Our home was constantly a mess. The kids were constantly dumping their toys all over the floor, and Olive and I were constantly trying to get them to clean up. At 11, 9, 8, 5, and 2, it was nearly impossible. But, when we held the family parties everyone had to step in to help us clean. Even little Veronica, who really just sat and put toys in bins whenever someone else walked by.
Every year without fail we would get compliments on how nice our house looked, and every year Olive and I exchanged a look that read ‘if only they knew.’
This year, having spent Christmas in Holmes Chapel, we were hosting people for New Years Eve. We had absolutely all day to clean, so of course Molly showed up at 5pm, the last hour before guests were set to arrive.
“Molly!” Louisa yelled when she opened the front door, obviously happy to see her big sister despite the fact that it had been less than a week since we came home from Mum’s house.
“Hi, Lucy,” I could hear the smile in Molly’s voice, and knew that she was excited to be home too. I could hear the stampede of little feet hurrying to the front door from where I was in the kitchen, wiping down the counters. “Hi guys!” She exclaimed once all the little ones got to her. “Oh Ronnie, you’ve gotten bigger again!”
“Yes,” The word was one of Ronnie’s favorite things to say, but half the time she didn’t mean it. I think she just liked to see everyone smile when she said it.
“Hi Luce, Joe, H,” I could see her greet each sibling with a kiss on the head, and Ronnie perched on her hip as I entered the foyer to say hello.
“How are you, Andi?” Molly bent over to be closer to Andrea’s level.
“I didn’t go anywhere today and the day before that and the day before that because I had to go to the doctor to tell them that I have an ear confection.”
“An ear confection?” Molly beamed, glancing up at me with laughter in her eyes. Andrea had recently gone to the doctor to be diagnosed with a double ear infection, after waking up in tears in the middle of the night. ”Mummy and Daddy are letting you go to the party when you have an ear confection?”
“Yes! Mummy said they gave me medicine to make it go away and now I feel better and I still have to take the medicine though.”
“And what does Daddy say about that?”
“Daddy…” Andi looked back at me, and I nodded at her. “Daddy says I’m all better too.”
“Well I should go have a talk with Daddy about that,” Molly placed Veronica back on the floor and straightened up to her full height.
“Yes, we should,” I agreed, catching on to the seriousness of Molly’s expression. She had something she wanted to talk about, and it mostly likely wasn’t Andi’s ear confection. “Lucy, go turn on the telly and pick a program you’ll all like.”
“Okay,” She led her younger siblings back into the family room, most likely only agreeing because it meant she didn’t have to clean, and I walked with Molly upstairs into my bedroom.
“Where’s Mum?” She asked, looking out the window to the backyard that still had toys littered all over the grass. It was too cold to play out there anyway.
“She’s just picking up a few last minute things,” I said. I sat down on the bed and watched my eldest daughter for a minute. Now that we were alone, she seemed reluctant to even turn around and look at me. “What is it, Mols?”
“Dad,” Molly’s voice wobbled as she turned to face me. “I'm pregnant.”
I took a deep breath, and stood to pull my baby girl into a tight hug. 22. She was 22, and the same age as I was when I found out Mara was pregnant with her.
“Can you say something?” Her body shook as she let out a small sob. “I really just need you to say something, Daddy. I'm scared and I don't know what to do.”
“I love you,” Was all I said as I kissed the top of her head and pulled away.
“I need a little more confidence here.”
“I'm here for you,” I smiled down at her and wiped some of the tears from her cheeks. My calm, mature Molly was breaking under the pressure of this new truth in her life, and I needed to show her that I was still her support system. “Wherever you are, whatever you need, whoever you're with, I want to be your first call. I will always be your father, and I'm so proud of what you've accomplished so far in life. Life moves forward and the sun continues to come up, no matter what the circumstances are. You were an unexpected part of my plans, but you became the center of my universe, and brought me to the love of my life, and being able to give you a family. What do you want to do, Mols? I'm here for you no matter what.”
“I want to have the baby, and I want to keep the baby,” Her voice was sure now, and she spoke tearfree. If she had thought this far, she had to have known for a few days then.
“Then I’ll support you in that. How long have you known?”
“I took a test just after we got back from Nan’s house. Five days, maybe?
“Does Does Mum know? Does Finn know?”
“No, you were my first call. Finn and I… We’ll be okay. We’ve been talking about getting married. Kids were always part of our plan, but not now. Not like this. He’ll worry when I tell him tomorrow, but by the end of the week he’ll have it all mapped out.”
“He’s good to you,” I nodded, mostly to myself. Molly had a series of boyfriends in secondary school, and then a boy broke her heart her second year at college. Finn lived down the hall in her dorm at uni, and they had been together going on three years now.
“Oh God, and Mum! How am I going to tell Mum? What will she think?”
“She loves you, Mols. She’ll want what’s best for you,” I was trying to envision Olive’s reaction in my head, but I couldn’t do it.
“And what if she thinks this isn’t what’s best for me?” Molly had that terrified expression on her face again, and I didn’t know how to fix it this time.
“Well, she might not at first, but she’ll warm to the idea.”
“Will you… Will you tell her for me?”
“I can’t do it, Molly, and you know that. You have to tell her yourself. You’re scared because you value her opinion so much, but I promise Mum will always think the world of you no matter what.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. Try not to worry about it, my love. It’s not something we have to worry about tonight. Just enjoy the party when Finn gets here, and don’t let her notice you aren’t drinking champagne. We can figure out a way to tell her in the morning, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Dad. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mols. I’m glad you came to me first.”
