#weight rant

[imthegreenfairy86]

I'm gonna rant again sorry

I see people on Facebook that have taken GLP1s for the past year and have lost A LOT of weight. I am also on GLP1s and I have lost maybe 25-30 lbs? I don't feel like I've lost anything else so I haven't weighed myself in two months. It makes me nervous and scared because I feel like I've gained all my weight back because all I've ever done in life is yoyo and watch everyone around me get skinny and cute and I'm still a fucking wildebeest.

I got my blood done and apparently there are a LOT of abnormalities in it with my hormones especially. A lot of my hormones are high which I don't know if that means my body just produces more energy so I have to shove food in my face but my metabolism is slow as fuck so I just continue to gain weight?

Even though I don't know if I've gained weight because I don't weigh myself because it literally terrifies me.

So I am not only a hormonal mess but the only time in my life that I have been skinny and lost a good amount of weight was when I was bulimic and anorexic. And everyone STILL fucking said to me "ya know if you lost more weight you'd be so pretty". Yeah I know! Why do you think I shove my finger down My throat anytime I eat literally anything??

There was a bush that grew underneath my window growing up and it died because we only had one bathroom so when my mom was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner, I couldn't just go downstairs and throw up because she'd hear me so I did it out of my window, for years.

So shame on me for having a fucking complex when my whole world has just been about losing weight and you'd be a better person overall if you just lost weight. Would I? Truly? Wtf does that have to do what anything??

Like fuck off. Wtf does my ass being fat have to do with my personality?? It doesn't. Why does the size of my clothes matter so fucking much to people? Whether I'm a size 18, 16, 12, 10 wtf does it matter? How does a number give me more self worth?? Even if I was a size 10 I would always have body dysphoria because even when I weighed 160lbs I was still seen as fat and unworthy of attention or love.

So do I get a break ever? Do I ever just get to be happy in my own fucking body?? Or will I constantly put my self worth and weight in the same fucking category?

When will it be enough? Why will anything I do for my body be ok. And not fucking judged.

[oceansinthedesert]

I love my papa, don't get me wrong. But it sure does hurt when he tells me that he'll pay me $10 for every pound of weight I lose.

[do-sadness]

I've gained so much weight this past week from eating fast food n it sucks bc I had lost so much while in Japan

[do-sadness]

I've gained so much weight this past week from eating fast food n it sucks bc I had lost so much while in Japan

[depressedyandere]

I hate that my current’s sister is getting a surgery for weight loss... when i worked hard for it. Like, why can’t that spoiled brat, who isn’t disabled but just lazy, just work for it!?

I also laugh and pity those who are pro ana cuz that’s not how it actually works... you’re born with the bone or body structure for thin legs or a thighs gap... i know a person who is trying to starve herself but i know it’s going to backfire... i feel like she’d actually love herself if she lost it the right way...

I’ll admit i’d be envious af if either of them lost more weight than i have...

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Plus size girls are not less than other women

I have had the thought my whole life that since I have always been heavier than other girls and most men that I am somehow not a whole person or undeserving of love. And why shouldn't I? The media confirmed it throughout my childhood and only recently has this begun to change. I was going through my journal today and found an entry from when I was 17 about what I wanted in a guy. It listed a bunch of characteristics that basically added up to Sam Winchester combined with Fox Mulder but the next entry was titled "how do I need to change to attract this person?" Now this in itself isn't bad. Most of the criteria were good like, be more compassionate, don't emasculate every man before they have a chance to be nice to you, pray more, accept accountability, try being more outspoken, etc. However, right at the top of the list was "LOOSE WEIGHT" Looking back on it after three years and acting school later I hurt for myself. I used to define my worth by my weight. Just because I'm over 250 with curves and large breasts doesn't mean I'm unloveable. It doesn't make me less of a woman or more of a woman for that matter. We all deserve love but not all of us get told this. We get told from the time we can play with barbies that skinny hourglass figures with thighs that don't touch are desirable and the winners of most love stories. We see women we relate to being used as comedy relief or made fun of simply because they are LIKE US. Rebel Wilson may be a bad ass and wonderful confident woman but her breakout character's name was FAT AMY. I laughed at the movie, but afterwards I had this horrible feeling when I realized that she was only there for comedy relief. My teachers at film acting school don't know what to cast me as because I have the ability to play all these potent characters but none are written for plus size women. WE ARE NOT LESS WE ARE NOT DISEASED WE DESERVE SOME COMPELLING, WELL ROUNDED, SEXY AS HELL CHARACTERS WRITTEN FOR US WE ARE DESERVING OF LOVE AND WE SURE AS HELL NEED SOMEONE TO START TELLING YOUNG GIRLS THIS TOO

