He was a human torch— a beacon to those lost in the night. A symbol of hope to the one he held so dear; he was the signal that she could come home. But the flames tore at every inch of his skin, feeling like the bites of a thousand ants slowly tearing away his flesh. It hurt like no other pain he had ever felt before.
Screams filled the air around him, though he couldn’t tell if it came from himself or some other beings surrounding him. For he knew that there were other people there; they had told him not to do it— to set himself on fire— but he had ignored them all.
He had set himself on fire, just as she had once done— and as he had choked her flames, he knew that she would return the favor.
But she didn’t come.
Around him, ghosts danced in the form of flames, calling for his blood to be spilled upon the ground. But he couldn’t die here— she would save him from it all. She wouldn’t leave him to die.
So he screamed louder, praying that she would hear him and end the fire that felt like his demise. He couldn’t die here in this place. He wouldn’t allow for his flesh to turn into ashes. She had to save him.
Laughter silenced the screams, a cruel, maniacal bout of laughter. It ate at his remaining nerves, boiling them down into nothingness and fear. The laughter felt like a fork swirling his intestines about like a nice bowl of spaghetti.
The flames went out in a whoosh and he fell upon the ground— except the earth no longer looked like it had before. The white snow was now covered in ashes, and though he could not tell from whence the ashes came, he knew what they were. They were the remains of all that he had loved, and it was all his fault.
He had started the fire— he had ended the lives of all his loved ones. And for what? The girl? The one who hadn’t tried to save him?
Because while his friends rested in a heap upon the ground, a smothering mound of ashes, she still remained. Her eyes were the soft brown that he had waited ages to see, and her hair just a few shades darker. Hers was the face that he had fallen in love with— but her face was that of destruction.
“Why?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper. His hands clutched at the ashes upon the ground, groping at the remains of all that he had once held dear.
She walked over to him, and she looked like an angel bathed in the gray light of her new forsaken world. Everything about her was that same faded white that no longer held any purity within it. She glowed in her goddess-like gown of silver as her careful bare feet stopped right before him.
He had to crane his neck up to look at her from his place at her feet. And as she stared down at him he saw only pity within her features.
“Why would you do this?”
She knelt down beside him and placed a cool hand upon his cheek. She wiped the ashes from his face, placed a kiss upon his forehead and rose back up into a standing position.
“Because no matter how bad they burn me,” she growled, scooping up a handful of ashes. She paused, then sprinkled the dust upon him. “I will always rise from the ashes.”
Tags: @just2bubbly @shellyseashell @impossiblesuitcase @cindersassasin @cosmicnovaflare @cinderswrench @healing-winston-pratt @4tarosho @idkchatie @winterrhayle @jacihayle @cindersnightmare @horton-hears-a-who @bookpapaya @kaiderforever @alysendria @maevethequeenofchonnacht @theviolettulip @kaider-is-my-otp @arushahisatroll @galaxy-creationz @invisiblebobs @thelunarchronicles-kaider @maybebrilliant @lunar-greywaren-24601 @storysaremyreality @halfvenus @lani-sleeps @f-r-o-p (Please let me know if you want to be added or removed! It’s new fic time, which usually means new tag list time so don’t be shy<3)
"What's even the point of tinsel?" Iko asked, biting off the head of a frosted gingerbread-man.
Cinder sprinkled thin strands of silver tinsel along the branches of the miniature tree from the chair she was seated in. There was a single string of white lights climbing through the green, earthy smelling branches, and only a few bulbous ornaments.
Christmas had always been Cinder's favorite holiday. For one, it was sisters with her birthday, and it was also the only good memory she had of her mother; decorating the Christmas tree had been the only thing they'd ever done together, and Cinder had always gotten to sleep under the tree with all of its beautiful lights.
"I think it makes it look like it's snowing." Cinder reminisced. When she had been a child, her mother had told her stories of how magical Christmas elves had cast a snowing spell on the tree just for an extra Christmas surprise. Cinder hadn't known that her mother was the Christmas elf, or that tinsel could be bought a dollar per pack.
Iko snorted, and Cinder glared at her. Over the past couple days the girls had become well acquainted with one another. Iko had grown up with her paternal grandmother in Boston. Her mother had left when she was only two, and her father died of Lymphoma a year later. Iko had no memories of either of them, except for her grandmother forcing her into a black dress for her father's memorial service.
When Iko turned nineteen, her grandmother died. She was not a wealthy woman, having no education past high school and only ever working at a grocery market, but she left Iko with enough money to pay college tuition. Iko got a degree in nursing, and worked in Boston until she followed her boyfriend to Hayden. When the guy cheated on her with a pretty blonde french girl, she dumped him, but stayed in Colorado.
"What?" Cinder challenged.
"It's just..." Iko smiled wistfully. "You come off as this tough I-can-take-care-of-myself kind of woman, but then you say stuff like that and you're an innocent little girl."
This time it was Cinder's turn to laugh. "Iko, you're only three years older than me, and I'm not a little kid."
"I know that," Iko asserted confidently. "It just makes me sad to think that someone like you had to live with... the people you did." Iko smiled morosely. Cinder stared at her with wide eyes, and her heart seemed to crinkle like foil. "Do you want some hot cocoa?" Iko asked, changing the subject before Cinder could sink deeper into self-pity mode. Cinder nodded amiably.
Iko stood and skipped to the kitchen. She continued to talk to Cinder, prattling on about how her Grandmother had taught her the proper way to make cocoa, but Cinder wasn't listening. Her mind had slipped to the boy with the dazzling copper eyes of fire, black messy hair, and the gray sweatshirt with his scent that Cinder kept on wearing.
Cinder had tried to hate Kai, but she couldn't. She had thought of every reason why she should: him nosing through her business, him calling her by that cursed name, his bringing Cress back and putting all of them in danger. No matter what she thought, she still couldn't hate the boy who cared only for her well-being.
She knew that she couldn't stay with Iko forever, and would, at some point, have to face Kai. It pained her to think of their next meeting and the hurtful words she would have to scourge him with in order to keep him away; because he had to stay away. Cinder wouldn't let him become another casualty of her existence.
"Here you go," Iko sang, placing a steaming cup of liquid chocolate in Cinder's hands. It only made her think of Kai and his partial chocolate scent.
