#water:task004

[theosamuels]

TASK004 — He had always been compared to his siblings. He was his own person, didn’t they understand that?

FRESHMAN YEAR — 14 YEARS OLD

“Son,” his dad began, putting down the newspaper in his hands. “You don’t see Max asking to skip church to hang out with his friends.”

“Dad, come on. I have to finish this presentation.” His grade depended on it, and if he had to miss church to get the extra hours in, he would try. Freshman year was harder than Theo had originally thought it’d be. “It’s only one day I’m missing.”

His head shook, bringing the newspaper back to his face. “Be more like your brother and I’ll think about it next time.”

SOPHOMORE YEAR — 15 YEARS OLD

The paper in his hands was thin with three pages stapled together. Multiple choice and two essay questions, most marked in red ink. More wrong than right. 63. It wasn’t failing, but it also wasn’t a grade he wanted to tell anyone about. Especially since tests were a huge part of their grade.

After third period ended and most of his peers were out of the room or earshot, Theo made his way toward his tenth-grade History teacher. The test was handed toward her, very carefully as to not seem rude or entitled about what he was about to ask. “Could I get extra credit at all?”

Her blue eyes looked directly at the grade, then at Theo. It seemed like forever went by before she responded, but it had only been a few seconds. “You know I don’t give out extra credit, Mr. Samuels.”

“I know, but—”

“Well, if you know, why are you asking me?”

His shoulders slumped, desperate for anything she could give him. His overall grade in that class wasn’t the best. “Mrs. Haven, I really need this extra credit.”

“Study more. Get a tutor.”

“I’ve been studying.”

She gave him a sigh. “Your sister and brother did well in this class.”

Theo’s hand grabbed the test from her desk, annoyed by the fact that his teacher would say the same thing his family did. “Well, I’m not them, am I?”

“You’re a Samuels. You should be more like them, shouldn’t you?”

JUNIOR YEAR — SIXTEEN YEARS OLD

“Why can’t you be more like your siblings, Theodore?”

The hand of his older sister rustled his hair. “Yeah, Theo, why can’t you be more like me?”

The sixteen-year-old rolled his eyes, hand running against his hair in order to make it somewhat presentable again. He had always been compared to his siblings, so he tried taking it with a grain of salt, but that rarely worked. He was his own person, didn’t they understand that?

“I’m serious, Theo,” his mom pushed, turning around from doing the dishes in the sink. “It takes more than going to church to be allowed into Heaven. The people you surround yourself with is important, and charities, and things like that. Haven’t you learned any of that during camp?”

“Mom,” Theo groaned. “What are you talking about? Have you ever met Tati and Max’s friends?”

“Yes, and your friends are delinquents.”

“Oh my God—”

“Theodore Wyatt Samuels. Don’t you dare.”

Tatiana eyed the two before moving closer to their mom. Theo knew exactly what she was doing and gave her a look. She only smiled. “Mom’s right, baby brother,” the older girl started. “I’ve seen you and your friends do things that wouldn’t sit right with God.”

“Like what?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Skipping class, obviously. Making out with those girls. Stealing from me and Max.”

Silence overtook him. There were no girls he had been making out with and he only took one thing from each of them. Their mom looked shocked and angry, a reaction no one in the house liked to see. This was a huge deal for the Samuels family. They wanted to be seen as a “godly” family, one that was good and not at all messed up (which, they were, but it was always brushed off).

“That’s not true,” he stressed, beginning to sweat out of nervousness. What was the point of this? “I—”

“Sure it is, Theo!” Tatiana interrupted, the tone in her voice the same she used when she was purposely trying to create drama for no reason other than pure enjoyment. “I saw you guys brag about it. Your stupid friends posted it on Snapchat. And the stealing was so obvious. We found our stuff in your room.”

