I’d like to think that John has tried to cut himself multiple times and the only reason we don’t see it is because of his healing factor. This also works well for him since if there were any scars left it would be a sign of how deep in shit he’s in, and he doesn’t want anyone to know cause he’s supposed to be the person that can take a hit.
NOW FOLLOWING THAT IMAGINE
The thunderbolts going on their regular mission and John gets hit with something, Bucky and Yelena says it’s not lethal and he believes them on a whim. Some stuff on the mission goes to shit, the girls are blaming John, even alexei is shaking his head at him WHICH NEVER HAPPENS??? John feels like shit, terrible, and over all fucking awful.
so he does what any person with a severe sh addiction does when they get back, locks himself in his room (not like they would care, they’re all still mad at him) and whips out his pocket knife, yes the same one Lemar got him that has his initials engraved on the handle bar. He starts on his thigh then his wrists, at some point one cut scares him since it’s a bit too deep then expected, he finishes up and wraps them (even tho u knows that they will heal in minutes) puts on a long sleeve and fucks off with his day
and let’s think about, maybe the thing he was hit with WASNT non lethal, in fact it was very lethal, to him at least.
because he notices, the sting of the wound, the way he cant feel the skin stitch itself back together again, something is very wrong
he finally realized how bad it was when during dinner (or the ones he didn’t actually skip) Bucky catches a glimpse of it, an angry red line carefully peaking out the hem of John’s long sleeve shirt.
that’s when all hell breaks loose when Bucky suddenly lifts up John’s sleeve and the horrors are released
Or idk man my exams are like tomorrow and I can’t sleep
He's fascinated with technology and maybe has been catching up on the great modern fantasy books. (He's probably read all the Red Rising books and even Throne of Glass and so on...)
He also gets passionate about the Lord of the Rings movies, because it will never not secretly amaze him how he's read Tolkien in the 30s and is now able to see these characters on a screen!
Now, let's look at John.
He's grown up in a small town. Got really into sports when he was young and then joined the military later on.
There wasn't really much time to get interested in fan culture like this and it's just not really interesting to him. He probably has never even seen The Lord of the Rings.
So I think it's inevitable for them to clash.
Just imagine movie night at the Watchtower and Bucky is making everyone watch Lord of the Rings and John just can't help to ragebait the shit out of him.
"So why does Sauron need a ring when he doesn't even have a real body?"
"Jesus, that Froyo guy has almost died thrice already."
"Aren't elves supposed to be- I don't know, really tiny?"
"There's no way that actor broke his toe kicking that helmet."
The situation really escalates though when John looks Bucky dead in the eye and asks why the hobbits didn't simply fly on the Eagles to Mordor.
Bucky basically flips the table and popcorn goes flying everywhere.
Summary: Yelena is enjoying her free time until she hears something. Shenanigans ensue.
A/N: I'm obsessed with Thunderbolts. Can you tell? Please enjoy :)
Can be also read on AO3
Yelena enjoyed silence.
Especially after spending a lot of time in the cacophony of sounds provided by lovely individuals belonging to Thunderbolts/New Avengers team. If there were at least two of them, there was no way for peace and quiet to exist.
That's why Yelena used the rare opportunity of being the only one in the Watchtower, while others took to spending their free time outside, out on New York's streets. She had her favorite snacks next to her on the couch while she scrolled through multiple articles about hamster/guinea pig care in blissful silence.
Until she heard grunting from the left side of communal space, from the direction of their rooms.
Was there some scheduled maintenance that she didn't know about?
It had to be, because she was almost sure of whereabouts of all her team mates. Alexei and Bob had been sent on grocery trip, Ava went to meet with Bill, John was supposed to spend time with his son on his court-mandated time and Buck should be talking things out with Sam Wilson.
Yelena counted them, one, two, three... Yup, all of them should be out. Then what was that grunting and from where was it coming from?
She made her way in the direction she thought the noise was coming from. With her every step she could hear more. It wasn't only grunting she heard. Now it was also loud panting.
"Harder." She froze in the middle of the step when the sentence reached her from the end of the hallway, exactly where John's room was.
Yelena waited for more to come and she hadn't had to wait long.