"Thanks, Iko," Cinder smiled.
"What are you thinking about?" Iko asked, sipping from her large green mug. Iko was fervent about the color green; she said it went with every holiday and was always festive. That was perhaps why Iko's small apartment was accented with green in the most fashionable way possible.
Cinder shrugged, taking a swig from her own mug— it was a darker shade of green, more evergreen— and her whole body seemed to tingle with pleasure. She clutched the warm mug tightly against her chest, reveling in the pure bliss of a warm cup of cocoa. "Nothing."
"Oh, really? I didn't know Kai changed his name." Iko smirked.
A blush spread across Cinder's cheeks, and she buried her face in her mug. Iko laughed, seeming to get more confirmation to her statement than anything Cinder could have said.
"Are you really still mad at him?" Iko inquired. "Because personally, I think he is way too hot to stay mad at."
"I think he's more cute than hot," Cinder diverted, her cheeks coloring to Santa's favorite shade of red.
"Aww," Iko teased, twisting her shoulder upward and grinning. "But really, when are you gonna talk to the guy. He's probably at home, baking Santa cookies and praying that you're under his tree tomorrow morning. You gotta talk to the guy."
Cinder drained the last of her cocoa with a smack of her lips. The back of her tongue was coated in sticky sugar, but it was all worth it. "He's not obsessed with me, Iko," Cinder said. "And he most definitely won't want me under his tree; pine needles give me an allergic reaction."
Iko laughed at this, just as a knock sounded from Iko's door. Cinder froze, her first thought going to Kai. Iko, seeming to read the terror off of Cinder's face put her at ease. "Don't worry. My friend Scarlet is just coming by to drop some things off from the hospital. You remember her, right? She was one of your nurses."
"Oh, yeah. I like her," Cinder said absentmindedly, her shoulder still tense and eyes on the door. Cinder did in fact like Scarlet, though in a different way than Iko. Scarlet didn't talk much, but was always seemed to know exactly what Cinder needed.
Another knock sounded at the door, more urgent than the first. "Geez, take a chill, Scar. A lady may take her time to answer the door." Iko yelled, though only more pounding came from her statement.
Iko unlatched the door, and it swung open before she could even touch the knob. "What the–"
"Sorry, Iko," Kai winced, his knuckles were red and split. He had great dark circles coloring under his eyes like bruises. His hair was messier than usual, and his clothes were rumpled. Cinder felt her heart twinge with worry for him before remembering her pact to hate him.
Behind Kai trailed a jovial Thorne— who threw a wink at Cinder and a flirtatious smile at Iko— and a small, scared looking Cress. Cinder froze with terror.
"Hey!" Iko yelled, trying in vain to shove the onslaught out the door. "Get the–"
"Iko," Kai pleaded. "Please, I have to speak with her; it's urgent."
"I told you no then, and I'm telling you no now!" Iko spat, standing protectively between Cinder and Kai.
Kai tried to peer at Cinder, but she was staring at the ground. "I have to–"
"First you call me a thousand times, and now you break into my house," Iko blazed. "She doesn't want to talk to any of you. Especially if you brought her," Iko sneered, glaring pointedly at Cress. "So get out, before I make you get out."
"Sheesh, you have a lot of fire, hot nurse," Thorne whistled. "Do you maybe want to go out sometime?"
Iko and Kai both turned to glare at Thorne, who respectively put his hands up in surrender. "I'll take that as a I'll-think-about-it."
"Get out–" Iko fumed.
"Please!" Kai begged, his eyes glittering and huge.
"No. I'm done with you hurting Cinder. She doesn't deserve it, so stop. Get out before I make–"
"I'll talk with him," Cinder interjected, surprised at the words that came out next. "And Cress."
"But what about–" Thorne whined.
Cinder cut him off before the words could escape him. "I have this deep yearning to strangle someone today, and I bet you like your eyes inside your skull, am I right?"
Thorne pouted. "I'll wait outside."
Iko glanced at Cinder, a question in her eyes. Cinder could tell that she wanted to stay and help, but this was something that Cinder needed to do on her own. Cinder shook her head.
"I'll wait outside, too," Iko said, obviously trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
The two outcasts left out the door, both of them looking rather unhappy to be left out of the fun. When the door clicked shut behind them, Cinder spun on Kai and Cress, her eyes blazing and her heart heavy. "Why on earth–" Cinder practically yelled at Cress, "–would you come back?"
***
Kai flinched at Cinder's words— no, the tone of her words. She said them with venom and hate and hurt. Cress had hurt Cinder—bad—but Kai knew that they could work it out. He hoped, at least.
Over the past couple of days, Kai had tried to find Cinder. He tried the hospital, though they had no clue where Cinder was. He tried Iko, but she told him nothing. It wasn't until Kai had spoken with nurse Benoit that he had discovered Cinder's location.
Kai had called and texted and practically cornered Iko at the hospital, but she had been firm; if Cinder didn't want to see Kai, she didn't have to. But Kai had to.
Cress had revealed nothing more to Cinder's past than her words after the failed surprise party. She had told Kai and Thorne that it was Cinder's business and that she was done betraying Cinder. Kai admired the loyalty, but he was dying to understand what Cinder's deal was.
"I have to explain myself." Cress squeaked. "I need you to know why I did what I did and how I've regretted it ever since."
Cinder scoffed, but didn't interrupt. She wasn't looking at either of them, but burning identical fiery holes into the carpet. She remained seated in her chair, and tinsel decorated her hair and arms. Kai itched to pick it out for her, but restrained himself.
"I promise, Selene, I am not here to hurt you anymore," Cress cried. She had hardly slept in the past three days. She had stayed at Kai and Thorne's apartment in the guest room, though she tended to spend the nights pacing the house and finding unusual places to read.
"It's Cinder," Cinder said crossly. She continued to stare at the floor.
"Cinder," Cress amended. "Remember when we were in high school and you told me about your mom?" Cress asked.
"Yes," Cinder tiffed. "And I also remembered how you betrayed me and told the whole school how I killed Peony."
Cress took a step towards Cinder, her hands trembling. "I know," she whispered, "and it has been the greatest regret of my life."
Cinder looked up, shock in her eyes. "What?"
