**Early Signs of My Alterhumanity**
Reflecting on my childhood, I can now recognize many behaviors and experiences that hinted at my alterhuman identity, even before I fully understood what it meant.
When I played Adopt and Raise games on Roblox, I instinctively chose to play as an animal, particularly canines, because it felt natural and right. This preference extended to my time during recess, where I would pretend to be a canine, running around and embodying the traits of the animals I felt most connected to.
At home, when I wasn’t masking, my behavior became even more animalistic. I would often bark, howl, and even walk on all fours, mirroring the actions of the dogs around me. There were times I even attempted to eat dog food, dog biscuits, or raw meat and fish, driven by an inner compulsion that I couldn’t fully explain at the time.
From a young age, I experienced phantom limbs, such as tails, ears, wings, and snouts. These sensations were persistent and contributed to my sense of not fully belonging to a purely human identity. My fascination with animals extended to fictional characters as well; I vividly remember hyperfixating on feral animal characters like Rita and Runt from Animaniacs.
Visits to the zoo were another aspect of my childhood that reflected my alterhumanity. I was particularly drawn to enclosures housing coyotes, foxes, wolves, otters, and bats, often lingering there far longer than anyone else. These animals captivated me in a way that felt deeply personal.
At night, I would pray to any deity that would listen, asking to wake up as a shapeshifter or even an animal, yearning for a transformation that matched how I felt inside. My discomfort around my grandfather’s full-body coyote taxidermy also speaks to this deep connection—I felt an odd, unsettling reaction that went beyond simple unease, as if it challenged something fundamental within me.
Looking back, these experiences were early signs of my alterhuman identity, an integral part of who I am that has always been present, even when I didn’t have the words to describe it.