"Push it!" John's voice echoed.
"I'm trying! Could you stop wriggling?" Bucky's answered, clearly irritated.
"No. Just do it harder!" that was followed by more grunts and panting.
Oh. My. God.
Yelena couldn't believe her ears.
"Harder, Bucky, harder!" moaned John.
Oh, that was unbelievable!
Who would have thought that two hardened super soldiers that loved to hate each other would be fucking their brains out? And be doing it behind team's back?
Unbelievable!
She had to see it with her own eyes.
She ran to the entrance of John's bedroom, sure to find two men in compromising position.
Whatever she hoped to see, it wasn't what greeted her.
Yeah, there was a lot of exposed, slicked-with-sweat skin, bulging muscles and two faces red from the effort, but not the one Yelena was expecting.
Instead of two naked man deep in each other, she saw them struggling with John's taco-shaped shield.
She had to make some noise, because both men looked in her direction and all of them locked into staring contest.
After few minutes of intense silence, Yelena asked "What are you two doing?"
The questions snapped them from their stupor, Bucky releasing the shield from his grasp and leaving it dangling from John's fingers.
"Can't you see?" John lifted the piece of metal higher in the air as if that answered her question.
"The sounds could have fooled me" Yelena murmured under her nose, rolling her eyes at John's attitude.
"What?" the confusion was unmistakable on Bucky's face.
"Nothing, nothing. So what? You decided to combine your efforts and tried to unbend this?" she gestured to the metal taco.
"Yeah" both of them blinked at her.
"Hmm..." Yelena narrowed her eyes at them. "Please proceed, I am curious what the end result be."
She smirked at them before she left to where she had come from, her thoughts filled with suspicion about the current status of relationship between two men. Those sound were... hm...
John and Bucky waited until they could no longer hear her before they turned to each other, big sighs leaving their chests.
"I told you it was a stupid idea" Bucky took shield from John's grasp and put it on the floor. He placed a soft kiss on the side of John's face to sooth the sting of his comment.
"Yeah, I know. But we had to try. Is it so bad hopping that one day I'll get it to it's original shape?" John pouted.
"No, we will fix it someday" Bucky rubbed his shoulder " However, this stint didn't help us with keeping this down low" he gestured between them.
"Yeah, I could see the suspicion setting in her eyes" John leaned into Bucky, lowering his face to look into his eyes "At least she didn't caught us fucking against mirrors at the gym" he wiggled his eyebrows.
"That was a close one." Bucky's face heated at the memory of their passionate romp at team's gym. "Want to try sneak past her for another close call?" mischievousness sparkled in his eyes.
"Do you have place in mind?" John questioned placing quick kiss on other's lips.
5 + 1 - Five times when John & Bucky were almost caught being romantic together & One time they didn't care who saw them
Fandom: MCU, Thunderbolts
Pairing: John Walker x Bucky Barnes
Tags: Fluff, Secret relationship
Summary: It is what it says on the can. Fluffy romantic Winter Agent
A/N: Can you taste how cheesy it is? Please enjoy :)
Can be also read on AO3, Part 1
Part 2: Flowers - Yelena
Bucky pushes the button to the top floor, shifting massive bouquet in his hands and waits for the elevator to move.
Bucky got John flowers.
He woke up today with the idea seemingly from nowhere and decided to act on this desire. He took a stroll down the street to the newly opened flower shop, browsed their displays, not being a fan of any of them. Too big. Too small. Not bright enough. Too bright. Too many options, none working for Bucky. After ten minutes, lovely lady asked him how can she help him. She probably saw his frustration and took pity on him. They came up with the set of powder pink peonies, mixed with purple tulips and white roses. It checked all of Bucky's boxes. He left the shop, dropping probably too much cash for the bouquet, but the cashier deserved the tip for all her help.
He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, trying to dispel some of his nervous energy.
People still bought flowers for their significant others, right?
The last time Bucky was active on the dating scene was in the 40's and it was quite normal (more mandatory even) to bring flowers for your date. Lovely flowers for even lovelier girls.
However, this was a little different. It was 80 years past from that time and now he was dating a man. With that 80 years, came up new set of rules for romantic interactions and he was still getting his footing. He just hopes that John will like them. Otherwise he might have to go underground and never come back.
