#without expectation

[tsuki-no-kaeshi]

Sometimes it's the gap between the feeling we think we *should* have from an experience and the actual feeling that creates our unhappiness. There's something to be said for letting those expectations rest and just sort of having the experience as is. You might discover something new.

[emotopunkpipeline]

Now Hiring: friends with benefits*

*benefits being that you hold me while I grieve the deep, inconsolable loss of my childhood and the pervasive and perpetual loneliness left by a quarter century of neglect and abuse

[booksrockmyface]

More of Without Expectation

Athena is experiencing morning sickness.

Athena put a hand over her mouth. “Will you get me some bread?”

    “Of course.” Niamh started to walk out and then paused. “Should I say something to Mr. Osborne?”

    “No.” She dropped to her knees over the pan and retched some more.

    Niamh stopped in the main room and Percy looked at her expectantly. “Your sister is feeling a touch ill. Do you have any bread?”

    Percy gave her a confused look. “Yes.” He walked toward the other end of the house.

    Mrs. Carlson was in the kitchen making breakfast. “Good morning, Vicar.” She said kindly.

    “My sister needs some bread.” Percy carved a chunk off the loaf that sat in the middle of the table and walked back out.

    Niamh followed, unsure what to say.

    Percy stopped in front of Athena’s door, opened it, and thrust his hand inside. “Congratulations.”

    Athena laughed and called, “How did you guess?”

    Percy laughed. “Oh, please, Athena, I’m not dense. Stuck firmly in the middle of a large number of children. And you already have a brood. I know the signs.”

[booksrockmyface]

Sisterly advice (Without Expectation)

“I’m sure she told you that I kissed her.”

    “She did. And I’m angry that you would do something like that without speaking to her about what you feel. Or don’t feel, rather. Did Papa not teach you better?” Athena rubbed her stomach. “Even Alec, who would seduce anything that moves, respected their feelings.”

    “I know. I just was hoping…” Percy rubbed at his eyes. They started stinging like he was about to cry. “I’ve never felt so wrong, Athena. Every bit of me wishes I could be more for her, for anyone. But I can’t. In all my life I have known I was different, but it never felt more different than it did when I kissed her and I felt nothing.” He felt like running as he’d done to Anthony earlier, but he stayed there with Athena.

    She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Just because you don’t feel attracted to her doesn’t mean you have no feelings at all. If you felt nothing, this wouldn’t worry you so much.”

    “But what does it mean?”

    Athena considered it a moment. “I love my husband. He is clever and kind and incredibly strong. He is a protector and teacher for our children. I love these things about him. But I desire him for all the reasons I love him.” She gave Percy’s shoulders a squeeze. “If I’m understanding you correctly, you don’t have to desire someone to love them. I love Charlie even when the bedroom is far from my mind.”

[ohhmydyosfics]

(Dotae) Without Expectation

“Let’s get engaged,” Doyoung proposes over dinner.

This, like most things Doyoung says, requires clarification.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31713586

[warrior456-mks]

[booksrockmyface]

Just a kiss (Without Expectation)

He stood just a foot away.

    She could reach out and touch him. Her fingers ached for it.

    Percy still wore the calculating look as he raised a hand and pressed it to Niamh’s cheek. “Hm.” He said softly. He asked softly, “Would you mind if I kissed you, Miss O’Connor?”

    “I wouldn’t mind.” She said, a hitch to her voice. She could feel her stomach turning flips as he moved closer.

    His lips brushed against hers and she felt her lips tingling. She reached up and grasped his lapel. His hand remained still on her face as he pulled away.

    “Just as I suspected.” Percy said softly.

    Niamh was still dazed. “What?”

    He dropped his hand. “Thank you again, Miss O’Connor. I do not know how I will pick up the pieces of her heart after you leave.”

    She swallowed hard and removed her hand from his coat. “And what of yours, Mr. Osborne?”

    “You should have no fear for my heart, ma’am.” He turned and went quickly to his room.

[booksrockmyface]

Chapter One: Without Expectation

I decided to go ahead and give you all the very first chapter of this as is. Please be advised that this is unedited and may contain many typos and continuity errors and such. Reblogs and comments more than welcome!

