Why Sam and Dean are insane
I've been thinking about Sam and Dean being unhinged and what they do whenever the other one is dead or (in danger of becoming) something Other, and I think it’s very interesting that Sam's actions are always incredibly destructive and end up hurting other people while Dean's actions always hurt himself and/or Sam:
- In "Faith" Sam talks Dean into going to the supposed wonder healer. He doesn’t know that for Dean to live someone else has to die, and later he feels sort of bad about it, but he doesn’t regret it at all.
- In "Mystery Spot" Sam goes full on unhinged, basically becoming a hunting machine and is prepared to kill Bobby because there might be a chance to get Dean back.
- At the end of season 3 Sam is ready to become immortal zombies with Dean, harvesting other people's body parts.
- After Dean dies, Sam is easily manipulated by Ruby, becomes obsessed with revenge, starts drinking demon blood and ultimately ends up starting the apocalypse because he can't let go.
- In season 10, Sam manipulates a man into selling his soul to get an audience with with a demon and has no problems torturing demons. In his quest to free Dean from the mark he ends up getting innocent people killed. In the end he frees the Darkness to get the mark off Dean, despite knowing it would have horrible consequences for the world.
- In “All Hell Breaks Loose” Dean sells his soul to get Sam back. Not only does he doom himself, but he also burdens Sam with terrible survivor's guilt and he knows that, because he has been tearing himself apart ever since he found out about John's deal.
- In "When the Levee Breaks" Dean thinks Sam has become, or is about to become a monster, and is fine with Sam dying during detox (”Then at least he dies human!”).
- In season 6 Dean doesn’t see soulless!Sam as the “real” Sam, but something Other. To get his Sam back, he decides to put Sam's soul back in his body, despite being warned of the horrifying consequences it could have on Sam. He kills himself for an audience with Death and ignores everyone’s warnings, and Sam eventually ends up crazy and almost dies. (Yes, Cas broke the wall, but considering Sam spent half a season scratching on the wall, it would have broken anyway. And the fact that there are hell memories able to drive him crazy in the first place is on Dean who made the decision.)
- In "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here" Dean tricks Sam into getting possessed by an angel and is fine (maybe not fine, but he accepts it as necessary evil) with Sam getting mind-raped as long as he stays alive. It also ends up getting Kevin killed, but that is mereley a consequence while that action itself is a direct assault on Sam.
- "Red Meat" is basically the same thing as in AHBL, as Dean kills himself, totally prepared to die, uncaring about his own life, despite the suffering his death would cause Sam, and his plan in "Exodus" to return alone to the vampire caves was basically suicide py proxy.
The interesting thing is that Sam and Dean's actions directly tie in with their central issues. Sam is always afraid of becoming a monster, thinking something within him is inherently wrong and evil, and that he's a threat to the world. He should be deeply disturbed and ashamed of how monstrous his love for Dean can make him. "Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire” makes it clear he is aware that he is unhinged and dangerous to the world, and he feels vaguely bad, but there is no guilt or shame at all. (”I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.”) Dean is defined by his devotion to Sam and is violently protective of him. It should disturb him greatly that he keeps hurting Sam, either by hurting him directly, or by throwing his life away which automatically means hurting Sam as well. Unlike Sam, Dean isn’t always aware of what he is doing. His self-worth issues keep him from realizing how much his death absolutely destroys Sam, and he is remarkably ignorant to the way he hurt Sam. After Gadreel, he never gets that what hurt Sam far more than Kevin's death is the horrible violation and betrayal by Dean's hands. But even when he does realize what he’s doing, he simply doesn’t care because Sam, the version of Sam that he loves, being alive comes before everything.
Like...this is INSANE. Their love makes each other monstrous in ways that fall directly in line with their greatest fears. They don’t just cross lines that society/morality has drawn, but specifically those lines that they themselves have drawn. They should be deeply disturbed and afraid of themselves but they aren't. Sure, there might be some guilt here or there, but that is not what keeps them up at night. (It’s sort of hilarious how Lucifer tried to guilt Sam about sacrificing the world for Dean, and Sam took the exact opposite from that conversation. What kept Sam up at night were not all the innocent people that were collateral damage but his perceived betrayal of Dean, the one time he didn’t go insane when he thought Dean was dead.) In the end it's all about having each other as they are, and that makes it all worth it for Sam and Dean. Even though it goes directly against everything they are.
They are so insane about each other I can’t -
