#whee?

[cljordan-imperium]

After 3 days of increasing pain...3 injections later and my brain is no longer feeling like it's going to escape my skull...

[faejilly]

micro story: 11!

11. drastic

So I started something for this four months ago or whenever the fuck you prompted it, but idk what I did with it, so. IDK?

oh look it's #Princess Stabbity & Alec in the finale, I have feelings, who's surprised? (No one's surprised.)

Clary’s got that look in her eyes again, like she’s about to go fling herself off a cliff. Alec wonders why Jace isn’t right at her elbow, caught between trying to catch her or flinging himself right after, wonders why Simon isn’t on the other side prepared to do the same, wonders why he can't hear Izzy's bright laugh from behind her, that dangerous edge of anticipation that ought to be terrifying and always makes him smile.

But no one’s behind Clary, no one else is at her side, no one else is getting ready to jump...

He blinks. Jace and Simon and Izzy have always been right with her when she decided something had to be done and she was damn well going to do it.

Alec’s the only one who’s ever stood across from her before, the only one who knows what that face means from the wrong side of the table.

“Fray.” He pulls her to the side, and he can feel himself frowning, but he’s not sure how to ask.

She blinks at him, as if she’s not quite sure who he is, as if even his scowl isn’t enough to bring her back here, and he feels the twist of worry tighten in his gut.

He opens his mouth, but she shakes her head, and she meets his gaze, and that distance is gone, she’s here, now, more here and now than he thinks he’s ever seen from anyone.

“What do you know?” He asks, leaning in, his voice whisper soft. He can’t stop himself from reaching out, his fingertips brushing against her elbow, trying to offer... something. He’s not even sure what.

Clary smiles at him, and whatever it is that’s happened, whatever it is that she’s decided to do about it, he knows she’s not going to tell him.

His grip tightens for just a moment, and she leans in to the touch. He lets go, and they both straighten up. He has to ask, even though he knows what her answer is going to be. “Can I help?”

Her smile deepens, but she shakes her head again. “You had to help with too many of my messes, I can handle this.”

He knows she can.

He wishes she didn’t have to, whatever it is, not like this, not alone. “Don’t do anything too drastic. Magnus will never forgive you if you miss his wedding.”

Her smile quirks up, amused at last instead of sad. “I wouldn’t dare.”

“Good.” He nods, but he can’t quite pull himself away. She nods back, and he watches her as she turns, watches until she’s out of sight. 

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

Apparently I have two settings, low battery mode or high anxiety for no apparent reason. No in between...

[faejilly]

ultimate top 10 sh moments/scenes 👀

ultimate? I am terrible at favorites/top 10′s nonny, this will not be ultimate, it will just be whatever 10 random things I thought up that I could manage words about 😅 In no order whatsoever, with numbers just so I don’t lose my place even more than usual:

10. May I start of by saying The Wedding? I generally skip fictional weddings, they make me uncomfortable. I mute them on TV (or pull out my phone to distract me if there are other people watching) and skim them in print, I find the entire concept of personalized vows mortifying, and I’m honestly delighted that most romances end at the engagment, because those are lovely and emotional. (I wasn’t even interested in my own wedding, and only actually arranged one because I knew the now husband didn’t just want to be engaged for fifty years *laughs*.) But I liked the flowers and the outfits (tho Magnus is not imo wearing a tuxedo, poor Alec) and the music and vows that were familiar rather than personal because ritual is important to them, being part of this setting that neither of them thought they’d ever have? I enjoyed it tremendously. Not an ultimate of anything, I suppose, but I liked it, which is all that matters. (It’s not where I wanted their relationship to be at that point, but it’s short-hand for where they’re going, which is the best possible scenario for a finale movie, tbqh.)

Engagements are about the couple, but weddings are about the community, and I felt like this did that visually, even if the actual ritual of the wedding makes no sense.

9. Parbatai sparring in uh… 2x11 I think it was. Sometimes the choreography in the show is a bit… weird, but they always did a good job with Jace & Alec and having the way they fought be character-full, having it show the strengths and weaknesses of their bond in a way very few of their other interactions could. In this one it’s so clearly comforting, this one sliver of normalcy after everything else that’s happened. (And gods I love Alec’s shirt, sorry never sorry, wtf is up with that man and grey shirts? *laughs*)

8. Shout out to Izzy & Luke in 3a. It’s basically one scene, but it gives us a sense of a solid world in a way Shadowhunters generally didn’t, of Luke and Izzy existing in the world as their jobs, Shadowhunter & Cop, as people, as friends, as part of a larger whole in terms of their professional and personal connections. Of course all these people know each other, in all these different ways, whether we see it all the time or not, and that was DELIGHTFUL.

