#weight m

[goldenageofwireless]

My family is seriously so fucked up about weight / diets. My aunts are acting like they're being "sooo bad" for eating bread. how are u all not fucking miserable

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

hi! I wanted to please ask about how to cope with not liking my appearance while gaining weight in recovery, and feeling regret about spending money on all the new clothes I need. I feel like I lost some of the features that made me pretty and that I could only have at a certain weight. I can't have the same belly or face shape I had before. I can't fit into my old clothes. I'm struggling a lot.

my mom is the only family member who knows about my disorder, so sometimes older adults who don't know me too well like relatives or friends of the family will see me and comment on my weight. it's not usually in a bad way but it just reminds me of how noticeable my weight gain is now. they usually say things like "wow, you gained a lot of weight, you look so different now but it looks good on you!" and occasionally they warn me that my current weight looks good but that I need to make sure not to gain any more or else it'll be too much. I already feel like I've gained too much tbh and I don't think they mean it in a bad way so I never say anything. it still bothers me though.

my best friend also has an ed. we haven't seen each other irl in kind of a long time since we live far from each other and have work and studies. but I did let it slip into a text a few months ago that I had gained weight (I didn't tell her how much or how I felt about it, it was a totally neutral statement that just slipped) and she didn't comment on it. I have reasons to think (based on how she acts with other people) that if she saw me now she would find me ugly and likely break our friendship off. so I can't be open with her about stuff, either.

I also feel guilty because my old clothes don't fit me anymore. a lot of my old clothes were from asian brands that don't just make larger sizes. I feel guilty about all the money I spent on clothes that no longer fit me anymore especially ones that I only tried on or wore a few times but not much, and all the money I've been having to spend on new clothes that actually do fit, literally everything, even clothes people aren't going to see like new underwear/night wear because everything is way too small for me now. I already have guilt issues related to money, so this made it worse.

I know health comes before everything else, and I'm glad that my body is physically recovering (I won't go into my old behaviors and physical symptoms since I don't want to trigger anyone). but I still feel so bad mentally. yeah, I do all the usually recommended stuff like writing in a journal and taking deep breaths but like. that doesn't take away the fact I'm way heavier now, hate myself for it, and have to blow money on replacing all my old clothes. and therapy options are super limited where I live (long story short, you can get short term therapy for 'non emergency' issues like siuational stress, or you get hospitalised if you're a danger to yourself, but there's no in between or grey zone area).everything just feels awful rn and I am not sure how to cope or where to turn to. thanks if you have any tips.

I'm so glad you chose to reach out and get support, anon! All that stuff sounds so, so hard to think about. And so much to cope with at once, too! When you heal, you start making a LOT of changes to patterns that have been entrenched in your life for a long, long time. That means you're doing a lot of uprooting and it is hard, uncomfortable work. It makes a lot of massive changes to a LOT of parts of your life, because those are the parts that were touched by your disorder. You're not alone in finding this upheaval difficult, and I'm very proud of you for sticking to your healing mentality even when it gets hard.

Adjusting to a changing body image is really, really hard. I think a lot of us who've been in long-term recovery still really struggle with it. It absolutely does get easier, though. For now, if you find you can't feel positively about your body, try to feel neutral about it as much as you can. Tell yourself things like "this is what healing can look like" and "bodies change and grow and that's okay." You can also focus on the ways that you feel healthier and try to tie those healthier feelings in with your idea of the way you look now. Remind yourself that the body you exist in now is worthy of those feelings of health - and so is your soul.

Family can be so challenging! Remember, you don't owe anybody lots of details about your ED, but you are allowed to say "hey, I'd prefer not to talk about my weight" or "it sounds like you meant that as a compliment, but it's not something I want to focus on right now, thank you!" With regards to comments telling you not to gain more weight, you can say "I don't find those comments helpful or supportive." With family members who insist on commenting on your weight, it might be best to just limit contact for the time being. It can feel very empowering to remind yourself that you are allowed to choose to surround yourself with people who make you feel good!

As for your friend - that can be really complicated. Your friend may be outwardly supportive, but their own ED might cause them to have thoughts about you that you find challenging. Still, if your friend is making an effort to be supportive of you, you can continue to try to have the hard conversations and heal with them - maybe you'll find ways to relate! If your friend is someone who would truly ditch you over your body, then that's not a reflection of you, as much as it feels like it is. It just means that they're too deep in their own issues to be a good, healthy friend to you right now. It's hard, but you're allowed to grieve and you deserve to surround yourself with people who do make you feel loved for more than just your body - people who want to see you heal!

I'm sorry to hear about the limited mental health support options in your area, and that you're stressing about getting new clothes. Clothes shopping can be hard for those of us with EDs, but perhaps you could at least try to make yourself feel positively about the idea of getting to go shopping? You could experiment with new looks and new clothes that make you feel better in your body the way that it is. You can remind yourself that money exists to be spent on fulfilling your basic needs and new clothes are a need for everyone at times. It is not a moral failing to change sizes and need new clothes. If you simply cannot feel positively about shopping, at least take comfort in the knowledge that you are definitely not alone and that many people in recovery have struggled with the stuff you're struggling now - and that one day you will be proud of yourself for getting through it. I hope someday you are able to have fun clothes shopping at any size!

I think that applies to all of this, BTW. There are going to be some days where you just feel weird and not-positive about it all, and someday you're going to look back and be proud of yourself for getting through it anyway. You deserve that health and wellness, that satisfaction and pride. Rooting for you!