His brows connected together, ready to argue with her. “Why do you even have them added—”

His mom’s hand waved to shoo Tatiana away, obvious anger on her face. “That’s enough.” Her brown eyes stared at Theo, as though they were burning into him. “Using the Lord’s name in vain? Participating in delinquent activities?” Her head began to shake in disappointment, “Wait until I tell your father.”

Theo shifted uncomfortably as he watched his sister leave with a small smile. This whole thing was probably because he took something out of her room without asking. Figures. Why was he the one that was always thrown under the bus for the pleasure of his siblings? His mom didn’t care for proof. If Tatiana said it was true, it had to be true. The same went with Max. “Tatiana’s lying.”

“She knows not to lie to me or your dad.”

Theo stood up abruptly from the stool he was sitting in. “Yeah, well, she is,” his hands flew in the air as he spoke, “and you’re too blind to notice all the things she’s getting away with!”

“Don’t you give me attitude, Theodore!” his mom snapped, wiping her damp hands on the dry dish towel on the counter.

( a few hours later )

GROUP CHAT WITH aaron, bradley, lucas, nolan

[ 6:43pm ] theo: thoughts on hanging out tonight? [ 6:45pm ] lucas: clear for me [ 6:47pm ] bradley: what time? [ 6:48pm ] theo: 11 [ 6:48pm ] bradley: empty [ 6:49pm ] aaron: you know I’m always free [ 6:49pm ] nolan : what are we doing? [ 6:50pm ] theo: getting our aggression out [ 6:50pm ] aaron: did the gf finally dump you? [ 6:50pm ] lucas: poor theo [ 6:51pm ] theo: no, tatiana was a bitch and told my mom about the “bad” things we did [ 6:51pm ] bradley: how’d she find out? [ 6:52pm ] aaron: she’s stalking us cuz she thinks I’m hot [ 6:52pm ] nolan: no one thinks you’re hot dude [ 6:52pm ] aaron: your mom does [ 6:53pm ] theo: can you guys shut up? [ 6:53pm ] theo: lucas I know you have spray paint so bring that [ 6:54pm ] theo: nolan bring the bats and stuff [ 6:54pm ] theo: aaron you got eggs [ 6:55pm ] aaron: man my mom’s gonna kill me for stealing the eggs [ 6:56pm ] bradley: where are we meeting at? [ 6:57pm ] theo: movie theater. bring bags to carry everything. [ 6:58pm ] nolan: gotchu [ 6:58pm ] aaron: awesome [ 6:59pm ] bradley: 👍🏻 [ 7:00pm ] lucas: see u boys then

[ofcxstiel-blog]

ＷＡＴＥＲ ＴＡＳＫ ００４．

the watershed moment. trigger warnings ;; physical, emotional abuse, violence.

the sun had already set when the male reached his dormitory and made his way up to his place. with his hands and arms full of canvas, he was struggling to get to his keys in the pocket of his jacket. a palette slid out of his grasp, creating a loud noise in the hallway and one could hear him mutter 'fudge' if anyone had been around. but no one was, the dorms were like the quiet before a storm, and it was ironic that he had thought that. castiel managed to put down some of the stuff he had used for his work, enjoying the last few days of painting in new york before the exciting trip to amsterdam, and get the key inside of his door to unlock it. the male stood still for a moment as the door soflty swung open, making a small noise.

his heart started beating faster after the sight of him definitely having locked the door in the morning slid past his mind. his first thought was watershed. someone had broken into his dorm and he had to get out of there as soon as possible. "castiel?" his name was suddenly spoken inside of his room, he could barely recognize the voice because of the obvious angry tone in it and wouldn’t if it wasn't for the familiar accent.

"father?" the male couldn't believe his ears, so he left his stuff laying on the ground in the hallway and rushed inside of his dorm. his heart was beating even faster than when he had assumed that someone dangerous had broken inside. "you didn't call me, it's a mess here- i- my roommate-" the male started rambling as his eyes wandered around the room, taking in the appearance of it. he didn’t have a roommate, that was quite obvious. god, his father wasn't an idiot, castiel knew that. whatever explanation he could come up with would just embarrass him further.

