I'm gonna rant again sorry
I see people on Facebook that have taken GLP1s for the past year and have lost A LOT of weight. I am also on GLP1s and I have lost maybe 25-30 lbs? I don't feel like I've lost anything else so I haven't weighed myself in two months. It makes me nervous and scared because I feel like I've gained all my weight back because all I've ever done in life is yoyo and watch everyone around me get skinny and cute and I'm still a fucking wildebeest.
I got my blood done and apparently there are a LOT of abnormalities in it with my hormones especially. A lot of my hormones are high which I don't know if that means my body just produces more energy so I have to shove food in my face but my metabolism is slow as fuck so I just continue to gain weight?
Even though I don't know if I've gained weight because I don't weigh myself because it literally terrifies me.
So I am not only a hormonal mess but the only time in my life that I have been skinny and lost a good amount of weight was when I was bulimic and anorexic. And everyone STILL fucking said to me "ya know if you lost more weight you'd be so pretty". Yeah I know! Why do you think I shove my finger down My throat anytime I eat literally anything??
There was a bush that grew underneath my window growing up and it died because we only had one bathroom so when my mom was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner, I couldn't just go downstairs and throw up because she'd hear me so I did it out of my window, for years.
So shame on me for having a fucking complex when my whole world has just been about losing weight and you'd be a better person overall if you just lost weight. Would I? Truly? Wtf does that have to do what anything??
Like fuck off. Wtf does my ass being fat have to do with my personality?? It doesn't. Why does the size of my clothes matter so fucking much to people? Whether I'm a size 18, 16, 12, 10 wtf does it matter? How does a number give me more self worth?? Even if I was a size 10 I would always have body dysphoria because even when I weighed 160lbs I was still seen as fat and unworthy of attention or love.
So do I get a break ever? Do I ever just get to be happy in my own fucking body?? Or will I constantly put my self worth and weight in the same fucking category?
When will it be enough? Why will anything I do for my body be ok. And not fucking judged.