He takes big sigh and leaves elevator space in the hunt of his boyfriend.
He finds him sitting in armory, polishing his '45 with practiced ease. Before Bucky makes himself known to the other man, he hides the flowers behind his back.
Show time.
"Hey, you" he announces himself, stepping into the room, slow steps bringing him closer to John.
"Hey, handsome." John smiles at him, putting gun away, freeing his hands to reach out for Bucky. "You missed breakfast."
"Had some errands to run." Bucky steps in between John's spread legs.
"Did those errands concerned what you're hiding behind your back?" John shifted his head a little, changing the angle to better look into his eyes.
Bucky swallows hard before responding. "They did. I have something for you" he confesses. John's eyes sparkle at that, full of curiosity. "But before I give it to you, you need to promise me you won't make fun of me for this. For being old-fashioned like that."
"Now, I'm more curious than ever." John tries to look behind him, too impatient to wait a second longer.
"John." Bucky's voice snaps John's attention back to him. "Please."
John's eyes lock with his, full of honesty when he says "I promise. No teasing."
"Good." Bucky brings the bouquet in front of him and almost shoves it into John's arms. He waits for any reaction, but is only met with John's blank face.
"I knew it was a bad idea." Bucky pinches bridge of his nose in frustration. He knew that it wasn't greatest idea and he shouldn't have done it. That's what he gets for trying to be romantic. He should leave his wooing skills in the 40's where they belong.
"No, No!" John startles, grabbing the flowers and almost ripping them from Bucky's grasp. "It's not a bad idea. I'm just a little shocked." He swallows heavily, hesitating before he says "I never got flowers."
Bucky can see vulnerability in John's eyes and deep sigh leaves his lungs at the realization that they're both a little out of their depth with it.
"Thank you!" John stands up, grabs Bucky's neck with his free hand and places passionate kiss on his lips. They kiss a little bit longer, enjoying the moment.
"They are really beautiful." John says, a note of awe in his voice.
"In my time, it was custom to give flowers to the girls you were seeing. Pretty flowers for pretty dolls." Bucky winks at John.
"So I am your doll, now?" John wiggles his eyebrows.
"You can be, if you want, doll." Bucky smirks at the rising blush on John's face.
"And what do we have here?" Yelena's voice slice through the air, startling both men. "Are those flowers?" she asks, her eyes shifting from one to the other.
"Yup! John got flowers." Bucky explains nothing with that. "From a fan." Not his best cover-up.
" A fan, you say?" Yelena's eyes squint at them as she makes her way to stand next to them. She looks them over, admiring the size and colors. " And how did they get here? I don't think fan mail has been delivered"
"Bucky brought them up" John squeaks, blush not leaving his face, only getting worse, reaching now up to his blond hair.
"How nice of you, Bucky, to bring this for John." smirk on Yelena's face isn't calming to them both. "Where is the rest? Do you have the note from your secret admirer?" She shifts her hazel-green gaze from one man to the other, analyzing their expressions.
"There wasn't one." John grips the bouquet harder and shields himself with it.
"How... odd." Yelena murmurs.
"What's with all the questions, little spy?" Bucky shifts, crossing hands on his chest in his signature move.
"Oh, nothing, nothing!" her smile looking innocent, but he didn't believe it one bit. She definitely suspects something. "You should put them in the vase." Yelena gestures to the flowers "So they don't wither. It would be such a waste."
"Yeah, John, let's go do that." Bucky grabs flustered John by the shoulder and moves him to the exit, taking Yelena's out of this weird conversation.
She only rolls her eyes at their retreating silhouettes.
5 + 1 - Five times when John & Bucky were almost caught being romantic together & One time they didn't care who saw them
Fandom: MCU, Thunderbolts
Pairing: John Walker x Bucky Barnes
Tags: Fluff, Secret relationship
Summary: It is what it says on the can. Fluffy romantic Winter Agent
A/N: Tell me if I overdid it with the fluff. Please enjoy :)
Can be also read on AO3
Part 1: Drinks at night - Bob
John puts on the T-shirt when he hears knocking on his door. He looks at the watch standing on the bedside table. 11 PM. Not the latest hour for some of them to be still roaming around. Considering that half of them are insomniac. John just hopes that it isn't something serious, he just wanted to relax a little after last mission. Being Avenger wasn't the easiest.
