-- disgruntledJockey [DJ] began pestering pennyLane [PL] --
DJ: Hey.
DJ: Is th
DJ: Shit. Sorry.
DJ: Is someone on this thing? The handle.
DJ: This is going so great. Damn it.
-- pennyLane [PL] is an idle chum! --
PL: oh hey
.PL: what are we damning? I need to dig up the goat blood in the back of my closet first.
PL: sorry sweetie I dont remember your handle. did we do a shoot?
DJ: Well, no. Not exactly. We haven't really met.
DJ: I guess we did once, technically.
DJ: I mean I don't think I was really cognizant at the time in my life.
PL: oh haha I know what you mean. happens all the time.
PL: you remember me though thats a good sign.
PL: I mean not that I can fault my leaving a lasting impression.
PL: Ive seen my face a few times before.
PL: its nice.
DJ: I'm not sure if uh.
DJ: I mean unless it happens literally every nine months.
DJ: That would mean. Uh.
DJ: I don't think that would be pleasant.
DJ: Wow, I'm really doing this here. Like an idiot.
PL: oh Jesus Christ.
-- pennyLane [PL] is an idle chum! --
PL: hey sorry.
PL: what were you saying?
DJ: As much as I want to end this conversation and pretend like it never happened...
DJ: I would hate myself if I did.
DJ: My name is Brett. I'm. 17 now.
DJ: I was adopted over seventeen years ago by my family but...
DJ: I've been spending a lot of time trying to find my biological mom and if by chance I got it right this time... I'm your son.
PL: sure did.
PL: better not tell the fam youre talking to me.
DJ: No, I won't. Trust me. I don't.
DJ: I don't tell them anything I don't have to.
PL: youre a smart kid.
PL: fuck
PL: nothings wrong is it?
PL: are you in trouble?
DJ: Oh, no. I was just thinking about how I didn't really know anything about you. And I wanted to.
PL: yeah I
PL: want to know you too.
PL: I uh
PL: do you like them?
DJ: I love them, like everyone does. But they just...I can't stay with them anymore.
DJ: They're a little overbearing and a little overprotective and I just don't want that, I guess.
PL: okay. good for you.
PL: they always seemed like the type.
PL: wished like hell they could get rid of me but I always found a way to see you.
PL: haha I bet you dont even remember any of that either.
PL: God...
PL: this is crazy.
PL: I never thought youd wanna talk to me.
DJ: I...didn't know about that.
DJ: What happened? Like... how did you see me?
PL: oh Jesus.
PL: a lot of ways.
PL: looked up pictures online after a while.
PL: I went to their house a couple times.
PL: you know just. fucking weird shit that crazy people do.
PL: but I wanted to see you.
PL: I didnt give a fuck what they thought about me.
PL: but I figured they would tell you I was the garbage person that ruined your life and thatd be that.
PL: I mean they probably werent wrong.
PL: haha look at me im not even letting you talk. sorry Im so shit at this mom thing.
DJ: No, no. This is all stuff I wanted to know. I'm not that exciting. Not in a fun way, anyway.
DJ: They just told me you weren't okay. And that you couldn't be my mom.
PL: I wanted to.
PL: Im
PL: sorry baby
DJ: You don't have to be.
PL: but I do
PL: I am
PL: you should have been with me and not just
PL: nevermind. sorry.
PL: its okay.
PL: tell me about you.
PL: or whatever you want to talk about.
DJ: You can continue. Not just what?
PL: just...
PL: strangers.
PL: and I should have been better.
PL: I should have been able to take care of you.
PL: but thats the kind of fuck up your old mom is.
PL: shot us both in the feet before we even got over the starting line.
DJ: I don't think of you as a fuck up.
PL: thank you baby
PL: Brett.
PL: you dont need to be hearing this shit out of me what the hell.
PL: I wanna like
PL: I want to talk to you like family is supposed to.
PL: do you want to be family?
PL: with me?
DJ: I think so. I mean this is the first time I've talked with you. So. So far so good.
PL: hahaha ok.
PL: fuck Ill take it.
PL: I guess I should tell you more about me so you like
PL: actually know who I am.
PL: uh...
PL: where do I even start shit.
