Oooooooh what things would you change in "the king is dead, long live the king" if you were to write it now??? I loved it all the times I read it and I'm really curious!
mostly i think i would shift the focus away from steve's relationship with jonathan and nancy and toward his relationships with the kids!! like when i reread the fic now i just feel like i really underutilized the kids, especially el. yknow (spoilers for the fic lmao) el is the whole reason why steve chooses to keep going through hell over and over again. other people die sometimes, but ultimately it's about her. she's the one that he's trying desperately to save and she's the one whose loss makes him feel immense guilt. i think there's like some value to steve feeling all of that for el without them necessarily building a close relationship, but just like. in retrospect i really wish i had done more with the two of them.
also i realize i just said she's the one he's trying to save but ACTUALLY what he's trying to do on like a narrative level is erase his mistakes. yknow he lives the day over and over again inserting himself into the plot prematurely and skipping all of the painful stuff with nancy and jonathan but the thing is that he can't pretend like it never happened. he has to do it all over again. he HAS to accept his mistakes in order to move forward. steve thinks that his loop is about saving everybody, but it's really just about Him. it's about giving him the opportunity to live and learn from his mistakes and keep going. that was my goal with the whole narrative honestly and i feel like maybe that got lost in everything else happening. so if i wrote it now i'd probably try to make that idea more clear.
another thing i think i'd do differently is spend a little more time on fleshing out loops. like i did intentionally brush over them in general because i wasn't aiming to write something super long, but i think i did a bit too much telling and not enough showing.
i'd also like the ending to be a little different but to be honest i hated the ending when i first posted skdjcndkmn it feels SO abrupt. like i always knew that i wanted the fic to end with hopper just being like hey steve i got something to show ya. but i couldn't figure out like... a way to do that that felt organic and appropriate. so the current ending just feels a bit janky to me yknow i'd like for it to flow better but i Still don't know exactly how i'd accomplish that.
that's about it!! thank you for asking and thank you for reading my stuff :')
Routine Kisses Where The Other Person Presents Their Cheek/Forehead For The Hello/Goodbye Kiss Without Even Looking Up From What They’re Doing
soft jontim, as promised <3
It took Tim an entire month to realize Jon craves affection like a plant needing sunlight.
Look, he likes to think he’s a pretty observant guy. But when they first started dating, Tim was very cautious. He didn’t want Jon to think he was taking advantage; he knew he didn’t mind an arm around the shoulder or the occasional hug, but he wanted to take things slowly and do right by him. So he held back from his usual exuberant affection, instead initiating every new touch slowly and cautiously. Holding hands on their lunch break was the latest development, and every shift of Jon’s hand in his felt strangely electric.
It wasn’t until a night out with Sasha that the truth came to light. They’d managed to finish up early on a Friday and Jon was in an unusually happy mood, having received excellent feedback on his latest report. He was also three drinks in and unusually tactile, leaning heavily on Tim’s shoulder with a soppy grin. Sasha looked back and forth between them, nudging her head pointedly in Jon’s direction. Tim, too distracted by the warm and welcome weight against his side, did not pay her any mind until she sighed dramatically, hands rubbing at her temples.
“Tim,” she began, eyes misty with drink but voice entirely serious. “Please know that Jon would very much like to sit in your lap right now.”
Tim’s mind went utterly blank as he looked down to the man in question. Jon, his face flushed, sputtered but did not deny the statement, still buried as he was into Tim's side. Tim could feel the beginnings of a smile as he gave the man a nudge. “Why Jon,” he asked in his most aghast tone. “Is that true?”
Jon didn’t respond, refusing to meet his eyes and instead grabbing at his drink to take a sizable gulp. Tim, left with no other choice but to take this as a ‘yes,’ promptly pulled him onto his lap, spilling the rest of the drink in the process and ignoring Jon’s affronted yelp. Sasha cackled and Jon immediately scowled, though the effect was lessened by how easily he sank against Tim’s chest. It was then Tim realized that this kind of open affection could very much be on the table, and hopefully without the liquid courage. Lucky for him, this turned out to be true.
So yeah, they were pretty affectionate. Enough that Sasha would roll her eyes whenever he drew Jon close, and coo whenever they left together, hand in hand. Touches became very routine for them.
And yet he’s still hopelessly endeared by the adorable sight of what Jon’s doing right now.
See, Jon usually stays later than him. He doesn’t do it quite as often as he used to, no longer pulling all nighters and sleeping on the table in the library only to be awakened by an angry custodian. But Jon’s a natural night owl and takes his job very seriously, and Tim’s not trying to change that if it’s how he works best. He’ll nudge him when he seems to be over-stressed, but Tim’s gotten used to leaving a bit before him when he’s on a particularly grueling case.
