I have considered myself a loner most of my conscious life and I've grown to be okay with it. But this trip, these friends, showed me how important good, wholesome community is to me. Just like my ☮️🚢 fam.
We are social creatures and I have spent many years denying myself that for the sake of protecting my heart and energy. But it's clear that I need to be around good, freeing souls more often. I need to open up and connect with my tribe on the regular. Calls, texts, everything. I need more positive, healing connection.
He was all alone. The darkness, both actual and emotional, clouded his eyes, causing him to pull his knees to his chest and lay his head on the boney knots. His heart was racing, panic setting in, and his breathing shallowed. The voices were getting louder, shouting at each other, at him, telling him horrible things about himself which he already knew. You’re useless. No one cares about a freak like you. You are disgusting. Franklyn clenched his hands around his arms, the shot of pain giving him a strange comfort, gave him reassurance that he was alive and real, despite how the voices made him feel distant and two-dimensional.
He could feel his mind drifting away from him; he held on, like a tether, to the last string of reality, but before he knew it, he was standing in front of shadowy figure, which looked a bit like him but wasn’t. This figure solidified only slightly, giving Franklyn the ability to see who it is, but he already knew. The demon-like smile, dark bags under his eyes, the overall essence of angry and distaste. Franklyn felt himself quiver in fear, no matter how many times his mind shows him the ghostly image of his alter, he still gets a physical chill down his spine.
“I see you haven’t needed me.” Carter’s voice sounded like static, the kind when the T.V. is on standby too long and the low buzzing sound starts to drive you mad. The hiss in his voice like a venomous snake.
Franklyn didn’t speak, he never knew how to in this strange dream-land state. His voice always got swallowed up in the dense air surrounding him before it could reach Carter’s ears. He just lowered his head, too timid to look the alter in the eyes.
“I don’t know whether to be proud or upset. I mean, I really wanted to explore Venice, but you’ve just been too happy and stress free, I didn’t get the change to.” Carter took a step closer, and despite the few meters between them originally, it was as if he took multiple steps, as he was now standing right in front of Franklyn, breath ghosting over Franklyn’s face like ice. “So what gives? Why you so happy all of a sudden? Did you forget how much of a freak you are?”
Franklyn kept his eyes downward, shaking his head slightly. His lower lip caught between his teeth as he struggled to breath normally. Carter let out a laugh, the static sound growing louder. “Did you expect one vacation to a new place would change your whole perspective on life? Make you believe that everything is all hunky-dory? Did you think you were getting better?”
Franklyn was shaking; his physical body tightened, fingernails digging into the soft skin of his forearms. His heart raced as his mental being focused on the floor, which was a fog of ash that clouded his view of his feet. For some reason, this scared Franklyn even more, causing his breathing to get more rigged.
“You have to remember, Franklyn. I’m the only one that cares about you. I just want to protect you.” Carter’s voice softened, as if he truly meant those words. Yet, despite all that, he still had dark eyes and the devilish smile on his face. Franklyn finally looked up, noticing the way Carter grinned down at him, his teeth almost pointed, and he sighed. He nodded in understanding of the alter’s words. “See, it’s just you and me. It’s always going to be you and me. No one else cares about you. But I do, I care.”
Franklyn couldn’t argue, just nodding in agreement to whatever Carter said. Time sped up after that; before Franklyn knew it, he was alone. Carter had increased the distance between them, walking towards a door. There was a white light coming from the other side of door, pouring through the cracks and giving Franklyn something to look at besides complete darkness. Carter turned to face Franklyn one last time, giving him a smirk, and called out, “Why don’t I go and make sure everything is ok. We don’t want anyone taking advantage of you, right?”
The door closed, leaving Franklyn in the dark room, and Carter on the other side. It was in this moment, as the light faded into the cloudy nothingness, that Franklyn began to feel calm. He knew Carter was only trying to help... He cared...
I'm getting really annoyed on how I keep over sleeping for this one class. I had my alarm set and everything and the minute I wake up, I realize it's almost 10 while my class is at 9...just wth...
Me to myself: "I'm glad you wait till after I submit everything to freak out and declare you can't do something. It saves on time and keeps the schedule going."
