#wbl musing

[noona96n]

the way Sam just… suddenly leans in for a kiss??? and Yu turning his head and even puckering his lips???

find me dead in a fckn ditch y’all x

[noona96nwrite]

(Still wildly waving em flags)yes... I’m back. I read my (overly)dramatic proclamation from last time and I think I didn’t put it down properly? I mean, I love angst-especially in your fics-but miscommunication just seems like an overplayed trope. wbl’s S1 had a very mature vibe to it and Shu Yi has always been so proactive(he confronts all problems headfirst) so this sp ep felt a little off for me... but, the acting is so good I cannot leave it. I must know what happens to my son Shi De. :’)

aw, ur reaction was completely justified honeybunn~ u invest ur time & emotion in the series, it's understandable that u're disappointed if u see sth u don't like

also when u said that S1 was mature, my mind immediately thought back to the pranks that Shu Yi pulled & how Shi De blackmail Shu Yi xD 

as i mentioned before, im totally okay with the miscommunication. it's something that immediately comes to mind when they said that Shi De will be going to America.

also, ik it's an overused trope but it's a thing that really does happen in real life.

in the context of WBL, i think that it fits with the directions & characterization.

Shi De internalizes his emotions and keeps things to himself. meanwhile, Shu Yi is expressive and explosive with his emotions but he keeps things to himself when it matters. we’re literally told by Zheng Wen in Ep2 that Shu Yi likes to keep things to himself despite his aloofness.

so yah... i disagree with "Shu Yi confronts all problems headfirst". also, even tho he did confront Shi De in the end, he had to be nudged. i think that when it really matters, he tends to deal with his problems when he's motivated to do so. like, he literally ran away from his unrequited love for Yu Xin and only confronted Shi De bcs of Yu Xin's made sense of his feelings for him and told him to go get his man. 

I also think Shu Yi's character development is largely dependant on the presence of Shi De... he's literally only ever emotionally open with Shi De throughout the entirety of S1 (Ep2: talking about love, thanking Shi De for taking him away from Yu Xin & Zheng Wen. Ep3: admitting that he's still not 100% over Yu Xin. Ep5: seeking Shi De out to confront his feeling. Ep6: taking into account the fact that he is a difficult person and asking if he was terrible to him, actually listening to Shi De’s explanation about going to the States). 

so yeah, Shu Yi is only ever communicative with Shi De, but we also have to keep in mind that before he seeks Shi De out and confronts him about their feelings for each other, he also ran away from Shi De(tried dating the junior). this is literally what happened in the special episode as well! he literally walks back as soon as his heart breaks. that’s just how Shu Yi rolls. 

so, i think Shu Yi's emotional growth and openness basically just... stop(?)/revert back to how he used to be when Shi De's not around.

and Shi De is literally never open and vocal with his emotions and what's going on in his life to being with... 

literally the only times he was so open were with his mom, during dinner time in Ep5 (even then we can see that he’s holding sth back), and with Shu Yi, in Ep5, and he only did it to reassure Shu Yi.

their emotional growth and character developments are very intertwined with one another. more so on Shu Yi’s side bcs i think Shu Yi ‘looks toward‘ Shi De for guidance when it comes to emotions (Ep6 their entire convo about nervousness is literally Shu Yi ignoring his own nervousness & only accepting it when he realizes that Shi De is nervous).

to me, their actions & reactions makes sense with what i've come to understand in S1... and, as i talked about a lot before, separation & distance brew doubt so everything just... intesifies. 

and, ofc there are probably other things that aren't shown to us and im very excited to see more

[noona96n]