"I-I messed up." Cress said. "I researched, just like you asked me to. We tried everything, read every book, and none of it made sense. None of it worked."
Kai glanced between the two girls, confusion and curiosity burning within. He wasn't understanding a word of their conversation; everything was too vague.
"I started to think that Ran was maybe just a freak accident. The letter was weird, but I mean, it would totally make sense if the shock of the event had made you hallucinate. But after Peony..." Cress swallowed hard. She was now kneeling in front of Cinder, the two girls at eye-level. "I thought that you had created Her. I thought that you had killed Peony."
Cinder's jaw dropped. "I didn't do it! I told you Cress, I couldn't have created a–”
"I know!" Cress held her small hand up to silence Cinder. "I realized that after you left. You didn't see Her die, so..."
"I couldn't have created Her." Cinder finished.
Cress looked at her old friend, and understanding seemed to pass through them like an electric current. "But I know how to stop Her. I figured it all out. I-I'm sorry that it took me so long to find you, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I–"
"You know how to destroy Her?" Cinder exclaimed. "Cress, how?"
"Do you still have Her bracelet?" Cress asked. She had an illumination to her face, and her eyes were alight with relief.
"Yes, I do," Cinder confirmed.
An image of a small braided bracelet shot through Kai's mind. He remembered the letter and the picture as well. The girls were prattling through a list of things that they would need, but Kai's brain was completely lost. He didn't understand a word of their ambiguous conversation.
"–we'll need to go to the place where it originally happened and summon Her. That's the only way we'll be able to stop Her; to confront Her." Cress said.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold up," Kai took a step forward, and both girls tilted their eyes up to look at him. Bewilderment painted their faces, as though they had forgotten that he was there. "What are you guys talking about? What are we trying to summon? What is going on?"
Cress looked at Cinder, and the two exchanged a glance. "Do you want me to tell him, or..." Cress asked. Cinder stared at Kai, and it was only then that he noticed she was still wearing his grey sweatshirt.
"Kai," Cinder murmured, her voice low and conspiratorial. "Do you believe in ghosts?"
"No," Cinder whimpered, her eyes going wide. Only a moment before she had been crying over her mother's death, but now a new kind of horror filled her. What had happened to Kai?
"Cinder," Cress urged, grabbing onto her friend and pulling her. Her hands cut into her bare pink skin, causing pain to sear up Cinder's arm— but she hardly felt it. All she could think about was Kai, and what he had done.
Kai, who had said her name, followed by the three words that meant only death. Kai, who had burst into flames and crumpled to the ground. The boy who had saved her, but at the cost of his own life.
"Kai!" Cinder cried, pushing herself off the ground, only to fall over. She wasn't used to having one and a half legs, and she had forgotten to grab her crutches. Cress thrust them at her, then grabbed for Cinder.
The pair dragged themselves out of the snow and rushed as fast as they could towards the huddle of bodies a few hundred yards away. Cinder could barely see them through the haze of snow falling and the clouds above. But somehow, the whiteness of their surroundings seemed to make everything brighter.
Cress reached them first, with Cinder trailing far behind. By the time that Cinder made it to the mass of people, Thorne was listening intently to the instructions on the emergency line and sirens could be heard faintly in the distance.
Iko was above Kai, gingerly peeling away the remains of his clothing from his vibrant red skin. She was whispering words that Cinder couldn't hear or tell whether they were for herself or Kai.
Cinder slunk down beside Kai, taking hold of his burned hand. She felt her own new and raw skin sting in sympathy. But while her burns had been horrible, she didn't think that they could compare in the slightest to Kai's. His entire body had been scorched up to his face, which had been left nearly untouched. Every inch of him was a massive blister; Cinder ached to look at him.
"Should I put some snow on him, or– or something?" Cinder asked Iko, reaching her fingers out to touch the icy ground.
"No," Iko said without a second of hesitation, her concentration never straying from the task at hand. "Snow will only worsen the damage. Even cold water would— the burns are too severe. The most that I can do is remove these clothes from his skin so they won't stick to the wounds and so the paramedics can work as quickly as possible."
Cinder nodded her head, despite the fact that not one person there was looking at her. She scooted her body up and towards Cress who was holding Kai's head. She watched as the blonde cradled his head, whispering words of comfort, and for him to stay strong, whilst stroking her fingers against his cheeks.
The sirens in the distance were growing louder and louder, like a desperate cry in the night. Cinder began to shiver— but not from the cold.
"Kai," Cress whispered, touching his face gingerly with her frozen fingers. He made no sound in response. Actually, he made no indication whatsoever to express that he was alive.
Cinder breathed out a puff of white, her heart seeming to stop as she watched for a similar puff to escape Kai's mouth. A breath of air, or a rise and fall of his burned chest. Some small indication that he was in fact still with them.
But nothing came.
"Kai," Cinder's voice cracked and she reached out for him. The sirens were crying a lonely howl into the night. "Kai," Cinder repeated, touching his face and silently begging him to wake up.
"No," Cinder heard Iko whisper. She watched as the nurse's eyes went wide and her hands reached up to Kai's neck. Cinder stared in horror as Iko felt for a pulse. She watched her friend shift her fingers from Kai's neck down to his bare and burned chest.
The sirens howled louder, and Cress screamed something as to their nearing approach. Something about the lights upon the sky— but Cinder couldn't piece the words together. All she could think about was that there were white puffs coming out of her mouth and none coming from Kai.
"Kai," Cinder sputtered, as Iko let out a string of curses. She couldn't believe it. She would not believe it. He could not be dead— he was Kai. He was Kai, who had sat next to her hospital bed, and talked to her, and been there for her when she didn't have a single friend in the entire world. He was her Kai, who had saved her from fire, and burned for her to save her soul.
"Kai!" Cinder cried, reaching for Kai, only to be shoved away by Iko.
Cinder fell hard against the ground, slamming her head on a patch of ice, though it hardly stopped the panic bubbling out of her. Kai had sacrificed himself for her, and now his heart had stopped. His heart had stopped. His heart had stopped.
She had felt a lot of things about Kai over the past few days, from liking him, to almost loving him, to hating him. She had wanted to never see him again but the day before— now she knew that she could never live without him. If he did not live— well, she didn't even want to think about what she would do if he didn't live. Because he had to live.