7. SIMON LEWIS

That’s it.

No, obviously, especially, his speech about his grandmother and the Holocaust, because not only is it in important speech on about five levels, the way he tells it illustrates how much he loves Clary, that he’s giving her this story that she, tbqh, hadn’t earned, as a gift for her more than an explanation. It’s just. Gorgeous. It’s a gestalt, one of those moments that is greater than the sum of its parts, and in this particular case, the parts that make up the whole were pretty damn good already.

6. The 2x18 flashback to Magnus & Alec’s first time together. One, because it addressed the way the show had screwed up the original episode, but mostly two, that it was important in how it showed their relationship (fears and issues and strengths and desires, all at once) and the way they interact. Most sex scenes in TV & movies are trying to be titillating and don’t really accomplish anything in terms of plot or character, but this one did. And also it was lovely and giggly and very very pretty. 😅

5. Jocelyn’s funeral: This entire episode, actually, is a really good Clary episode. It showcases her strengths, (she never has any trouble forgiving Alec, never even considers blaming him), her determination, and also her weaknesses, the way her grief makes her reckless, again, and it’s sheer chance that her visit to Iris didn’t go dramatically horrifyingly wrong in ways that would have damaged her and Alec (and everyone who cares about them) in ways that would have lingered for years. But even though they didn’t ever explicitly address most of that, the moment at the funeral, when her voice breaks and Jace speaks for her, gives us enough catharsis that it works anyways. (It’s also a really beautiful moment for Jace, and there are so few moments when he lets himself be who he is to help someone, rather than doing what he thinks he’s supposed to do, that this one really stands out.)

4. Clary killing Valentine. #PRINCESS STABBITY

It’s good, is what I’m saying. Desperate and brutal and I love her.

3. Simon & Jace and the boop-boop both because it’s legit adorable, but also because it was one of the few ‘short-hand’ notes in the epilogue that worked for me exactly as intended. It shows you how well Simon’s integrating into the Nephilim side of the Shadow World (without ever being an ounce less Simon than he ever was) but it also shows that Jace really did learn from everything that happened to him, that he’s no longer hiding what he’s thinking and feeling, that he’s no longer afraid to just, idk, like people. He’s mourning Clary, obviously, but he’s going to be ok, and I believe that he would have been even if she’d never seen him at her show. (Though I think her seeing him is better, that it gives them a second chance to be them without the world ending around them, to be soft rather than desperate.)

2. Nice Gills

Not only is it just a stunningly perfect smile on Alec’s face, but that one moment kind of crystallizes and pulls together all the potentially disparate parts of his personality, how angry he was in s1, the hopelessness here after Jocelyn’s death, the giddy impossibility of that first smile he gave Magnus, the way he let his siblings run him even when he was running the Institute, the way he never quite cracked down on Clary’s assorted crazies because she was doing it for her mother. 

The fact that Alec is both good at his job (killing demons) and a total marshmallow to his family who will burn himself to a crisp to save them is not news, not even back in 2x5 when he met Madzie. It’s apparent in almost everything he does (especially after 1x12, when he’s no longer trying to hide himself to protect his family and has to choose actions to protect them instead). But what’s impressive here is that that smile and those words are completely 100% genuine, despite how worried he is for Clary, how guilty he feels about Jocelyn, how lost he is to have agreed to come here, to a questionable warlock who practices dark magic on the off-chance this will somehow make things better, he is honestly and truthfully there for Madzie when he smiles at her.

And that one moment, when they connect, is well enough done that her saving him from Valentine five episodes later feels completely earned. 

1. MAGNUS BANE’S SHEER EXISTENCE. He is perfection. Even when he makes no sense at all it doesn’t matter because he’s Magnus and he has done nothing wrong ever.

Except probably a bunch of murder and definitely centuries of petty revenge, but that’s just part of his charm. That he chooses not to do the former and has wallowed delightfully in the latter. 

With a special shout-out for Every Time Alec & Magnus Kiss, shut up, they’re beautiful.

