#weight issues

[zephyrodd]

When my mom almost died due to gastric by-pass, I swore I would never allow myself to become that desperate.

Unfortunately, I cant find a nutritionist that is actually helpful.

NYS medicaid doesnt cover weight loss medications, but they DO cover bariatric surgery.

I feel like I literally have NO CHOICE.

Im in so much pain that consistent exercise isnt feasible. I dont want to get bariatric surgery, I want a less invasive option.

I gained all this weight because of psychiatric medications, and being too disabled and unemployed to cook healthy meals. (I cant afford to have fruit and veg rot in my fridge, but I cant consistently stand and cook long enough for healthy meals)

Maybe im just making excuses.

I also struggle to take all the information I am given about healthy eating and exercise and make a routine. I cant piece that puzzle together. I dont know why. Its just a lot of information that I cant do anything with.

My BMI is around 50(i know this is a bullshit measurement, but thats what all the medical requirements use) but because I dont have any weight related health concerns (T2D, cardiovascular issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.) I dont qualify for any GLP-1s in NYS.

I am going to talk to my doctor next time I see them, and demand more help. Im just not super hopeful.

(Also if I do choose to have a bariatric surgery it my mother will have a mental break, she has ptsd because of hers, I think she will literally lose her mind. I cant go through another medical situation spending all my energy supporting her and not having any of my emotional support needs met.)

[ladderstofires]

is it wrong to say i think my mom would like me more and find me a better daughter if i weighed less?

[rocket-amongst-the-stars]

I think I gained a pound no I’m really scared to check the scale because what if I didn’t? I realllllyyyy wanna gain weight I will cry if I don’t weigh more

[dorkqueenxd]

I hate how romanticized being skinny is. Not only is it a bad beauty standard, but it makes people not take being underweight seriously.

I'll complain to someone about my metabolism being too high and all they can say is that I should be grateful I'm skinny and pretty, that so many people envy me.

No one cares if my ribs show, or if there's a constant pain in my abdomen that won't go away, or if I have to eat so much to the point that food makes me nauseous to try and keep up with my body so I don't get too underweight. All they see is a figure they envy, and they refuse to look past it.

Why should I be grateful that I'm in pain, that I have to force myself to eat more and more, that I can't wear a bikini despite being skinny because I look like a skeleton in a skin suit?

I wish people didn't act like just because I'm not obese means I can't have weight issues, just because I'm not obese means I can't have an eating disorder.

And while my problem may be high metabolism, there are others who share their stories where they get sick or have mental health issues and they don't eat and suddenly everyone compliments them because they're skinny.

I don't understand how anyone holds a image made up by pedophiles so high that they praise others for slowly killing themselves. These same people claim it's just healthy when it's actually just starvation.

Anyone who says "I wish I had your problems" I wish you could take them. You want to be skinny so bad, that you want to be unhealthy, that you want to be in pain, and at this point I'm so fed up that I genuinely wish you had my problems, or others' problems. I wish you would starve yourself, and I hope you realize the problem before it kills you.

[thisbravegirl]

im feeling so terrible about my body lately and how i look in everything i wear and honestly im just embarrassed about myself and i know this is not from the lord but it’s also just a very real thing that is going on right now and im so ashamed of myself and i hate it i know im not supposed to feel this way and i should be grateful for the body he gave me but i just can’t feel like that right now im just really struggling with it

[otto-sea-main]

I have decided that I am comfortable in my skin and body.

Do I like how I look? No. But I am comfortable.

[silluguys]

why does it matter how we look?

why do i find it so hard to forget the way im ‘supposed’ to look and just enjoy myself

i have a wonderful mind and heart.

so why at the end of the day do i look at myself and hate the body that stares back at me?

why do i want to rip the fat out of myself?

at the end of the day we’re all meat popsicles caged in bone and draped in skin

at the end of the day, we all die

[krisrisk]

the thought hit me rather abruptly. I am going to die someday. And i will die in this body. I have had this body for over fourty years and i have not been able to connect to it ever.

I do not want to die in this body as it is no. I want to LIVE in it after it has beocme different.

When it ocmec to weight loss, diets and things, I feel like a small kid who isn't yet able to understand a basic concept. I have been told the facts. I seem to understand the pieces separately. But i am unable to connect the dots into a behaviour.

I know water is best, but i cannot bring myself to drink it. So i'm either dehydrated or drinking sweetened things. I don't even shame myself, and this is what i consider to be so childlike. I lack any feeling of guilt for my eating habits. I KNOW they are bad for me, i know WHAT makes them bad and i know HOW to change. I just can't seem to get this absic concept from paper into real life.

But i don't want to die in this body as it is now. I want to live with it in a different shape. I want to buy clothes. Look nice. Feel good. Feel free. Have joy in moving.

Instead i seem to only get worse.

Maybe i could do it. If thert was nothing else to focus on, then maybe i could do it.

These are the thoughts at 1am. But be not fooled. For all it takes is twelve hours and then i am back to eating the things my brain considers save.

I don't want to die in this body as it is. But i also have nompicture in mind of another body. It still feels like the one i was in when i was fourteen. Or does it not?