Shu Yi shouted 「大大大大好き。世界で一番大好き。」 (dai dai dai daisuki. sekai de ichi ban daisuki.) which translate to ‘i love you’ 'i love you the most in the world’ he mcfckn confessed his love by shouting「大好き」 (daisuki) at the top of his lung for the world to hear

ik im making a big fuss about 「大好き」  but the thing is… 「大好き」 is quite a serious confession of love. you see, in japanese, they usually say 「好き」 (suki) which translates to 'like/love’. ive heard people it used a LOT… to talk about their gf/bf as well as their favorite things. the simple  「好き」 already implies romantic interest when used for people and it’s more than enough to use when confessing love. 「大好き」, on the other hand, is not as used often, especially not so early in a relationship. it translates to 'big like/love, great love’ and it’s the 'casual’ way of saying 'i love you’ ive never heard anyone use it in real life to talk about anything other than their favorite things (game, food, anime). if they ever use it with the people they love, it’s probably done in private and probably only used by committed partners that are very close and have been together for a while. 「大好き」 is THAT serious. and yet… here is Shu Yi, shouting 「大好き」at the top of his motherfckn lungs for everyone to hear until he’s fckn crying and shaking. when i first saw the scene, i was like 'might as well ask Shi De to marry you’, which is a bit of an exaggeration on my part but that’s what i felt lol

on another note… Shu Yi also wrote Shi De’s name repeatedly and wrote  「好き」and  「大好き」and 「なんで…」 (nande) which means ‘why’

the other declarations of love in the japanese language are

「愛している」  (aishiteiru) 

which is kinda on a whole other level entirely. it translates to 'i love you’. married couples rarely say it to each other. family members don’t even say it to each other. 「愛している」from what i understand, is super intimate and super duper profund and used when the words are meant to be felt, not just spoken. ive seen it used in anime & movies extremely rarely and only in a very private setting.

「恋している」  (koishiteiru)

is strictly romantic in nature and it has even MORE gravity. it translates to 'im in love’ and from my understanding, saying 「恋している」is basically saying you want to spend the rest of eternity with them or sth equally dramatic. i legit never heard it being said anywhere, not even in anime.

for spanish speakers, think of it on the scale of ‘te quiero’ to ‘te amo’ also, disclaimer! im not japanese, im also not that fluent in it but ive been living in japan for quite a while now and consumed japanese media for even longer. i think ive come to understand the different connotations between 「好き」, 「大好き」, 「愛している」 and 「恋している」 the interpretations of these phrases are largely influenced by my own value and understanding of the japanese language. if there are native speakers, or just people who speak japanese, and see something wrong with what i wrote, please tell me!! im always happy to learn more!

[noona96n]

a study in Shu Yi’s possessiveness

give up, the one he likes is me 

don’t come any closer / you’re not allowed to go over there to him

if look could kill then Pei Shou Yi would be deaded

also, HAND! ON!! STOMACH!!!

now the world knows how much i love u

「大大大大好き ​」

u’re mine, u’ll always be mine

that wasn’t ur first kiss? who was it? tell me, tell me, tell me

lips quivering between elation & devastation when realization sinks in

[noona96n]

Shu Yi's character has always been physical, it’s only turning into violence now  (x)

meanwhile, Shi De has never really understood boundaries to begin with  (x)

now, Shu Yi is an extremely angry, extremely violent, and emotional-stunned feral stray cat, and Shi De is even more of a red flag 

it's astonishing how they managed to develop all of their worst traits over the span of 5 years without each other. their character development and emotional growth really are intertwined   (x)   (x) 

i went ??? when Shi De kissed Shu Yi in the pool, and went ????? when i finally process the fact that Shi De engineered their entire locked-in situation in the infirmary and went ??????? even harder when Shi De kissed Shu Yi’s temple after his love confession. like, that’s literally only okay bcs it’s a drama… u’re not entitled to anyone’s body just bcs u spent 10+yrs of ur life loving them & being devoted to them. b o u n d a r i e s.   (x)

(this is the reason why, in my fic ‘pillowtalk‘, i wrote Shi De as the one who seek out Shu Yi and had him forced his way into Shu Yi's house while Shu Yi was the one who ultimately shoved them both beyond the tipping point and demanded to be fckd)

[noona96n]

(the way Shi De frowned, jaw clenching, eyes searching for tenderness and love in Shu Yi’s face. the way he swallowed and inhaled deeply; as if readying his heart to be broken, as if readying himself to be led to the gallows; the way he asked, ‘what can i do for you to look at me again?’, so quietly, so painfully; as if he’s breaking at the seam, as if Shu Yi’s the single grain of rice that can tip his existence into happiness or agony)

the way Shu Yi lightly gulped, eyes momentarily going soft around the edges, the way he nodded like he understood

(except he didn’t)

he demanded sex because what's more dramatic, more demeaning, than desecrating Shi De's office, the one fucking thing that brought Shi De back to Taiwan? what’s more defiling than tainting Shi De’s presidency, the one thing that brought him back into Shu Yi’s life?

