Another relationship tumblr

The diary of a 20-something strugglebus passenger with a low balance on their transit card they/them + desi + queer af + numtot

[arbacoochee]

What my life has become

Walking over to the water filter several times a day to refill it

[arbacoochee]

What was your hugely embarrassing quarantine purchase?

Oh, you know, definitely not a $700 gaming laptop my girlfriend and I intend to use to play Skyrim, a game last updated in 2016.

[greelin]

let me just make one thing clear

i have no clue what’s going on, ever, in any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever

[blooooom]

all you ever need is the boundary.

we do this thing where we love extrapolating or projecting on why we need the boundary and what the boundary means and what it says about us. we say things like i’m not sleeping with anyone until 3 months in because if i do, then i’m slutty, or you’re a bad friend and a bad person so i’m not going to speak to you again or, i’m afraid to stand up for myself because if i do this person will be hurt and not like me anymore.

but the truth is, the boundary stands for and speaks for itself. the boundary says simply, “this is the choice i have made for myself right now.” and it doesn’t need further explanation and you don’t have to get caught up in anyone else’s reaction to the boundary. let them judge it (and you by extension) however they wish. your concern is creating the boundary, enforcing it, and then honoring it and yourself. all you ever need is the boundary. everything else is just projection, just filler, just abstraction. all that’s real is you, your safety, your choice. 

[arbacoochee]

Hooo boy. Imagine having boundaries, enforcing them, and *not* demanding an explanation for what they mean and why.

[arbacoochee]

Snow leopard actually, and I had no idea what Calvin and Hobbes was as a kid (my parents named the stuffed animal) so I would spell its name ‘Hobs’.

[arbacoochee]

These are the times where you spend some thought and reflection on what exactly in your life led you underneath this highway underpass, shivering in the rain while eating Cracker Jacks from the bag with a pair of bamboo chopsticks.

[valtsv]

i know it can come across as reading too much into things sometimes but i’m such a sucker for the the unspoken aspects of a relationship dynamic. stuff like “i know it’s them, i’d recognize that stupid hair/face/distinctive article of clothing anywhere” implying that the speaker has observed the subject of their description long and regularly enough to accurately recall their physical appearance, or “i made you coffee, just how you like it” implying that they’ve not only spent long enough time together to learn and memorize their preferences and habits, but actually cared enough to make the effort to do so

[arbacoochee]

Yep that’s what’s missing. My partner actually knows nothing about me after three years

[arbacoochee]

I really don’t need this

I’m so fucking done with this whole thing. I haven’t received an ounce of care, let alone a moment of attention, acknowledgement of my existence, for almost a week.

Meanwhile I pour out my heart and my entire body to her. I was told, “you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”—it’s too late, I already did. And I’m really already burnt out. There are smoldering ashes left, but they can’t keep me or her or anyone warm.

I’m ashes.

[arbacoochee]

Is this what life is?

Being awake sometimes, and then sometimes also being asleep?

[arbacoochee]

Bubble tea

Pretty sure it calms a stormy mind?

Your job for the next 6-8 minutes is:

Enjoy tea

Suck up tiny bits of tapioca

Don’t leave anything behind

Sexual metaphors aside, yes, it’s a sensual experience that you have in your mouth. But it’s also in your head. If you’re concentrating on getting every last boba pearl, your mind isn’t telling you... anything else

[arbacoochee]

Stoooooopppp meeee

From buying another mediocre bicycle

I don’t need it and

It will cost money

[arbacoochee]

bae: tell me your wildest fantasy

me: I’m financially stable in a job that I love with opportunities for career advancement making a positive impact on the world that I can see. I live in a modest home with space for a reasonable number of guests and a place to cook delicious food. There are hardly any problems with the home, but sometimes the toilet clogs. The fridge and pantry are never empty and when they’re getting low, I can go to some grocery stores with fresh ingredients I will find tasty. I can get almost everywhere I want on public transportation, and when I need to get somewhere else, I have friends who’ll give me a lift. I am in good health, and most days I have the energy to carry out my daily tasks and contribute to the communities I care about.

[werecat]

we all talk about the intimacy of eye contact but do you ever think about the intimacy of looking at someone’s eyes while they’re looking at something else—either because they’re distracted or they’re deliberately allowing you to have this moment to yourself or they know that it’ll be too much to look back at you directly—and if so does it ever just make you go full crazy

[arbacoochee]

Ooooooh I want this

[kimchicuddles]

TikvaWolf.com

[arbacoochee]

Imagine expecting that people enter relationships and are in love, are finding ways to get nourishment from relationships and love!

Maybe I experience love in the synapses, in the space of the everyday affection and lovingkindness between ever-closening friend-lovers...

But my partner, to whom I have a commitment, with whom I share a home, experiences love as a terror of losing or being lost, as a constant presence of anxiety that something will go wrong and it’ll all be their fault, or that their lover secretly harbors hate and resentment for them and is using them in spite.

For one of us, love is warm, and kind, and generous. For the other, love is terrifying, and fearful, and desperately scarce. How do you find a way to feel nourished together under those circumstances?

My partner’s love doesn’t turn inward, like a cocoon. It isn’t about making the best life for me, like mine is for them. Their love is constantly reflected outward, much like mine! But the outside is a hostile place for them, not a place to see love reflected at you.

[avpdsnail]

i'm down to fuck

-ing isolate myself from everyone i love

[arbacoochee]

I didn’t lose my work ID and metro card on my way to work.

No, I just put it in my bag.

And dashed around and crawled on the floor of the metro carriage looking like a possessed person for fun, I guess.

[arbacoochee]

Condensed milk tin lids are responsible for 99.99% of cut tongues in the world