Sitting up, Cinder looked over at Kai, and saw Iko's lips locked onto his. She dragged herself over to the pair, as Iko started up compressions against Kai's chest, fast and crackling. Cinder felt her whole body ache as she listened to the cracking sounds Iko's hands were causing to reverberate out of Kai.
"Kai, Kai, I– I... please wake up," Cinder shivered, grasping onto Kai's hand. "Kai!" Cinder cried, gingerly brushing his burned fingers with her own.
The sirens were loud, but suddenly, Cinder couldn't hear them. She couldn't hear anything, save for her own breathing, and the lack of Kai's own. Nothing in the entire world existed in that moment. Kai was dead. His heart had stopped, and he wasn't going to wake up. Kai was dead, and it was all Cinder's fault.
Cinder lunged for Kai, to cover his body with her own and shelter him from the world and its horrors, but a pair of arms grabbed her from behind. She screamed and thrashed, the reality of the world finally catching up with her in one heart wrenching moment. Kai was dead. He was dead. He was dead.
"NO!" Cinder screamed, her voice lost in the sound of sirens surrounding the party. Red and blue lights flashed all about, filling the sky and its whiteness with a dancing show of lights.
"KAI!" Cinder continued to screech, thrashing about in Thorne's grasp. He tried to whisper— or perhaps yell— into Cinder's ear. He was probably trying to say words that would bring her comfort, or calm her down. But there was nothing in the world that could bring her peace at the moment.
She continued to scream his name, and her pleas for him to stay— sounding much like her mother from only minutes before. Had it only been minutes? Somehow it felt as if it had been ages since her mother had screamed and cried. Like mother, like daughter.
Paramedics swarmed around the group, immediately honing in on Kai and settling him on a gurney with Iko's help. Within seconds he was loaded up and carted away, the white truck screaming into the night.
A woman came over to Cinder, her face grave and serious as she took her in. She tried to calm Cinder down, but she could not be calmed. Her world was ending, and she wanted the world to hear her cries of injustice.
It should have been her. She should have been the one to die by flames. She should be the one who could no longer breathe.
She would have been the one choked by flames. It should have been her— but Kai had saved her. He had saved her from the wreckage of that blasted car. He had saved her, not knowing that she would only bring about his own doom.
Cinder began to sob hysterically, all the fight within her suddenly draining into an unending supply of sorrow. She felt her body sag with the emotion, and tears trace down her cheeks.
Thorne's arms released their hold upon her, and Cinder slumped to the ground, unable to hold herself up. Her heart was truly broken— more broken that it had been when her mother had abandoned her. It was more mournful that it had been at Ran's demise, and somehow, more pained than it had been at Peony's death.
She had lost everything before she met Kai; nothing in the world had meant a thing to her. All that was once hers had been taken from her, and she had despised the world.
But then he had come, with his heroic air, and his kindness, and he had somehow made her feel alive again. He had given back her humanity.
And now he was gone.
So Cinder sobbed, curling her body in upon itself until she hoped that it no longer existed. She cried and she cried and she cried, her entire body shaking and throbbing and feeling absolutely nothing at all.
Paramedics swarmed around her, attempting to coax her out of the insanity that she now lived in, but nothing could draw her out. They then tried to pull her up onto a gurney, but she screamed and clawed at them, cursing them and the world, and begging them to simply let her die where she was. It would hurt much less to die than continue living.
Eventually, someone stuck her with a needle that did nothing but to tickle Cinder's arm. She immediately felt a sleepy haze fill her, drawing her into the arms of death's meaner cousin, sleep.
"Kai," Cinder muttered one last time, her heart aching with the word. She thought of the boy who owned that name, and his eyes— the ones that she had somehow seen through a sheen of fire. She remembered him calling to her from a world unknown— a world of the living. She recalled the gaze, so full of concern.
And it was with the memory of the boy's brilliant copper eyes, that she finally slipped into nothingness.
Light snow was beginning to fall under the cover of a purple dusk, but Kai didn't feel the edging bite of cold. The five friends stood huddled together in a tight circle, humbly awaiting for the absence of the sun.
Cress had told them that the night sky would be better to summon Her because the gray realm is closer to the middle realm when the sky is dark. It all had something to do with how ghosts become more active within the cover of twilight and human fear.
A determined Cinder stood beside Kai, her slouched form shivering against her crutches. She held an old, worn envelope that contained the key to summoning the ghost of her mother. Her expression was stony and undecipherable, though Kai could feel nervous energy bouncing off of her like an electrical current.
"It's almost time," Cress observed. "We should come up with some sort of game plan for what we'll do once we summon Her."
"Wait," Thorne intruded, "won't we just summon her, burn the bracelet, and be done with her?"
"Essentially, but there are still some minor details that we might want to go over," Cress admitted, blushing as she looked at Thorne. "She might try to talk to us. She could attempt to hurt us, although I believe that we have to say the trigger words for her to be allowed to even touch us."
"It sounds like a horcrux," Kai said, earning a stare from each of his friends. "You know, in Harry Potter?"
"Anyways," Cress continued, ignoring Kai's words. "We need to be prepared for all the worst case scenarios."
"Worst case scenario, all of you run," Cinder said. "She'll stay with me, and she also won't hurt me. I only need Cress to say the magic words and then you can all leave."
"But won't she catch on fire?" Thorne asked, his voice hesitant to ask the question.
Cress shrugged her shoulders and held her head high. "We don't know; but if I do, just try to put me out fast."
A hush fell back over the group at Cress's words of bravery, but all Kai could feel was his own resolve. Kai looked at everyone huddled together, and wondered how on earth his life had gotten to this point. Less than a month ago Kai was a simple college student at business school. His best—and only—friend was Carswell Thorne. He didn't believe in ghosts. He wasn't ever at risk of dying. He wasn't in love with a girl who saying 'I love you' to could get him killed.
Kai wasn't entirely sure what his life had been leading up to. He enjoyed business school, but it wasn't his passion. Kai wanted to see things, and learn, and meet new people everyday. His father had given him all that he could offer, but Kai only wanted that which wasn't his. Kai was facing a situation that could lead to death, and all he could think of was his regret. Now was the time to redeem himself.