[faejilly]

HOT TAKE: 'maybe your mom was right and your best is just not good enough' says more about alec's relationship with maryse than about his relationship with jace

ouch, nonny, just. Alec may have believed that, but I don’t think Maryse did, and whether it was true or not the way Jace said it was entirely unlike what we see of Alec & Maryse when they’re on-screen together, so while it speaks to Alec’s insecurities and Maryse’s truly craptastic parenting, I don’t think it’s an honest estimation of either relationship. And the fact that Jace uses it to hurt someone when he’s not getting his own way and is scared about Clary and isn’t sure how to fix the mess he’s in? That’s not about Alec at all.

Alec & Maryse have an amazing relationship, their chemistry is warm even when they’re clearly in business mode, and he is glad to see her even when she shows up to ruin everything in s1… but it’s also complicated and painful and layered… He is hurt by the way she sidelines him, but not surprised, so they don’t have a good relationship, despite their mutual affection, this is clearly true. 

But Maryse still believes, right up until the moment Alec kisses Magnus at the wedding, that they’re on the same side. Now it’s clear that from Alec’s perspective that hasn’t been true in a long time, but it speaks to the… value she placed on him. She trusted him, I think, more than anyone else in her life, and in the process she placed impossible expectations on him, but I think she thought he could meet them. I’m quite sure she had no idea how ruthless she seemed to him instead.

But none of that has anything to do with Jace purposefully lashing out and hitting what he must know is one of Alec’s most vulnerable spots. That line makes me feel like I just got stabbed tbqh, because it’s obvious that, on many levels, Alec believes that, and it seems apparent in every other interaction they’ve got that Jace doesn’t, he looks at Alec with freaking heart-eyes half the time, and yet here he guts him and then turns away like it doesn’t matter. 

Jace explicitly says several times that he believes he’s a terrible person. Alec has never once agreed with him, and I think, at this moment, Jace really wants him to say so, wants Alec to say yes, you are wrong, and everything you have done has made this worse. 

Jace wants to know that everything is terrible because Jace is terrible, and if everyone else would just admit that, that means Jace could step back and someone else will fix things.

Alec could fix things, if he just stopped trying to fix Jace. (Jace knows that he’s unfixable. He’s desperate to believe that Clary’s life is not, that somehow he can protect her and make things better, just this once.)

[faejilly]

So what gets me the most about the sneak peek

Is the double-line right after Alec makes his spatula crack.

Magnus asks if the box “is still an issue for you”. (Not us, just Alec.) And Alec agrees. It’s MY issue.

Like he believes he shouldn’t feel this way, like he has no right to feel this way, like he shouldn’t be burdening Magnus with his reaction, and I honestly think most of the anger in that spatula comment was aimed at himself, not Magnus.

Put it in your box because it’s doing better at this than I am, at least if all you’ve got is a memory it won’t keep doing things wrong.

And Magnus didn’t notice, because Magnus thinks he understands why Alec is upset about the box, but I don’t think he does, not really. Alec’s emotional reaction to things is almost never what Magnus thinks they’re going to be.

But Magnus is old, and he’s learned things in his life, and he’s had this conversation before, and it’s probably always gone about the same way, so he can’t see the ways that this one is different. 

Which leads exactly into what little of the argument we’ve seen so far. They’re saying entirely different things to each other! And Magnus is reacting to what he thinks Alec’s not saying, and Alec is reacting to Magnus’ assumptions, rather than either of them hearing what they ARE saying.

/it’s great and mature and in character and #everything hurts

/I’m gonna die next week

[faejilly]

side note:

we did not really get a chance to do the normal oh no someone else will see our house instinctual cleaning pre-contractors yesterday

and I’m pretty sure the husband and I both apologized at some point and they were all like

gosh if everyone’s house was like this our jobs would be so much easier

(phrased slightly more diplomatically, but basically)

and it’s just

wow our brains give us ridiculous expectations of actual life sometimes, don’t they?

OH NO THAT ONE KITCHEN COUNTER IS HIDING UNDER JUNK

like

that’s not that big a deal?

(and the same thing happened every time we had a pre-move inspection and just, I don’t know why I can never remember this difference between what is actually reasonable and this impossible and not even enjoyable goal that’s in my head)

anyways

don’t stress about the fact that your life looks lived in, my dears

that’s how it’s supposed to look