#witchunicorn

[tos-experiences]

I'm an Arsohole

Name: Miles Edgeworth

Role: Arsonist

Winner: Arsonist (and Jester)

I feel bad about this but it was my first win as arsonist in my three years on the god forsaken website so here ya go.

So I’m the arsonist. I am famously bad at my role and thank god for the new update.

The sheriff accuses the mayor of being mafia, who then reveals as the mayor, lynches a townie, and gets killed two days later. The sheriff gets killed because, well, if you’re sheriff and there’s no framer, how can someone get the mayor confused with the mafia? The vig shoots someone and kills themselves.

The whole time I was dousing people, and every single one of them dies. I douse the mayor, the sheriff, the vig (I didn’t know they were vig) and they all die without me lifting a single matchstick.

So my chances are looking swell.

Some time later, one confirmed spy is left with three others. The spy realises that they’re screwed because there’s a mafia, a jester and me left. Luckily, I had doused the spy previously and that night I ignite them.

The next morning, the godfather, the jester and I walk into town square. We both agree to lynch the jester, and both of us would vote guilty and let the jester get their win. We both click guilty and…

At the last moment I click guilty again and abstain. I’m a salty guy.

The godfather tries to kill me again but because I’m immune, I live. The next day the godfather quits and in his will, it said ‘GG Arso’. And this is how ignited one person, killed another with the jester and won.

If you’re reading this, godfather, I’m really sorry about that move I pulled. It was dishonourable, but I finally got the achievement for my first win as an arsonist.

[thebibliosphere]

I'm sure it was a slip-up. On the other hand, hope you get better and get rid of the sudden banana allergy.

You’re all bannanned 

[tos-experiences]

Flawless Executioner (Jailor)

Game: Ranked Practice

Role: Jailor

Name: Sherlock Holmes

So, jailor. I’m a complete disaster at this one. Keep getting killed by mafia every time I find someone possibly sus.

But my god this game was beautiful.

I jail the possible veteran who was baiting really hard. The type that goes, “COME GET ME MAFIA YOU COWARDS I DARE YOU AND BET MY LIFE ON IT”. He’s notably angry when he does get jailed. I decide he’s probably a new player or a really bad one.

There’s a janitor. Whoop dee doo. Mafioso dies a horrible death. Nothing really exciting happens. Press F to pay respect.

The next day, mafia try to frame a medium for being the sk, when the town then realized there was already a Random Mafia.

The next one I jail claims jester. There’s a possibility that there is a framer but I execute her anyway. I was really sorry because, feels bad man, jester is stupidly hard to win when you’ve been jailed.

I jail someone who claims to be bodyguard. Unfortunately the first bodyguard died already and I was on the fence. I decided not to kill her. The next day, no mafia killings. She’s the godfather alright. Score!

I jail the ‘veteran’ again because we lynched an actual veteran because I jailed her the previous night and there were no killings. Sorry real veteran. The fake veteran turns out to be executioner and I was really confused because I was almost certain he was mafioso or jester. Whatever, another kill!

For some spectacular reason I wasn’t brutally murdered that night. The investigator had left us a handy dandy will whereupon we figured out who the townies were, and who the mafia and serial killer were. There was the escort and I, and the serial killer and the mafia, as well as a good ol’ confirmed survivor. The town and the survivor voted up the mafia.

I jail the serial killer. Simultaneously, I got seanced by the dead medium. I execute the serial killer, but the escort decided to spend a night with them. They’re dead now.

Either way, the survivor and the town won. GG to everyone I was playing with!

Winner: Town and Survivor!

[tos-experiences]

Me and my hijinks as a massive troll

Game: All Any

Role: Consigliere then Mafioso

Name: Sherlock Holmes

I started off as a consigliere (wow the irony) and inves’d a bunch of doctors. We had four mafia, and we shouldn’t really have lost. Except the mafioso was afk and the consort accidentally went straight into the veteran (on my behalf, whoops). We didn’t have any kills for about four nights. Thankfully, there was a wonderful werewolf to supply town kills.

I nearly got lynched because I told town that a certain ‘townie’ was a vamp/framer/jest. I managed to convince them that I was investigator after pulling aside another townie and whispered them their role. I got the vampire, and won the town’s respect.

A few days later the mafioso finally quit, promoting me to mafioso numero duo. I killed a townie, a doctor I knew, and wrote in the death note 'Martha is immune’. I didn't actually know that Martha, who turns out to be another shoddy spy, was werewolf. It was originally a plan to screw with town, biding the mafia time. I love doing that.

So it takes a few days for town to ramp up the suspicion. Town was playing it safe, saying, 'What if Martha’s being framed?’ (yes she was) and being super paranoid.

I finally get murdered by werewolf, but not before killing another townie and writing in the death note, “MARTHA IS IMMUNE YOU GUYS”. Now town gets really suspicious. After all, the mafioso accused Martha and now they’re dead! That’s strange!

The fun bit begins when the medium, turns out, is alive! I tell him that Martha was immune, and that I was consig before, and she’s one hundred percent werewolf. He dies the next day via werewolf. He then seances a townie. At this point I’ve convinced everyone Martha’s werewolf. I then spill the beans, saying that I was messing with them real good. One of the vampires just went, “oh”. Town isn’t winning anytime soon.

The last remaining mafia did what I was told, and claimed vampire hunter. It seems pretty legit, and it lasts her about a day or two before jailor works up the nerve to execute her. The jailor dies next day via (wow) werewolf. The veteran commits suicide and the town votes up Martha.

Yeah, Martha wasn’t actually werewolf. The whole dead chat flipped out. The 'sheriff’ was really the werewolf and killed the last townie.

The werewolf thanked me on the win afterwards, after a flood of confused dead people screamed about the sudden plot twist.

Winner: Werewolf

[jitterbugjive]

Please tell me Primrose is going to be the happiest version of Spinel/Lavender and not adopted into a shitty family.

Primrose is in a good family yes, was given therapy, is a rising fashion designer and jeweler, is wholly comfortable with being genderfluid and demisexual

[jestre]

Jestre you are a cutie bug. On the scale of cutie bug you are a catbug.

(from witchunicorn)

Thank you very much, but I’m not a catbug! D:

[jestre]

You're like a tiny kitten stuck in a tiny box on the scale of cuties.

Where are people getting these weird cute-o-meters?! D:<

[jitterbugjive]

I've heard that you need to avoid technology before you sleep to get a better night's sleep. Also try drinking warm milk (unless you're allergic/intolerant, in which case don't).

Nope, I’m an insomniac. It’s not the same thing.

My brain is wired wrong and prevents sleep, I had to be on some prescription level drugs for my chronic insomnia back in highschool.