So when Tim inevitably heads out and Jon’s still there, he’ll give him a peck on the forehead, Jon usually too immersed in his work to offer much more than a distracted goodbye. Today’s no different, but as soon as he scoots his chair back, he notices Jon lift his chin minutely, eyes never leaving his laptop screen as he presents his forehead for kissing.
It’s enough of a picture that Tim pauses where he stands, his heart doing a funny jump in his chest. If he weren’t aware of what Jon was doing, he’d say he looks just a bit snooty, as if reading an article particularly beneath him. Tim takes a brief look around to see that no, no one has noticed his boyfriend currently being the cutest person he’s ever met.
Apparently, Tim’s taken a bit too long to ponder the sight because Jon’s brow furrows and he looks up to him with a quizzical glance, as if baffled to why he remains unkissed. “What?”
Tim shakes his head with a smile, quickly coming over to bestow the expected kiss. “Nothing. See you tomorrow?”
Jon closes his eyes for a brief moment, as if basking in the bliss of affection, before turning all business and going back to his screen. “Of course. Goodnight.”
He thinks about that little moment for the entirety of his commute home. Tim, for the past few years, hasn’t been one for long-term, committed relationships. The sting of a life recently upended didn’t leave much room for intimacy, and he really didn’t think he’d be able to stomach growing close to someone, not after what he’d seen. He hasn’t told Jon everything, and doesn’t know when he will. But for the first time in ages, he feels like he’s found someone who might understand. Who’s seen him at his worst, most sullen self, and still stuck around to discover him at his best. Who expects a kiss at the end of the day, regardless.
It’s terrifying and Tim’s definitely reading too much into it, but that’s the cost of letting someone in. And he’s going to take it one goodnight kiss at a time until it doesn’t feel quite so scary anymore.
send me a 📓 and i'll explain the plot of a fic i haven't written but i daydream about!
i had this thought the other day while i was out somewhere and jotted it down so fast on my phone i had to decipher a million typos when i got home, but:
jon's comment about carousels being 'thrilling' comes partially from the fact that he gets really bad motion sickness so he really can't go on any other amusement park rides, so when he does go to an amusement park he takes great pleasure in going on one of the rides that doesn't make him immediately nauseous. yes i am projecting onto jon again and what about it.
i like to think that this fic would center somewhat around a jmart date (either no-apocalypse or somewhere else) where there's a fair/carnival and martin wants to go so he and jon go together and martin loves roller coasters and likes the ones that go upside down and backward and such. jon tries, he really does, to go on one (1) with martin, but he gets so nauseous he has to sit with his head between his knees for half an hour on a sticky wooden park bench with martin rubbing the space between his shoulder blades gently. after that, jon sheepishly admits that he gets motion sick and he can basically handle carousels and bumper cars.
(martin: not even ferris wheels??
jon: the carts wobble, martin! and they're faster than they look, and also i'm scared of heights after mike crew
martin, sheepishly: oh)
and so they get on the carousel, and jon's on one of those horses that's actually a big cat and martin's on an elephant and there's basically nobody on it except for a few families with kids and some older people. it starts up, and it's slow, and martin realizes his animal is one of the ones that doesn't even go up and down. but then he looks over at jon and jon looks so happy, and martin can't help but smile.
(they ride the carousel ten more times. jon always chooses the cat.)
JonTim week day six JonTim week day six JonTim week day six 👀👀👀👀👉👈
ahhh that’s my Jon plays piano and Tim finds out bit! I’m not sure if I’m gonna end up publishing it cause its rough, but here’s a chunk:
“Middle C is flat,” Jon continues as if Tim hadn’t spoken, his brow furrowing in annoyance. He taps at the key a few times, but Tim’s never had a good ear for that sort of thing, so he’ll take Jon’s word for it. “They should really keep this in better condition, it’s a shame.” He stops his tapping but his hands still flutter over the keys, as if they itch to play more. Tim would gladly sit here all day and listen.
“What was that?” He nudges Jon’s shoulder, pleased when Jon leans further into his side.
“Satie. From his Trois Gymnopedies.”
“Ooh, nice accent,” he teases, though he does indeed love it. “Someone passed their French A-level.”
“Shut up,” Jon butts his head affectionately against his shoulder, his face turning red. “You’re just as bad with your insufferable Italian.”
“Alright, alright,” Tim lets out a small laugh. “It’s just, you never said. Seems like you enjoy it.”
JonTim + Things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear 👀?
Jon knows Tim doesn’t want to be anywhere near him. Knows that here, in this shitty hotel room, on this tiny bed, is the last place he wants to be. Tim would rather they’d already blown up the Circus, gotten the whole thing over with, even if he dies. Tim’s made his peace with it.
Jon hasn’t.