DJ: Yeah. Wherever you want.
PL: so. Im an actress.
PL: not really a famous one.
PL: but hey you have a famous aunt.
PL: youve heard of Robyn Saint right?
DJ: Yeah.
DJ: I have some of her stuff.
PL: no shit.
PL: thats my sister.
PL: yeah. shes still pretty cute for an old lady.
-- pennyLane [PL] sent the file "rileys60-1.jpg" --
PL: this was us on her sixtieth haha.
DJ: Well, shit. I don't even know what to say.
PL: cool beans Mom.
PL: I now know I have a cute rich little old aunt.
DJ: Cool beans, Mom.
DJ: I now know I have a cute rich little old aunt.
PL: oh my God.
PL: yeah.
PL: so.
PL: I grew up in Houston until I took off with some crazy ass friends to California.
PL: your grandparents were not crazy about the idea but they werent crazy about much except in general.
PL: have you noticed the pattern thats occurring here.
PL: I think if I say that one more time I might actually dunk my head in a toilet.
DJ: That would be unpleasant. Haha.
DJ: You have experience with that?
PL: I have experience with a lot of shit baby.
PL: not gonna lie my life before you wasnt really glamorous.
PL: you probably couldve guessed that though.
DJ: I think there's more that I don't know than I can guess.
PL: yeah. I guess thats fair.
PL: well.
PL: Im an addict.
PL: mostly uh. pills.
PL: Ive been clean for a while now.
DJ: Ah, okay. Congratulations.
PL: thanks.
PL: so...
PL: you ever seen any of my movies?
DJ: I found one online.
DJ: Blanking on the name.
PL: haha its all good.
PL: God knows Ive put most of them out of my head.
DJ: Which was your favorite?
PL: oh definitely The Block.
DJ: What was your role in that one?
PL: I was just a background character. but what went down while filming was way hilarious.
PL: that was like my first gig too.
PL: imagine going onto your first set ever and seeing this like weird like gaunt faced anglerfish looking guy as your director. and that isnt even the weirdest part.
PL: he made us all take these like sticks to the bathroom so he would always know if someone wasnt immediately available.
PL: also he legitimately had these pairs of underwear made with his face on them and gave each crew member a box to "share with family."
DJ: People like that exist?
PL: look up Tommie Wiseau. hes very real.
DJ: Oh. That explains it.
PL: trust me Ive got plenty more where that came from.
PL: Im supposed to be talking about my stories though I guess.
PL: figure you might be wondering who your dad was.
PL: I met him when I was working the Hollywood strip. used to dress up sometimes and pose with people for money. that was pretty fun.
PL: even got a couple sugar daddies out of that but Ill save those stories for another time.
DJ: I was going to get to that, yeah. Where...is he now?
PL: not here.
PL: his name was Bruno.
PL: French.
PL: even taught me a little.
PL: a pretty decent guy. not the best but definitely not the worst.
PL: I was pretty excited to start a family though. something to look forward to.
PL: didnt get married. didnt even have a chance to move in together yet.
PL: I was two months pregnant with you when he had a heart attack.
PL: a really stupid way to go for a guy that young you know?
PL: I dont know if it was genetic or what.
PL: couldnt exactly fly to France to ask his family.
PL: only good thing was I was the only one around to inherit his shit.
PL: and its not like I was giving up on having you thats for sure.
DJ: Oh. So. I really never met him. And I'm half French?
PL: sure are.
PL: or as the French say.
PL: bon oui.
DJ: That kind of sucks, though.
PL: yeah.
PL: it really fucking sucks.
PL: hey but youre still here.
DJ: Yeah. Here I am.
DJ: Most likely much less cooler than my actual dad. But here.
PL: yeah right.
PL: the guy had nothing on you.
PL: youre the one I really wanted.
DJ: I mean...if you met me in person. You may disagree.
PL: nah.
PL: thats not going to happen.
PL: do you think thats something youd like.
PL: think about doing?
DJ: Well, yeah. Of course.
DJ: I wanted to meet you for my entire life.
PL: oh hell. ahaha.
PL: me too.
PL: I mean. you still want to even after all that?
PL: the stuff I just said.
