#weird clients

[leighalanna]

Sex Worker Poll

Sex workers, reblog this and list the weirdest or most incongruent shit a client has ever had playing in the background of your session. My previous record holder, The Count's Counting Song from Sesame Street, has just been, I think, eclipsed by an hour long biographical Meatloaf documentary (who is oddly more earnest and childlike than one would've expected).

[crystalwitch-in-the-tardis]

The “Flat Earth-ers”; I’m so confused

So I had a client the other week that was a complete nut job. I mean it took everything I had not to argue back at his nonsense; I just wanted the hour to end as soon as he started talking. To make matters worse he is the boyfriend of one of my regulars and all I could think was, “What the FUck girl!?”, when I met this guy.  he  showed up almost 20 mins late, was a new client so had to fill out paper work first [legal reasons], gave off a weird vibe, and did not apologize for being late. 

Then he talked the whole massage. He was trying to convince me that the world was a lie, basically? I don’t know, a lot of what he said was contradictory to reality and  common sense in general. He was saying that 911 really opened his eyes, but then never really went into it and started talking about how our knowledge of the world is false and NASA and the government and pseudo-science and other things were just trying to distract us from reality and “defeat the Lord”. He said that the “Lucifarians” (he pronounced it as if there was an a, “Lucif-ar-ians”, instead of an e, “Lucif-er-ians”) made up “numerology and all that pseudo-science to defeat God”. He said that the Earth was flat and you could tell because you can see “blue sky behind the Moon and the Sun”. And that other planets were just made up, I don’t remember much about this part because I was trying to work out some knots in his back and actually make him focus on his body and shut up, that I was tuning him out. But then he said that he personally believed the moon and planets and space weren’t real and the NASA basically photo shopped and made up all these satellite photos and everything. I was just floored, I asked him to clarify that. He said that the “Earth is flat, that the ‘fermement’ in the Bible is the glass dome of Heaven over the Earth and that is all there is.” I asked him if there couldn’t be any satellites (he said that there weren’t any because of the glass dome and space not being real) how did he have his TV, phone service, radio, etc.? He said that the satellite TV dishes don’t even point at the sky, they point at a 45 degree angle so they wouldn’t even work by satellite anyway; it must be radio waves. 

I could go on but I just can’t believe this dude. He kept citing ancient cultures as evidence of all this stuff and his crazy beliefs in what it really going on in this world, like global warming not being real and something mysterious about 911...also apparently the Milky Way is not really the end of our galaxy, its “the great rift in the sky” that “beings from other universes or ‘God’ comes from”. 

I hope he doesn’t come back....but I have a feeling he will...thankfully the only thing my regular said about him the last time I saw her was that she told him he shouldn’t have talked the whole time. I just said, yea, he was interesting. 

Here are a few links to things these people think . . .

[lizard-goth]

A client called to cancel her appointment because her “puppy was not behaving and she didn’t want to come in if the dog was being bad”... that’s a new one. 

[embodyblog]

Did I tell y'all I had a client who brought her Chihuahua into the massage room and onto the table with her the other day?

She’s a severe chronic pain sufferer and the pup was her emotional support animal, registered and everything, so the clinic was okay with it. She said the last time she’d tried to get a massage, the therapist turned her away because they’d had a bad experience being bitten by a small dog. I didn’t really mind. The dog was super chill. (What do you even have to do to a Chihuahua to make it that chill??) But it was just kind of a trippy experience, having this other set of tiny little eyes staring up at me while I did the massage.

She also brought her own oil, and asked me if I would massage her using cannibutter. I think she works at a dispensary. I’m not opposed to it in theory, it’s definitely a good thing for chronic pain, but I said no because I didn’t think it would fly at the clinic, and because I didn’t want THC in my system and didn’t have any gloves. We spent most of the massage talking about her tattoos, and she also told me about a bunch of people in her family who had been murdered.

So, yeah. Interesting client is interesting.

[leighalanna]

i have this one client who always want to book at 6:10, or 7:25, or 4:37. 

it’s so weird. 

why do you do that, dude? where do you have to be at so specific a time? 

[rumandhoney-scotchandchocolate]

Client: Can someone come in and teach me how to clean the gook out of my dogs eyes? Me: .... Sure thing. I relay this to the doctor. Doctor: ...What? Really?

[leighalanna]

Hustle-Off

So, I gave a guy at the party last night my business card. And this morning, there are three separate Uber promotions sitting in my inbox. I do not think you get how this works, sir.