i love them but i get such a roommate vibe from paul and linda sometimes, especially post '72. maybe it was the natural cooling down relationships go through after some years but paul always described his wife in terms more fitting for a mommy than a lover. even maybe i'm amazed, considered one of his most loving songs about her, the message is "thanks for putting up with my shit", which is not as romantic as it sounds? it just seems the poor woman had to parent him along with their toddlers. i don't know what his relationships with jane or john were like but whatever was going on seemed a lot more intense and typically romantic than his marriage. paul strikes me as one of those guys who need a woman in the house to mother him at all times, which kills romance. he started seeing heather a hot second after linda died and was already dating nancy way before his divorce was finalized. for all his qualities and physical beauty, he seems as exhausting to be with as john was. perhaps even more.
I understand what you’re saying. I think what was very unique with his and Linda’s relationship - and one of the things that stands out most to me - is the concept of comfort. Of feeling secure and being able to relax. Intensity is all very well and good, but Linda proved herself to be not only a motivator for him but also someone who could soothe his temperament and warm him a bit. I think that was really important for him not just when the Beatles were breaking down, but in life in general (’you right me when i’m wrong’). It’s not uncommon for couples to credit their partner with making them ‘better’, and I think that’s how Paul felt with Linda - not just out of the necessity given the time they got together but throughout their entire marriage. Paul is an anxious fella! He’s a perfectionist and work-obsessed and needs approval and love. Linda steadied him, balanced him out, because she had strength, empathy and stability he found very attractive and wanted in a partner.
I’m not going to even try to delve how the trauma of losing your mother when you’re young, growing up with traditional gender roles shoved down your throat, having everything taken care of for all your adult life by other people, having everyone ‘love’ you but not really know you and the miraculous timing of Linda’s arrival into his life might have shaped his relationship with her, at least initially. But I will say that’s important not to forget that there’s that ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ element to their relationship! The one that they both fondly have talked about and the people around them have picked up on and commented on.
“Linda, who’s sitting barefoot in the attic room of their Sussex farmhouse home, is constantly surprised by the joy Paul brings to her life. ‘I know we’re coming up to our 30th wedding anniversary next year, but some days it feels like we’ve just got together. And I love that. I love it when there’s a power cut, no light, no heat and I’m having to cook over an open fire while Paul serenades me on his guitar. I love that simple life. Now that the kids have flown the nest, it’s meant that Paul and I have become like boyfriend and girlfriend again, doing those little things together that you do when you’re first dating … going to the theatre or just walking hand in hand through the fields. How many married couples of 30 years’ standing do you know who wander about holding hands? In some ways, we haven’t grown up. I guess it must be love!’ Linda says their relationship has always been like that.”
Their dynamic was many things. Yes, Linda did take care of him, but they were also very much husband and wife, mum and dad, bandmates, collaborators, boyfriend and girlfriend, absolute goofballs and co-mullet owners. Romance can be often be relative, and they were a mostly private couple. We know what we know about Paul’s struggles and how Linda saved him because he’s clearly immensely thankful and grateful for it, but all the stuff we never saw that was just for them and them alone is clearly the true foundation of their marriage, and why it lasted right until Linda passed away.