I could hold the entire world in my hands, Kai thought. Yet all I want is to hold Cinder. All I want is Cinder. She is the world. She is the one. She is the reason to everything, and now I know why Channary would do everything in her power to keep her safe.
"Cinder," Kai could feel his heart choking him with all the words he could not say. "I... I..." I love you.
"What Kai?" Cinder asked, tilting her head to the side. She looked so young, so beautiful. Kai felt an ache within him. His entire being was drawn to her, and he couldn't control it. The prospect of dying had his heart making a deathbed request: to kiss her. "What is it?"
Kai took a step toward Cinder. He reached his hand out towards her and placed his fingers against her frozen cheek. Her eyes widened in surprise, though she did not draw away from him. Kai took this as a good sign and brought his other hand up to her face.
Cinder regarded Kai with questioning brown eyes that made him want to write poetry. It was as if the whole world had gone silent and they were the last two humans left on earth. Blood pounded in Kai's ears, and the muted wind blew Cinder's messy hair around her face.
"Are you okay?" Cinder asked. Her eyelashes fluttered with the falling snow. Her lips were slightly parted and chapped from the cold— and Kai couldn't stop looking at them. Her uninjured hand left its crutch to rest against Kai's hand, her icy fingertips made him shiver. "Kai?"
The pull towards her was agonizingly strong. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to screw anything up. He could get them all killed, but what if they were already doomed? Someone would have to say the words, and Kai was done watching everyone else get hurt.
Kai leaned in and brought his lips gently to Cinder's. She tensed for a moment, then relaxed and kissed him back. She wound her fingers into Kai's hair, and he brought his free hand down to her neck. He could feel the blood pounding through her veins, and could taste blood and ice on her lips. A burning sensation rushed throughout Kai's body; he could have kissed Cinder for the rest of his life and been perfectly content.
Cinder was the first to break away, dropping her hand back to the handle of her crutch so as not to touch him. She appeared frazzled, but not agitated. Kai's lips were cold without hers, and he hurt as though he had been stabbed where her fingers no longer rested. His anguish burned in his eyes, and he couldn't let go of Cinder. He couldn't let go of her.
"Cinder," Kai whispered, but she wouldn't look him in the eyes. He no longer cared where he was or what he was about to do. He couldn't care less if the whole world had just been lit aflame; he didn't care if he was about to be lit aflame. "Selene," Kai croaked.
Cinder froze, her eyes large and afraid. Tension boiled around them like a pot of water over a flame. Kai couldn't hear his friends speaking around him. He couldn't see Cinder's silent warning not to say it. He didn't feel her shove him away. The only thing he knew where his lips whispering the words he had wanted to say for weeks. The words were his destiny and fate.
"I love you."
And that's when Kai burst into flames.
***
"Kai, no!" Cinder screamed as she watched a lightning bolt of fire strike Kai's body from the heavens. He was a blazing human torch, sending beacons of light up to hell cast sky— he was the dawn of human suffering.
Around Cinder, her friends echoed her cry. An anguished scream reverberated throughout the wooded area, harmonizing with a predatorial growl. Cinder knew that sound, for it haunted her every dream. It was the sound that she heard when she was alone with her thoughts; it was the background music of her brain.
The smell of burning hair and flesh bore into Cinder's senses. She collapsed to the ground, her entire body trembling with the shock and memories. Her body was out of her control. She could no longer help Kai. She never could. In the end, she was only ever intended to hurt him.
Her friends weren't so helpless.
Thorne charged at Kai, a determined glint in his horror-struck eyes. He tackled Kai to the ground, bringing him in rolling circles across the snow. Kai continued to shriek with the agony of being burned alive, but the flames were beginning to die.
Cress ran to Kai and Thorne, pulling off her coat and beating Kai with it in frantic motions. Iko moved to Cinder's side, telling her to breathe. Spots of black danced across Cinder's vision with the red and orange of the torch that was once a boy. Her throat appeared to have closed off, because no matter how hard she tried, Cinder couldn't bring oxygen into her lungs.
Panic rushed through Cinder, heavier than she could have imagined. She clutched at her chest as the hyperventilations became too intense. She could no longer see Kai, but Ran. Ran was aflame, and Cinder could only watch as his flesh became a blazing meal for Hell.
Then Ran became Peony— peaceful as she silently bore pain that can only be aroused by fire. They were burning, burning, burning. Everything was on fire. The earth had erupted into violent flames. Hell had been cast upon the face of the world and nothing could be seen except the dancing forms phoenix's turning the earth into ashes.
And now Cinder herself was burning. Her skin steamed and peeled off in layers as the inferno consumed her body; but the worst part was the smoke.
Smoke, smoke, smoke. It blinded her. It choked her. It drowned every sense she possessed as a human being. She could no longer see the flames, but the wispy ladies of fate dancing in front of her eyes. Nothing existed anymore except for the smoke.
Smoke
Smoke
Smoke
But this time Kai wasn't there to save her from the storm of flames and smoke. Her hero had been struck down by a blade of kryptonite, only it was Cinder who had stabbed him.
"Cinder," Iko screamed somewhere within the smoke. "Cinder, breathe!"
But Cinder couldn't breathe; not with all of the smoke.
"It's all going to be okay, Cinder. Just breathe." Iko shook Cinder, but Cinder still couldn't see Iko. How was Iko still breathing? Cinder wondered.
"It's not real, Cinder," Iko yelled. "It's not real. Just breathe. Breathe in and out with me, okay?" Iko's voice pitched higher.
How can she still breathe? Cinder thought. How come I'm the only one choking?
"Cinder, IN!" Iko screeched. Cinder tried to suck in, but all she could inhale was smoke.
"OUT!" Black sludge spewed from her mouth.
"IN!" Rolling clouds of stormy fire raided her lungs.
"OUT!" A thousand cigarettes worth of smoke swirled from her mouth. The sky was no longer black, but dark gray and stormy.
"IN!" Ice bit at Cinder's lungs with vicious ferocity.
"OUT!" Golden eyes were staring at Cinder, and blue braids were tickling her frozen face.
"Iko," Cinder croaked, weak and tired from all the smoke— but the smoke was gone. "Where'd all the smoke go?" Cinder slurred.
"Kai's gonna be fine, Cinder," Iko said, which didn't make any sense. Was Kai the one making the smoke? Where was Kai?