(all the things in this room, they were able to bring Shi De back to Taiwan but Shu Yi couldn’t)

(he is was the love of Shi De's life and yet Shi De left him and never looked back. he is was the love of Shi De's life and yet Shi De returned for a fckn job and not him. he is was the love of Shi De's and yet Shi De still dared to cheat on him and build a life without him and be happy without him. he is was the love of Shi De’s life, he loved Shi De so much, endlessly, unimaginably, and yet the vastness of his love couldn’t bring Shi De back to him)

(but this fckn office brought Shi De back to Shu Yi's doorstep)

Shu Yi put his hand on the left side of Shi De’s chest. he put his mtfckn hand on Shi De’s heart and demanded, ‘give it to me’

(as if Shi De’s heart isn’t already his, as if Shi De’s life isn’t already his)

(the fckn way Shi De convulsed when Shu Yi put his hand on him; the labored breathing, the longing, the tension, the pain of being so close but not having)

if Shi De really does love Shu Yi, he wouldn’t mind relinquishing control to Shu Yi, would he? He wouldn’t mind being subjected to Shu Yi’s mercy at his most naked, most vulnerable moment, would he? (x)

the second time Shu Yi demanded, ‘give it to me,’ his fckn hand swoop down to caress Shi De’s chest before going back up to cup the back of Shi De’s neck, possessive, always

(give me everything, trust me, surrender everything to me, not like the last time when you gave me nothing, love me, fully, unconditionally

(never leave me again)

and the way he traced Shi De’s face with his eyes first before his fingers follow; as if to make sure that what he’s seeing in front of him was actually real, as if to make sure that the Shi De in front of him was real and wasn’t just a figment of his imagination again

‘hm?’ the little mocking sound Shu Yi made and the self-deprecating smirk he put on bcs he was so certain that Shi De would never agree

(why would Shi De agree? Shu Yi is was the love of Shi De’s life but Shi De didn’t return to Taiwan for him, he returned for a fckn office)

the way Shu Yi leaned in so close he could've just kisses Shi De if he wanted to but he wouldn’t, the way his nose was so close to Shi De’s cheek, the way he could smell the sweat and grime of the day’s work, the way he could smell Shi De

(Shi De’s little smirk before agreeing, the way his frown smoothed out, the way his mouth relaxed, the way the pain in his neck and shoulders and chest fizzled out… it’s as if he was amused that this was all that Shu Yi was asking of him. he was prepared to roll a boulder up the tallest mountain and drain the endless ocean just for Shu Yi to look at his general direction again but all Shu Yi wanted from him was for him to love Shu Yi?)

(it’s no hardship, Shi De has spent his entire life loving and being devoted to Shu Yi; loving Shu Yi is no hardship, loving Shu Yi is who Shi De is; it’s his identity, his direction; loving Shu Yi is his freedom)

Shi De said, ‘okay,’ and that’s literally the moment Shu Yi's brain stops functioning

(he literally stopped blinking as soon as Shi De said okay)

Shi De said okay and Shu Yi’s eyes were searching, wavering between Shi De’s eyes, nose, lips, neck, fingers, like he didn’t know where to look

his mouth, it opened, then closed and he swallowed

he just kept on looking and looking

(he wasn’t supposed to say okay, he wasn’t supposed to say okay, he wasn’t supposed to say okay)

‘i’ll do anything,’ Shi De said and Shu Yi’s mouth twitched, quivering between a curse and a cry

(why did he leave Shu Yi, why did he make Shu Yi wait, why did he never email back, why did he never talk to Shu Yi, why was he happy without Shu Yi, why was he not there when Shu Yi needed him most, why did he make Shu Yi fall desperately and stupidly in love with him only to leave Shu Yi and never look back?)

the way Shu Yi swallowed again, the way he's speechless; he's weak and wanting and still crazily in love with the one man who emptily promised him a marriage and a loving mother-in-law

(x)

