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@codex-lupusnocte
breaking news: ur actually gonna make it through and everything will turn out just fine
Hey so that pic is AI (you can tell because, among other things, the paw prints make no sense)
It's also based of a real pic, so here's the original
Genuinely why would someone waste AI when the original is already perfect
I am going to bed. when I wake up the horrors better have disappeared
egad
maybe tomorrow
mother of pearl
By Talos this canât be happening
Remember how I said I couldn't stop thinking about Ghouls? yeah LOL. Anyways, I finally finished my "Ghoul Guide" which is a comic featuring made up lore about summoning nameless ghouls as well as things about them and their roles!
this by no means is comprehensive of everything I've made up for them, but I'm testing the waters with this comic! if it gets enough love I'll make an additional comic about ghoul origins, element types, and maybe even design non-assigned ghoul outfits for each era costume hehe.
ID in ALT text! transcript for comic text under the cut!
Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.
And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."
And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.
And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.
And sometimes you make jokes about your house being on fire and you learn real quick which of your friends grew up responsible for containing their familyâs house fire and which did not.
My followers know I hate talking about politics and current events, and generally refuse to do so, but this is important.
A bill has been introduced in the US that would make all pornography a federal crime. Owning it. Creating it. Distributing it.
Under this law, fanart of nude characters would be a federal crime.
Under this law, depictions of homosexuality or simply being transgender, would be considered pornography and a federal crime.
This bill is not going to pass.
However, the reason for this bill is to continue to push the "overton window". The reason for this bill is to make banning pornography seem more and more normal to everyone until they can actually do that.
And remember, they consider depictions of gay characters and transgenders characters "pornography" in any context, including platonic.
They have been working on this for a decade now and it has been working.
If you are one of the people in fandom who thinks that "nasty" porn on AO3 should be banned because it's "icky" or "immoral", then this mental scam is working on you.
Censorship is never about protecting people.
Censorship is always about control.
Do not let the rising moral panic affect your mind and make you weak to propaganda that lets others control you and control what you watch and read.
Do not fall for the scam.
When they say they are going to ban "pornography" it means they're going to ban anything they don't like by calling it "pornography" and they don't like you!!
You can despise NSFW content all you want, but please understand that there's really bad consequences if the ban becomes legal.
20 years ago, I was a moderator on a LOTR forum that included fanfic, fanart, and roleplaying. It banned all LBGTQ characters, content, and discussion because they were not "family friendly."
No hand-holding or kisses between characters of the same gender in fanart or fic. That was "sexually explicit," while it was perfectly fine to write shippy Aragorn/Arwen stuff or to roleplay a pair of Dwarves eloping. (But not horse girls of Rohan). There was a forum function that let characters be forum-married, but NOT if the players or characters identified as the same gender. (Nonbinary? Genderfluid? What's that? Never heard of it.) Not a whisper of discussion of Legolas/Gimli or Sam/Frodo or any Silmarillion ship.
I pushed back hard in the admins' private forum, saying that there were gay teenagers. I said members like me resented the fact that our very existence was not deemed "family friendly. " We were part of the community, too. That the double standard of what was called "sexually explicit" was ridiculous.
My fellow admins honestly were progressive folks and sympathized, and a few were good friends, but they said they just couldn't take the legal risk. There were still anti-gay laws on the books in many states, and it was a US-hosted site.
Since our forums allowed teens age 13 and up to participate, we had to stick to what was acceptable in mainstream US society and not push boundaries. In the name of inclusivity, we had to make sure we followed standards that would allow all teens to be able to participate in Tolkien lore discussions and fandom, since that was the site's purpose. We couldn't afford to be slapped by a lawsuit or have authorities sent after us by outraged parents.
Never mind that the vast majority of our 50,000+ members were, much like Tumblr, grown-ass adults. (No swearing, either)
This was one of the biggest LOTR websites during the heyday of the Jackson films.
Imagine NO GAY CONTENT ALLOWED WHATSOEVER AND QUEER FOLK CAN'T BE OUT IN PUBLIC in, say, the Marvel fandom when Winter Soldier came out.
Livejournal was one of the few places that allowed it, and it was constantly under siege by "concerned" groups getting communities wiped out by the dozens. Including RL survivor support groups of various kinds of abuse, because they mentioned forbidden topics.
That was the environment under which AO3 was founded 2 years later. A place where we could archive our stuff for the audience it served, tag it with what it was, and readers could use tags to make their own decisions about what content they wanted to read or not, instead of having others decide for them.
But as my fellow admins said, online censorship reflected the world we lived in, and vice versa.
LBGTQ+ = indecent = inappropriate to be out in public. We'd be attacked for holding hands, because think of the children.
It It still is that way for trans people in many places. Evangelicals ban porn (which they themselves probably watch), and then they expand the definition of porn to include... people. It's already happened in some states. In others, laws were never taken off the books.
it may be from the 1800s, but by golly, they'll dig it up.