Cinder was just about to ask her questions, when a long lost voice spoke instead.
"Selene?" Channary cried hysterically. "What are you doing to my Selene?" The woman was tall, thin, and severely burned. She had a face which had once held beauty and charm, but had lost all of its glory.
Cinder pushed herself off the ground, no longer tired. There was no smoke in the air but a thin trickle swirling up from a small form on the ground. Cinder had not been choking on smoke; she had been drowning in memories.
"My dear Selene, are you alright?" Channary asked with concern. "I won't let them touch you. I will not let anyone else hurt you."
Channary rushed forward, as if to hug her daughter, but her hands went straight through Cinder. A shiver ran down Cinder's spine, and she recoiled from the loving touch. "Selene?"
"Don't hurt them." Cinder panted, taking a step back from her mother. Out of the corner of her eye, Cinder could see Cress and Thorne gently touching a motionless Kai. He was no longer on fire, but his skin was red and blistering. "Just don't hurt them anymore, mom." Cinder drew the bracelet from the envelope still clutched in her injured hand. "Stop hurting me."
A cry of anguish burst forth from Channary. "Hurt you? I would never hurt you, my princess!" Channary threw her body towards Cinder, but there was still no contact. "All I've ever wanted was to protect you; first from the bad men, and now from them."
"And you did protect me from the bad men, mom. You saved me," Cinder soothed, sounding more like the mother who was trying to calm a confused toddler. "But these people aren't trying to hurt me. They're my friends."
"That's what they always say," babbled Channary. "They make promises like jokes. They tell you they love you, but then they only hurt you. No one can be trusted."
Cinder reached for her dead mother, but still no contact was made. It hurt to see her mom like this: dead as the corpse she had identified, but still as crazy in life. She remembered a time when her mom had been healthy, strong, and sane, but it was nearly a dream. Cinder's childhood was gone, and it was about time her mother was as well.
"Mom, they're not going to hurt me. No one has hurt me except for you." Cinder's voice cracked on the last part, and she felt her eyes sting. She needed to distract her mom from the others. She needed to hurt her— to kill her. She didn't want to do it, but it was of mice and men.
Channary wept desperately; just like she had the last time Cinder saw her. Cinder could barely understand her through the sobs. "I... I have... never... hurt... princess... never... my... princess... never..."
"Mom," Cinder stood as close as she dared to the crazed ghost. "I know you didn't mean to. But I was only a kid. You were supposed to be there, but you weren't. You said you would come home, but you didn't."
Cinder could see Thorne gingerly lugging Kai up with the help of Iko. They got him into a fireman's carry, and began to lug his broken body away.
Cress was out of sight, but Cinder knew that she must have been preparing the fire. She was always there. Cinder only wished she had given Cress more credit before and not been so quick to assume.
"I couldn't come home, my love. I couldn't help what happened. They... they caught up with me. They killed me. I tried... but I failed." Channary shed silent silvery tears. Her body looked as real as Cinder's, her tears being the only visible giveaway to her true form.
"I know you tried, mom," Cinder said. "But I can protect myself. I can choose who I love and not get hurt, mom."
A cool laugh echoed from Channary. She wiped her tears out of her eyes, and smiled down on Cinder. It was the first time Cinder had felt like a child in nearly fourteen years. "My dear Selene, you innocent child. Love is a conquest, love is a war," Channary giggled "And don't think I've forgotten about your little friends."
Cinder's blood turned to ice as Channary spun around. She snapped her fingers in a simple motion, making Iko, Thorne, and Kai collapse to the ground.
"No!" Cinder screamed. "Stop! Don't hurt them!" Cinder could feel the panic welling within her. All of her friends were about to die, and it was all her fault. At least her mother hadn't spotted Cress. "Please," Cinder whimpered.
"Ah, my princess, I'm sorry. Children always think they know best, but that is why we have parents. Believe me; mommy knows best." Channary smiled at Cinder in a sickly sweet way that made Cinder want to punch a wall.
A crackle of leaves sounded behind Cinder, and she felt her heart drop. Channary turned and spotted Cress' small form, her wicked grin growing wider.
Another snap of fingers, and Cress was collapsed on the ground, completely helpless. Cinder could feel her mounting horror at the vision before her. She could feel another panic attack welling inside her mind and chest. It was all of her worst memories and nightmares coming to play like a horror movie.
"Which shall I save you from first, my dearest Selene?" Channary hummed gleefully. "Which shall I rescue you from first, besides the most dangerous one. Luckily I already struck the little fiend who dared to hurt you."
Boiling rage bubbled violently inside of Cinder, canceling out the panic. She couldn't believe that anyone could ever call Kai a fiend. He was all of the goodness in the world. He had saved her from a fate of flames, and yet her mother wanted to bestow that same destiny upon him only for loving Cinder.
"Who shall it be, my princess?" Channary chuckled. "Who shall it be? Who shall it be?" Channary was spinning in circles like a little girl playing Ring Around the Rosie. "Who shall it be? Who shall it be? WHO SHALL IT BE?" Channary screamed, flinging her sharp body to and fro.
"Me," Cinder snapped.
Channary stopped her childish spinning. She stared at her beloved daughter that could have been her identical twin. They had the same brown hair, thinned by hardships and fire. They were both thin and bony from lack of love and care. They both had the same scarred bodies that had been caressed thoroughly by fire’s mistress.
"What did you say?" Channary asked.
"It shall be me." Cinder said, taking off her coat and unravelling the cotton bandages covering her scarred hand. They had healed well and fast, but she would always have the shiny pink flesh of scar tissue.
A shriek of agony came from Channary as she fell to the ground at Cinder's feet. She tried to clutch at Cinder's mangled hands, but her fingers went straight through Cinder. She sobbed with a saddened passion that was hard to watch.
"It shall be me," Cinder repeated, "because I've caused myself more pain than anyone here. I've only been hurt because I love you." Cinder paused only a moment before yelling, "Cress, now!"
Flames lit the ground in an instant, spilling light and warmth across the dark landscape. Channary leapt to her feet in outrage, but it was too late; Cinder had already thrown the bracelet onto the smoldering fire.
