"I'm Sorry."
Content Warning: apocalyptic setting, foul language, discussions of unwanted pregnancy and termination, discussions of sex, gun use
for 2025's Whumpmas in July day three prompt: "I'm sorry."
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The early sunlight started to peek through the trees at last. Mac sat on top of their camper, legs dangling, watching as the sun came to greet the sky. As tiring as it was to be on nightwatch, the quiet sunrises made it worth it. With no orders or expectations other than, “keep everyone alive and wake them up if any infected or raiders get too close.” Mac sucked in a deep breath and released it, determined to enjoy what little of the morning she had left to herself.
Evidently, it turned out to be not much, as the camper door no sooner banged against the side of the camper than Mac had finished taking her deep breath.
Mac looked down to see a mop of blond curls bounding down the camper steps. Liam’s morning hair never failed to make Mac smile, despite what other reactions Liam himself managed to elicit from her. He always looked so silly in the morning, with his stern expression and his lopsided curls. His hair was especially egregious looking this morning. Mac stifled a laugh as Liam’s head moved to peer up at her.
“Any sign of infected?” Liam asked, voice still rough from lack of use.
“Sir, no sir!” Mac exclaimed, saluting and kicking her feet against the side of the camper.
Liam sighed, rolling his eyes at her antics. “Am I the first one up?”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
Liam groaned, looking back at the camper. “Awesome. Guess I get to wake up the lovebirds. Again.” He shook his head, turning back to reach for the camper door handle. “Marcus told me he’d go on a supply run with me today.”
“Remember to avert your eyes this time.” Mac warned, shielding her eyes as she faced the rising sun.
“Ugh, don’t remind me.” The camper door banged shut behind him.
It only took a few minutes for the yelling to start. More often than not, this is how the group’s mornings began. Once Liam found Marcus and Fiona tangled up on the camper’s queen-sized mattress, it was inevitable. It didn’t matter how many times he tried instilling into them that fucking during the apocalypse was a bad idea: the two of them would sooner end back up in bed together than listen to his, “puritanical bullshit.” And, like always, Mac knew she’d inevitably end up right in the middle of the fight.
Marcus was the first out of the camper, pulling a pair of jeans over his hips as he hopped down the camper steps. Fiona was not far behind, more dressed than her lover in a tank top and pair of jeans as she hurried down the steps, away from the source of the yelling.
“This is getting ridiculous,” Liam intoned as he followed them down the steps.
“Couldn’t agree more.” Marcus huffed, finally getting the jeans fully pulled up. “Yelling at us every damn morning is getting pretty fucking old, Liam.”
“I wouldn’t have to yell if you two could keep your pants on!”
“We’re two grown adults, Liam. We’re gonna have sex.”
“Right. But I think you’re forgetting that we’re living in the fucking apocalypse, Marcus.”
Mac rolled her eyes. It was the same argument, rehashed over and over again. Soon enough, Fiona glanced up to where Mac sat and smiled, raising her eyebrows. Mac shook her head. She wasn’t getting involved again.
“It’s not that big of a deal, Liam.” Fiona said, crossing her arms and kicking at the grass. “I’m sure Mac agrees. Right, Mac?”
Shit.
Liam glanced up to where Mac sat, squinting from the sunlight. “Care to share?” He asked, voice taut.
Mac shook her head vigorously. Nope, not getting involved this time.
“Well,” the word came out of Mac before she could stop herself. Liam crossed his own arms and cocked an eyebrow. “I mean, if they’re using protection, it’s not that big of a deal, is it? You guys are using protection, right?”
Both of the couple nodded.
“Condoms expire, guys!” Liam exclaimed, exasperated, throwing his hands up in the air. “That’s great that you’re using protection now, but what happens in a few years? What happens if a condom breaks? What are you going to do then?”
“Then we deal with it.” Fiona said, shifting her weight onto one hip as she stared Liam down.
Liam groaned. “Unbelievable. You guys are unbelievable.” He shot Mac a dirty look. “And I expected better from you.”
Sorry, Mac mouthed to him as he stormed back into the camper, the camper shaking at the force of his slamming the door. No doubt to retrieve more supplies for the supply run he and Marcus would be running. He’d cool down soon enough. Mac thought so, until she tuned into the conversation happening below her.
“Can you just get one?” Fiona asked in a whisper, turned to face Marcus.
“He’s gonna know, and he’s gonna be even more pissed.” Marcus said, shaking his head.
“Don’t you wanna know, though? Just sneak away from him and grab one while he’s not looking.”