Jon’s already lost someone tonight, he knows the deep hollow ache in his chest from burning Gerry’s page is more than just the Eye’s reluctance to destroy knowledge. He thinks he would’ve been friends with Gerry had he known him before all of this. Had he lifted his head once in the hallways and passed him by chance. Jon wishes he’d found him, said hello. Talked to him, smiled at him.
Like he used to with Tim.
He doesn’t remember the last time Tim smiled at him and meant it. The last time he said Jon’s name with an ounce of friendliness or love. They had that, once. A friendly banter in research, the odd night out for drinks. The nights they’d tumble into bed together and Jon would curl up in his arms, safe and warm and loved. But tonight’s just a mockery of that, the two of them laying as far apart as possible on the double bed, barely any room between them but it might as well be miles. Tim’s tense and Jon knows he won’t sleep if he’s restless beside him, so he slowly stills his movements, steadies his breathing, mimes sleep. But he’s wide awake when he hears the hitch in Tim’s breath.
“I know I’m not coming out of this.”
It’s clearly an admission Jon isn’t meant to hear so he keeps quiet, forces himself to retain his slow, steady breaths no matter how much he wants to turn over and burrow himself in Tim’s arms. The quaver in his voice makes Jon want to weep.
“I-I don’t think I care, though. Y’know?” He lets out a quiet little laugh. Tim never used to laugh quietly. It’s supposed to be booming and contagious. Not small. “I miss Danny. I-I miss Sasha, whoever she was. I don’t really know, do I?” Jon tries and fails to conjure her face, like he does every other night.
“I even miss you, you bastard.”
Jon almost forgets himself for a moment and moves to speak, to tell him I miss you too and please don’t die, I need you but Tim’s already turned over, curled himself in a ball as far from Jon as possible. He’s said everything he needs to say, Jon realizes, as Tim’s breathing slows and his shoulders untense. And only then does Jon allow himself to break, trying to contain the force of his sobs in the flat, lumpy hotel pillow.
He turns around and shuffles close to Tim, winding his arms around his waist and tucking his face close to Tim’s neck. He doesn’t stir while Jon cries, doesn’t move when he burrows his face in Tim’s hair and smells the familiar scent of his shampoo and remembers a time when he did this and didn’t cry, a time when he thought he’d have a thousand more nights like this with Tim, but now that it’s finite it seems all the more precious.
When he wakes up the next day, Tim’s already out of bed and in the bathroom getting ready. And Jon’s nestled in the center of the bed, the quilt neatly tucked around him by a careful hand.
oh this is difficult....im not sure if there is any particular order, but here you go:
1. Daisy! She’s got a magnificent character arc, and I very much enjoyed the fact that she wasn’t ever really redeemed/forgiven, and that didn’t make her any less compelling for me. Also, her and Jon’s interactions are probably the only thing that got me through Season Four. Never thought that Daisy would start being the voice of reason, but hey. People change. And I’m also very partial to Fay Roberts voice <3
2. Melanie! As a Jon stan this seems counterintuitive, but they’re such similar characters at their core that handle things in completely different ways. Her anger (at herself and others) manifests outwardly and is very apparent, and you pretty much always know how she’s feeling, even if it’s conflicted. I love argumentative characters that don’t mince words- I’m not sitting there wondering what she’s ‘really’ trying to say. Her multiple Elias assassination attempts? Iconic. She also has one of my dream jobs, ghost hunter. C’mon.
3. Sasha, but I feel like a lot of that’s informed by my own headcanons. Don’t get me wrong, I love what we get in canon- she’s fucking wild, reckless, throwing herself into danger all the time. I would’ve loved to see more of her. But I feel like all of those traits leave us with a rich ground to play with outside of ‘mom friend’ and ‘team brain cell.’ She’s super weird!! Lean into it!
4. Annabelle Cane. I stan a spider queen. She’s delightfully ominous when she appears in statement- and her own statement was one of the most chilling, in my opinion. Now that we’ve finally gotten to hear her (that lisp, god I love it) I have fallen in love- for someone who’s so into manipulation, she also loves some on the nose, nerdy theatrics. I wish we’d gotten to spend more time with her and would’ve loved to see more of her dynamic with Jon. I feel like that could’ve been really revealing for the both of them, character wise. Sigh.
5. Agnes Montague, who we have never heard on the podcast xD Statements that feature her are some of my favorites, and I do love a messiah archetype that breaks the mold. The contradictions of her- as a child, saving that kid from hilltop road, and yet killing people in her own cult in fits of rage. Her strange connection with Gertrude. The way Arthur Nolan described her- "I saw the sun. So much - power and fire and rage inside of her, enough to burn the world and leave it nothing but desert. But to look at her, oh - It was too much for most. But it seemed so still, so stable. But it wasn’t calm. It was just - distant." I really think we could’ve had a lot more of her in the story. She will forever fascinate me!!
