I lied to my best friend and love…and i have no other excuse other than I’m selfish and scared. My words are hard to find right now. In one way ill say i’m glad it came out, i now see that if it waited for later it would’ve hurt more than ever and i don’t know if we would have gotten back up from it. its out now. Southern Man now knows everything about me. I want to stay positive, say this is something God can turn and make good. I want to feel Him hug me tight and whisper that it will be okay. I am different, even though the picture of the girl i once was still hangs high and all her flaws are still seen when people stop to look, i’m not and will never be her again. I’m tempted though to let my heart turn to the wilderness mindset of doubting, but my God is bigger than my worries. Before i would have let this cut me deep, instead i feel content. Odd i guess to feel tht way but i do. I’ve settled with my mistakes and fully believe im forgiven, our sins always have consequences in the end some have a price little to nothing and others cost us utmost suffering but with His help we can push through and still continue on. God blessed me with a soft heart of Southern Man, no dissappearing, no ignoring…..just alot of hurt, love and pressing forward hand in hand, ending in a stronger bond than i could have ever thought or asked for. No it hasn’t been easy, its still a tender spot for us, but we are fighting to go forward! We’re ending up with not just being closer but a bit more molded, adjusted, grown, deeper hope. I feel that this suffering really was taken from us and shaped into something to propel us forward, and forced us to think upon whats ahead, and with that our own hearts renewed with a fresh look on the love we share. I started to look closer back to the events of our story, God is so present in the corners, forming and molding, aligning and encouraging, in the smallest but the most impactful ways! My God is so good, lil ol me messy and quriky He would come along side me to write such a amazing story. Yes its a messy story one with my own childish scribbles intact but i wouldnt trade it for any other. Adventures are like that crazy, confusing and unknown, but isnt that why we take them? The moment i told Southern Man i thought i had lost that story, the one i had started to want and desire, but in the end, my King truly has that pen, because thats whom i put my trust in. Whos hand i lay my life and heart. I do truly believe Southern Man will be a child of God very soon. I do believe that this is the man God has been helping me prepare for the one that He allowed me to walk through the hurt so He could guide me to this point. Last sunday i was calling out to God with Southern Mans name on my tongue, as you can guess i often do. I was standing and praising arms lifted enjoying my Kings love drenching me. Than it was like a wave, the whisper i love so much even now my eyes are welling my heart feels a soft pressure of overwhelming desire. The whisper was so strong i had to sit down. There was a testimony that had come forth talking about someone being saved, and what stuck out to me was the phrase “it takes time” it kept playing in my head over and over. Than I feel His hug, “my love it takes time, it takes time. But…that time is soon, very soon. My beloved! My son is coming back to me! Soon!” There was a suddon rush in my spirit. The realization that i was excited to see Southern Man love the King, but how much more expectant was He? The One who Loves more than can be expressed. These are moments i hold on too, when the people around me ask if i really know, did i hear right? Yes, yes i did. I know who i am in Him more than i ever have before and its growing each day. Theres no turning back from that. The wilderness just looks less and less glamorous, showing the true state of it, excatly what it is called. A wilderness. A desert, a trap, a dry cricle. I hope that with this random all over post i encourage you, that you, yes you darling person that the King adores, that you know He talks to you. That if ur suffering God has something ahead and your not alone. Suffering can bring a great adventure, one that later when you look back, you’ll be so gratful God didnt let you give up.