“Fiona, they keep them behind the counters at this pharmacy. And it doesn’t help that Liam has the eyes of a friggin hawk. He’s gonna notice.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Mac called down to them. The two of them turned to her, expressions exasperated. They never really got on, except for when they needed something from her. Never ran in the same circles even before the world went to shit. It was purely coincidence they were grouped together at all.
Eventually, Fiona called up to Mac. “I’ll tell you once they head out, alright?”
Mac nodded, blinking as she turned back to watch the woods.
When the boys left, Mac hopped down from the roof of the camper, brushing off her jeans and made her way to Fiona. She couldn’t help but notice the wide-eyed, slightly dissociated way Fiona stared off at the boys departing.
“Hey,” Mac said, poking Fiona’s side. She didn’t take her eyes away from the boys.
“Hey, Mac.”
“What’s up?” Mac tilted her head to be in Fiona’s field of vision, to no avail.
Fiona sighed, still watching them as they cleared a hill and peeked out of sight. “I might be pregnant.”
Time stopped.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Fiona.”
“I’m serious, Mac. I’m late. Again.”
“Jesus,” Mac exhaled.
Fiona tugged at the bottom of her curly blonde hair. “What do you think he’s gonna say? If I am?”
Mac blew a raspberry with her lips. “Probably that he told you so.” She took in the other woman’s expression and instantly changed tactics. “But it’ll be fine. What’s the worst he could do, right? Scream at you guys for something he’s already screamed at you for before?”
Fiona’s shoulders sank. “Right. It can’t be that bad.” She looked Mac up and down, eyes sad. “I’m just… worried. About what’s going to happen.”
“What, you don’t want Liam delivering your theoretical baby?”
“Oh my God, don’t even joke about that.” Fiona said, eyes wide.
“What? He’s probably the best qualified out of all of us to help.”
“Oh my God.” Fiona laughed, incredulous. “I don’t want him touching me.”
“Who knows, you might make his day.”
“Mac!”
“Kidding, kidding, God.” Mac laughed, pushing against Fiona. “It’s gonna be fine, though, Fi. He can only get so mad about it.”
—---------
Mac was buried deep in blankets when the yelling started. She pulled herself out of her dreams, yawning as she sat up and untangled herself from her blanket. They were outside, again, arguing about God knows what this time. Wrapping the blanket around herself, Mac unlatched the camper door and made her way down the stairs, careful not to trip over her dragging blanket. The other three were all around the dying campfire, all in various states of distress. Fiona was cowered against Marcus, buried under his arm. Marcus stood tall as Liam waved the blue and white piece of plastic right under his nose.
“I told you,” Liam huffed, running a hand through his messy blond curls. “I fucking told you this would happen.”
“Liam, chill the fuck out.”
“Chill out? Are you fucking kidding me?” Liam laughed in a harsh burst. “You got someone pregnant in the apocalypse, and you expect me to be all giggles and rainbows about it? Congratulate you on your superior sperm? No, Marcus, I’m fucking pissed and you–God, you don’t even care, do you? This isn’t registering for you how bad this really is.”
“We’ll deal with it.” Marcus said, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. Mac could see the tears begin to stream down her face in the low firelight.
“Deal with it, how? You know damn well you can’t get an abortion in the apocalypse.”
“It’ll be fine. Fi can just like, take a Plan B or something. I grabbed some while we were at the drugstore.”
Fiona and Liam looked at Marcus like he had two heads. “Oh my fucking God.” Liam said, eyes wide. “You’re an idiot.”
“What?”
“Plan B only works the first seventy-two hours after having sex, Marcus. It’s preventative. Do you even know what that means?”
“Yes…?”
“It means that it can’t terminate an active pregnancy!”
Marcus’s face went pale.
“Yeah, dumbass!” Liam yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. “There’s no coming back from this!”
Mac shuffled over to the group as quickly as she could, with the bottom of her blanket trailing behind her. “Liam, take a breath.” She warned him, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself. “You’re gonna give yourself an aneurysm if you keep going like this.”
“They just—” Liam exhaled, rubbing his face in his hands.”You know what? No. I’m not dealing with this anymore.”
“What?” Fiona asked, voice trembling.
“If you guys want to get yourself killed trying to look for diapers, taking care of a screaming baby near a hoard of zombies, go right ahead. But I’m not dying with you.” Liam stomped over to the camper.
“Liam, wait.” Mac tried to reason. “It’s late. You’re angry. Can’t we talk about this in the morning?”
Things were quickly unraveling. They needed Liam. Annoying as he was at times, he was their best chance at survival. He knew how to hunt, how to shoot a gun. The others were sitting ducks without him.
