In the vast expanse of the world's oceans, where countless species roam, one particular creature stands outâa symbol of solitude and yearning. This extraordinary creature, known as "the loneliest whale," has captivated the hearts and imaginations of scientists, filmmakers, and nature enthusiasts alike. In this blog post, we will delve into the captivating story of the loneliest whale, exploring its mysterious existence, the science behind its unique communication, and the profound lessons it teaches us about loneliness and connection.
The Tale of the Loneliest Whale:
The loneliest whale first gained attention in the late 1980s when scientists discovered its distinct vocalizations. Unlike most whales, which communicate within a frequency range of 12 to 25 hertz, this enigmatic creature emits calls at a frequency of around 52 hertz. This frequency is much higher than the typical range of other whale species, making it difficult for them to hear its calls.
The Isolation and Mystery:
The loneliest whale's isolation stems from its inability to communicate effectively with other whales. While most whales rely on vocalizations to find mates and socialize, the higher frequency of the 52-Hertz Whale's calls prevents it from effectively communicating with its counterparts. As a result, it has been swimming through the vast ocean alone, seemingly condemned to a solitary existence.
The exact reason for the loneliest whale's unique vocalizations remains a mystery. Some theories suggest that it may be a genetic anomaly or a result of a physical deformity. Others propose that it could be a hybrid between different whale species or a solitary individual with its own unique dialect. However, no concrete answers have emerged, leaving room for speculation and wonder.
Lessons from the Loneliest Whale:
The story of the loneliest whale evokes a sense of empathy and contemplation within me. It serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of connection and the profound impact of loneliness on living beings. As humans, we can empathize with the yearning for companionship and the inherent need for social bonds.
The loneliest whale's plight compels us to reflect on our own lives and the connections we foster. It reminds us to cherish and nurture the relationships we have, to reach out to those who may feel isolated, and to work towards a world where no one is left unheard or unseen.
The loneliest whale's tale is one of mystery, solitude, and longing. Its haunting calls reverberate through the depths of the ocean, capturing our imaginations and reminding us of the power of connection. While the loneliest whale may swim alone, its story unites us in a shared appreciation for the beauty and fragility of life. And with that, Iâm going to cry. Stay With Wonder!
Whalien 52, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Part 2
I have seen people here talk about the importance of Whalien 52 to BTS and ARMY before, but reading about how the song came about and digging further into the lyrics is both heartbreaking and incredibly inspiring.
In the middle of this vast ocean
A whale speaks in a low and lonesome voice
No matter how much it shouts it won't reach anyone
Feeling so lonely it quietly shuts its mouth
Words easily thrown out to me builds a wall in between
Even my loneliness looks fake in your eyes
The world will never know
How sad I am
My pain is like water and oil, it can never mix.
All the obstacles they faced, the continuous campaign of slurs which they could not and still cannot respond to directly. The isolation they felt from everyone except ARMY and from that to build a stronger team, a greater determination to succeed, the will to power through. Truly truly admirable.
Confirmation if needed that these guys are very very special and the relationship that they have tried to build with ARMY starting with the "one row next to the broadcast cameras during the first performance" to the vast and varied global ARMY of today should be honoured and protected.
PAIRING ot7 x reader
RATING Explicit. 18+.
GENRE smut. fluff. angst. nonidol au. wildnerness au. roommates au. friends to lovers.
SUMMARY Six months of quarantine have kept you apart. Somehow the distance sparks something new in each of you: questions, unfinished conversations, threads once chased now left cold. So when your roommate invites you to come with him to a mysterious house in the mountains with your friends, how could you even think of saying no?
WC 6k
WARNINGS AND TAGSÂ reference to reader with she/her pronouns. kissing. food play. discussions of sexual boundaries/expectations. discussions of kink culture.
â || series m.list || â
AN: this chapter has been so long in the making and i couldn't have done it without the possums sprinting with me or without the support of @calixwrites @xjoonchildx @thatlongspringnight and @illneverrecover who helped me pull together the mess that is this chapter. thank you so much to them. if you enjoy this chapter, i'd love to hear from you!
CHAPTER ELEVEN: PERSEPHONE'S TABLE
âIâm in.â
Seven pairs of eyes widen as you stand in the door, your red dress flowing around you, hair a little ruffled from the wind, face stinging from the cold. You look like a spirit of winter, flown in from the storm.
âAre you okayââ Hoseok begins to say, but Jungkook quickly stands up to speak.