With a huff, John opens his door and is surprised to see disheveled Bucky, leaning against the wall, metal hand behind his back.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" sarcastic note sneaks into his voice. But he really is happy to see the other man. Ever since they started their relationship, every minute spent with Bucky, is a cherished one. He might sound sappy with thoughts like that but this relationship and the team are the best things that happened to him recently.
"Grab blanket or two and come with me" Bucky smirks his way and leaves immediately after saying that.
Cocky bastard, thinks John and quickly grabs blankets from the bed, following receding footsteps.
They make their way into communal space, bypassing living room and stopping close to Bob's nest in the corner. On the floor, under enormous window panels lay few of big pillows, big enough to sit comfortably on them and two glasses. Bucky gestures to him to sit down. John lowers himself to the floor, trying not to disturb the set up to much with his wriggling.
Bucky sits on John's left and hands him the glass, after they cocoon themselves into the blankets. He brings up the bottle that he hid before and gestures for John to bring his glass closer. Clear liquid fills it up to around two finger and Bucky repeats the process with his own. He leaves the bottle between them.
"So we are doing hangover without all the fun before it?" John quips, raising eyebrow questioningly
"Don't say hop before you jump, Johny boy" Bucky smiles. John knows he used this nickname just to rile him a little bit, but it's all in good fun. Little teasing never killed nobody. "This is no ordinary alcohol. This bottle came straight from New Asgards distilleries. Apparently they can brew alcohol so strong that even super soldiers can get drunk. Not surprising, considering they're like gods. So, cheers!"
John takes a sip, just as Bucky does and it clearly is stronger than human alcohol when he can immediately feel the effects. The burn going down his throat is almost too painful but the buzzing in his head that starts after few sips is worth it.
"Don't let Alexei anywhere near it. He will drink it in one sitting" John leans closer to Bucky. "Where did you get it?" curiosity is eating at him. He didn't know that there was something that could replicate the feeling of the alcohol buzz, not after he took the serum.
Bucky takes a minute to answer, shadows shifting on his face. "It was a gift. From Sam." He swallows hard.
John knows that Bucky's friendship with Sam took a major hit after everything that went down with their team and that there was still some unresolved business between them. His romantic entanglement with John wasn't also helping the case.
John reaches for Bucky's hand, tangling their fingers, warm skin on warm skin. He squeezes his hand and smiles reassuringly before changing the subject. "That is one hell of a view" he whistles.
"Shhh!" Bucky bumps his shoulder "Don't reveal our hiding spot!" they both giggle. Yup, this drink is hitting harder than they both thought if they're giggling like schoolgirls. That would be great teasing material for the rest of the team. Better no one come up right now to interrupt them.
"Yeah, it is quite a view" Bucky returns to their previous conversation. They both look down at the twinkling lights of New York's skyline. The sea of ever-changing light is a mesmerizing site when you're as high up as they are. No wonder it cost a pretty peny.
"I like to come here and look over when I have a lot of on my mind" Bucky confesses, his voice a quiet whisper in John's ears.
"During your brooding moods?"
"Yeah, during my brooding moods" Bucky huffs a laugh "Even if I don't brood" John rolls his eyes at him, taking another swig from the glass.
"Sure, Sargent Full-of-Crap." John laughs, scooting closer to him. Leaning more into him, their tangled hands resting on their touching knees.
"Look who's talking, Captain Bullshit" Bucky ribs back. They tease each other like that all the time. From outside perspective it might look like they dislike each other, but for them it became another language.
"Thank you for this" John shakes the empty glass in his hand "and this" he points at the windows. He reaches to Bucky's face to brush his hair away from it before placing soft kiss on his lips, their beards scrapping against each other.
"You're welcome" Bucky's eyes have that soft look that John likes, shifting from icy to sky blue.
They fill out their glasses again and sit in silence, sipping from time to time, enjoying each others presence. They spend some time like that until Bob stumbles their way.
