Ensio's hand shook, the revolver still smoked. His brother lay bleeding on the ground. His husband beside him with blood on his hands and fear in his eyes.
Ensio's hand shook, the revolver still had five bullets in it. One was already burried in Valko's shoulder. One more would be enough to finish him off and one more after that to send Peregrine off with him.
Ensio's hand shook, his heart was in pieces, he'd found his missing husband in his brothers bed. The revolver still had five bullets and every one of them felt like it belonged in one of the three of them.
The love of his life was pleading to him. Begging on his knees with blood staining his clothes, that Ensio let him get help for Valko. That they talk this out. That he was so sorry.
Ensio heard every last one of Peregrine's words, but not a single one fully registered through the thrum of blood in his ears.
Ensio hated that this wasn't the first time Peregrine looked so scared of him. He hated that Valko, as badly injured as he was, was still trying to pull Peregrine behind him, to make sure his bulk would keep Peregrine safe from Ensio's wrath.
Valko would sacrifice himself for Ensio's husband. Could Ensio say the same? Stood there with a gun pointed at him and every intention to kill the man he adored?
His heart lay in pieces. His hand shook, but he did not pull the trigger.
The world felt numb. He didn't remember walking home. He didn't remember sitting down on the edge of his and Peregrine's bed, or pulling his wedding ring off setting it aside on his bedside table like he'd done every night since they had wed a full decade ago.
Ten years of marriage. Happy marriage. The sort of marriage you read about in the shmoopy romances Peregrine adored. With fresh flowers and devotion and love that warmed them through the darkest nights.
This was it, wasn't it? There was no going back. No pretending he didn't know Peregrine preferred the embrace of another, of Ensio's own twin.
He sat on the edge of that bed, staring at the floor. He might have been crying. Might have been sobbing. Everything was just numb.
He wanted Peregrine in his arms. He wanted to ring his neck. He wanted to eviscerate Valko. He wanted to hug him and feel like they were brothers again.
"Ensio?" Peregrine knocked at his own door, "Can I come in?"
Ensio just stared at it, silent and unsure if he wanted to scream for Peregrine to leave and never return or to beg that he forget Valko ever existed.
"Ensio, please," Peregrine sounded choked up, "Even if it's a no, I just want to make sure you're ok."
"Come in," Ensio hated how weak his voice felt, and how weak he felt when just seeing Peregrine in their room again after weeks away was enough to soften the edges of whatever it was writhing within him.
Peregrine came to him kneeling in front of where he sat on the bed, his soft features twisted in something like sorrow as he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket.
"My love," Peregrine reached for him, and Ensio wanted to flinch away, but the warmth of Peregrine's hand against his cheek was more than enough to break his resolve.
His eyes screwed shut, he pressed against Peregrine's palm, his own hand going to hold it there as he silently begged to be able to open his eyes and find this had all been an awful nightmare.
Peregrine whiped his tears for him, gentle and kind and like he had many times before.
"When did it all go wrong?" Ensio asks in the breath warmed space between them when he opens his eyes again to find that his nightmare continues.
Peregrine can't meet his gaze, "I don't know," he swallows hard, "Can we talk about this in the morning? It's late, and we both need rest."
"Will you be with him until then?" Ensio didn't like the bite in his words.
"No, I'll be on the guest room. He's gone home to tend his wounds alone."
Ensio sighs, and pulls away from his husband's touch, "Stay here. Please."
It had been months since they last shared a bed. Even before Peregrine left they slept apart more nights than they did together.
Ensio missed the days of not waking up alone.
"Are you sure?" Peregrine asked standing carefully from where he knelt, like he expected Ensio to snap again.
Ensio nodded, and hoped the morning would bring resolution to them both.
