#why brain do thing

[shoutsindwarvish]

having ocd is dumb

when i told my therapist about my sexual intrusive thoughts back in july, i felt like a disgusting human being and a great deal of shame. she did not blink and gave me tips to stop “compulsing” and face them head-on (basically a form of exposure therapy) and it sucked so bad but i got them fully under control within a month.

i’d barely even noticed them for months but they’ve started getting louder and more insistent again with a slightly different flavor, this time the idea that i’ll actually act on them. i know i will not. i do not believe the thoughts, i have no identification with the thoughts, and i know full well that the brain is bringing it up specifically because it goes against my values and it’s the equivalent of a child showing me a gross bug they found to see my reaction. as of now, i am not in full spiral and am actively fighting the desire to argue with or avoid them and to instead just look straight at them and sit with them…to varying degrees of success.

i’m mostly just exasperated. it feels like i have an obnoxious younger sibling in my head trying to rile me up and telling them to shut up only encourages them that they’re on the right track and it’s like

[ilikeyoshi]

whats ur dumbest fear. like the one u know holds no water whatsoever but ur still scared of it or have a routine to prevent it (ie. keeping ur feet under the blanket so monsters cant get u).

mine is that malevolent spirits cant hurt me as long as i live with my sister bc we both agree one of her dolls was possessed and haunting her but she politely asked it to stop and it just. did. nothing weird has happened with that doll since. so obviously my sister is a ghost whisperer and if we come into contact with anymore pissed off spirits she can just talk them down.

bonus: my mom's is that if she leaves kitchen knives out on the counter overnight, a murderer can grab them. but if she puts them away before bed he can't get them.

[arbacoochee]

The weirdest urge is to dance a plinn. Like, who willingly links elbows with 25 of their best friends and jumps up and down for 12 minutes? I guess it’s me, but how? Why brain do thing?

[liminalsimian]

I have somehow managed to forget or otherwise fail to do 95% of my self-care stuff for almost a week now and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my mood is a little unstable in light of that. But I just????? I don't know how to fix it. I did an unusual amount of useful things these past 12 hours (calling it "today" would be inaccurate), but somehow failed at the basics in exchange. Now it's the morning and I'm really tired and just want to sleep. :/

[squeakpip]

Intellectually I understand that I’m probably tired and anxious because I’ve had tooth pain for the last three days, but my brain is choosing to interpret this chain of events as An Omen pertaining to the election instead. 

[zisurru-main]

at some point i stopped feeling the adderall wear off in the evenings, meaning i basically always feel like i've just taken amphetamines regardless of whether i've had any that day at all this is a problem because i can't lie still long enough to fall asleep probably 3 nights out of the week so i just end up pacing and vacuuming at 3 am and then having that feeling where you're not sleepy but you're nauseous and shaky from being so underslept i am slightly concerned but not enough to do anything about it. i actually like myself better this way because my thoughts seem much more interesting and i've actually written some fiction which i haven't wanted/been able to do for a long time