Where Do I Begin?
It has been a long while since I have had any real interest in writing, but the feeling hit me tonight so here I find myself. I don’t care if no one or a million people read this I just felt like this would be the place my life would be the least judged. Or at least judged the way I judge - not that that makes me sound like a very good person I suppose...But at least it’s the truth.
Normally, I handle my stresses very well. But lately? Honestly, I am not sure how I can even consider myself a functioning human being at this point. Where to I begin with the list of stresses? Should we start at the fact that I married the love of my life but due to the fact that we are both stubborn and dramatic and we cope differently our marriage has been a mess from day 6? - I wish I was kidding, but quite literally the 6th day we got married. It’s been a clusterfuck of almost 2 years but we love each other with all of us so we’re trying to fix us. Or the fact that my dad just recently passed away? My best friend died and Frankly Scarlet? - many of you have no clue what they is in reference to but my dad and I used to say it to each other all the time. It’s from Gone with the Wind. Anyway, he just passed and I am really struggling to cope without him, I really have no idea what to do with myself. I am not crying as much as I thought I would but I am still never really happy and when I am I just want to tell him and then the sadness hits all over again.
Or would could start with the fact that the week my dad died I lost my best friend of over a decade because I had my suspicions that she was stealing things from my me the week he died. Along with the fact that quite a few people mentioned that she seemed super out of it and odd at the services - not to mention smelling of booze. We have not spoken in almost 3 months and she does not seem to miss me at all; and in a way I don’t miss her either. Which part of that is more sad to think about?
We could also add onto the list that a family friend of mine has pushed her dramatics to a new limit (She is 17) and came for my husband in a way I did not find appropriate and so I clapped back and she then tried to hurt herself but instead told everyone I told her to kill herself. So I have lost her and her mother and her father because she throws fits until she gets what she wants - which in the end is not a total loss I suppose. So I lost them but got to keep the older sister, who was always my favorite anyway.
And finally as all of these things are happening I start a new job - which is a silver lining and amazing escape from everything else - and was informed the Friday before thanksgiving that my landlord has decided she is not going to be extending our lease - which is up December 31st - and we need to find a new place to live before then. No if’s and’s or buts.
I am not sure which one of these things I should talk about first. What I do know is I am getting closer and closer to losing my mind and I don’t know if that’s a good thing and maybe I need to lose my mind a little bit before my life can get back in order or if this is going to go very very badly.
Thank you for coming to tonight whine. Brought to you by tonight’s wine: The Little Penguin Cabernet Sauvignon
All aboard the Hot Mess Express. Final Destination: Me.