âFuck yeah,â Jungkook interrupts, clapping his hands together. âI mean, I thought we were going to eat first,â he adds with a sigh, looking longingly at the food at the table. âBut me too. Iâm in.â
âThereâs no doubt Iâm in,â Jimin adds. âIâm not about to pass up the opportunity to get my hands on seven lovely people.â
A giggle escapes Yoongi, a sound so foreign that you have to double check it's him. âThis is a lot easier than expectedââ Easy is not the word you would use to describe the last 36 hours. âBut I think itâs pretty obvious where I stand considering I suggested it. Namjoon?â
Namjoon looks a little flustered that heâs been called on, but nonetheless, nods. âI think⊠I thought it throughââ His eyes flick up to yours. âAnd think this might be a good idea. After allâŠâ When he begins to trail off, you nod encouragingly, goading him on. âItâs been a long time since Iâve had sex. And more than that, being cramped up here with you lotââ someone snorts at the word cramped. ââhas brought back things I thought were in the past.â Before you can linger on what that might mean, Namjoon is already spiraling off in another direction, âAnd Iâve read! Iâve read so many things about the multiplicity of romance and, ahem, sex, and how the capitalisticstructureofoursociety really reliesuponthetwofamilyunit to produce workers and continue the cycle of poverty, and polyamoryââ his eyes widen at the word. Is whatâs happening between all of you polyamory? That sounds so⊠official. âOr just sex, sex with multiple partners can be an active way of pushing against the patriarchy and impending capitalistic doomsday.â And then more quietly, as if heâs only just realized that he is in a room with seven people but needs to get the final word in: âPlus, the stigma against multipartner sex is historical, not biological.â
âReading is nice,â Jimin says. âBut you canât have a book tell you what you ought to do in this situation.
Namjoon nods. âYeah, um.â He scratches the back of his neck. âWell. I do, um, want this.â And then a second time, but bolder: âI do. Really. Itâs⊠important to me.â
Yoongi and Jimin nod eagerly. Taehyung seems contemplative as he reads Namjoonâs features carefully. Jin keeps glancing at the food. Jungkook, who looks a little nervous at first, whispers something to his neighbor, Jimin, a big dopey grin spreading across his face. Hoseok, however, holds a blank expression.
Taehyung looks to Jin. âWell, weâre both in, based on our discussion last night.â
Jin rolls his eyes. âUh, yes, of course weâre in. But I just thought we would eat first before all of this.â
Thatâs seven yesâs. And one unanswered. Seven pairs of eyes turn their attention to the one man who has been silent since you entered the room: Hoseok.
The man stands there, hands in his pockets. Out of all of you, Hoseok has always been the one to laugh first, crack a joke first, get on the dance floor first. And yet in this moment, heâs the only one who holds back. The look on his face is one that you know well, if not frequently: that expression he gets when heâs entirely focused. To an outsider, it might look like anger. But to one who knows, they understand that his features are drawn close in perfect concentration, his eyes locking on the center of his attention, his mouth pursing into a set line. It was one of the many things that you loved about him, these moments of intense focus that sat so opposite to his usually playful mannerisms.
Shouldnât it be you in his place, hesitating, worrying that this step is going to fuck everything and everyone over? Instead, it feels like the cold wind from outside has cleared out your insides and left you with nothing but want.
When Hoseok still hasnât answered, Jimin pulls him aside to whisper something in his ear, his hand stroking over Hoseokâs back in a sign of comfort. You try to make out what he is saying with no luck.
âI canâtââ Hoseok says, looking directly at you, heartbreak written across his face. And he turns on his heel and steps out of the room.
You watch the house of cards youâd carefully built up in your mind tumble to the ground, unaware that failure was even an option. If all eight of you werenât in, none of you were in. But you didnât imagine it going this way. Not really. There was some part of you that thought it could just be this easy, really, this easy, that everyone would say yes and all of you would just fall into it in one swift, simple motion. That all the tension thatâs been living in this house, strung between the lot of you would simply cease, like it was cut through with a hot knife.
A collective gasp shudders through the group. Your friends turn to one another, expressions of concern dancing across their features.
âWhatââ Jungkook begins, his brow furrowing as he watches Hoseok disappear. âIs he okay?â The others mumble in alarm.
âIâll take care of it,â you say, though, truly you have no idea how youâll take care of this.
You follow Hoseok out of the room, but he seems so lost in his thoughts that itâs not until you catch up to him as heâs crossing the glass bridge and reach for his shoulder that he stops.
At first he seems surprised that itâs you, but he wraps you up in a hug that shocks you. Itâs not until a moment later that you wrap your arms around him too and squeeze back.
âWhatâs going on?â you murmur into his chest.
Heâs quiet for a moment before answering, pulling back and swiping a hand through his hair.
