Jul 24, 2014
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Post 5 of 52: I Remember (Once a Cheerful Person)
Back in high school my life has its ups and downs. But at the end of the day, I was an opportunistic person. I remember I was a happy person. I remember I had a lot of people who would talk to me constantly, hang out with me, or support me whenever I needed them. I remember if I mess up things, I still got second chances. I remember when I talk to people, I will reply ASAP and usually it's a two-way chat. We would have funny inside chats, the conversation just doesn't stop. The good morning/nights texts that I used to get every morning/night, during that time I thought it was sort of annoying. I would write "LOL" or "LMAO" because it was actually funny. I used to have at least 5 people to talk to throughout the day. The conversation always have funny moments, smiley faces, and it gives a sense of who the person was.
Now? I guess my mind set is all about me. I've been becoming more independent. I barely talk to people anymore during my free time. I'm constantly pessimistic about this and that and I'm always worrying about the littlest things for no apparent reason. I have more responsibilities now. There's hardly anymore second chances; once I screw up, I screw up entirely. I don't know how to enjoy life anymore. The only time when people talk to me now is when they need something from me. When people do talk, there's always a reason behind why the other person started the conversation. People nowadays doesn't hit me up just to catch up to see how I'm doing. I miss the feeling where people will just hit me up just because they were still thinking about me to hang out and have happy moments; not because they needed more people so it will cost cheaper, not because they needed me for something, not because they were pitying me. My conversations are like talking to a wall with no response back. I no longer receive those good morning/night texts something I can look forward to during the day. Now I barely have anyone to talk to. Even if I did, it would die out sooner or later. Now I would write "LOL" or "LMAO" just because I don't know what else to write not because it was actually funny. I write smiley faces just to make sure the other person doesn't interpret that I was mean or being serious. Most of the times, I would just look at my texts and just tell myself that I will reply later, which I would sometimes forget to reply. When I do reply, I sound like a talking robot with a monotone voice, with one word replies. Replies that doesn't give the other person a chance on what to say next. Replies that is like a dead end for the conversation to end.
I guess growing up sucks.
Logic - Welcome To Forever Visit @WhosJayden For More Songs!
[RnB] [Hip-Hop]
This is real life, the only one we get to live I remember being broke and thinking something gotta give This is real life, everything we do is legendary And we gon' do it to the day we in the cemetery Real life, it feel like I'm dreaming Used to feel like I was nothing, now my life has meaning Said this is real life, God damn this is real life
Dear Future Love of My Life:
I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I’m close.
I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for “meh” relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So, here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself, much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.
The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:
1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I’m with the wrong person right now.
3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.
4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.
5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.
6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.
8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I’m too focused on my own needs.
10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself — I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.
Be patient with me, darling heart. Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.
I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined. But I’m here. This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.
Don’t give up on me.
Yours, in perpetuity,
The Love You Haven’t Met Yet
Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/a-letter-from-the-love-you-havent-met-yet/
