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WIG REVIEW: OCEAN’S EIGHT

Ok so apologies for not seeing any movies in a while. I am now correcting that, especially since Moviepass is definitely about to go tits up so I’m watching as many free movies as possible until then (do not hold me to this, however!) Anyway, I finally saw Ocean’s Eight and it was fine. Definitely worth the price of admission? It’s a fun heist movie where Cate Blanchett wears nice suits and jackets so fine.

I’m really here for all these female reboots (I honestly loved the Ghostbusters one, wigs aside). One of the issues I had with this one is the fact that despite it’s affable female cast and the fact that both Blanchett and Helena Bonham Carter look fabulous and fabulously use accents from places both real and imaginary, the best and funniest character is still a man: James Corden. It is not his fault that he has good one liners and is incredibly charming. BUT STILL. The other huge issue I had with it is, of course, THE WIGS. Let’s discuss.

This is definitely one of those movies where you just have to suspend all disbelief always about everything. We begin with Sandy Bullock getting out of prison and clearly she went to the OITNB jail because only Laverne Cox could have given her these great beach waves whilst in the slammer.

Sandy quickly returns to a life of crime, which is when we meet Rihanna as a hacker and Sarah Paulson’s truly truly truly outrageously bad wig. Now, Paulson is no stranger to a bad wig but honestly WHAT IN THE VERY HELL. I have loved Sarah Paulson since Down With Love but WHAT DARKSIDED NONSENSE DID SARAH PAULSON DO TO A WIGMASTER TO LET THIS HAPPEN?

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS WIG IS TERRIBLE. The seams (look at that part!), the texture, the continuity. NO.

Just look at it in action! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

Let it be known that this is what Sarah Paulson’s real hair looked like during filming of this movie. I’m not sure why they couldn’t just doll this up rather than giving us the most distracting wig of the summer (SO FAR?)

BUT IT GETS WORSE:

About halfway through the movie, we get to the big Met Gala con and Sandy wears this wig (which we know to be a wig within the context of the film). THIS WIG IS BETTER THAN THE WIG SARAH PAULSON IS PASSING OFF AS REAL HAIR. NOT SINCE THE DANISH GIRL HAVE I BEEN TRAPPED IN SUCH A BYZANTINE HALL OF WIG NIGHTMIRRORS.

Much like that movie, this wig situation has completely gaslit me and definitely slashes through the space-time-wig continuum. Clearly, all that can be gleaned from this wig/non-wig vortex is that Sandy Bullock is a wigmaster’s friend and Sarah Paulson is a wigmaster’s enemy. Otherwise, it made my brain and eyes hurt as much as having to endure an Anne Hathaway performance that I didn’t totally hate (don’t worry - she’s still on my no-fly list).