I have this secret hope that by putting my love down on paper I'll make it permanent. Like I've ensured its survivial if I write everything down feverishly in the dead of night on a document nobody will ever see.
I want to spell my love out for you across the sky
In case it’s too much for you.
In case the depth of my feelings is overwhelming and scary while you work through the chaos of academia.
And in case, I suppose, you find it dumb.
Instead, I hide behind somebody else’s words from a third-hand screenshot buried on Pinterest so that I can share with you my heart, but with an anonymous safety net.
But in case God calls me home before I get the nerve to show you my words, I want my love saved in case I can't be. I'm writing it here, so you will always know what I was for you: Hopelessly in love.
I wish I could say I fell in love instantly
The way they do in movies
Or that I fell in love slowly
I feel like I always loved you
Like getting to know you was a formality.
That before there was my head there was my heart, and my heart allowed itself to be calmed by you in a way it never has before.
I feel like, even before we knew each other’s values and hobbies and quirks and personalities, and back when we were both still uncomfortable on fancy dates— we were in love. In a strange, you’ve-always-been-mine kind of way.
So I wish, my love, that I could point to a moment and say
Yes, there. That was the moment I fell.
But I can only point vaguely to a feeling, only gesture to all of me.
I can only say that I always will love you
Even if you choose to go.
-- your cowboy hat has a reserved seat in my life