âItâs just ridiculous. The whole thingâs ridiculous.â
Ridiculous? Just last night he had said it hadnât been so wild of an idea.
âWhat? I thought you saidââ
âI remember what I said and I just, I got to thinking today and Iâm not going to make you do something horrific like this.â
âHorrific? What the hell do you mean?â
Horrific is the last word you would use to describe any of this.
âIâm not going to force you to become some sort of concubine to seven men,â he says.
You laugh, thinking he canât be serious. But when you see the frown on his face, you quiet. He is serious.
âIs that what you think this is?â you ask softly.
âOf course thatâs what this isââ
âNoââ
âOf course thatâs what this is!â He grabs your shoulders and stares into your eyes. âBut the thing is, you donât have to do it just because you think that theyâre, what? Horny after all this time stuck in quarantine? Like youâre just supposed to go along with it, like some kind of sex slave or something, reduced to nothing but a set of holes to be used by seven horny men?! What are you going to do? Lay around the house all day just waiting⊠waiting to beâŠ.used? Like a sexual vending machine?â
âHoseok.â
Itâs clear heâs spent an absurd amount of time in his head, sinking deeper and deeper into his anxiety. And while the image heâs painted, well, it might not be the reality of the situation, itâs also not the worst idea heâs ever had. You, at the whim and will of seven beautiful men. Still, the man needs some course correction. Heâs still gripping your shoulders, and you gently wrangle out of his grasp to step closer to him. You reach out and place a hand on his arm, trying to bring him back to you, to this, to reality.
âNo, no.â
âNo, really, theyâve pressured you into this andâŠâ His brow furrows, as if heâs hearing his own words for the first time and speculating at their reality.
âHoseok.â He finally stops, his lips setting into a firm line. âNo one is pressuring me.â
He frowns at you, contemplating what youâve said. Gaging whether to trust it or not.
âWhatâs really going on up here?â you say, tapping on his forehead. But when you begin to withdraw your hand, he grabs your wrist and presses your palm to his face.
You blink.
Heâs warm beneath your touch, but you can feel a slight tremor when he speaks. But now, now, all there is are his eyes, brown and wide and searching.
âItâs happening so fast,â he says hurriedly, the words whispered into the ever narrowing space between you two. âI canât keep up.â
âWhatâs happening so fast?â
âEverything. Everyone. I thoughtâI thought I had more time.â
âMore time for what? Nothingâs ending tonight, Hoseok.â He flinches under the formal name as if heâs finally heard it, but itâs too late to correct. If anything, tonight feels like a grand beginning. For you, tonight is the opening of the door to a whole new world. But when he looks at you, you know what youâve said isnât true for him. Loss, heartbreak, flutters behind the warmth in his eyes. Heâs losing something. Someone.
Still, he shakes himself out of his thoughts. His gaze comes back to you.
âYouâre sure thereâs no one, no expectations or anything, that others are putting on youâYouâre sure this is something you want?â
âOf course I want you, Hoseokââ
âWhat?â
Itâs only when itâs too late that you realize what youâve said.
âYou want me?â
âI want youâŠâ You say slowly, like testing the words on your tongue.
âAnd you want the others.â Heâs so quick to jump to the next thing. You just want to linger on what youâve already said, how big it feels, hovering between you both.
âCanât you just listen to what Iâve said?â
Sure, of course, itâs been a long time without sex. And even with the introduction of your nightly romps with Jungkook and Jimin â and your quiet moments with Namjoon â youâre still left wanting more. Your time with Jungkook and Jimin didnât erase any of the rest of the longing that lived in your chest. If anything, it merely stoked the flame higher. A flame that yearned for Hoseok, too, with a particular kind of ache.
âWhy donât you believe me?â
Hoseok rubs the back of his neck.
âWhy should I?â
Heâs so thick, heâs so frustrating, you have no idea how youâre going to get through to him.
So instead, you reach up, press your hands to his cheeks, and kiss him.
It feels like a mistake the moment youâve done it. Itâs like walking across a bridge, without knowing that thereâs an end in sight. You donât know how he feels, and for all you know, he could be saying all this bullshit about you being a concubine because he just needs a way out, and itâs easier to turn it back on you than it is to look within. Heâs always been this way. Itâs been a long history of him keeping his emotions just beyond reach of you. Just beyond reach of himself, too. Even his thoughts, which felt less threatening to him than his own feelings, those too he kept caged up and hidden out of sight from you.
Hoseok is shocked, you can feel his shock shoot like ice through his body, like a bad memory,
All of a sudden it feels like that cab ride again, back in January, the silence sliding like a winter storm between you as you both stare out of opposite windows.