"Hi guys, whatcha doing?" Bob sways on his feet, his soft pajamas swishing with his movements.
"Nightcap" both men answer in sync.
"Oh, cool. I was going for cup of warm milk. You don't want some?"
"Thanks Bob, we're good"
"Ok. Goodnight guys!" Bob waves at them, leaving for the kitchen.
5 + 1 - Five times when John & Bucky were almost caught being romantic together & One time they didn't care who saw them
Fandom: MCU, Thunderbolts
Pairing: John Walker x Bucky Barnes
Tags: Fluff, Secret relationship
Summary: It is what it says on the can. Fluffy romantic Winter Agent
A/N: This chapter is sponsored by "I-had-to-do-something-with-my-hands-to-not-scratch-at-my-healing-tattoo". Please enjoy :)
Can be also read on AO3, Part 1, Part 2
Part 3: Cooking/Dinner together - Alexei
John is glad that the trio (Ava, Bob and Yelena) decided to go to the movies this evening. He wanted to do something special for his boyfriend after the gift he received from him and this free time was like a godsend for his plans. He hoped to surprise Bucky with romantic dinner, just the two of them.
John did a little research into 1940's cuisine and thought he could handle himself with what he picked from the different cookbooks he flipped through. He made the trip to the grocery store for fresh ingredients and went to work on prepping and cooking after he sent the trio to the cinema.
John likes to cook. Maybe that's why he was appointed group's meal provider. Or because the rest was helpless in the kitchen. Whatever the reason, John enjoyed this role. He felt quite useful to the team and he appreciated the complements he received, even though some of them were provided quite reluctantly.
And now, when he has whole kitchen to himself, he can focus on the task without any interruptions.
He chops the vegetables with practiced moves, the sound of knife working against the cutting board soothing to John. He places a pot filed with water on the stove, dropping ingredients inside for the soup to boil. In the meantime, he will prepare meat for the second course, so it will be ready when they're finished with the first one.
Heat rose in the kitchen, leaving John no choice, but to strip his first layer, leaving him in his t-shirt and simple jeans, his long-sleeve dropped on the stool under the island counter.
While everything cooks, John runs to his room to grab the tablecloth and small jar with one of the flowers from his bouquet. He wants to take opportunity to make it a really special dinner for them when they're alone at the tower. Who knows when they'll have another occasion like this one?
John places the items on the breakfast-nook table and checks how his soup is doing. He adds more salt, sugar and red paprika for the better taste, the smell of cooking meat slowly wafting through the kitchen. He checks on it and is quite proud with himself how good everything is going so far. He just needs to strain and mash potatoes before can serve the first meal.
He texts Bucky "come to the kitchen" and all most instantly receives "on my way". Two minutes later Bucky appears in the threshold in his usual black getup, hair disheveled. Different kind of heat sparks in John's gut as he looks at his partner.
"Hey, handsome." John really likes when Bucky calls him that. "What's this all about?" he asks as he makes his way to John's side and places hand in the dip of his waist.
"Tower's empty, so I thought we could use it to have dinner together." They decided at the beginning of their relationship that they will take things slow, at their own pace and not tell anyone that they're together. Which in result restricted them to spending time together in the the tower only. No place outside of these walls was safe, not with them being public-facing figures and with too many curious eyes with the access to cameras and internet.
"Completely alone? Where are the others?" John could hear shock and note of hope in Bucky's voice.
"Yeah, Yelena, Bob and Ava went to the cinema. Some new movie came out that they had to see" John gestures for Bucky to sit in one of the set place in the breakfast-nook.
"And Alexei?"
"Out, taking care of his limo business" John ladles soup into bowls and puts garnish in before placing them on the table and taking his seat opposite from his date.
"So, we are really all alone?" Bucky reaches with his hand and tangles it with John's.
"Yes. Enjoy it while it lasts."
"I will." Bucky smiled at him, squeezing his hand before letting go. "What do we have here?"
"Tomato soup with croutons. Hope it's not too simple for you." John swallows hard as Bucky takes his first bite. The moan he hears dispel any of his worries.
"That good, huh?"
"Mediocre at best." cheeky smile spreading on Bucky's face tells John that he's only teasing him.