"No!" Channary screamed as her body began to melt. "No! My princess, my love, why are you doing this to me?" Channary sobbed in anguish, her skin smoking and peeling away from the bones. "I'm your mother!" Channary yelled. "Why must you hurt me, Selene? What did I do wrong?" Channary's body was nearly gone, but her voice still fought to be heard until there was nothing left of Channary Blackburn.
Cinder stared at the boiling tar-like mush that had once been her mother's ghost. "Everything," Cinder whispered. "You did everything wrong." Cinder's eyes stung. "But I still loved you."
A sob burst from Cinder, and she fell to the ground. Sorrow and grief for her mother spilled forth in the form of hysteria. She felt nothing and everything all at once. She felt gratitude and regret. She felt freedom and confinement.
"Mom..." Cinder cried. "Mom... mommy... I'm... I'm so sorry... mommy..." Cinder's hands reached for the place where her mother had been, but she was gone. "Oh, mom," Cinder whimpered.
"Cinder," Cress snapped, sounding surprisingly sharp during Cinder's moment of weakness. "We have to go, Cinder."
"My mom..." Cinder cried, knowing she sounded like a child but not caring. She had lost the final pieces of her mother, and it hurt more than she ever could have imagined.
Cress wrenched at Cinder's arm, trying and failing to pull her from the ground. "Cinder, we have to go now."
"Cress," Cinder whispered. "Why?"
It took Cress a moment to answer, and that's when Cinder remembered what had happened. The fire. The boy. The three words. A sacrifice that should never have been made. Cinder's grief took only an instant to transform into panic.
Lights faded in and out between Cinder's dreams of the past. Dreams of a mother who only wanted her to be happy, of a boy who loved her, a sister that idolized her, and a friend who tried to find a cure for Selene's problem. All of them were painful.
The mental agony of Cinder's dreams dulled the pain of reality for a short time. She wondered if she had finally died—if She had found a way to kill her yet— but Cinder couldn't remember anything. The last thing she could recall was driving to school, and then–
A sudden jolt shot through Cinder, her eyes snapping open as memories flooded her mind. The accident, the fire, the boy. What had happened to the boy? What if I killed him, too, Cinder worried. But no, it shouldn't work like that. Don't they have to love me?
"Even my wildest fantasies couldn't imagine you being this hot awake."
Cinder flinched, turning to see a boy sitting next to her. She hadn't noticed him before, and maybe that had been for the best. His mere presence agitated her.
Could it be him? Selene looked into the man's eyes; they were a clear crystal blue. No, her savior had born eyes of copper and flames.
"No pun intended." The annoying man winked, leaning back in the plastic hospital chair. He had sandy brown hair, a strong jaw, and an easy smile accompanied by the dimples of a church boy. He wore tennis shoes, blue jeans and a Star Wars t-shirt with Han Solo on the front and captioned "I know."
Cinder frowned. The boy smiled. "Who the hell–"
"Ah, no need for blatant questioning and accusations." The man stuck out his right hand, a crooked, wicked smile on his face. "Carswell Thorne, at your service." He cupped his left hand to the side of his mouth, as if he were telling her a secret. "But you can just call me Thorne."
Cinder blinked, and Thorne lowered his hand, smile disappearing. "Where's all your fire?" Thorne exclaimed, giving her a questioning glance. Cinder glared at him, and he seemed to realize his mistake. "I mean your personality, not the car stuff," Thorne clarified.
"Why are you here? I don't know you," Cinder croaked, her voice scraggy from lack of use. "Where's..." Cinder was about to ask for someone she knew— someone who loved her— but they were all dead.
"Am I that disappointing?" Thorne inquired, exasperated.
"I mean," Cinder clarified. "Where's the boy with the eyes?" she flushed, realizing how stupid she sounded, but she had only seen the eyes of her savior, nothing more.
Thorne stuck out his jaw, his face perplexed. "I'm a boy, I have eyes, I feel like I meet your expectations just fine."
Cinder huffed, wanting to strangle Thorne the more she talked to him. "There was a boy who pulled me out of my burning car. Where is he?" Cinder felt her stomach roll with dread. What if I killed him too?
"Oh, you mean Crown. He's not here." Thorne nodded his head like a complacent beach boy. "Speaking of which, I should probably call him. He's a little too excited to meet you. A bit like a puppy." Thorne rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess you've already met, but you were a little out of it. Understandably."
Cinder hit him. Not hard, but a simple backhand to the shoulder. She was done with this man, who she had never met before, and his stupidity.
"Aces, ow! What was that for, Selene?" Thorne put a hand to where Cinder had struck him, his face indignant. He was so caught up in his "injury" that he didn't notice Cinder freeze, her face pale as parchment. "Sel–"
Throwing herself forward, Cinder covered his mouth with her uninjured hand. Pain laced her entire left side, but she didn't stop. Thorne's muffled protests pursued, and he tried to get Cinder's hand away from his pie hole. Cinder refused to let go, too scared of what would happen if he said her name. That was until he licked Cinder's hand. She retreated immediately. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he died.
"What the aces and spades?" Thorne exclaimed, scrunching his nose. "Look, S–"
"Don't call me that!" Cinder yelled, startling Thorne enough to make him drop all his flirtations. "Don't call me S... don't call me that name."
Thorne softened, taking a gentler side to things. His face lost its mischievous gleam, and he leaned forward in his seat. "Okay, what do you want me to call you then?"
There was a slight shock to seeing this calming side of Thorne. She wouldn't have believed he had a tame side if she hadn't seen it staring into her face. "Cinder. Call me Cinder."
Thorne's face contorted with horror, and then he seemed to be attempting to hold in laughter. Apparently his considerate side wasn't that strong. "You're kidding. You're..." Thorne looked at Cinder's face, taking in her expression before sobering. "You're not kidding."
Cinder glared. She wouldn't much mind if her gaze caused him to alight in flames. "Okay, Cinder," Thorne said. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna call your boyfriend. Like I said, he wants to see you." Cinder continued to glare, but didn't stop him.
Pulling out his phone, Thorne dialed a well acquainted number, fingers dancing. It only took one ring for a frantic voice to answer on the other end. Cinder could hear the faint voice of a boy, though not what he was saying.
Cinder kept her eyes on Thorne, making sure he didn't say her name. Apparently Thorne had the memory of a goldfish.