Liam stopped on the steps in front of the camper door, deflating. “I’m leaving in the morning,” he said, not looking back as he pulled the camper door open and went inside, door shutting behind him. “You can either come with me or stay, Mac, but I’m not staying here with Mr. and Mrs. Expecting.”
—--------------
Mac laid under her blanket that night, but couldn’t sleep. No one seemed to be able to, but especially not her.
Damn Liam. Damn Liam and his hot head.
Mac turned onto her side, attempting to bury her head in her blanket-made pillow, and could see through the doorway Marcus and Fiona curled up together on the queen-sized mattress, whispering faintly to each other. Mac couldn’t bear to face them any longer, and turned onto her other side. Alone, on the other side of the camper on one of the couches, was Liam, curled up by himself, his back facing her. She could see his arms moving as he laid there, and she knew he was loading and unloading the magazine out of his pistol. He did that often, whenever he couldn’t sleep. The idea of leaving must’ve been making him nervous, too. Mac hadn’t seen him nervous often. He always kept a level head when it mattered.
That was, until now.
Flopping onto her back, Mac thought it through again. A group was safer. More people to keep watch. More people with survival skills. But, it was also more people to feed, especially with a baby in the mix. And, no offense to Marcus and Fiona, but they had the survival skills of potato chips. They were getting better, as was she, but still. Could she count on them when it mattered? They didn’t even seem to like her that much. Well, neither did Liam, for that matter, but at least they could hold a conversation. Marcus and Fiona mostly kept to themselves.
Mac thought back to what Liam had said, about caring for a baby in this state of the world. Would they even be able to manage with an infant in tow? Didn’t they need formula or some shit? Where in the hell would they find formula? And diapers, clothes. The possibilities made Mac’s head spin. Never mind the crying. Mac knew how much babies cried. Her mother’s at-home daycare business had shown her that.
No, stop that. Don’t think of her.
Marcus and Fiona would be fine, Mac thought to herself. If there was one thing Mac knew about them, it was how seriously lucky the two of them were. But would Liam? Sure, he could hold a gun, and forage for food and hunt, but who was going to watch his back? Who would he talk to when he got lonely?
She thought about how he looked when she didn’t follow him inside.
—----------------
That morning, at the crack of dawn, Mac shoved what little supplies she had into her hiking backpack. Liam had been the one to pick it out for her. It can hold more than a regular backpack, he had told her when he handed it to her. Never mind that it was an ugly shade of green she would have never picked out for herself. It’ll help you blend into the greenery. Shoving each of the baggy straps onto her shoulders, Mac took a deep breath and looked at herself in the cracked full length mirror on the back of the camper door. She was really doing this. And she hoped the two love birds would forgive her for it.
When she opened the camper door, she saw that Liam was still there. He looked surprised to see her open the door, and even more surprised to see that she was carrying all of her earthly possessions with her. Marcus and Fiona, who stood on the other side of the firepit, looked surprised to see her, too, but devastated, too.
“Mac,” Fiona said, almost voicelessly.
“I gotta go, Fi.” Mac said, walking over to Fiona to wrap her arms around her. Fiona didn’t push her away, instead sitting motionless in her wrapped arms.
“Mac, please. Don’t do this.” She said into Mac’s shoulder.
“He needs me, Fi.” Mac told her.
“We need you.” She argued. That was the loudest her voice got. Her voice had the quality to it of someone who already knew they’d lost.
Marcus didn’t look at her, instead staring at the ground, kicking his toe into a grass patch. Liam kept looking at her, incredulous. It was as if his eyes were saying, you’re coming?
Mac saddled up to Liam’s side, looking to him to see what the next steps were. He shook his head and looked forward, clearing his throat.
“Well, I guess we’ll be going, then.” He said, placing his hand on his pistol to check if it was still there. “It was nice knowing you two.”
“You guys are real bastards, you know that?” Marcus said, voice rising.
“Come on.” Liam said quietly, leaning over to Mac. “Let’s just go.”
“You’re gonna leave us to die? Seriously? After everything we’ve been through. After all the times I’ve saved your ass?” Marcus called out to them as they began to walk away, towards the woods.
Fiona had burst into tears, apologizing. Mac could hear that much from where she was. Her stomach sank, and half-hoped that Liam would change his mind, that they’d just turn around and go back to Fiona and Marcus. Nothing would have to change, besides the obvious.
She knew he wouldn’t.
As they parted ways, and Liam and Mac walked down the hill towards the woods, Mac said a silent prayer. For the lovebirds. For their baby. For them, and their immortal souls, for what they were doing. And then, as soon as they were out of sight, they trudged forward, onto the journey for the next safe place.
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