So um. You know that 5calls app/site? Might want to call reps this week and remind them you're paying attention to their bullshit. (you can call at night and leave a message if you don't want to talk to a human; staff generally just tally calls FOR and AGAINST specific issues)
Something dark, crossing over.
I'm a bit sad that no one will miss me. If anything, they will miss the notion they had of meâbut not the actual me. I'm guilty that I'm going to end up hurting them (my dad, my stepmom, and my mom... probably), but I'm just too exhausted. Way too exhausted.
It's almost 3am and I've been laying in bed unable to sleep for 3 hours now. I'm so tired of everything. I'm spiraling down and I hate myself so much and I hate that no one gives a flying fuck about it. I feel like I'm around 14 years old again, constantly wondering if anyone would miss me if I was gone. How long would it take for people to find out I'm dead. I want to stop existing so badly. So damn badly. I'm such a failure. I'll never be able to experience life like most people do. I have no friends and I'm so bad at trying to get one. I'm so awkward and inept. And I have such a hard time connecting with people. I mess up every single time. I want to be taken to that other world I was convinced I belonged to when I was 6. Because it's clear I don't belong here.
I have seen what the darkness does, say goodbye who I was
(Inspired by this beautiful art)
I don't really use Tumblr anymore, but hey, whatever. Years ago, I used to use it to vent into the void, so why not again? It's not like anyone would read this anyways (and if anyone does, I apologise, really, don't read this lol).
I'm so tired. I hate feeling lonely. I've been alone my entire life and I'm fine with that, but god I hate feeling lonely. Sometimes it just hits me randomly. Sometimes it's just an unexplained wave of sadness. Sometimes I wonder if I ever actually got out of the gutter. Sometimes I still wish I'd die, or rather, I wish I didn't exist. I'm too tired to exist. I wish I was a tree.
I cannot sleep at night. I keep taking naps throughout the day, I'm always sleepy and too physically tired to do much. Leaving my house is exhausting. Talking to other people is exhausting. I yearn for a connection, any connection, yet I just cannot hold a conversation. It seems like I either write too little or too much. I get attached to people yet I freeze when things start to materialise. I struggle to reciprocate, but I somehow also get attached too much. I wonder if I've ended up smothering the very few people I've opened up to. I'm too scared of getting hurt and too scared of hurting anyone. I cannot hurt anyone if I don't get close to anyone. I think I'll die alone. I don't know what to make of it.
When I was a kid my hope was that I'd end up growing up and finally I'd be able to be normal and fit in. But a weird kid grew up to be a weird adult. A creep, a misfit and an inept that can't get simple social interactions. That can't keep a single friend and is scared of sending messages because I feel I'm being annoying but at the same time having a hard time accepting that someone I liked talking to doesn't like talking to me. An "adult" who is a complete mess and can barely take care of himself. I sometimes don't eat for days. I've gone like a week getting perhaps 2 hours of sleep at night per day. I'm too lazy and tired to put my life together. It feels like I'm just waiting to die.
Lately, I think a lot about the little I can remember from when I was a child. How I missed out on a lot of things. How I used to believe so, so hard that I wasn't meant to be where I was, that I was meant to be in some other world, somewhere I fit in, and that one day someone would come and take me there. I feel like I'm still waiting for that. It's clear I was not meant to be here. I can barely function.
I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of how I overthink everything and how I shut down like a damn computer when something unexpected or that I don't understand happens, I'm tired of getting hurt from the tiniest and most random little things that my mind happened to get caught on, I'm tired of not being able to understand why people act and say the things they do. I'm so exhausted from my mind not stopping to go over so many past things and so many what ifs and so many scenarios over and over again and beating myself up for them. I'm sad that no one gives a royal fuck about who I actually am or how I'm truly doing. I'm tired of constantly building walls upon walls around myself and pushing everyone away, but I can't help it.
I hate how damn unlovable I am. I only put up with myself because I literally cannot escape myself (and I try, I constantly try, sleeping when I can, focusing hard on useless stuff and wasting my life away just to shut down my mind), how would anyone want to willingly put up with someone like me? So dysfunctional, broken, and out of place? So insecure and nervous and always overthinking? Man, I'm fucking tired of being me.
My mind is going dark places again. It feels like when I was 15 and I'd constantly think about jumping in front of a moving car or taking one more step when I was standing at the edge of a cliff that was near my house or how I could lock myself in the car and block the car exhaust and turn it on. I got sleeping pills today in the hopes they help me fix my sleeping schedule but I can't stop thinking about what would happen if just took all of them. And I'm numb. I don't feel anything. Just a void.
Do not âwait to get worseâ.
I donât care if youâve âbeen worseâ
Your body is tired of this.
You deserve help in this moment.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
unknown author
Botticelliâs Bed & Breakfast by Jan Pienkowski
whatâs your âthingâ as a friend. i donât mean like âoh im the mom friendâ i mean like whatâs the Thing where if one of your friends was looking for a specific interaction theyâd message you first. personally i can always be relied upon to get hyped about bugs, literature, and cursed internet images.