[pixieink2319]

I've just scrolled past a post that said "I really wanna be underweight" and seeing the number of people that reblogged it really threw me. Trust this from someone who is: YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE UNDERWEIGHT. I have been the same weight for about 7-8 years and let me just tell you this - Being underweight has stopped me from doing something I wanted to do sice the moment I could. Giving blood. Being a blood type that anyone could receive, I'd love nothing more than be able to have a chance at helping save someone's life. - There is nothing more stressful than going shopping. I absolutely hate it, because majority of places don't have sizes that actually fit me. And don't get me started on online shopping, because unless that shit has everything measured, it'll NEVER look anything like it did online. - Literally shit as pathetic as wind could cause me an accident by pushing me of a sidewalk and living in Scotland, that's a problem. So forget being able to leave the house on those slightly stronger windy days, because bitch, you step outside and you're flying. - You grow so tired of people constantly telling you that you should eat and that you look too skinny. That they can see your bones or that you're just bony in general. That you look unhealthy even tho you're most likely perfectly fine... and overtime you'll come to hear it SO damn much, you will start to doubt your confidence and self image. - Being small means having next to no body temperature which pretty much means you're near enough always freezing... But once having enough layers of clothes on to keep you warm, you start to get too warm. There's just never that perfect temperature. There really is so much more things that I could list that have caused me problems with being the weight that I am, and I'm sure at least a dozen more other people have that I may not. Trust me, being underweight it not a good thing. It should not be a "goal" and it most definitely isn't a privilege. YOU DO NOT wanna do this to yourself. Don't try putting your body through that. You're fine just the way you are.

[ncarolinagirl13-blog]

Day 5 Becoming my Imagination of Me

SW: 150

CW: 146.4

I am really putting myself to the test this holiday season!

My resolution this year won’t be to get back on track with my health and fitness for I plan to already be on that track. It is going to be awesome to never have that in my head as a resolution again.  I remember the first year I had it down as a resolution and how terrible it made me feel I was now one of millions that had to find ways to bring back my will power.  

 RANT: The thought of it alone derailed me instead of inspiring me.  I must be honest, having a man tell me they love my figure the way it is gave me massive confidence but didn’t change the way my clothes fit or how I felt about showing my arms and things like that at work.  The people in my work place see me as a prime fitness example but have been duked for a few years for I was out of the fitness and up 25 pounds covering my extra weight with spanks underneath loose fitting clothes.  I went from a size 4 at my fittest to a size 8-10.  Now a size eight is a great size but it don’t look so good on a very small framed girl who is that size because of fat gain. I also miss my hourglass figure! Seems my weight went to my back, sides, and arms. Thank goodness it didn’t go all to my legs or I would not be able to put on a skirt to fool people I am still fit and not carrying 25 lds of fat on me underneath my clothes. I went from 36-26-34 (I have no ass) to 38-31-37. My boobs are huge and busting out of my bras and blazers! I’s tacky!  I can’t zip up most of my jackets either. My bikini went from a small to almost XL.

Rant completed.

 Even if it is a myth the average person gains 7-10 pounds between October 31st and January 1st I  will make it fact to lose that much.  No egg nogg, sugar cookies, and being lazy drinking a six pack of beer each night. I am switching back to red wine.  I have never had a problem with my healthy eating and fat burning when I drink red wine so thank God I can still have my relaxing drink a few nights a week.