I gave her a final hug, probably squeezing her a little too tight, and let her lead the way back downstairs to where her siblings were waiting. This time next year, we’d have another baby among us, but just like always, we’d pull through.
today is the day that Molly would have been born if the backyard universe was real life. in honour of that, here’s a tiiiny drabble about how it went.
july 30, 2017
Harry knew that the baby was due soon. He just wasn’t sure how soon. Mara never told him anything, had never let him go to any appointments. She rarely even let him see her.
It killed Harry to leave the country for Dunkirk promo, knowing that his child could very well come into the world without him knowing, but he had to go anyway. He got back to England just in time to move into a new home in the outskirts of London, where Mara and the baby would live with him. They were still hopeful that the baby would be a secret from the world, and the new property would help that. Between all the promo for the movie, no one even noticed that Harry had moved house.
It was a relief when Mara moved some of her things in, and Harry saw that she was still pregnant. It wasn’t like she’d even tell him when she went into labour, or she’d even let him be at the hospital when she gave birth. But, Harry still had the slightest bit of hope that she would come around.
Even late in her pregnancy, Mara was nonstop. She was no longer Harry’s publicist– that had ended when they found out she was pregnant– but she had other clients that had her preoccupied every time Harry saw her. The fact that she was still working so much had Harry thinking that her due date wasn’t as close as he had calculated.
Harry had offered his help in bringing her stuff in from the car, but Mara had just sneered and said she could do it on her own. So, he sat in the kitchen and pulled up the calendar on his phone to try and count back to when he had found out she was pregnant, and the last time they had sex. Like always, early August was the conclusion he found for the due date.
If she was really due in the next few days, Harry knew he’d be angry that she was still lifting heavy boxes. But, he had no conclusive proof. She’d throw that back in his face and deny anything he had counted himself. Even if he was right.
As Mara walked through the kitchen again, he found himself almost regretting that he had slept with her at all. Her true colours had come out way too late in the relationship, and by the time Harry knew what a bitter person she was, he already knew she was pregnant with his child. And despite that all encompassing terror he felt when thinking about being a father, and having to protect a child from the media shitstorm that was his life, he was the tiniest bit excited to be a dad.
“Mara,” Harry stood up, following the path she had taken out of the room. He had decided that he wouldn’t mention anything about her carrying his baby when he offered to help this time. Only the fact that it would go faster if he helped. But, he was sidetracked when he noticed the trail of liquid on the floor. “Did your water just break?”
“No,” She bit back, slamming her trunk shut. Mara’s stubbornness made her a damn good publicist, but she couldn’t deter Harry that easily. Harry set his jaw and listened to her make a phone call to the company’s private car service.
“Then why aren’t you just driving yourself wherever it is you need to go so urgently?”
“Get your nose out of my business, Harry Styles.”
“If you’re in labour with my baby that’s my business too, Mara Kennedy.”
“Fine, that was my water breaking. All over your kitchen floor,” She glared at him, almost daring him to say something.
“Let me drive you to the hospital,” Harry finally said, not taking his eyes away from Mara.
“No,” Her voice was ice cold, just as it always was when Harry brought this up. “You will come to the hospital a respectable amount of time after she is born, as if you are just an ex-client coming to visit.”
“It’s a girl,” He breathed, hanging onto the piece of information Mara had let slip. He didn’t say anything more, but his thoughts swirled; he was going to have a daughter. And, Mara’s reasoning made sense to him. She was trying to protect their daughter’s identity. That didn’t mean he liked it, but he couldn’t fight it as easily.
“My car is here,” Mara leaned in to pull a duffle bag out of her backseat. With that, she left Harry standing in the driveway. He was hoping someone would call him once his daughter was born, but wouldn’t know until it happened.
While he waited, he called his mum to let her know that Mara was in labour. Her excitement took away some of his anxiety about the whole affair, but until his phone rang six hours later with a call from an unknown number, Harry was a bundle of nerves.
“Hello?” He answered after deliberating over letting it go to voicemail or not. As a general rule he never answered a number that wasn’t in his contacts, but he decided to do it. Just in case.
“Is Harry Edward avaliable?”
“Speaking,” He was confused as to why they had used his middle name in place of his last name, but figured it was some matter of privacy that Mara had thought up.
“This is Highgate Private Hospital. Mara Kennedy wanted us to call to inform you that she gave birth to her daughter about an hour ago.”
“Did she say when she’ll be up for visitors?”
“No, but visiting hours end in two hours. If you can get to the hospital before then, I’m sure they’ll be happy to receive you.”
“Thank you,” Harry hung up, and hurried to get to the hospital. He sped most of the way, and felt the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he parked and headed inside.
Unlike what the nurse had said, Mara was not happy to see Harry. Her face fell from a rare smile when he entered the room, but passed the bundle into his arms nonetheless. An immense calm fell over his body when he looked down at his daughter for the first time. There was no doubt in his mind that she belonged to him.
“What are we going to name her?” Harry asked after he had spent a good five minutes just looking at his daughter. She was swaddled in a hospital blanket, and had a pink beanie pulled onto her little head. “I was thinking Molly for a girl.”
“No,” Mara’s expression turned sour. “Her name is Margaret.”
“Molly can be a nickname for Margaret.”
“So can Mara.”
Harry finally looked up at Mara, trying to keep his expression neutral. He would never call his daughter Mara, and the woman knew that. She had to be egging him on. They stared each other down for a few more seconds before the baby moved in Harry’s arms and he looked back down at her.
“Her middle name is Anne,” It was Harry’s turn to speak with finality in his tone, and Mara must have sensed that he wasn’t going to budge on it.
“I’ll finalize the birth certificate when the next nurse comes in,” He was surprised that she relented so easily, but wasn’t going to question it. The next 18 years of Molly’s life were not going to be as smooth, especially since he was definitely going to call her Molly and not Mara or Margaret. Mara was a difficult woman, but despite this fact Harry somehow knew that his daughter would make it well worth it.