But his hands are gliding gently up your waist.
And heâs stepping closer.
Itâs awkward, fumbling, like re-learning to walk.
But then the ice of his shock begins to melt as your lips meet his, sublimating into something explosive. Something that sings of fire ravaging through a frozen forest, flames licking at icicles, ice vaporizing beneath touch.
Your chest burns with desire larger than you know how to name, how to know. It burns like a winter sun, shining through the trees on a dark day. Like eyes, aching as they adjust to the light.
His hands fumble across your skin, he presses in closer.
The burn intensifies.
And so abruptly, you pull away, like youâve been scalded. And force a soft smile to your face, despite the way you are quaking inside. And say:
âI wanted to do that. Does that say anything?â
He nods, swallowing quickly and tugs at the hem of his shirt. âYes.â
Silence hangs between you as he searches your face, looking for an answer to a question you donât know.
âDo youâdid you⊠want? Want me to do that?â You stumble over the words.
He nods. âYes. Yes, Iââ He grips your hand in his and pulls you closer. âI did.â For a moment, you think heâs going to kiss you again. Breath is the only thing that hangs between you. But then he says, âAre you sure this is something you want?â and nods back towards where the others are waiting.
âYes,â you say.
He looks down and swings your hand back and forth, his gaze locked on your interlaced fingers.
âAlright,â he says.
Part of you wants to linger, wants to kiss him again and give it a real shot and make it right. Not some fumbling, half-burnt mess of a kiss. But you see the thoughts spinning in his mind and so you say: âIâll give you a moment,â and step back. The walk back to the dining room blurs in the mess of your pounding heartbeat. The boys are waiting for you.
Most of them are ogling the food greedily, Jungkook is even licking something off of his pinky finger. The rest are kind of lounging around, the chairs scattered, and that same warm feeling from before cuts right through your chest and warms you from the inside out. Whatever that was, back in the hallway, this, here, is at least familiar.
Even as a blanket of tension hangs about, which is fair, considering Hoseok had just run out of the room, there is a groundedness to the group. They take turns glancing at the door, picking nervously at the food, and mumbling to one another. But beneath it all, familiarity. Even if Hoseok is missing.
Your fingers unconsciously drift up to your lips, tracing over the skin where his lips were just a moment ago.
Jiminâs eyes follow your movements, attempting to parse together whatâs just happened. Your gaze catches his and you smile softly. He nods towards the hallway with a raised eyebrow and you shrug. Iâve done my best.
Though, youâre not sure that kissing the man whoâs been swirling through your head all week was your best. Or in your best interest, let alone his.
Finally, Hoseok returns back to the group, face set and determined. For a just a second, his gaze flicks to you before he sets his face sternly and speaks:
He clears his throat. âSorry about that.â And you know itâs an apology directly to you, though, in all honesty, youâre not exactly sure what for. âAnd, um, me too,â he states, his voice soft. âIâm in.â
A collective sigh echoes around the room, like a breath thatâs been held has finally released.
âWell thatâs settled, we can just get straight to itââ Jungkook says, slapping his thighs and standing up. He gazes around the group while everyone stares back in silence.
Oh. Oh!
Get straight into it meant nothing other than sex. It feels scandalizing in a sense, that the lot of you would just jump right in, no preamble, no introductions â though, in a way, you all have been playing around the edge of foreplay for days now.
And what would follow?
Touch. Kiss. Dampness gathering. Fingers swiped through slick, brought to greedy mouth.
What would the lean muscle in Jinâs shoulder feel like under your fingertips? Would the soft skin of Yoongiâs neck taste the same after all that time? Would Taehyung be the same kind of lover as before, quick-witted and starving for pleasure? And what about the others, the ones who you havenât touched, havenât seen bare, havenât taken within you â what would they be like? Gentle? Greedy?
Who would taste you? Who would want to taste you?
Everyone in this room apparently, and the thought is confirmed by the hungry looks that are passed around the room.
Jin sighs. âSit down, Jungkook.â JK looks at him with a confused face. âWe need to have a conversation first, donât we?â
Jungkook nods.
âWeâll eat and talk at the same time,â Jin says. âSo much for a composed dinner.â
âJin, you didnât really believe you were going to get any kind of composure out of this lot, did you?â you chide.
You all gather around the table. Jin and Namjoon take either side of you, the two broad shouldered men squeezing you into your seat. Not that you mind.
The food is already prepped and waiting on the table, like some glorious feast. The table is heaping with food, rice piled high in what must be the houseâs finest bowls, and brightly colored vegetables.