[noona96n]

the deal w/ Shu Yi’s dad

i will start w/ Shu Yi & his ‘non-existent’ reaction to the revelation bcs ive been in a similar position

a bit of bg info about me… im born & raised in a very traditional environment in SEA  in which filial piety is prized above all else from a child. i won’t generalize by saying that all asians grew up like that or that all asian have that sort of mindset but we do respect our elders a great deal. many still believe that the elders can do no wrong. and some elders genuinely believe that they know best and that whatever they do is right and their children will understand why they did what they did in the future when they’re successful. it’s stupid but it’s a thing.

ik what it's like to have to sit and listen to the people i love most tell me that the things that hurt me were done with my best interests in mind. and ik what it’s like to understand their intentions. their actions are unfair & their reasonings are illogical… it’s fckd up but they did it out of love… they did it for you and your happiness and your future. and ik what it’s like to have all of my justified anger melt away in the face of that love and still love them endlessly in return. 

Shi Yi doesn’t not react… Shu Yi understands and he just… accepts that that’s the way his dad loves him. 

it’s wrong and it’s unfair to Shu Yi but he understands and he still loves his dad. and Shu Yi dad does love him a lot, very much, it’s just very convoluted and unfair and self-serving. and, i think, Shu Yi might explode later on when he finally confronts his dad about the shit he did to keep him and Shi De apart. 

(i also know what it’s like to look my parents in the eyes and tell them ‘no, im doing things my way, im doing things i want to do because that’s what’d make me really happy’. it’s daunting but liberating at the same time, the most nerve-wracking and monumental thing i’ve ever done in life… so, i understand why Shu Yi is so unforgiving of Shi De.)

i want to give major props to Yu for how his voice cracked when Shu Yi talked back to his dad... how he looks so resigned to his fate, how he still managed to nod respectfully at his dad when reassuring him that he’s forgiven if he leaves Shu Yi alone for now. Yu has so much talent, it’s insane. 

Shu Yi’s dad’s st00pid deal & where he’s coming from

i get where the dad is coming from  (x)  (x)  (x)  (x)  but i don’t agree with him. he hurt Shu Yi unimaginably in his attempt to give his son happiness and a good future. 

i don’t think he’s 100% homophobic… he might have some aversion to it as he said that wanted to marry a girl and give him grandchildren but he accepts it because Shu Yi is his son and he loves Shu Yi. it isn’t just a matter of homophobia (i have seen many parents, my best friend’s specifically, who are homophobic, turning a new leaf because of their kids). it’s also the issue of love that parents have for their children and wanting only the best of the best for their kids.

Shu Yi is literally the heir of an enterprise, he is his dad’s little prince, his little starlight, literally the only remnant left from the woman he loves. he loves Shu Yi, there’s no questioning that, he only wants the best for Shu Yi.

meanwhile, Shi De is… normal. to him, Shi De an ‘outsider’ & ‘inferior’ to Shu Yi in terms of economic standing & social status. Shi De wasn’t groomed for greatness like Shu Yi… he wouldn’t understand or know how to operate in Shu Yi’s environment. therefore, he isn’t suited for Shu Yi in general.

Shu Yi’s dad is just thinking about Shu Yi… in a very convoluted way. 

this is also normal, this isn’t just a dramatic cliché, it didn’t happen to me (bcs my ass has always been single) but it happened to people close to me… i’ve witnessed 7yrs of romance going down the drain bcs the boy’s social standing isn’t suited for the girl. i’ve witnessed the girl being belittled by the boy’s family simply bcs she only has one parent. i’ve witnessed 2 people not being able to get married or move on to new relationships simply bcs they love each other but one of their parents don’t approve of the other party.

it’s stupid. real life is absolute shit sometimes.

