ava Phillippe. Described as a "reverse dollar princess" for her engagement to a Mexican-Sunderlandian entrepreneur.

Nicholas William Louis George. The Prince of Danforth. The aloof, Byronic firstborn son of Prince James and Lady Tatiana. Succeded his late father as heir apparent at 17. Now 28, he is still a bachelor, to the great anixety of his grandparents.

Mia Marie Madeline. Lady Mia Belmont. The second daughter of Princess Jacque. A figure saker and, like her mother, a Chanel ambassador. Called M&Ms by the social set.

Alexander James George Spencer. Prince Alex of Danforth. James and Tatiana's second, less acompolished son. Has one daughter with his ex-girlfriend.

Kamryn Grace. Miss Kamryn McClelland. Alex's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his child.

Samuel Louis William. Prince Sam, Earl of Leaside. The elder son of Prince Phillip and heir apparent to the Woodbine dukedom. Currently a teaching assistant at Warwick Metropolitan University.

Arthur James Parker. Prince Arthur of Woodbine. Prince Phillip's younger son and the youngest grandson of Louis V.

Imogen Grace Katherine Anne. Princess Imogen of Sherbourne. The only child of Prince Henry.

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WARWICK Fourth Generation Refresh: 2022

third generation - next story post

You might notice that the Warwick family looks a little different in newer story posts. Let's take a moment to flesh out who is who.

Margaux-Grace. Miss Margaux-Grace Warwick. The illegitimate daughter of Prince Alex and Kamryn McClelland. She is the first and only great-grandchild of Louis V. Despite this, she has no title and her mother insists she live a relatively normal life.

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SUMMARY: Woodbine Castle, the oldest of the royal family's main residences, looks to be a medieval fortress but, as its history reveals, looks can be deceiving.

WARNINGS: References to substance abuse? (and that's being generous), Harry Potter reference

WORD COUNT: 524 words

MENTIONED CHARACTERS: King Louis I, King Louis II, King Louis III, King Louis IV, Queen Rosalyn, King Louis V

AUTHOR'S NOTE: We're back, hello, welcome to the rodeo . . . Woodbine Castle has changed multiple times, but I'm very pleased with this "castle on the hill" vibe. I love this phoney, fantastical element, where it comes off as older and more interesting than it actually is. Inspired by Hohenzollern Castle because the Warwicks started as Prussians, after all . . .

DOCUMENT VERSION

WOODBINE CASTLE HAD always been a bit of a farce. It was the only structure in Sunderland that bore the name castle and, yes, it looked the part. Spiked turrets reached high into the sky, crowning the stone towers and sprawling battlements below. It sat tall and proud atop a rocky summit, rising above pine trees to settle in with the clouds. There was a fantastical air to the castle, it was something from another time, another world. Akin to Hogwarts, perhaps, or maybe the Erie from Game of Thrones. Woodbine was a fortress, a stronghold that had endured conquest and withstood artillery fire to remain a symbol of dynastic power in the modern era.

But it wasn’t, not really. Woodbine’s spires were too well-manicured, its bastions too smooth and uniform. Even the gatehouse wasn’t really a gatehouse. In place of murder holes and arrow loops were magnificent sandstone cravings—two-headed eagles, laurel wreaths, knights on horseback. Any fortifications were for show, there was nothing to fortify against. In the castle’s two hundred and thirty years, there had been no wars, no battles, no conquests to be endured. Louis, the first one, had laid the cornerstone in 1794, by then any modern artillery would have turned the picturesque castle walls to rubble.

Louis I hadn’t been concerned with that. His thoughts weren’t for defence tactics or enemy fire, it had been the lush green mountains of Bavaria that occupied his dreams. Woodbine Castle was an ode to his Hohenzollern roots; a vision of a romantic, medieval Germany in the strange, new country he’d taken hold of a decade prior. It even had a German name, Hügelburg, but this name was quickly thrown out, along with the dynastic moniker Hohenzollern, once the second Louis took over. It was renamed Woodbine Castle after the hill it sat upon. Like its namesake, Mount Woodbine was deceptively titled. It was a mountain in name only, and when likened to the foothills of southern Germany it was more comparable to a speed bump.

Mount Woodbine was a hill and Woodbine Castle wasn’t a castle at all but a palace, one of the oldest in the family. The majestic maroon bedchamber was where the third Louis had been lulled to sleep with spoonfuls of laudanum and brandy, the gardens were where the fourth Louis had amused his Confederate wife with Punch and Judy shows, and it was where the fifth and current Louis spent his weekends. Increasingly The King vanished into his apartments, reappearing only to fish and shoot game in the woods below. Woodbine Castle wasn’t a place of war, it was an escape, a bit of reprieve.

One could climb all the way up, perch themselves from the parapets like an eagle, and see the City of Woodbine spread out below. The trees gave way to mid-rise apartment buildings, packed so close together they formed a single mass of concrete and glass, interrupted only by the Parliamentary buildings and offices that took up most of the downtown core. The people below were motes of dust, their homes pinpricks of light at night. So tiny they were almost insignificant.

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You have no fucking idea the amount of work that went into this one. Y'all better give this five million notes.

@thegrimalldis for Mina mention <3

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The implication that Arthur has a Foghorn Leghorn accent that he randomly does . . .

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