DJ: Am I supposed to not?
DJ: Well, I still want to.
PL: well consider my schedule purged. whenever you want to make this happen.
DJ: Where are you exactly?
PL: a big old ship we here lovingly call the family star.
PL: but I can be anywhere if you want.
DJ: Okay, uh. This is going to be kind of weird but...if you came to see me, could I maybe go back with you?
PL: um.
PL: yes?????
PL: hell yes you can come with me.
PL: I think youd like it here. theres a lot of kids your age.
PL: youve even got some cousins.
PL: I kinda wanna know what makes you want to get out of there so bad though.
PL: I mean... that you think you wanna come with me.
DJ: Cousins? Awesome. And well. Uh.
DJ: Do you...know about my whole thing?
PL: your whole thing?
PL: what whole thing?
DJ: Oh.
DJ: You're gonna have to know anyway, so might as well just get it out now. DJ: I have epilepsy. Significant epilepsy. Which includes grande mal seizures sometimes.
DJ: A lot.
PL: oh my God.
PL: youre still having those??
PL: Jesus.
PL: a lot???
DJ: Yeah.
DJ: I mean if I only have one in a week that's a good week.
DJ: I understand if that's too much or something.
DJ: And if you don't want to take me with you.
DJ: I know it's inconvenient.
PL: no no way.
PL: you think I cant handle a little rowdy?
PL: I was pretty much born for shit like this.
PL: its more inconvenient for you than me.
PL: gets who gets to spend even more time babying her son she missed babying?
PL: if you guessed me then I dont know you might be psychic or something.
DJ: You don't need to baby me when it happens. Just... I don't know. There's stuff that hurts more than helps and vice versa.
DJ: Like honestly if I seize big time I just need you to make sure I don't scratch myself and also it's not a good idea to try to move me because I have a history of hitting people during my episodes.
DJ: It's a good time.
PL: oh yeah. Im not gonna stick shit in your mouth or hold you down or anything baby.
PL: I actually know a little bit about this whole thing.
PL: believe it or not.
PL: been around the block enough times.
PL: ODs and rehab centers.
PL: the fun shit.
PL: they teach you a little bit.
DJ: Yeah, that would do it.
DJ: My family just... is too much about everything. Constantly checking in, always putting their two cents in. They make me feel like a child, I guess.
PL: well Im not gonna heckle you about it.
PL: I kind of want to mom you a little bit though.
PL: like maybe for a minute.
DJ: I think I might be able to give you a minute.
PL: now dont stretch yourself too far you might pull something.
DJ: Hahaha.
DJ: I'm relieved you have a good sense of humor.
PL: this is me always baby.
PL: dont think I could be any other way.
PL: but Im willing to bet its more fun.
DJ: Even better.
DJ: Some people just...really aren't funny. They try too hard, you know?
PL: go easy on em. its real tough being unfunny.
PL: you can get by being ugly as long as youre funny but take that away and then what.
DJ: Then you got nothing.
PL: wrong you got the Internet.
DJ: Touché.
DJ: So right now I'm in a small human town on LOLCAT. It's freezing.
PL: oh yeah??
PL: Ill get you a jacket.
PL: even though you wont need it with me.
PL: but you know.
PL: you might want it.
PL: lemme spoil you dammit.
PL: but for real it wont be anything special. I dont have any weird family heirlooms like your dads old letterman jacket or some shit like that.
PL: you know the kind of crap he left me?? a nice wine bottle opener a painting of some chick in a chair and a whole lot of cest la vie.
PL: right? PL: anyway consider me there already. once we get back well be in Avalon. that little farm troll colony.
PL: bet youve never been there before.
DJ: I haven't been most places, actually.
DJ: Believe it or not.
PL: nah I can believe it.
PL: I hope youre ready for a hell of a lot more.
DJ: Trust me, I'm more than ready.
PL: well.
PL: I guess Id better quit yammering so I can get ready to come see you huh?
DJ: Yeah. Just whenever you're here, hit me up. I'll meet you wherever.
PL: you got it. Im omw.
PL: I love you.
PL: squirt.
PL: <33
-- pennyLane [PL] ceased pestering disgruntledJockey [DJ] --