Plates are filled with the bounty that Jin and Yoongi had prepared during the day. The piles and piles of food almost seems like too much, but then again you know that nothing goes to waste with this eternally-hungry group. Your gaze roves over the feast: the table is laden with meats and noodles and variations of stir fried vegetables sat among beautiful arrays of autumn squash, both cooked and on display. And at the end of the table sat what you can only describe as an overfilled cream pie.
âChampagne?â Yoongi asks, and the room fills with enthusiastic agreement.
Yoongi stands at the head of the table, a stark reminder of where he sat just yesterday morning, sleepy and propositioning the rest of the group. It feels like it has been years since that moment.
When he twists the champagne bottle open with a dramatic pop!, it feels like a representation of tonight. The tension building, bubbling beneath the surface and ready to explode at any moment. Though as you watch him gracefully pour into several champagne flutes, laughing and chatting with his friends, you realize that even with your communal agreeal, the cork hasnât loosened yet.
There is more to come. Abundance. Warmth. Like the food on the table. Like the men around you.
Hoseok, under Jinâs guidance, begins to carve the meat. The way he handles the knife, his knuckles tense, and you feel it in your core. As your cheeks warm at the thought, his graceful hands expertly carving, you glance back down at your empty plate, trying to shake your mind of the images that fly through.
Hoseok, his fingers dancing over your back. Hoseok, leaning over you as he slips his hands down your pants, gliding along the delicate skin before plungingâ
âCan I get you something?â Hoseokâs voice breaks through your thoughts as he stares at you with a note of concern in his voice. Thatâs when you realize youâve been spacing out, mouth hanging open, staring at him.
âUm, yes please.â
Your plate is passed around the table and quickly filled with the help of your friends.
âTo⊠us.â Yoongi raises a glass and you all cheer, warmth spreading through the room as you all smile at one another, reaching across the table to toast each person individually.
âHey, hey,â Jin says, when you clink his glass. âYou know what it means if you donât make eye contact when cheersing?â
âHm?â
âIt means seven years of bad sex.â
âOh.â
He holds his glass up again, and you do it properly this time, a sly smile spilling over his lips as he lets his gaze linger on you.
âThough I wonder, if youâre septupling your sexual partners overnight if you might be able to make up for that bad luck in a seventh of the time.â He shrugs. âWeâll leave the math up to the fates.â
As you settle into dinner, a comfortable clatter of eating fills the room. Hums and cries of delight rise from the table as everyone exclaims at the deliciousness of the food.
âThank you, Jin,â you say, reaching over to pat him on the leg. âAnd Yoongi,â you raise your glass to your friend at the head of the table.
As everyone settles into dinner, Namjoon is the first one to speak, getting straight to the point. âThe first thing we should do,â Namjoon coughs, âIs address the elephant in the room.â
Jin nods. âWe canât keep secrets around each other â we should have privacy in our own lives, yes, absolutely â but this whole sneaking around thing is no good for any sense of trust in our relationship.â
Your heartbeat hammers in your chest. He knows. How could he not, when you nearly told him everything yesterday? You just thought youâd be able to tell everyone that you, Jungkook, and Jimin had been fucking on your terms, not like this. But too, thereâs a kind of relief in it finally coming out.
Jungkook hangs his head but doesnât say anything.
âAnyone?â
A long silence hangs over the group. Jimin catches your gaze from across the table.
âJungkook? Anything youâd like to share with us?â
The young manâs head snaps up as he takes in the room around him and the weight of all of his friendsâ eyes upon him. His body is tense, but he takes a deep breath, and on the exhale, his shoulders fall. âFine. I admit it,â Jungkook grumbles at a barely audible level. âWeâve been fucking.â
The room explodes.
âWhat?â
âExcuse me?â
âFucking?â
Someoneâs chair screeches backwards and a glass of wine tips over, staining the white table cloth. Hands dart out quickly to dab it up.
âI thought you were just planning a surprise party?â Someone says.
âI thought this was some kind of flashmob thing?â Hoseok says.
âMe too!â Namjoon chimes in. âThatâs, thatâs what we talked about.â
âFlashmob?â you snort.
âThe sweat, I mean, come on!â Namjoon fades into silence as the realization dawns on him. âOh. The sweat. The fuck?!â
âHow could we not?â Jungkook continues. âGoddamn I hadnât come in someone coming up on a year and here are two very very attractiveââ
âTwo?!â Namjoon exclaims.
âTwo?!â Yoongi cries. âAnd you didnât include me?? And who?â
âWell, weâre including you now!â Jungkook says back.
âMe,â Jimin says softly from his seat.
âFair enough,â Yoongi says, sitting down again. Hoseok is quiet. Namjoon however, is still wildly flustered.