"keep quiet for christ's sake. you'll only talk when i ask you something," his father fumed with anger as he closed one of castiel's sketchbooks with a noise and threw it on the ground, standing up from the couch.

their relationship has always been cold and distant, but cas had never experienced his father speaking like that to him. he knew there was a different side to him, one that he liked to hide, one that was aggressive and impatient, but always present when it came to his work. despite him preaching about values and spending time with his family, this was all just a formality of the perfect life that he had always wanted. the second his company had a problem, it was that over everything else in the world. castiel’s first reaction was to feel disappointment in himself, he felt like he was deserving of his father's anger for the lies and closed the door behind him. he must have found out everything, these words repeated in castiel's mind over and over again, and it made him feel anxious and frightened.

"you've been lying to our faces for three whole years," his father started taking confident steps towards him, the anger written all over his features. "i have worked my ass off for you ever since you were born, and this is how you repay me? i've given you everything and never asked for anything in return except for getting the education to be able to step in my place one day," he spat out. "anyone would be grateful to be in your place."

"father, you never wanted to listen to what i wanted," castiel got out before swallowing hard.

"shut the hell up!" the man screamed, raising his hand and throwing a punch towards castiel's face. cas lost his balance hitting the wall as he hadn’t seen that coming, but he was managed to hold himself up, breathing deeply, attemtping to contain his own emotions. "listen to yourself, you coward. when have you ever told me what you wanted!? no, no, instead you went behind my back and wasted my hard-earned money on pursuing this!" he yelled with disgust, pointing at the walls of his dorm, fully covered in sketches and canvas that took cas hours, resources and help of other people to finish. castiel couldn't even look at his father who had stretched out his hand once again, running it against the wall and dropping all of the work that it had touched this time. the male was too shocked to comprehend the hurt he was feeling. but some part of him knew he was simply experiencing what he had been trying to avoid since he was a little boy. this was why cas had done everything his father ever told him to do, until now.

“you’re a disgrace,” he went on, making it hard for castiel to hold his tongue. “i don’t consider you my son.” this was the most his father had spoken to him in ever. truly the only way cas could make him care enough to speak to him was if he did something wrong, and he wasn’t the type to rebel and cause a lot of trouble, even now. even if his father felt as though he was ruining his whole life, but cas didn’t feel sorry for lying to him anymore, not after he had showed his true face and been aggressive. castiel considered it unfair to be punished for not doing something that his father wanted him to do, but he didn’t want to do, especially after being he had been nothing but cold towards him his whole life. his father didn’t give a damn about cas lying to him. the male could do anything for all he cared, as long as it didn’t shatter his picture perfect family business plan and didn’t put him in a situation of uncertainity when it came to the most important thing in the world for him. which was quite obviously his work.

“thank god,” castiel gathered some confidence to add and look the man in the eye after pressing his palm against his pulsing cheek for a second. he couldn’t recognize either of them in this situation and it was scary, how quickly his thoughts and feelings towards something and someone could change. but that small comment had been a bad decision and he realized that, after feeling his back hit the wall once again. “non stai andando ad amsterdam!” he exclaimed storming out of castiel’s dorm room, because wishing a safe flight wasn’t exactly in his father’s style.

castiel let out a loud sigh dropping to his knees to gather up the scattered paper and canvas that had fallen from the walls. the male never truly felt like he was lacking anything from his father as he was aware he was priviledged and most people had less than he did, but this interaction left him with not only a forming black eye that he had forgot to put an ice pack on, but also an utterly empty feeling. he pushed away all the negative emotions caused by this interaction and the feeling of uselessness, as he made the decision to get rid of all of his old art work that were decorating his room. it was the absolute perfect timing for a fresh start since he had a flight to pack for.