"Dick." John laughs. They banter through out the meal, exchanging small touches when their hands are free. The atmosphere is easy and comfortable, both of them relaxed.
"Ready for the second course?" John asks as he gathers dishes to place them in the sink.
"Serve it. I won't say no to your cooking."
"Famous last words" He laughs, before plating the dish.
"Is that, what I think it is?" Bucky's eyes are full of disbelieve at what he sees on the plate.
"Depends what your thinking"
"Brown sugar meatloaf?" John nods his head, confirming Bucky's suspicion.
"It was the last good meal I had before I went to war." Bucky confesses and John's heart squeezes inside his chest at the admission. He looks deep into Bucky's eyes, sees how they shine with the unshed tears. John reaches and squeezes his hand, hoping to provide some relief while he inadvertently caused this reaction.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." he says softly.
"No need to apologize." Bucky rubs his other hand, the one that holds the napkin, over his face to get rid off unwanted moisture. "But, why did you pick this?"
"I looked through 1940's recipes and this one sounded the best from the bunch. Wanted to bring something good from that time to you."
"Thank you. That's very considerate of you." Bucky's eyes are intensely looking into John's, full of gratitude. "But please don't try any more of those recipes. I don't know if I can stomach another weird jell-o" they both laugh, that bit of the tension disappearing.
"You got it." John raises from his seat to place quick kiss on Bucky's lips before they dig in into their meal. Bucky tells him more about the cuisine of that time and sharing the opinion that today's cooking is much better.
"I should make you a plum pie. I can bake a mean plum pie." Bucky brags, piquing John's interest.
But before he can ask about that, their meal is interrupted by Alexei making his way into the kitchen.
"Ah! Look at that! My two favorite super soldiers!" he almost shouts when he sees them. "What is that exquisite smell?"
"Walker made some food." Bucky gestures to the leftover food on the kitchen island.
"Good job, comrade!" Alexei claps John hard on the shoulder, his eyes already escaping to the food. "Can I have some?"
"Please be my guest." John reluctantly agrees. He hoped to save some for later, but it was easier to allow the russian man to take what he wanted. He would probably still eat them, even if John would hide them.
"Thanks! Is that meatloaf? Oh, wonderful! I love meatloaf! You know, my wife made the best one. I mean my fake wife, the one I had on the assignment, when we raised Natasha and Yelena? Most boring mission in my life, but that woman... What do you always say?" he turned to them, his face stuffed with food. "Ah, yes! Firecracker!"
"Want to get out of here?" Bucky whispers to John, while Alexei goes on the tangent. Without word, they sneak past Alexei, when he's turned away from them.
"Was there dessert in the cards tonight?" Bucky asks as they make way to the bedrooms.
"There was, but kitchen is compromised right now. You will have to be satisfied with only me on the menu." John winks to him.
"I won't say no to that." They walk faster, too excited for that promised dessert.
A/N: Felt a little bit too desspresso to work on 5+1, so this came out. Sorry :(
Can be also read on AO3
Living in the Watchtower wasn't always the easiest.
Not when you put mentally not-well people together to co-exist. They all had their own issues to deal with and sometimes that brought new kind of problems.
John tried to be understandable, tried not to take things too personally. He knew that sometimes proximity to the others was enough to set them off. He knew that logic didn't always go together with the emotions.
He tried not to take Ava's mean comments to heart, tried not to beat himself down every time Yelena snapped at him. He tried not to react to Bob avoiding him or Alexei brushing him off. Tried to keep it together at Bucky's silence.
But it was hard not to let the fire inside him be snuffed off, when every such instance pushed him down harder to the abyss.
John needed some kind of validation to keep going, but when he was denied it, it was easier to embrace the void.
It was easier to lay on his side in bed, tears dripping down his face, feeling emptiness spreading through his body.
But there was always someone to pull him from his dark thoughts.
The knight with shining arm that wrapped himself around John, placed tender kiss on his shoulder and held him close until John felt better. Until he worked through his convoluted feelings and was able to grace Bucky with soft smile again.
Even though life in the Watchtower wasn't the easiest, he wouldn't give it up for nothing.