âAnd here I was thinking it was the right thing to hold backâŠâ he grumbles.
âYou were a perfect gentleman, Joon,â you reassure him. âItâs quite a flattering look on you.â He catches your gaze and flushes at the compliment, looking down at his hands.
âStill, I canât believe I didnât know.â
The room quiets as the knowledge and understanding settles on all of you.
You slip your hand underneath the table, letting your palm settle on his knee before gliding up to rest on his thigh. Namjoon looks shocked but composes himself and throws you a sheepish smile. After a moment, his hand drifts down and settles atop yours. Not holding it, just, just resting.
âIf anyone cares to know, we were fucking,â Taehyung says, gesturing between himself and his boyfriend.
âShut up Tae,â everyone echoes.
âBut on a more serious note,â Jin cuts in. âDoes that information change anything for anyone? That some of us have already been sleeping together?â
You canât help it. Your gaze flickers to Yoongi. For a moment, you feel like itâs January again, his dark eyes shining at you from across a dark room, a secret shared between the both of you. But you tear your gaze away from him when his flickers up to you.
Everyone is looking at one another, reading for Jinâs question: does this change anything? Yoongi seems unfazed, but beneath it you know heâs curious. Jimin looks cool and collected, lounging on his chair, examining something on his palm. Namjoon looks a little nervous but reflective. Jungkook, waiting. Jin and Tae, playful as ever. And Hobi, well. He seems to be in complete and utter shock.
You wonder what kind of shock. If heâs still reeling from the information that you, Jimin, and Jungkook have been playing the beast with two, well, three backs. Perhaps heâs still processing this whole change in relationship between all of you. Or maybe heâs still in shock from the kiss. You stop yourself there. Either way, he doesnât look too pleased, staring into his wine glass, unspoken words brewing behind his gaze.
So you give him a minute, shushing Jungkook by nudging him with your foot beneath the table when he starts to say something.
âI guess it doesnât change anything,â Hoesok says, finally. âWe all have pasts. We all have⊠needs.â
Thatâs the word. Thatâs what it feels like, wanting him. It feels like a need. His gaze catches yours and you smile reassuringly. You hope the layer of worry that hides beneath your smile doesnât show through.
Lost in thought, youâre surprised when Namjoon interlaces your fingers beneath the table. He gives you a little squeeze, as if to say You alright? You squeeze back, throwing him a soft smile, a reply of Better, now.
âThe next thing,â Yoongi cuts in. âBefore we go any further with thisâWe need rules.â
âRules?â
Namjoonâs grip on your hand tightens beneath the table.
âExpectations, understandings. Boundaries.â
âWell the most obvious one: is anyone straight?â
Silence settles in the room.
âJungkook? I thought you wereââ
âUh no.â Jungkook says sheepishly. âNot, um, anymore.â Anymore? âQuarantine might have changed more than one thing.â
Some of your friends look surprised, while others just nod along, like they expected this the whole time. Taehyung is one of the former, taking the news sincerely and chewing over. But the conversation quickly moves on.
âNo blanket consent statements,â Taehyung adds thoughtfully to the conversation.
Yoongi pouts. âReally? None?â
âOnly if youâre the one giving them out,â Taehyung corrects. âI donât know, it just seems too messy.â
âYouâre right,â Yoongi says, though thereâs a note of disappointment in his voice.
âEverything should be negotiated day-of, moment-of. With eight people, thereâs too many moving parts.â
You all nod in agreement.
Yoongi takes a long drink of his wine and you watch as his throat moves as he gulps, and as a little bit of the red liquid dribbles out of the corner of his mouth. He swipes it away with his thumb, catches your glance and sends you a wink. You smile and look away quickly.
Jeez. How the hell are you supposed to be doing serious thinking right now when all of your friends somehow look like sex gods doing nothing more normal than eating their dinners?
âAny hard boundaries?â Jimin asks.
âOh my god please no vore,â Jungkook blurts. Seven pairs of eyes blink back at him. âPlease donât eat me,â he adds softly.
âWhat kind of deep dark internet hole did you go down? â Yoongi asks. âThatâs even darker than where I go.â Hoseok leans over to Yoongi and you catch a whispered: Where do you go?
Jungkook flushes a deep shade of red before hiding his head in the crook of his arm.