[parklevi]

task 004.

but the universe // will stay. no matter // how many times people tried // to leave it broken. (ma.c.a) 

violence tw, homophobia tw

i . 

he’s sat at the top of the stairs, listening. he’s heard this conversation a thousand times before. isaac got a b, again. he won’t get the scholarship if he doesn’t get it together. he goes out too much. he’s wasting all his time with girls. isaac pleads his case, his mom yells something back, his dad mumbles quietly in the distance. sometimes levi wonders if he can even hear any of them, ever, with the constant rush of equations and concerns about a universe that’s much  b i g g e r  and way more important than any of them, all constantly running through his head. isaac gets louder, his mom matches his tone. isaac punches a wall, levi closes his eyes. 

ii . 

it gets quieter, with time. things fall into place. isaac doesn’t get the scholarship, but levi will. levi, with the perfect girlfriend, the perfect grades. isaac failed. levi will be better, levi  h a s  to be better because he’s the only one left, and legacies need to be placed on someone, a crown so heavy levi can’t remember how to keep his head up. no one yells anymore, levi makes sure of that, he doesn’t give anyone a reason for it, ever. he closes the door when he studies though, because he still hears isaac sometimes, down the hall. he doesn’t talk that much. but he hears his quiet, and he sees the broken pens in the trash, his desk with a leg that won’t stand properly. the bloody knuckles. he wants to help, so he sneaks out with isaac when he goes out at night, wants to show him he can be good for all of them. wants to make him smile. he wants him to be proud, he wants his parents to be proud, but mostly he wants them all to be  h a p p y  and they need him to be good for that. so he’s good. he’s perfect. he never sleeps.

iii .

he’s seen bloody knuckles, but he’s never seen his own blood on his brother’s knuckles. he tries to make himself small as he watches it  u n f o l d , touches his face and gets surprised when he finds his cheeks are wet and sticky. he failed, and everything falls apart, a perfect house of cards blown away until there’s nothing left but him, and the blood. on isaac’s knuckles. through their veins. blood thicker than water. forever binding.

iv . 

it’s a suggestion, like so many other things. an idea that might help. like there’s an option where he gets to say  n o. it could fix everything, and his mom touches his face like she wants him to know it’s for him that she’s doing this, it’s him who needs it, but her eyes are cold when he really looks at them, and he knows he could’ve kept them all afloat and maybe this is what he has to do for things to get better. it can all be fixed, she says, and he doesn’t ask about isaac, who couldn’t be fixed, who had to be accepted for who he was no matter what it was. isaac can’t be fixed, but he gets to stay because of that, his act of brotherly love giving him back his status in the eyes of his parents, at the very least. isaac can’t be fixed, but he saw what was broken in levi, saved him from a moment of weakness, and it’s not too late for that to be fixed, thanks to him. 

v .

there’s hamiltonians everywhere, and levi can’t remember if he’s solving planetary movement equations, or quantum states of the elements formed deep within a supernova. he sees the numbers, the greek letters, he fills out the empty spaces, he gets results. he’s sat by his dad’s bed, and he’s got so many tubes in him levi can’t remember if he’s getting better or worse, if he’s dying or if he’ll be walking around tugging at his beard while he thinks in a couple of days. he had to lie just to be allowed in here, through his teeth, with his most sincere expression, and as he watches him breathe slowly, he can almost see his father’s fingers twitching like he misses holding a pencil, like he wants to solve something, and that’s  h o n e s t. it’s the only thing that’s stayed real through all of this, the universe, the numbers. all his dad ever wanted was to look at the stars, understand them, and for his kids to do the same. levi gave up a long time ago on making them happy, stopped trying to be what they wanted him to. but his dad coughs in his sleep, and levi wants to try again. some things can’t be fixed, but there’s a lot he could be doing better, faster. there’s a whole universe out there, and maybe if he thinks about that hard enough, his own tiny self, his small desires, his little needs, it will all cease to matter so much.