[rottenbutrecovering]

It's very wild having a mother who would routinely comment on my weight when I was growing up, who now looks shocked when I express any unhappiness with my body

[sevicia]

I actually experience despair on like a daily basis because okay I may be really fucking ugly but people are willing to look past that if your behavior is interesting enough for conversation but not interesting enough for examination and depending on the person they either think I'm nothingburger or bordering on clinically insane and neither of those are exactly ""Atractive"" to like 99.9% of the population and also if god tapped me on the head and suddenly I became mid and my chances increased I would still want to kill myself because recently I've realized just how HARD it is for people to see me as a guy due to my quiet and distant nature COMBINED with the fact that I am physically small which is actually so important to me as stupid as it sounds I really do wish I were taller just throw me a BONE man I'm not even asking for much here and also I hate to say it because anyone would hate to say something like this about their own body but brother I DESPISE my hips or waist to hip ratio or bone structure or whatever the fuck you wanna call it because for a few months now I've been losing weight little by little through inaction (because I don't know how to take care of myself) but I am still very much classified as OverWeight yet my stupid fucking fat distribution makes people go Waittt you've gotten sooo skinnyyyy and it's like first of all I don't give a fuck and it's sad that YOU do second of all you have fallen victim to a wicked optical illusion caused by the fact it's all from the waist down and it PISSES ME THE HELL OFFFFFF that I'm built like this because it's my BONES and it feels like I will never get rid of this obnoxious fucking pear shaped body that doesn't even reach 160cm and that I am aware some people would find attractive shape-wise because brother do I have blemishes and stretch marks which are things people are fucking weird about but I know some people are into the whole blah blah short pear shape thing but in a GIRL WAY it makes me want to tear my fucking hair out that there's so many barriers to ever being found attractive by a fellow human being that has seen me in a 3D space like why did I come out ugly and short and transgender and autistic it's just nerf after nerf after nerf. If someone finds me physically attractive and they are cisgender I will literally not believe they see me as a man for a single second sorry for being paranoid about this but it is just IMPOSSIBLE to fathom first of all finding me attractive second of all genuinely seeing me as a man and both at the same time is just a myth I can't continue to waste time on!!!

This is like the obligatory 4 AM post complaining about being fuckugly that I haven't done in a while because I haven't actually paused to think about it for a while because other stuff or just GOING TO BED. It make me wanna tear my fucking skin off that no one will ever find me physically attractive in a million years because everything about me on a romance front is best described as "Unfortunate." with the dot and everything too I mean sure it's not a big thing for a lot of people especially not people around me 24/7 but no one around me 24/7 has this amount of stupid bullshit attached to them so they don't GET IT and being told shit like "I can't imagine you dating anyone" "You're too naive" "You're not moving out until you get our seal of approval" is actually genuinely soul-crushing and I can't say ANYTHING about it because I wholeheartedly believe all of it is true even though really from the bottom of my heart I wish I didn't but that's just LYING to myself at that point. I can't imagine myself dating anyone, I know I'm naive which is actually just a nicer way of saying stupid and gullible, and I have trouble with certain everyday things but even if I do them perfectly I KNOW my family will find some other reason to keep calling me innocent and naive and unprepared and whatever other insulting thing they wanna pretend is not insulting so they just can't tell why I went quiet when they said YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE UNTIL WE SAY YOU CAN as if that's not a completely insane thing to say to someone and as if they wouldn't find it insane if some character in some stupid fucking TV show said it to another. But we move and we go to bed. I love everyone I would go insane without transgender autistic people in my phone

[prince-luffy]

Talking about hospital stuff below the cut

I spent over 2 weeks arguing with doctors about how I don't respond well to Plex therapy because they literally cannot do it close enough together (safely) for it to be effective and Vyvgart is way better for me. Over and over they kept trying to tell me they're "essentially the same thing" despite my having no improvement (no decline, but no improvement) until I had to call my primary neurologist and get my ass discharged AMA admist a big fucking fuss.

I am 2 days post Vyvgart and my symptoms are completely gone. I'm not even exaggerating. No slurring or nasally voice. No tosis. Perfect swallowing.

Like maybe listen to my ass, next time. Y'all admitted you're not familiar with Vyvgart and like that's fine, it's brand spanking new, but why in the world would you not actually contact the infusion center or listen to a patient who has experience with both!?

Medical staff, listen to people when they are relaying their experiences to you.

[maretriarch]

well the giant forehead tattoo i got that says "STOP MENTIONING MY WEIGHT LOSS IN INCREASINGLY ODD AND CRUEL WAYS" in big bold letters turns out to have been an ineffective way to combat my problems. its really having the opposite effect I wanted.

[autumnsky]

OK ACTUALLY U KNOW WHAT?? You know what I'm having a thousand emotions at the thought of right now??

Sypha and Trevor absolutely spoiling Alucard post canon. Making sure he's getting enough food and blood and sleep, and then some. And he doesn't really realise that it's starting to show until Sypha casually mentions them having matching stretch marks and then starts apologising bc he's tearing up but he's not upset, he's HAPPY! He thought the only lasting marks on his body would be scars, reminders of being hurt, but now!! Now he carries reminders, the lasting physical proof, that HE IS! FUCKING!! LOVED!!!

[librarycards]

Low rise jeans do look good. Ur just mad ur fat lmao <3

hdhfhdjsgffg anon I am clinically underweight ur just mad I’m right