âQuarantine was a long time,â he says, in place of explanation. âAnd reddit is a vast resource.â
The rest of you share some of your hard limits one by one. Thereâs the usual: no poop, no punching or kicking, nothing non-consensual. You insist on no anal fisting. There are a couple that surprise you though. When Jin states that he, under no circumstance, will engage in cock and ball torture, Jungkook pipes up and says heâs willing to try it. Hoseok shares that he has never bottomed, but when asked, he says he wouldnât mind giving it a shot under the right kind of circumstances. Though someone reminds him that thatâs a soft limit, the boys exchange glances, as if fighting over who will be the first to top their friend.
The reality is, that at the end of the conversation, there is a broad range of exploratory space between you and your friends. A space so large it nearly frightens you.
Thatâs when you notice across the table, a shining, waxy red fruit.
âWhere on earth did you find pomegranate?â you ask Jin, bewildered.
âI knew it was your favorite.â Jin grins back at you, and Jungkook tosses the red fruit to you from across the table.
âCatch!â
You toss Jin a brilliant smile as the red fruit lands in your hands.
An imperial orb, Jimin had once described it as.
And holding it, you feel the weight of not only its flesh, but its significance. For a moment, the image of Persephone, reaching for the pomegranate flits across your memory. Reaching for the dangling fruit, it was the sweetness that had sealed her fate.
You dig your fingers into the hard skin of the vibrant fruit andâohâit squirts out, staining the white table cloth and, you quickly realize, your neighbor.
Namjoon has already loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his dress shirt, his chest smooth and shining in the candlelight. And now, pomegranate juice drips from his chin, rolling down his neck, about to stain that beautiful white shirtâ
âLick it up,â someone calls, probably Jimin, and before you know what youâre doing, you reach for the broad man, running your tongue first along the hard planes of his chest and trailing up, up, up to his neck. He shivers when your tongue traces his throat, the skin especially sensitive. You smile at that, and he looks down at you, brown eyes gleaming with amusement. And more.
âMe too,â Jin says, and you feel a hand on your back. With regret, you lift your lips from Namjoonâs neck and turn towards him.
Jin has smeared pomegranate across the cut of his chin, and it dribbles down his neck, already staining his collar. But youâre not one to refuse a beautiful man, and so with careâand leaving a hand on one of Namjoonâs thighsâyou press your lips to Jinâs neck. The juice stains your lips, turning them a bloodied color.
You take your time kissing up the column of his throat, painting the smallest of caresses against the soft skin of his neck. Unlike Namjoon, he doesnât tremble beneath your touch. Instead, his grip tightens around your waist, pulling you closer. You gasp when you are pressed skin to skin against his chest, your hands reaching to his collar for stability, nearly falling into his lap.
âYou can use more than your lips, darling,â Jin murmurs in your ear. âI never did mind a little nibble.â And so with that, you skate your teeth along the hard edge of his jaw, drawing a sharp his from the tall man. You end it with a peck to the corner of his jaw.
When you look back at the table, everyone is staring at you, mouths hanging open.
âThat was hot as fuck,â Jimin says, throwing a wink at you.
Jungkook, though, looks a little miffed. The table is dressed with both main courses, side dishes, and desserts, and as Jungkook reaches for a baklava, you realize just how delightful it is to eat sweets with the main course.
He frowns as he takes a bite, honey spilling down his lip. Jimin, next to him, leans over and swipes the golden liquid from the younger manâs pouting lip. Jungkook watches in awe as Jimin sucks the finger into his mouth, a sly grin spreading across his features.
âWhat else?â Yoongi asks, clearing his throat, and finally all sets of eyes are on him.
âNo leaving anyone out,â Jungkook says a little too quickly, glancing at you, Namjoon and Jin. Namjoon beside you is a little stiff and breathing hard. His hand fumbles for you under the table, and finally falls on your knee. You smile up at him.
âHow does that work? What does that look like?â
âSay, for example, someone wants to have sex with six out of the seven other people in this house? That just seems like a setup for drama,â Namjoon adds.
âFair enough,â Jin echoes.
âSo no more than five in a group.â
Five. Wow. Five still seems marginally larger than you know how to coordinate.
Jungkook chuckles nefariously. âThat means that we could split up, hyungs, maknaes, andââ he waggles his eyebrows as a sign of what he means to fill in the blank with. Group sex, with different iterations of the group. Your stomach tightens in anticipation of the hundreds of different arrangements there might be.
Namjoon and Jin pressing you up against a shelf of books.
Jimin and Taehyung fucking you in the pool.
Yoongi, Jungkook, and Hobi having their way with you on the dinner table. You, spread out like some garnished and carefully prepared delight.
Frankly, the possibilities are endless. And you have a feeling that your day-to-day life might finally surpass the fantasies of your dreams, the ones that have come to haunt you with desire for months now.