"Yeah, Sel–" Cinder interrupted Thorne with another backhand. "Ow! Would you stop that?" Thorne pulled the phone away from his face, glaring at Cinder.
"I told you not to call me that!" Cinder bellowed.
"I remember that, thanks." Thorne remarked sarcastically.
"Obviously you didn't, because you just called me that." Cinder huffed, feeling too drained to argue with such gusto.
"Well, Kai won't recognize you by any other name! That's what the nurse said your name was. I'm sorry that you're sour about it," Thorne bit back.
"Just don't call me that name," Cinder growled.
"Fine." Thorne turned back to his phone, bafflement coloring his face like paint. "The girl," Thorne glared at Cinder pointedly, "she's awake. And I've got to admit, I much preferred her asleep."
Cinder scowled, but refrained from hitting Thorne again. She was so tired, and the annoyance it took to simply engage in a conversation with Thorne was draining. She only half-listened to the rest of his conversation, before her mind spun into blackness.
***
Kai glanced into a window. It was dark enough that he could see his reflection, and the way his hair was a complete mess. He ran a hand through it to tame the tangles, wishing for once he had followed Thorne's advice on how maintain his hair. Kai hated putting gel in, though.
What are you doing? Kai asked himself. She just woke up from a coma, and why do you even care? She's just a girl. But she wasn't just a girl.
The hospital was busy, people flitting in and out of rooms as visitor hours drew towards a close. Kai's body was vibrating with nervous energy. He was finally going to be able to talk to her. He would talk to Selene.
Cinder.
Kai was confused by the name change, but Thorne had been adamant about it, complaining of bruises as he relayed the information to Kai. Of course some people hated what their parents named them. Kai himself despised being called Kaito, but Cinder wasn't even close to Selene. Kai had thought it was a joke at first, Thorne being inappropriate as always, but it wasn't.
No nurses stood in with Cinder as she lay nearly motionless on her bed. She was awake, staring down her arm at the patched skin that had once been burns, dark hair falling down around her face.
The treatment they had used on her was new, and worked on healing skin incredibly fast. Already Cinder's flesh was looking healthy, and only a little bit patchy and pink in some parts. Kai marveled at the progress that had happened in only ten days.
"Hey," Kai tapped his knuckles lightly on her door, startling Cinder from her awe. Looking at her sent shivers down Kai's spine. He remembered the first time he'd seen her, surrounded by fire, and how he'd thought she looked like an avenging angel. Even without the fire she still had a blaze about her that made her seem dark and powerful.
Selene always had a darkness about her— almost as if her shadow was a living being there to torture her forever. Kai shook Cress's words away, although not before noticing that Cinder did seem to have an overprotective shadow.
"You look really good." Kai smiled, before feeling his stomach fall. "I mean, you always looked good. You never looked bad. I was just meaning that you look better. Your skin is looking great." Kai cringed. Your skin is looking great? He sounded like a creep.
"That came out wrong." Kai said, biting his lip before sighing exasperatedly. "What I meant to say is that you've healed a lot since I last saw you."
Cinder stared at him, not saying a word. Her eyes were huge and brown and beautiful. Kai looked away from them, knowing that if he continued to gaze into her eyes he would never be able to look away.
"My name is Kai, by the way." Kai said, sitting down in the cold plastic seat. "Well, it's Kaito, Kaito Crown, but only my father really calls me that. You can just call me Kai." He didn't know why he was babbling so much. Kai hardly ever babbled, and it was only when he was nervous.
"I don't know if you remember me. You were basically unconscious, but you did look at me for a few seconds before blacking out." Cinder blinked, still not speaking. Kai wondered if Thorne had been making up the story about her beating him up. She was so mellow.
"I'm also sorry about Thorne. He's a pain, but he means well. I asked him to stay with you while I was... away." Kai didn't know why he wasn't telling her about his visit to Olympia. She had a right to know that he had gone snooping in her business, but something about her stare and the rejection of her name made Kai think she wouldn't be too happy about it.
"Why'd you do it?" Cinder whispered, her voice defiant.
Kai froze. Did she know that he had been investigating her past? Kai had told Thorne not to tell her, but he never was good at keeping secrets. "Do what?"
"Save me." Cinder's voice was as cold as her stare. Kai worried that the floor would open up and he would be sucked down to Hell.
It was such an odd question. In the moment of the crash, there had been no other answer than to save the girl on fire. It hadn't been a multiple choice test; his only option had been to save her.
"It was the right thing to do. The only thing, really. I couldn't just leave you there," Kai muttered, wringing his hands together. He didn't dare glance at Cinder— he could feel her burning gaze.
"Oh, so you're the noble type. You could have gotten yourself killed, or terribly injured. You shouldn't have done it," Cinder snapped.
"Well, I'm fine. You're alive, and I wouldn't change anything about it. I'm sorry if I disappointed you." Kai felt attacked. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was being attacked, but he was going to consider all of the possibilities.
Cinder sagged, her shoulders closing in toward her chest and her face cracking. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant." She paused, then whispered, "Thank you for everything."
"You're welcome," Kai murmured, feeling undeserving of her thanks. It physically hurt Kai to look at her showing so much pain and humility. She was just a girl—a teenager—and she deserved to be saved. She deserved to be loved, and she had never gotten that.
"Listen, Cinder," Kai moved closer to her. "Can I ask you why you changed your name?"
Kai had crossed a line. He could tell by the way Cinder tensed up, regret and guilt stabbing him the moment the words had left his lips. Why did he have to be so rude and nosy? She was lying in a hospital bed feeling terrible, and Kai had brought up something to make her feel even worse.
"No. You can't." Cinder's eyes filled with rage. "Nor are you allowed to ask me why I ran away from home or why I have no emergency contact or anything else about my life."
"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." Kai curled in on himself, moving away from Cinder. He felt defenseless against her words, and terrible guilt was eating at him for digging into her past without permission. He felt like a trespasser.
"You may think that I'll worship you just because you saved me, but I didn't ask you to." Cinder's words cut like knives. "I may owe you my life, but you won't get my past."
Kai nodded, choking on the words that he should have been saying. He needed to apologize, but the only thing that came out was: "I– I think I should go."
Cinder didn't even look at him as he walked out the door.