(actually, before his whole speech about how Shu Yi’d have to face the shareholders/relatives, Shu Yi’s dad actually understand the magnitude of love that Shi De has for Shu Yi... rewatch the scene & pay attention to his facial expression. i think Shi De probably remind him of himself who moved from Japan to Taiwan to be with Shu Yi’s mom. he understands the love that Shi De has for his son, he just doesn’t think Shi De is suited to be with Shu Yi and support him in his life as the head of a company.)

also, the most telling thing about Shu Yi & his dad’s relationship are these 2 sentences: ‘I did it for you’ + ‘Only Shu Yi can dump you, you can’t dump him’. he loves Shu Yi, dotes on him, spoils him,and wants the best for his son but he is also strict and uncompromising with Shu Yi. (like... dad literally went ‘how fckn dare u cheat on my sweet child u heartless mtfck... he loves and dotes on Shu Yi sm it’s unreal, he’s just... convoluted with how he express  his parental love)

Shi De accepting the deal isn’t OOC

Shi De has always been the type to not share his burden. he doesn’t share what he feels or thinks openly, not even with his own mom. literally, the only times he was so open were with his mom, during dinner time in S1EP5 (even then we can see that he’s holding sth back), and with Shu Yi, in S1EP5, and he only did it to reassure Shu Yi. so yes, this is very in-character of him to just pile everything up on his shoulders and not share his burden  (x)

he also operates on the notion that he knows what’s best for Shu Yi & their relationship…. he does have this tendency (he removed himself from Shu Yi’s life as soon as Shu Yi said he didn’t want to fall in love with a guy. he took Shu Yi to the infirmary instead of letting Shu Yi go home (the stomachache, S1EP2 & S1EP3) and stopping Zheng Wen from telling Shu Yi about Bing Wei’s feeling for him. this might not seem like much but this is character building. in S2EP1 he disregards Shu Yi’s protest and made him dinner and even now, Shu Yi wants him to leave but he won’t because he’ll stay to take care of Shu Yi.)

also, idk if u’ve ever experienced it before but it’s not nice to sit in front of the person with utmost authority over the love of your life and find that they disapprove of you and your relationship with your lover. imagine the anger, the sadness, the self-hatred you must’ve felt to be told by their parents/loved ones that ur love alone will never be enough to make them happy and sated. 

i have never seen Gao Shi De so incredibly small and so extremely withdrawn before so i’d give Shi De some slack for his stupidity and desperation. 

-

this series is too raw & too real for me &, despite its flaws and all the disagreement i have with it, i love it even more than i already it

[noona96n]

signs u’re still in love with ur ‘ex’

abruti

dumbass

u're going to fight back

u're "somehow" in charge of the merger between ur company and his

u slapped him in front of everyone

u look at him in anger

there are tears in ur eyes

u still follow him to his office

u didn't wait for him, u didn't

u were just surprised to see him after five years

how fast, it's only been five years

u didn't wait for him

(but u kept count of the time that past since ur separation)

he says 'u & i...' and u swallow, 'u & i, what?'

u're downsizing his company because of personal reason

u still turn to him softly, look at him with fond, kind eyes, and smile even softer and sweeter

he needs to go, he has to be the first one to go

u're fine, u couldn't be better

but u're so angry and upset ur stomach hurts

u still let him into ur house

u need to know why he's here, what he's trying to do to u (is he here to break ur heart again?)

(he still knows u so well)

u push, u shove, u throw things

there's carrot in ur fridge

u invent a fake relationship to fool him (& it backfire on u, everything u do to him always backfire on u)

u're dating, it's going great, she's meeting ur dad soon

u didn't wait for him, u didn't

who does he think he is?

u're not angry with him, u hate him

(the greater the love, the greater the hate and u hate, u hate him so, so much, immensely, passionately)

u eat the dinner he made for u because u have to finish whatever he cooks

u can't even look at his face or talk to him or let him do nice things for u

he's not allowed to do nice things for u

he's the one trying to win u back but u're the one seducing him

u touch his chin, his cheek, his forehead, his hair, the back of his neck, his mouth, his chest, his belly; u touch and touch and touch

ur thumb, it lingers on his bottom lip

he says okay, he says okay, he says okay

he says okay, how do u process that?

ur eyes follow his fingers

ur eyes waver

u're looking between his eyes, his mouth, his neck; u don't know where to look

ur mouth is dry

u swallow

u're not breathing anymore

he can do anything for u

how do u process that?

he's reaching for ur buttons, what are u going to do?

(x) signs u're falling in love with ur rival, signs that u’ve already forgiven ur ex for breaking ur heart & betraying ur trust