    Percy blinked and stared in shock at the couple sitting in his parlor. “You don’t want to care for your child because she is of no use to you?” Surely he had heard wrong.

    Mrs. Marshall wrung her hands. “We have four other children to care for and another on the way. We have a farm that needs tending. We cannot have a child that is blind. We know, Vicar, that you can help our Jemima. She needs people who have the time for her.”

    Percy felt his face growing hot with anger. A child needed her own parents. “Mrs. Marshall, I—”

    Mr. Marshall stood abruptly. “If you won’t help, sir, we will have to find help elsewhere. We had hoped a man of God would be compassionate.”

    Percy nodded. “Bring the girl to me and I will make arrangements.” He showed the Marshalls out and then went to his office to write a letter to his sister Athena.

    Jemima was a tiny thing. Her blank eyes stared ahead, but her face moved around the room, smiling as she took in the way her parents’ voices sounded in a different place.

    “She just turned two years.” Mr. Marshall handed Percy a paper. “We had a lawyer write this. He said it means we aren’t responsible for her anymore. We don’t care what you do with her.”

    Mrs. Marshall sniffed. “Make sure she goes somewhere safe.” She wiped her eyes. She knelt in front of Jemima. “Mama loves you dearly, my little dove. Be strong and know that you will always be in my heart.” She kissed the little girl on her forehead and then hurried from the house.

    Mr. Marshall smoothed a hand over Jemima’s hair and then followed his wife.

    Percy sighed and dropped to the floor in front of Jemima. “You may call me Percy or Vicar. I don’t care which.” He gently picked up her hands and placed them on his cheeks. “I have prayed very hard, Jemima. I will find you a home.”

    Slowly, Jemima moved her tiny hands over Percy’s face. “Hungry.” She said softly, still examining his face.

    Percy smiled. “It’s just about time to eat luncheon. I’ll make us something. Do you like boiled cabbage?”

    Jemima made a face.

    Percy laughed. “Neither do I. My housekeeper roasted a duck yesterday and there is some left.” He took her hand and led her slowly into the dining room. He paused when he remembered that there would be  no way for her to reach the table. “Stand right where you are, Jemima. I will return shortly.”

    Percy went to his study and gathered several books, returning to the dining room to find his housekeeper Mrs. Carlson kneeling in front of Jemima and speaking kindly to her. The older woman had grandchildren and had quite a way of talking to all children that Percy envied.

    Mrs. Carlson looked up. “Jemima said you told her to wait.” She eyed the books in Percy’s arms. “I see what you have in mind. Though children don’t routinely eat with adults.”

    Percy stacked the books onto a chair. “You know me well enough, Mrs. Carlson, to realize that I don’t go for routine.” He leaned down in front of Jemima. He remembered from growing up around Charlie that he needed to announce things to a blind person that normal people could see coming. “I’m going to pick you up, Jemima.” He picked Jemima up and placed her on top of the books. “Mrs. Carlson will bring us some food while you and I talk. And I hope she will join us?” Percy gave Mrs. Carlson a pleading look.

    Mrs. Carlson smiled. “Of course, Vicar.”

    Percy sat down at the head of the table. “Now, Jemima, do you know how old you are?”

    “Two years.” Her voice was soft and high. Her face moved all around the room.

    “And can you tell me your name?”

    She smiled shyly. “Jemima. Little Dove. Useless Baby.”

    Percy’s heart clinched. “Do you remember my name?”

    Jemima considered a moment and then said, “No.”

    “Percy.” He said.

    She smiled. “Percy.”

    “And I am Martha.” Mrs. Carlson said as she walked back into the room. She sat a plate in front of Jemima that had small bits of duck and bread and apple.

    Percy gently took Jemima’s hand and helped her identify the food on her plate. “Eat. And then you can have a tour of the house.”

    Percy and Martha had set up a room for Jemima after he told her that Jemima would be staying. Looking at her now, Percy felt an urge to keep her. There was no way he could trust anyone else with such a fragile child.