Taehyungâs voice breaks through your reverie. âIt feels a little unfair that she gets to sleep in Hobiâs bed every night,â he says quickly, his eyes flashing up towards you.
You bristle. âItâs my bed too!â you say before you can consider the implications of what heâs just said. Taehyung wants you in his bed. Again.
âYou know what he means,â Jungkook corrects.
âI suppose I could see what he means by that,â Namjoon adds, just a little too casually. You raise an eyebrow at him. You hadnât pegged him as the jealous type.
âIâll choose where I sleep,â you say.
âLike a wandering bed ghost,â Yoongi cuts in.
You glare at him. âThe other option is that I get my own room. Whoâs willing to give theirs up?â
The room falls silent. One person raises their hand.
âPut your hand down, Namjoon,â you sigh. âIâll be the wandering bed ghost of the Kim manor.â
âDo we have to do a seance to summon you?â Hoseok chirps.
You light up at his humor. It has felt like a long moment since he cracked any jokes.
âYouâll have to sing a mating call,â you joke back.
But the reality of your words finally hits you when no one laughs. Instead you find all of your friends staring back at you, a mixture of shy and blank and yearning expressions splayed across their faces.
In reality, youâve all just agreed to add a big long mating dance to your friendship and thereâs only one thing left to do: dance the dance of the beast with, well, eight backs.
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âeverybody is nobody,â I think. itâs almost midnight, and I think nothing matters. I think a lot of rehashed things that were thought out loud by some million other people before. everybody is nobody, and Iâve seen enough beautiful things through photographs that I wonât miss when Iâm gone.
but there are still oceans. and there are still blue whales. there are still lampposts and windows and mugs hung from the ceiling.
sometimes I want to find the busiest street in the city and block out all the sound. I want to stand between all these people who will end up being nobody to me and I want to feel their silence.
I had a dream about standing shoulder to shoulder with people I used to know and crying over something beautiful together. maybe it was the sky? maybe it was the fact that we were absolutely nobody to each other but still managed to stand in the same line, shoulder to shoulder. love evaporates, it precipitates. it comes and then it is gone. did I grieve that it was gone or was I sad because no matter how much I liked to pretended, it had never left at all? if the love doesnât leave itâs just stuck itâs just trapped itâs like me itâs alone. itâs a blue whale and it sings at a frequency of fifty-two hertz and my ears outgrew that range years ago. but I know it exists. I know itâs there, I know it still breathes inside me, but I hear nothing.
I think that is the worst part of all of this. I live with it without being able to understand. without being able to remember what it felt like. but it remains, with nowhere to go. it travels the ocean endlessly.
what to do with love expired, love forgotten? everyone is nobody and I will not miss these beautiful things when Iâm gone, I think. but there is still tuscany and there are still mammatus clouds and there is still murmuration. and they exist in cities full of people and the silence in those people comes out and fill the gaps. it looks me in the eye and asks, âare you sure? are you sure are you sure are you sure you want this, are you sure you want this?â it tells me that just because I canât hear the music doesnât mean it doesnât exist. it tells me I ought to stay in the hospital room for the night, holding loveâs hand as it expires. sit by the bedside, wait for the monitor to beep. and do it over and over and over a hundred times in this lifetime and wait for someone to collect the body. and when no one comes, I ought to sit alone with the shells of all the love I used to know. Iâve forgotten how to bury. Iâve forgotten how to move on. I just go on living and watch as everything dead piles up inside.
isnât that what living is? isnât that the point? to sit with your losses and count them and lose count and when summer vacation rolls around, start counting again and give up by august? to know that this heavy feeling might be endless. to know that you will continue to see beautiful things through photographs. and that everyone is nobody, goddamn it! but we are programmed to think we are somebody and there is not nearly enough pretending one can do to convince themselves they will not miss seeing beautiful things, like the ocean, like the sky, like blue whales and lampposts and windows and mugs hung from the ceiling. Iâve never seen enough. Iâll never see enough. it has to be endless. everything has to come from something that is infinite.
accept that the loneliest whale exists and you will never hear its music. accept the water cycle, accept that some love will die and cannot be buried. some things are with you from birth to death.
you can stand in the busiest street in a city and understand the silence, but you will find nothing until you can look at all the love piled up inside the people who will end up being nobody to you, and you to them.
silence fills the gaps between love. even dead, you need both.
One of the facets of BTS that captured me is their ability to create not-depressing tragic songs. They're not quite upbeat, happy, or joyful so as to make a mockery of the message but just hopeful enough to make me enjoy listening. This QC is my current go-to when I want to be in my feels but not broken-hearted about it. The lyrics alone could be extremely depressing but the music is beautifully soothing.
