#whensick

[catherineamelda]

Si manja lagi sakittt 🐶@messycatndo 😭asam lambung naik muntah beberapa kali, semoga cepet sembuh ya sygku 🐶🙏😘 #catherineamelda #messycatndo #shihtzu #soulmate #manja #whensick (di Juanda Harapan Permai)

[loudst]

Hey. Hey you. C'mere. I don't know you, and you don't know me, and that's okay. I stood in your shoes once. Not too long ago, actually - been on antidepressants since 2007. I get it. I do. The world is grey and you're feeling disconnected, and you feel like you should feel something, but you can't feel anything. And after a while, you go 'why bother? Why does it matter if I feel anything? Why do I matter?' I'm here, a stranger on the internet, to tell you that you do matter.

You matter, because we all matter. This is the part where I start sounding a bit mad, but it's like this. Imagine a pond. Now imagine dropping a stone in that pond. All the stone sees is going through the surface, and then it looks up at the world and goes 'I can't touch that any more.' It can't see the ripples it's causing. It can't see what it did just by existing, just by moving. Even if it moves below the surface, there are still ripples that touch people.

Thank you. Thank you for taking time out to say something to me, it really is appreciated. I know it'd have been easier and a lot less compromising to not say anything. So I'm truly thankful, not only to you but anyone who has spoken to me or even had the desire to. I also feel much less alone knowing what I am feeling is not unusual, and solidarity goes a long way for me.

And You're right. You're right that I can still reach out to people and matter to them; to ignore that would be... well it would be extremely ignorant haha. At this point I cant deny I matter to people--overwhelming feelings to the contrary aside. I do. And if I work on it, they can matter to me. I can matter to me. And I really want to matter to me.

Your allegory was very perfect by the way. I love allegories so it helped me a lot so hear it in such a way.

I hope you don't mind me posting this, I have a special tag I use for things like this that I go to in times of need, and I'd like to add this to it.

[loudst]

17 things, just for you-- A few notes to myself.

If it doesn’t need to be done, and you don’t want to do it; don’t. If it needs to be done, but you don’t want to do it; do it anyway.

The future will be better than you think it will, simply because it will be real. And you will be alive in it.

The past is immovable and dwelling on it is pointless. If you are not learning anything from it or gaining any positive emotion from it, move on.

The past is also important, and respecting it is as well. Moving on from it and honouring your lived experiences is the highest form of respect possible.

In honouring your past, you must also honour yourself as a part of your past.

You are instrumental in your own happiness.

Sadness serves a purpose, it is okay to be sad. So does guilt.

Grieving is the process by which the mind deals with, and moves on from, tragedies big and small. This process can not be rushed, It can can be avoided… but usually to a disastrous effect.

People are not immune to disappointment any more than you are. 

If you have disappointed someone, realise this means they had expectations of you that you did not meet, and that they are showing a lot of courage in telling you so. If you could have done better, now would be the time to admit it. If you could not have, let them know. High expectations are very dangerous when left unchecked.

Holding oneself to a high standard is admirable, but always remember to take a compliment. You work hard, you deserve the recognition.

You do not owe happiness to anyone.

You do not owe happiness to yourself, not all the time; if you are not happy that is okay. Being upset over things is normal and you are not unreasonable.

Opinions can still hurt others; your words are like bullets. You can not take them back, so choose carefully.

It is okay if you have nothing to say at all. You do not owe your voice to anyone either. If you need to communicate something, you will find a way.

Your disabilities don’t define you, but they are important to you. You’d do well to respect your own limits, and make sure others do as well.

I know that sometimes you feel like screaming, and you know you cant. But hurting yourself literally only hurts you. No one has heard you, everything is still the same, and it will happen again. You do not want that. Communicate. Even if it hurts–because hey, you would be hurting yourself if you didn’t anyway.